"Kill Me."

I was just bored and yah I did this

Also link here if ya wanna try!

TierMaker

Create a Obey me Tier List

No

I'm also curious as to why each om! boy is rated as such so to anyone doing this, I'd love to see your reasons! Tag me while you're at it too (if ya wanna)!

Here's mine if ya wanna read

I'm a HUGE simp for Barbatos and Solomon

I'd imagine that Simeon is obvious, but also because he's a writer like I am! Would love to exchange story ideas with him

Lucifer... Well, he is my type. Fancy and rich lol but he's very prideful so honestly, I much rather keep him as a friend to avoid couple fighting🙄but would still date him

Satan, also my type. Bookworm. But I see him as a sibling at most or a bestie

Diavolo... I really have no chance with him. Would love him as a bestie tho!

Mammon is too overbearing to me. I don't mind him. It's just that he gets annoying sometimes but I love him still

I used to simp for Beel until my feelings grew platonic and now I just wanna pat him and feed him. I see him as a sibling!

I only see Asmo as a bestie sorry

Honestly? Fuck Belphie and Levi. Belphie fucking killed me, used me, and definitely saw me as Lilith for a period of times. But... I suppose he can be tolerable

Levi tho? I'm sorry to all the Levi stans but HOLY SHIT this guy infuriates me TOO MUCH. I won't go into detail but fucking hell

WHOEVER SEXUALIZE OR LOVES LUKE ROMANTICALLY, PLEASE BLOCK ME. GO AWAY. I DON'T NEED CREEPS

Let us preach this post

giving malik dark skin and a big nose whilst giving altaïr light skin and a small nose is quite possibly the worst thing you could do

An AU where we're already besties with our favourite magic man, MonSolo! (Obviously, crack ensues)

MC: *gets summoned* Yo, wtf-

Diavolo: Hello, MC! Welcome to Devildom!

MC: ....

Lucifer: Are you so shocked that you can't speak? Well, it's fine. I-

MC: *feels pockets and frowns* Where's my phone?

Lucifer: Ah, about that, actually-

MC: No, actually, why the hell am I here?

Lucifer: You're here to-

MC: Don't you know it's illegal to kidnap me?

Diavolo: Uh, I-

MC: I want- no, I NEED to go back. Now.

Lucifer: *annoyed* Already annoying, I see...

*****

MC: *wandering around RAD*

???: Excuse me, but-

MC: *turns around and widens eyes* Sol?!

Solomon: MC?! Wait, so you're the other human exchange student?!

MC: And... You're the magic dude those demons were talking about?!

Solomon: Well...

MC: Well, say no less, you magic man! C'mere! *hugs Solomon tightly*

Solomon: *laughs and hugs back* Good God, MC. It's been so long since I last saw you.

MC: Bitch, same.

Solomon & MC: *laughs and starts walking together*

Asmodeus, watching everything from afar: I didn't know MC and Solomon were already friends.

Lucifer: *sighs* I can sense chaos between them.

Asmodeus: *smirks* I got another one.

Lucifer: Don't you dare.

SPOILERS UNDERNEATH FOR OBEY ME! TEXTS AND HARD LESSONS (18-15 & 18-17)

Small rant(?) kinda. Okay so in Obey Me! there's this text with Lucifer talking about a quiz

So okay. Basically everyone did okay (save for Mammon as he barely passed) and I wasn't surprised that Satan got 98% cuz ofc. He smart af (I couldn't crop it any more sorry)

And I know that Belphie is smarter than people give him credit for because it has been claimed by him that tests are so easy to him that he falls asleep. But I didnt expect THIS

100% FUCKING PERCENT? EVEN SURPASSING SATAN? Fucking WOW. I've always thought that either Lucifer or Satan is the smartest but damn. Nevermind.

Then again, maybe this subject is particularly easy for him compared to other subjects but if you played the hard lessons (18-15 & 18-17), even though Belphie doesn't want to do stacks of homework and assignments given by Lucifer shortly after getting out of the attic, he is actually commited to doing it despite his sin.

He could've slept, could've burnt it and give some shit excuse, could've bribed someone else to do it, anything, yet he still does it, with MC's help cuz doing months of assignments while learning on the way through in such a short amount of time is just crazy. He's been locked up for MONTHS and Lucifer never gave him any kind of education from RAD (he should've tho. Least he could do so that Belphie can waste time) and yet he scored the highest among his brothers.

Sure, you can back it up with him being a demon with centuries of experience but this is an exchange program which most likely means that Diavolo changed the syllabus so that humans and angels can pass alongside demons.

He may be my least favourite brother (I actually pretty much dislike him) but I really admire these positive qualities about him cuz I know if I were him, I'd go insane and cry.

This actually turned out longer than I thought

Solomon and MC being crackheads

"Hey, where's MC?" Lucifer asks, papers in his hand.

"In their room." Satan's attention is diverted to the papers. "Hey, what are those?"

"These are the essays Lord Diavolo wish for MC to write. He wanted to read different opinions from each species but the topics he had chosen are so ridiculous that I could barely take him seriously." Lucifer sighs and shakes his head, making Satan chuckle.

"And what are the topics he had chosen?"

"...Teddy bears, rocks, swings and bags."

If Satan had a cup of tea, he would either choke on it or spit it out but either way, he ended up bursting out of laughter. "May I say, holy shit! Those are the most random topics I've heard in a while!"

The firstborn sighs and leaves his younger brother to his laughing fit. Approaching towards his human housemate's room, he swore he could hear another voice but he brushes it off, thinking that you were imitating someone else and by that someone else, he means some random people online yelling 'yeet' or 'oh, hi. Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage' or anything of the sort this fossil couldn't care to understand. Well, even if he did care, his old mind cannot handle the millennial jokes.

Raising his hand to knock on the door, he stops when he heard a familiar voice. 'It sounded like Solomon', he thought but shakes his head. Maybe he's imagining it which is something he highly thinks is possible seemingly that he's so sleep deprived that he can't think straight most of the times.

But when his knocks went unanswered, he grows impatient. "I'm coming in!"

Upon opening the great wooden barrier between your room and the horrible outside world, there stood both you and Solomon. One of Lucifer's stolen cloak draped around your shoulders, a mask covering the top part of your face and your hands covered with black gloves. Solomon, on the other hand, is wearing one of Asmodeus's dress and a wig.

"Sing, my angel! SING!" Your voice horribly deep and your singing is not making up for it as it sounds like a dying walrus.

Not that the sorcerer was any good. His high-pitched singing sounds like a screeching banshee and nails scraping a blackboard combined but somehow, the both of you weren't bothered by the fact. Well, no shit. Both of you are horrible singers that are perfectly in terrible sync. I'm sure you can make the Demon King pray to God for you two to stop and even then, God wouldn't even be much of a help since your singing might blow up his eardrums so the Demon King's prayers would go unanswered.

Which is true to my statement when Lucifer himself is covering his ears and maybe silently praying to his father that you two would stop to which you two didn't.

"What the blazes? What the hell are you two doing? And how did you get in here Solomon?" The prideful demon asks, not taking off his hands off his ears in fear that you might use your majestic (not) voice to make him deaf.

"I have my own ways." Solomon places a hand on his hip, the dress perfectly fitting his muscular but feminine figure. Someone, please draw this.

"What'chu here for, Lucifer?" You ask.

"Oh, yeah." Your singing might've caused him a small brain damage. "These are the essays you need to do. Lord Diavolo's-"

"Fuck that!" You curse, cutting off the demon's sentence. "F to the U to the C, K, that!"

Lucifer sighs. Help this old man. He's a single mother taking care of seven crackheads who's working under his future (please) husband and he's denser than THE Karasuma Tadaomi whenever Diavolo is flirting with him. "MC, this is Lord Diavolo's orders."

"And call me Obama's twin sibling cause' fuck that shit!" You immediately refused.

"MC."

"This calls for drastic measures."

You quickly open the window and drag Solomon with you then dramatically swing the cape around you and the sorcerer knew what you were about to do. With the deepest voice you could muster, you say, "I am Batman."

And jumped out of the window Papyrus style with Solomon tailing behind you. Lucifer, panicked, runs towards the window and looks out because there's no way a human could survive a two storey fall, right? Well, you proved him wrong when you and Solomon did a front flip and landed on the ground, laughing, "Hee hee!"

The two of you are now Naruto running towards wherever you two want to escape to. A Batman wannabe and a magical girl running off into the sunset, holding hands while laughing like Micheal Jackson. Truly, a romance better than Twilight.

I have no idea what I wrote. I might've been high while writing this but I hope you enjoyed!

Rain (Barbatos x Reader)

Female! Reader

Slight angst but with a happy ending

In the human realm there you stood, under the heavy rain that wets your figure, soaking your entire being with its polluted water but you couldn't care less about how you'll get sick afterwards. No. You stare into nothingness, the heavy rain greatly limiting your field of vision to maybe one to two meters and even so, objects are extremely blurry.

The reason why you're under the rain is because you're heartbroken. It's stupid, yes, you know but he was your fiance of three years so it's heart shattering and as if your life line is plugged out when you caught him in action with another woman, balls deep into her as her moans fill the room, clearly having a good time. The reason for his cheating is because you didn't want to have sexual intercourse with him but being the religious person you are, you stated that you didn't want to have sex until after marriage but it seems that he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea.

'He only wants you for your body', your best friend said, attempting to comfort you but it didn't do much as your mind wanders to that specific moment in your life.

'He's the one missing out! It just means that he wasn't your soulmate. God has other plans for you', then why did He has to make it so painful to you?

'Fuck that guy! I hope he gets condemned to Hell', you wish too but you try to get yourself out of that mind set since it's quite the sin to wish someone that.

All these allegations are true, yet here you are, under the rain thinking negatively about yourself. Weren't you pretty enough? Wasn't your company enough for him? Satisfying enough for him? You let out a shaky breath and close your eyes, the rain getting heavier if that's possible. You really want to disappear off the surface of the Earth but you didn't. Again, it's a great sin if you did it.

So, you resorted to just being sad and crying out your sadness all alone. It was... Comforting, to say the very least and with the rain, it's easy to cover up your tears and voice.

"ARGH!" You screamed out loud. You could barely make out your own voice. Perfect.

So you screamed again and again and again until you ran out of energy. If you can't hurt or kill yourself, you might as well tire yourself and just go to sleep. But even so, you figured that you might have nightmares regarding what happened to you just yesterday so you might as well completely drain your energy until you can't move.

With one last scream of frustration and anger, you drop to your knees and let tears flow down your face. God, you just wanted to kill yourself but you can't. Sometimes you wish you weren't that religious but it's these times that you're also glad.

How long have you been under the rain? Half an hour? An hour? More than that? You don't know nor do you care at this point. You certainly couldn't care less about your health as well. You just want to hide under the rain so when you thought the rain stopped, you were confused. It's still raining yet why aren't you under it? Then, you look up.

An umbrella.

"Wha?" You breathe out under your breath as you look at the person holding the umbrella.

Due to the darkness, you can't really see his features but you can tell that he's wearing a suit and has gloves on. His expression though empty as ever, his eyebrows are furrowed as if to mimic confusion. He holds out a hand for you to grab and for a moment, flashbacks of your ex-boyfriend doing the same fills your vision and you shake your head.

The man assumes that you didn't want help and retracts his hand. You stand up but wobbled a bit due to you kneeling for so long, causing you to accidentally grab the man's arm. He was as still as a statue, seemingly unbothered by the fact that you just threw yourself towards him. You mutter an apology even though he won't hear it and didn't bother to squeeze water out your hair or clothes.

"Are you okay, miss?" He asks.

You nod and look away, slightly embarrassed of your appearance at the moment. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be going now."

"Wait."

You turn to him. "Do you need something, sir?"

Lightning strikes, lighting up the darkness and you only manage to see his features clearly for a few seconds. Beautiful emerald eyes, green hair gradienting to a teal down his bangs on the left side of his face and no expression at all yet it seems to compliment his handsome features. For a moment, you forgot to breathe. How can a man this beautiful exist?

"You just seem sad and I know that I'm just a stranger, a nobody to you but I do have some time to spare before I go back to serve my master." He states.

You were suspicious. The world is a dangerous place and if a handsome man like Ted Bundy can turn out to be a manipulative murderer, then surely, the man in front of you can do the same.

When no answer is heard from you, he sighs and puts a hand over his heart before bowing down to you, much to your surprise. "I am Barbatos, the butler to my master, Lord Diavolo."

"I... I see." You weren't expecting a butler to be by your side.

"You now know my name, my occupation and my master. Surely, this is enough information for you." The butler, you now know as Barbatos, said.

"Oh, uh, yeah." You awkwardly fidget around. He's just too formal with you that makes it uncomfortable for you.

"So, may I know what is the cause of your sadness? Why are you just kneeling under the heavy rain? Are you not scared of what might happen to you if you were to stay too long out here?" He shoots you question after question.

You wanted to tell him but you're scared of the thought of him ridiculing you. Your fiance's friends did, is he any different?

Barbatos sighs once again and mumbles something before saying, "I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. I do apologize if I do happen to make you feel that way. All I want to do is lend an ear. It is not too wrong of me to do so, is it now?"

You look at the more interesting ground. "Why do you even want to listen to my problems anyway? A butler like you shouldn't help me. You must have other jobs to do and even if I tell you, it's not like you're gonna use that information."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I just want to help."

Damn, he's persistent, you thought. It's not like you're ungrateful, it's more like preventing other people from meddling into your own problems that you can handle by yourself. You didn't need or want someone else's help. You can figure everything out yourself.

And yet...

"Kill me."

The butler was surprised. "Excuse me, but could you repeat what you just said?"

"Ah..." You shake your head. What were you thinking? "I'm sorry. I'll leave."

Just as you turn away, a hand grabs your arm. "Wait."

You wait for him to talk.

"I know I have no place to say this, and it's ironic that I'm the one who's saying this, but don't do it. Life may be hard for you but surely, there must be people who love you. I don't know what happened and really, I have no say in this, if you're thinking about suicide, shouldn't you do something you love? Be with the people you love instead of suffering all alone and eventually hurting other people?"

You look back at him with tears welling up in your eyes. "This is a stupid reason and all, but I just... Can't. The person I love betrayed me. He... He promised."

Barbatos lets go of your hand. "Then, that just means he's a liar, a toxic person in your life. Is it not a relief that you found out instead of being blinded by his lies?"

You wanted to talk back but you bite back your tongue. It is true. Better now then never. You think for a while before forcing a smile on your face. "I suppose so. Thanks for... Talking, I guess. I really appreciate it."

A small smile curl his lips, enhancing his already handsome face. "You're welcome."

*****

Barbatos finally went back to Lord Diavolo's castle after buying all the necessary items from the human realm.

"Barbatos! There you are! Where have you been? It took longer than usual. Did it run out of stock or something?" Lord Diavolo asks as he goes through his endless pile of paperwork.

The butler bows down to his master as a form of apology. "I am sorry, My Lord. No, it's not because of that."

"Then, what took you so long?"

Memories of the rainy scene plays in his head but he answered differently despite knowing that Lord Diavolo can tell between a truth and a lie. "There was a fuss over a mistake I did, My Lord. Wouldn't this new generation call that a 'Karen'?"

Though he knows, Lord Diavolo was more interested in the name the humans gave for someone with such an attitude. "A Karen, huh? Call Levi here! I need to know what that means!"

The day continues on like normal but Barbatos kept on wondering why the devils did he help such a helpless human who's willing to kill themself just because of a broken heart? He doesn't understand his own actions and frankly, he doesn't wish to know why either. He's a demon, a duke, an earl, he shouldn't care so why did he help that one human?

Ahh, of course.

"Welcome to Devildom!"

"Barbatos?"

He bows down to the new exchange student and smiles at you. "Welcome, MC."

"You were a fucking demon?!" You were surprised rather than scared.

"Were?" Lucifer asks but is ignored when both you and Barbatos wouldn't answer him.

How have the Fates destined the both of you to meet again.

Bestie! Solomon back at it again

MC: *giggles*

Solomon: *laughs* This is gonna be awesome.

MC: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Lucifer: *happens to walk past* ?!

Solomon: Oh, hey, Lucifer.

MC: Hello.

Lucifer: *quickly confiscates the magic potion bottle from Solomon, knowing it's a concoction that can melt anything and anyone* What do you think you're doing with this?! This is an extremely dangerous potion!

Solomon: Yeah, I know.

Lucifer: Of course, you know! MC doesn't-

MC: I know.

Lucifer: ...excuse me?

MC: I know.

Lucifer: Yes, I heard you! I just want to know why in the Devildom you're willing to use this potion knowing it could melt your skin in just a drop?!

MC: *shrugs*

Lucifer: You're- *frustrated sigh* unbelievable.

Solomon: Shh, shh, let them be. I'm here *smiles 'innocently'*

Lucifer: ...no. I'm taking this with me *walks away*

MC: *sad*

Solomon: Don't worry, MC *pulls out a small vial from his pocket with an evil smirk* I always have a backup plan after all.

MC: *evil smirk* This is why we're besties.

In the student council room...

Lucifer: *tired sigh* Can we pick another human?

Diavolo: Oh, but why? They're very entertaining so far. Don't you agree, Barbatos?

Barbatos: *smiles* Yes, Young Master.

Lucifer: You're only agreeing because you have to.

Somewhere outside: *terrified screams, glass smashing, sounds of fire crackling that causes the school's water sprinkler to activate and evil laughter*

The royals: ....

Diavolo: *laughs* It seems that I've brought the right human!

Lucifer: Diavolo!

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS😭😭I can imagine Sephiroth bouncing his leg in giddiness in that taxi while enjoying his slushie while his two parents basically become petty and ignore each other xjjdjd

What are some of the goofiest and/or dumbest shenanigans Seph, Gen, and Angeal have ever gotten into together?

There are too many. So here's one.

Angeal had coupons for free mini golf. And the man is so frugal that he is NOT missing out on free shit.

It's hooky time. Three imposing, scary soldiers shuffling about a literal children's mini golf course, surrounded by increasingly colorful and abstract images of dolphins, dinosaurs, giant squids, rainbows, and off-model unicorns.

Genesis is, of course, completely cocky and INSISTING that he can get a hole in one every time. He smugly makes a big grand display on his first hole and immediately hits it halfway across the facility, landing it squarely in the moat. Angeal doesn't do much better, hitting several poles and denting several models. This quickly devolves into an argument between Genesis and Angeal, which further escalates into a full fledged competition between them, screaming and squabbling at each other while fighting for superiority over a children's game.

Sephiroth (who hit the hole in one without even being noticed by the others), gets bored within seconds after his first try. He wanders off to retrieve Genesis and Angeal's various fly balls before eventually tiring of that and going to find the snack bar. He plops in the shade and passively tosses them a thumbs up every time they manage to hit the ball in a way that doesn't involve clubbing someone on accident.

Angeal and Genesis' final scores are so bad that neither of them will speak of it out loud. They sit there sulking and grumbling throughout the taxi ride back, Sephiroth blithely oblivious as he sits between them, happily enjoying his slushie.

Finally... FINALLY

His card... IS FINALLY MINE

Reading you based on your obey me Kin

i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈

Lucifer

I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues

Mammon

I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life

Levi

I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me

Satan

I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.

Asmodeus

I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all

Beelzebub

I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.

Belphegor

I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.

/Undatables/

Diavolo

I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone

Barbatos

I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.

Solomon

I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it

Simeon

I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.

Luke

I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.