On April Fools Day We Should All Change Our Icons To This

Has Sephiroth ever tried catnip?

SOLDIER Vlogging Shenanigans pt. 34

[The video starts. It's Genesis, looking unkempt with wide, blood-shot eyes and messy hair. He's leaning over a kitchen countertop looking exhausted]

"I'm going to be arrested."

[There's a deep, verbalized meow in the background. Genesis briefly looks at something beyond the camera, then rubs his face]

"So...I thought it'd be funny to play into all the Sephiroth is a cat nonsense and—"

"Meow"

[Genesis stops again, looks long and hard at something behind the camera, then sighs a trembling breath. There's panic in his eyes]

"And I put catnip in Sephiroth's humidifier."

[Genesis pans the camera around slowly, the video filming all of Sephiroth's kitchen before finally landing on something on the floor]

"Oh goddess I'm going to JAIL."

[It's Sephiroth as high as a kite. He's sprawled out on the floor in a starfish position. There's a uncharacteristic, dopey grin on his face. He looks drugged out of his mind]

"Meow," he says in a deep voice.

"He's been like this for three hours now," Genesis says from behind the camera. "Do you all understand why I'm freaking out now? It's like a broke a government weapon—"

"Meow."

[Genesis turnes the camera back around, filming himself as he nervously runs a hand through his hair]

"I need to take him down to the infirmary—"

"Meow"

[Genesis looks stressed]

"I'd call Angeal but I don't want to be arrested and killed—"

"Meow."

[Genesis snaps his head up, frowning the incapacitated SOLDIER on the floor]

"Sephiroth, my friend, either stop interrupting me or pick something other than meow to say!"

[Sephiroth doesn't reply, and the following moments are silent. Genesis nods in approval, then redirects his attention back to the camera]

"Anyway, as I was saying—"

"Fuck you."

"WHAT THE F—"

[Genesis quickly ends the video]

My fav assassin everyone, Altaïr <333

Assassin’s Creed 10 Year Anniversary Month ► Gifs [12/?]

CONFIRMED THEYRE REMAKINF AC1???????????????

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Rain (Barbatos x Reader)

Female! Reader

Slight angst but with a happy ending

In the human realm there you stood, under the heavy rain that wets your figure, soaking your entire being with its polluted water but you couldn't care less about how you'll get sick afterwards. No. You stare into nothingness, the heavy rain greatly limiting your field of vision to maybe one to two meters and even so, objects are extremely blurry.

The reason why you're under the rain is because you're heartbroken. It's stupid, yes, you know but he was your fiance of three years so it's heart shattering and as if your life line is plugged out when you caught him in action with another woman, balls deep into her as her moans fill the room, clearly having a good time. The reason for his cheating is because you didn't want to have sexual intercourse with him but being the religious person you are, you stated that you didn't want to have sex until after marriage but it seems that he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea.

'He only wants you for your body', your best friend said, attempting to comfort you but it didn't do much as your mind wanders to that specific moment in your life.

'He's the one missing out! It just means that he wasn't your soulmate. God has other plans for you', then why did He has to make it so painful to you?

'Fuck that guy! I hope he gets condemned to Hell', you wish too but you try to get yourself out of that mind set since it's quite the sin to wish someone that.

All these allegations are true, yet here you are, under the rain thinking negatively about yourself. Weren't you pretty enough? Wasn't your company enough for him? Satisfying enough for him? You let out a shaky breath and close your eyes, the rain getting heavier if that's possible. You really want to disappear off the surface of the Earth but you didn't. Again, it's a great sin if you did it.

So, you resorted to just being sad and crying out your sadness all alone. It was... Comforting, to say the very least and with the rain, it's easy to cover up your tears and voice.

"ARGH!" You screamed out loud. You could barely make out your own voice. Perfect.

So you screamed again and again and again until you ran out of energy. If you can't hurt or kill yourself, you might as well tire yourself and just go to sleep. But even so, you figured that you might have nightmares regarding what happened to you just yesterday so you might as well completely drain your energy until you can't move.

With one last scream of frustration and anger, you drop to your knees and let tears flow down your face. God, you just wanted to kill yourself but you can't. Sometimes you wish you weren't that religious but it's these times that you're also glad.

How long have you been under the rain? Half an hour? An hour? More than that? You don't know nor do you care at this point. You certainly couldn't care less about your health as well. You just want to hide under the rain so when you thought the rain stopped, you were confused. It's still raining yet why aren't you under it? Then, you look up.

An umbrella.

"Wha?" You breathe out under your breath as you look at the person holding the umbrella.

Due to the darkness, you can't really see his features but you can tell that he's wearing a suit and has gloves on. His expression though empty as ever, his eyebrows are furrowed as if to mimic confusion. He holds out a hand for you to grab and for a moment, flashbacks of your ex-boyfriend doing the same fills your vision and you shake your head.

The man assumes that you didn't want help and retracts his hand. You stand up but wobbled a bit due to you kneeling for so long, causing you to accidentally grab the man's arm. He was as still as a statue, seemingly unbothered by the fact that you just threw yourself towards him. You mutter an apology even though he won't hear it and didn't bother to squeeze water out your hair or clothes.

"Are you okay, miss?" He asks.

You nod and look away, slightly embarrassed of your appearance at the moment. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be going now."

"Wait."

You turn to him. "Do you need something, sir?"

Lightning strikes, lighting up the darkness and you only manage to see his features clearly for a few seconds. Beautiful emerald eyes, green hair gradienting to a teal down his bangs on the left side of his face and no expression at all yet it seems to compliment his handsome features. For a moment, you forgot to breathe. How can a man this beautiful exist?

"You just seem sad and I know that I'm just a stranger, a nobody to you but I do have some time to spare before I go back to serve my master." He states.

You were suspicious. The world is a dangerous place and if a handsome man like Ted Bundy can turn out to be a manipulative murderer, then surely, the man in front of you can do the same.

When no answer is heard from you, he sighs and puts a hand over his heart before bowing down to you, much to your surprise. "I am Barbatos, the butler to my master, Lord Diavolo."

"I... I see." You weren't expecting a butler to be by your side.

"You now know my name, my occupation and my master. Surely, this is enough information for you." The butler, you now know as Barbatos, said.

"Oh, uh, yeah." You awkwardly fidget around. He's just too formal with you that makes it uncomfortable for you.

"So, may I know what is the cause of your sadness? Why are you just kneeling under the heavy rain? Are you not scared of what might happen to you if you were to stay too long out here?" He shoots you question after question.

You wanted to tell him but you're scared of the thought of him ridiculing you. Your fiance's friends did, is he any different?

Barbatos sighs once again and mumbles something before saying, "I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. I do apologize if I do happen to make you feel that way. All I want to do is lend an ear. It is not too wrong of me to do so, is it now?"

You look at the more interesting ground. "Why do you even want to listen to my problems anyway? A butler like you shouldn't help me. You must have other jobs to do and even if I tell you, it's not like you're gonna use that information."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I just want to help."

Damn, he's persistent, you thought. It's not like you're ungrateful, it's more like preventing other people from meddling into your own problems that you can handle by yourself. You didn't need or want someone else's help. You can figure everything out yourself.

And yet...

"Kill me."

The butler was surprised. "Excuse me, but could you repeat what you just said?"

"Ah..." You shake your head. What were you thinking? "I'm sorry. I'll leave."

Just as you turn away, a hand grabs your arm. "Wait."

You wait for him to talk.

"I know I have no place to say this, and it's ironic that I'm the one who's saying this, but don't do it. Life may be hard for you but surely, there must be people who love you. I don't know what happened and really, I have no say in this, if you're thinking about suicide, shouldn't you do something you love? Be with the people you love instead of suffering all alone and eventually hurting other people?"

You look back at him with tears welling up in your eyes. "This is a stupid reason and all, but I just... Can't. The person I love betrayed me. He... He promised."

Barbatos lets go of your hand. "Then, that just means he's a liar, a toxic person in your life. Is it not a relief that you found out instead of being blinded by his lies?"

You wanted to talk back but you bite back your tongue. It is true. Better now then never. You think for a while before forcing a smile on your face. "I suppose so. Thanks for... Talking, I guess. I really appreciate it."

A small smile curl his lips, enhancing his already handsome face. "You're welcome."

*****

Barbatos finally went back to Lord Diavolo's castle after buying all the necessary items from the human realm.

"Barbatos! There you are! Where have you been? It took longer than usual. Did it run out of stock or something?" Lord Diavolo asks as he goes through his endless pile of paperwork.

The butler bows down to his master as a form of apology. "I am sorry, My Lord. No, it's not because of that."

"Then, what took you so long?"

Memories of the rainy scene plays in his head but he answered differently despite knowing that Lord Diavolo can tell between a truth and a lie. "There was a fuss over a mistake I did, My Lord. Wouldn't this new generation call that a 'Karen'?"

Though he knows, Lord Diavolo was more interested in the name the humans gave for someone with such an attitude. "A Karen, huh? Call Levi here! I need to know what that means!"

The day continues on like normal but Barbatos kept on wondering why the devils did he help such a helpless human who's willing to kill themself just because of a broken heart? He doesn't understand his own actions and frankly, he doesn't wish to know why either. He's a demon, a duke, an earl, he shouldn't care so why did he help that one human?

Ahh, of course.

"Welcome to Devildom!"

"Barbatos?"

He bows down to the new exchange student and smiles at you. "Welcome, MC."

"You were a fucking demon?!" You were surprised rather than scared.

"Were?" Lucifer asks but is ignored when both you and Barbatos wouldn't answer him.

How have the Fates destined the both of you to meet again.

Solomon and MC being crackheads

"Hey, where's MC?" Lucifer asks, papers in his hand.

"In their room." Satan's attention is diverted to the papers. "Hey, what are those?"

"These are the essays Lord Diavolo wish for MC to write. He wanted to read different opinions from each species but the topics he had chosen are so ridiculous that I could barely take him seriously." Lucifer sighs and shakes his head, making Satan chuckle.

"And what are the topics he had chosen?"

"...Teddy bears, rocks, swings and bags."

If Satan had a cup of tea, he would either choke on it or spit it out but either way, he ended up bursting out of laughter. "May I say, holy shit! Those are the most random topics I've heard in a while!"

The firstborn sighs and leaves his younger brother to his laughing fit. Approaching towards his human housemate's room, he swore he could hear another voice but he brushes it off, thinking that you were imitating someone else and by that someone else, he means some random people online yelling 'yeet' or 'oh, hi. Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage' or anything of the sort this fossil couldn't care to understand. Well, even if he did care, his old mind cannot handle the millennial jokes.

Raising his hand to knock on the door, he stops when he heard a familiar voice. 'It sounded like Solomon', he thought but shakes his head. Maybe he's imagining it which is something he highly thinks is possible seemingly that he's so sleep deprived that he can't think straight most of the times.

But when his knocks went unanswered, he grows impatient. "I'm coming in!"

Upon opening the great wooden barrier between your room and the horrible outside world, there stood both you and Solomon. One of Lucifer's stolen cloak draped around your shoulders, a mask covering the top part of your face and your hands covered with black gloves. Solomon, on the other hand, is wearing one of Asmodeus's dress and a wig.

"Sing, my angel! SING!" Your voice horribly deep and your singing is not making up for it as it sounds like a dying walrus.

Not that the sorcerer was any good. His high-pitched singing sounds like a screeching banshee and nails scraping a blackboard combined but somehow, the both of you weren't bothered by the fact. Well, no shit. Both of you are horrible singers that are perfectly in terrible sync. I'm sure you can make the Demon King pray to God for you two to stop and even then, God wouldn't even be much of a help since your singing might blow up his eardrums so the Demon King's prayers would go unanswered.

Which is true to my statement when Lucifer himself is covering his ears and maybe silently praying to his father that you two would stop to which you two didn't.

"What the blazes? What the hell are you two doing? And how did you get in here Solomon?" The prideful demon asks, not taking off his hands off his ears in fear that you might use your majestic (not) voice to make him deaf.

"I have my own ways." Solomon places a hand on his hip, the dress perfectly fitting his muscular but feminine figure. Someone, please draw this.

"What'chu here for, Lucifer?" You ask.

"Oh, yeah." Your singing might've caused him a small brain damage. "These are the essays you need to do. Lord Diavolo's-"

"Fuck that!" You curse, cutting off the demon's sentence. "F to the U to the C, K, that!"

Lucifer sighs. Help this old man. He's a single mother taking care of seven crackheads who's working under his future (please) husband and he's denser than THE Karasuma Tadaomi whenever Diavolo is flirting with him. "MC, this is Lord Diavolo's orders."

"And call me Obama's twin sibling cause' fuck that shit!" You immediately refused.

"MC."

"This calls for drastic measures."

You quickly open the window and drag Solomon with you then dramatically swing the cape around you and the sorcerer knew what you were about to do. With the deepest voice you could muster, you say, "I am Batman."

And jumped out of the window Papyrus style with Solomon tailing behind you. Lucifer, panicked, runs towards the window and looks out because there's no way a human could survive a two storey fall, right? Well, you proved him wrong when you and Solomon did a front flip and landed on the ground, laughing, "Hee hee!"

The two of you are now Naruto running towards wherever you two want to escape to. A Batman wannabe and a magical girl running off into the sunset, holding hands while laughing like Micheal Jackson. Truly, a romance better than Twilight.

I have no idea what I wrote. I might've been high while writing this but I hope you enjoyed!

*casually slides a guitar over to Seph*

He spends nearly forty minutes strumming it tunelessly to almost comical degrees. Which royally pisses him off because he hates that he's not a natural at it like everything else.

Spends a week in the library aggressively glaring at a selection of instrument guides.

Comes back, picks it up, conducts a single immaculate set of chords and twangs, then proceeds to never touch it again. There. Ego satisfied. He needs his hands in good condition for swordplay anyway.

shaun has a Realisation™ about Des thanks to Elijah's existence

Finally... FINALLY

His card... IS FINALLY MINE