Ur Government Assigned Gender For The Day Is The First Thing U Get When U Click This Link To A Randomised

Rodimus x Professional!Reader Pt. 1

The first part is from Reader's POV and the second will be from Rodimus' POV.

Parts:

Part 2- https://www.tumblr.com/morsartis/712534482204377088/rodimus-x-professionalreader-pt-2?source=share

Part 3- https://www.tumblr.com/morsartis/712534804211662848/rodimus-x-professionalreader-pt-3?source=share

----

Hot water beat down on your back as you rested your head on the shower wall. Everything ached. From your toes to your scalp you felt like one massive bruise. It wasn’t uncommon for you to get back to your quarters feeling drained and tired. Ever since the Lost Light had taken on human crew members your hands had been full, especially following your commander's death. A day that still weighed something fierce on your heart. You’d had to step up- despite the fact that you hadn’t been next in line to lead at all. There had been too much panic, too much grief, and you had done what you had always done in the face of terrible personal tragedy and chaos. You’d buckled down and taken over. Somehow that had led to you being promoted as the human liaison to the captain of the Lost Light. It was an honor certainly but it was something you struggled with. All that responsibility on your shoulders, Commander Jameson had grown livid when the promotion had passed over him and went to you instead. His contempt and judgment was yet another thing that weighed you down. He made it clear that he had little to no respect for you or your new position. It had led to endless fights over the tiniest things that shouldn’t have been fights in the first place. 

Sighing heavily you blinked past the water running down your face. The need for actual running water on the Lost Light had been Commander Hennis’ first petition when you’d come aboard and after her death it had only been right for you to continue that petition. You were grateful for it. Slicking your hair back you took another moment to simply breathe. One deep breath in and then the slow exhale. Shutting off the spray you blindly reached for your towel. Wrapping the soft fluffy thing around yourself you relished its warmth as you stepped out of the tub and into the slightly cooler room. You cursed when you realized you’d left your sleep clothes on your bed. Stepping into the main portion of your room you froze, the blood draining from your face so quickly you almost felt light headed. Clutching the towel tightly to yourself you straightened up immediately. Shit, you were way too underdressed, your hair was still wet and tangled, you were wearing a towel. 

“Captain!” You resisted the urge to salute if only because you feared losing your towel. Rodimus froze, optics wide as he glanced down at you. Jesus, you could die of mortification. 

“I-,” His voicebox made an odd sound you could only describe as a radio dial, “I didn’t realize you were here.”

“I thought to get an early night, Sir.” Oh you just wanted to curl into a ball and die. This was so unprofessional. God, you even planned your own pajamas to be professional in case of an emergency. Why did he have to walk in now? Why did you forget your clothes on your bed? You glanced at your folded clothes and felt a new mortification rising when you realized you’d done like you usually did and placed your underwear on top. Your very nice, lacey, underwear that you rarely got the chance to wear and only decided to wear tonight to make yourself feel nice. As a secret little pick-me-up that only you would know about. The red stood out starkly against your grey sweats and space program t-shirt, the clothes far too professional to even consider what you might be wearing underneath. Even the sports bra you’d chosen was cute with its little lacey front and tiny decorative bow. As if sensing your mortification you could only observe in horror as Rodimus followed your gaze to the clothes you’d plainly laid out. If it were even possible it was as if he froze and locked up more than previously. 

Was- was he blushing?! 

Your face was officially on fire you were simply going to kill yourself. Anything to escape the mortification. Your co-captain, your liaison partner, knew what you were going to wear to bed and he’d been around human culture long enough to understand exactly why you might have been embarrassed. Grasping at straws like it was all you could do, you tried to regain control of the situation. 

“Ahem,” You cleared your throat drawing his attention back to you, “Was there a particular reason you were coming into my quarters Captain?” 

Rodimus straightened up quickly his grip on his holopad tightening. 

“Ah- yes. There was- well… Ahem. To be honest-,” He was stammering, god you were never going to live down the embarrassment, “I wanted your opinion on a transfer I’ve been considering.” 

“A transfer?”

“Yes. One of the humans here.”

That wiped the embarrassment straight from your system. Technically Rodimus could transfer whoever he wished at any point so long as Megatron signed off on said transfer. It had been an unspoken rule since Commander Hennis’ and since your own tenure that all human transfers were to be decided by the human liaison. For Rodimus to even consider transferring a human without giving the full reigns to you must have been serious. 

“May I ask the reason for transfer?”

“Insubordination.” The way he said it left little room to question. His voice was grave and serious in a way you rarely heard from your usually compassionate companion. Clearly this was not a decision he had made lightly. 

“And the crewmember?” You asked after a moment when it became clear he was not going to elaborate. 

“Commander Jameson.” 

“What?” You asked the question slipping out before you could help it. To say you were shocked was an understatement. You had thought that Commander Jameson had been wise enough to keep his displeasure and insubordination pointed towards you and you only. 

“I think it would be best for both the crew and for Commander Jameson himself if he were placed with a different vessel.” 

“My apologies then Captain, I had thought that Commander Jameson had merely been targeting me due to the promotional passover that occurred following Commander Hennis’ passing. I hadn’t a clue that he’d been lashing out towards other higher-ups. Please allow me to talk to him and discuss these matters, I shall ensure he keeps his issues with the chain of command solely with me.” 

“That’s the problem!” Rodimus shouted, waving his arm through the air. You jumped. “He shouldn’t be treating you that way in the first place! You received the promotion because you earned it. Your crew would have been killed if you hadn’t made the calls you did and kept a level head. While Commander Jameson was too busy trying to prove himself you were putting in the actual work. You brought your crew together, you led them into action, you pulled them through that dark time. Not him! I am tired of hearing his baseless complaints about your leadership. You’ve gone above and beyond what was expected of you for the sake of your human crew and your cybertronian companions!” 

You could feel the flush traveling from your cheeks all the way to your shoulders the flattery soothing a sore spot you had been nursing for a while now. But still, despite Jameson’s clear dislike of you, you had a duty to him as his superior. 

“I understand that Rodimus and I thank you for your conviction of my skills,” You replied soothingly, adjusting your hold on your towel, “However, I have a duty to my crew. Commander Jameson’s grievances are with me and me alone. Outside of that he has followed all his orders from other officers to a perfect T. Unless there are incidents I haven’t been informed of..?” You trailed off waiting for a reply. 

“... No. He’s followed orders from other crew members well enough.” Rodimus admitted begrudgingly. You offered him a sincerely sympathetic smile. 

“Then I owe him the chance to discuss options with me first before the call is made for him. If he wishes to transfer then I will be happy to have him transferred, but if he wishes to stay then that decision should be respected as well.”

That was clearly not what he wanted to hear. Rodimus’ expression turned stony, every bit the captain he had to be instead of the mech you had gotten to know. 

“Please let him know that if he fails to follow your direct orders again he will be transferred regardless.” His voice was cold, a sort of anger that sent chills down your spine. You’d never heard anything like it. From Megatron you might have been able to keep the surprise off your face but from Rodimus? The change was too intense not to show your shock. “I’ve transferred the documents to you for review. Good night.” 

Just like that he was gone leaving you standing there shivering from the cold in your towel wondering what had gotten into the normally sunny optimistic mech. Swallowing nervously you shuffled towards your pajamas and got dressed. Everything would have to wait until the morning but already anxiety was beginning to set in. What would you do about this? What could be done to fix it? If you didn’t know him so well by now you would have thought Rodimus was angry with you, but you knew that despite what had happened his anger was directed towards Jameson. With a deep breath you sat on your bed and tried to relax. You’d get this sorted out just like you always did. It would be fine. And then you could talk with Rodimus about why it had upset him the way it did.

The Bets Are On

You didn't always get dragged along on tours with Marvus, preferring to stay away from the sheer chaos of the limelight. It wasn't that you hated it but you certainly weren't a big fan of having Marvus within reach and yet still not being able to see him. The packed schedule that came with his tours were a drag and you weren't even bound by them. But Ourani and Revell had both asked you to be there, it was important that Marvus and his band were seen in a positive light while on an Earth bound tour. A surprising side effect of the current alliance between the two was the fact bands were allowed to perform on both planets for the first time. It was an opportunity that no one in the entertainment industry could pass up on- not even Marvus. Which was why you were there- they were trying to involve as many humans as possible as a show of good faith. Revell had been the most excited about it as the band's human sensitivity trainer. The fact he wasn't even human in the first place was both amusing and a glaring sign of Alternia's many problems. It'd be insulting if Revell wasn't so serious about his job, often consulting as many humans as he possibly could over the most minute detail and advocating for an actual human to do the training instead of himself. Unfortunately his hands were tied on that front.

Lost in your own thoughts you nearly fell off the chair you were sitting in when Ourani slammed the door to the break room open looking frazzled. His usually slightly wrinkled but tidy clothes were a wreck- tie askew and shirt buttoned wrong with his hair sticking up at odd angles. He looked like he'd survived a mob. "Thaaaat's it! I caaaan't do this aaaanymore! Maaaarvus is driving me to drink!" He shrieked the second the door swung closed behind him. You winced slightly and gave him a sympathetic smile.

"How I've laaaasted this long is aaaa daaaamn mystery!" He continued tossing his clipboard onto the table. You could only imagine what he'd been having to deal with.

"What did he do this time?"

"Whaaaat did he do this time? This time? Its less whaaaat he’s done aaaand more whaaaat he’s going to do! He purposely faaaailed every single humaaaan sensitivity course he waaaas instructed to taaaake! Do you haaaave aaaany ideaaaa how haaaard it waaaas to even get him to those courses? Its like trying to herd feraaaal purr-beaaaasts!” He all but wailed sinking down into the chair opposite from you. It creaked under his weight- built more for humans than adult trolls- and you feared it might collapse under the poor rust blood. The last thing he needed to happen when he was already this close to a break down.

“I know I talk a lot of shit about Marvus but he can’t be that bad.”

Those were clearly the wrong words to say to Marvus’ top personal assistant as Ourani looked at you with an expression bordering on murderous and manic.

“Oh, you think so huh? You think you caaaan haaaandle being Maaaarvus’ Personaaaal Aaaasistaaaant? You think you can do better thaaaan I caaaan? Fine! Why don’t you do my job todaaaay then? He’s got aaaa full schedule aaaand haaaas aaaalreaaaady shown signs of trying to blow it aaaall off!”

“Uh-,”

“Even better ideaaaa! We’ll maaaake aaaa bet out of it. If you caaaan get Maaaarvus to staaaay on traaaack I’ll paaaay some of thaaaat debt you owe to Gorjek.”

“Wh-,”

“Aaaand if you lose? I’ll finaaaally quit!” He was grinning wildly now, eyes bright with glee at the thought of quitting.

“How about if I win you just schedule Marvus a little down time?” You offered instead. Trying to hopefully keep him from losing it further.

“Fine.” He replied looking slightly less like he might jump over the table and throttle you or the next person to walk into the break room. With a more steadying breath Ourani extended his hand to shake on the bet and you gladly took it. Anything to keep him from going full American Psycho on everyone there. You both nearly lept out of your skins when his phone went off to let him know his short break was over. "How about that bet starts now and you go home to get some actual sleep?" You offered, Ourani nodded vigorously to that already shoving his clipboard into your hands. He couldn't seem to get out of there fast enough it seemed. You hoped he'd get some actual rest, the poor guy was one of the most overworked people on the job. Glancing down at the clipboard you winced. Ourani really wasn’t kidding when he said Marvus had a full schedule, looks like you could kiss any other plans you had today goodbye. Straightening out your clothes you went to go find Marvus- wherever he could have gotten. Most likely he wouldn’t be trying to hide from you. He’d be expecting Ourani to be the one trying to hunt him down.

You’d been wandering for five minutes when you finally found him. He was actually where he was supposed to be- chatting with his bandmates who immediately perked up to see you.

“Oh shit! Look who it is.”

“Hey guys, mind if I steal Marvus away for a second?” You asked cheerfully. His bandmates had a soft spot for you and it was easy to get them to agree. Their soft spot would make this bet a little easier to win, hopefully.

“Whatchu need babes?” Marvus asked once the two of you had gotten far enough away. You smiled up at him warmly. "Well, first off-," You grabbed the sides of his purple jacket to pull him down closer to your height, "I'd like a kiss." "Shit babe, all you had ta do was ask." He grinned leaning into you. His arm carefully wrapped around your waist as he tilted your chin up to get better access. You huffed a small laugh as he gave your lip a small nip before kissing you. Letting your eyes close for a brief moment to fully enjoy the kiss you cupped his jaw with your hands before regretfully having to pull back- Marvus attempting to follow you. "Secondly," You murmured interrupted by another brief kiss, "You have a meeting in two minutes." "What." You grinned at his flat off guard tone. Not being able to help yourself as you giggled. "I have your entire schedule for the day." "No."

"Mm, yes."

"Babe-,"

"You also have a meeting with Revell to talk about those courses you flunked out of."

"How-,"

"Ourani went home for the day, I'm gonna be your PA so he can actually get some sleep."

"Oh?"

"Don't get any ideas." You interrupted already knowing where his mind was going, "I'm going to make sure you get through your entire schedule whether you like it or not."

"C'mon, just give me an hour." "I might consider it-," He grinned, "After we get through your schedule."

Marvus pouted.

“Work Marvus. Focus on work.”

“Aww, but you be lookin’ so cute when you take charge.”

“And you’ll be a lot more appealing when you actually do your job.”

“Damn.” He muttered under his breath already standing back up to his full height. “Alright baby, guess we cans go to this meeting.”

It looked, at least for the moment, you might actually win this bet.

Then again, you had yet to get him to go to his meeting with Revell. For some reason those two couldn’t stand each other- you’d zoned out briefly during one of his rants only catching something vague about their ancestors that only confused you more. Revell was actually a kind troll though his threshold for what he dubbed ‘highblood nonsense’ was practically nonexistent. He seemed rather fascinated by human culture, often asking you questions on things he didn’t quite understand- some of his questions not even you could answer with any degree of accuracy. But, Marvus and him were known for their fights. Not even in the pitch leaning way either. You had yet to witness their fights but Ourani had talked about them looking pale and shaky- considering the fact that he’d been witness to the usual Alternian concert slaughter fests that happened with Marvus you had to admit you were afraid to see what could shake him like that. If Marvus' PR team was surprised to see him actually at the meeting they didn't say, though they seemed happy to see you with him. Taking your seat next to Marvus you glanced down at the schedule again. He had this meeting, his meeting with Revel, an autograph signing, and then a meeting with a lesser known human band you hadn't even heard of. Knowing Marvus all of these would be a few hours each.

“You bein’ awfully quiet over there.” Marvus murmured to you while his PR team bickered. You glanced up from the clipboard you’d been staring a hole through to give him a flat look. Better to not put him on edge.

“Just trying to figure out how to get you from point A to point B.”

“C’mon baby I ain’t that bad.”

“Ourani would beg to differ.”

“Then he can fuckin’ beg.”

You smacked his arm earning a small chuckle as he turned back to the meeting.

This was going to be a very long day.

Marvus Xoloto x Reader

You first saw him again on TV of all things. Some nameless talk show that played so late at night it could almost be considered early morning. You wouldn’t have paid it any mind- just simple white noise as you tried to convince your body to just sleep. Of course, sleep was made impossible when you registered exactly who was on your shitty little TV. Wide awake and in disbelief you watched Marvus go through those familiar routines you’d come to expect from him a life time ago. He was selling his act so well you knew that the reviews would be a never ending loop of praise. It wasn’t at all surprising of him and you found yourself smiling as fragments of old memories floated to the surface. Knowing him he’d collapse on the first vaguely soft surface he found and sleep well into the afternoon before his PR team blew up his phone. The thought finally drew you into action. Pulling out your phone you opened up Chittr for the first time in a long time and set about finding Marvus. It wasn’t hard. Finding a celebrity was always the easy part. Shooting off a friend request you hoped he’d see it. With luck he might realize it was you and accept. You didn’t bother with anything else as you turned off the TV. It wasn’t helping you sleep and Marvus wouldn’t see your request until the weekend if at all. Trudging from the couch to your bed you contemplated texting Polypa. She was always ready to talk with you when you couldn’t sleep. It was tempting- especially if she felt like sneaking into your house to spend time with you. She never asked for an invite, always just showing up on your couch or already in your bed. A long time ago you might have been put out by that. But it was a long time ago for a reason. Now you were used to the casual breaking and entering she did. You’d offered to let her live with you but she’d told you that she hadn’t wanted anything in her job leading back to you. It didn’t surprise you that she was still an assassin even on Earth. She was good at what she did. 

Flopping down onto your bed you let your phone drop onto the mattress with you. Sleep was slow coming but it was coming. Finally. Eyes closing you could feel your body start to sink further into sleep like a rock in water. Which was, of course, the moment your phone buzzed with a notification. Snatching it up off the bed you glared blurry eyed down at it until your sight finally focused. 

Marvus accepted your friend request!

Oh, well then. It looked as if things were looking up. With a smile you set your phone back down and closed your eyes. Your phone buzzed again and figuring it might be Marvus you picked it back up. 

Zebruh sent you a friend request!

Oh hell no. 

Lights Part 3

There’s a pleasant warmth curled around you and the heaviness of the comforter that’s got you feeling like a very loved burrito makes it hard to open your eyes. You’re struggling to not keep blinking continuously but its a difficult task, you’re warm, you’re comfortable, and you’ve got no where to be. The arm wrapped around your stomach drags you closer as your eyes sag closed-

You’re wide awake in an instant. Heart hammering and lungs seizing as you go absolutely rigid. You don’t invite people into your house anymore, especially not into your bed, those are your sacred little spaces that you crawl into to feel secure. But you can feel the person- sleep heavy- curled along your back in an awkward spooning position with an arm and leg thrown over you. Warm breath tickling the back of your neck that suddenly feels too exposed. You’re too exposed and there is someone in your bed and you can’t breathe and-

The leg that was thrown over you is removed and there are hands dragging you upright and a vaguely familiar voice murmuring something close enough to your face you can feel the puffs of air each word makes. It’s not until hands are cupping your jaw and the words level out into a constant soothing hush of consolation that you finally realize who’s kneeling over your lap and looking lost and upset. Polypa’s eyes are wide with worry as her voice seizes up and relaxes against the chattering cicada noise that wants to come out. She settles for a stream of constant shushing noises that buzz just a bit the closer to panic she comes. She’s never seen you like this. Never seen or realized exactly how messed up Alternia had left you. It claws at her mind and whispers the horrible thought of failing as a moirail that she never noticed. That she never pried even when you seemed just fine. She should have. She should know exactly what’s keeping you up at night and what sends you into a blind panic. Polypa should have known where you lived too. As a moirail these were basic things that helped build the foundation of a stable diamond. The fact she didn’t have the faintest clue about any of it was enough for olive tinted tears to well up in the corners of her eyes. After everything you had simply fallen off the map, complete radio silence, Polypa had looked everywhere for you. The mall was the last place she ever thought to bump into you and the elation she had felt had been short lived at the absolutely shattered look in your eyes. The way you had simply crumbled at the slightest gentle touch had felt like a sucker punch to the gut. 

“It’s alright, it’s going to be alright, just breathe for me.” You took in a stuttering breath following along to the gentle breathing that Polypa was trying to coach you into. You were safe, you were home, you were in bed, and Polypa had spent the night after the most intense and dissociative feelings jam of your life. It was fine. Slowly you began to calm down. The two of you would need to have that talk you’d been dreading. The one where you had to tell her everything and wait for her to decide whether she was going to sign up for dealing with your bullshit or throw herself out the window to get as far away from your flaming dumpster fire as she could. For a moment you debated lying out your ass and saying you’ve just been having a horrible week and leaving it at that. The thought was abandoned as quickly as it formed. Polypa’s eyes were earnest and bordering desperate. She wanted- and by extension needed- to hear the truth. No matter how much it’d feel like pulling teeth. 

“We need to talk.” You finally sighed out, shoulders slumping as the fight left you. She tensed and you realized how bad that probably sounded. “It- Its- Hey, Polypa, its not... Well okay its bad but- just let me explain?” Preferably in the kitchen where you could sit at the table and talk this out like rational adults. Even if you felt like a frightened preteen about to spill their guts for the first time. It took a few more reassurances that you were more or less okay and that you weren’t about to kick her out to get her to let you up. From there you grabbed some drinks from your fridge and took a seat at the little kitchen table you had set up. Polypa drummed her claws along the can of soda you’d handed her- a nervous tick you’d adopted from her long ago. You weren’t sure where to even start with this. A confession of how pale you still were for her? Word vomit about the time just before landing on Alternia? Or straight to the chase? Running a hand through your hair as your foot bounced nervously you took a deep breath. 

“When...” You had to clear your throat past the lump in it, “When I first landed on Alternia... I-,” A shuddering breath left you and you had to close your eyes for a moment to keep from bursting into tears. To keep from becoming an incoherent babbling mess. It took Polypa’s hand covering one of your own to get back what little composure you had. 

“You don’t have to tell me everything now.” She offered in the silence as you tried to collect your words again. Tempted as you were to take her up on that you knew she deserved to know. 

“When I first landed on Alternia there was something wrong with me. I knew something was wrong but for the life of me couldn’t figure out what it might be. So I pushed it aside for the thrill of making friends. Of meeting new people. It wasn’t until I left that I finally realized what happened. What was wrong...” She was staring at you with such rapt attention you felt like a bug pinned to a cork board. “I was... It- I- shit... Everything that happened on Alternia felt fake, like I was some chess piece on a board waiting for someone to make a move. A pawn. And I... I was. I was a pawn. The man... The-,” Your fists clenched at the memory, “Doc fucking Scratch.” You barked out venomously teeth grinding with the force of it. It was the first time you’d allowed yourself to say his name. To speak it into existence. For once you weren’t afraid it’d bring him down upon you like a swarm of locusts. No, for once you wanted to wrap your hands around that puppet’s felt fucking neck and squeeze. Sucking in a deep breath you continued on. “He fucked with my mind Polypa. I was a backseat passenger to a shit show I had no control over. Everything I ever did was mapped out and if I made a wrong choice? I wound up in a groundhog style remake of that moment until I made the correct decision. I died Polypa, I remember every death- every bad ending- every time I had to stare down at one of my friends and know that I killed them! And then I’d blink and I’d be back where I started staring down at the choices I was allowed to make and praying I’d get it right this time. He took all my words and twisted them to fit his narrative. I was there to make the right friends and then be tossed aside when there was no use for me. And when he plucked me out of the narrative again and gave me back my at least some of my mind I fucking spiraled. I went about making more friends because I couldn’t do anything else. Because that fucker took my memories from me so that I would continue in a loop until it killed me. And when I finally snapped out of it I tore everything to shreds to get to him. I destroyed entire timelines just so I could burn everything that pompous bastard held dear to the ground. And I succeeded. At least partially... The next time I woke up I was sleeping in a motel room in some place I’d never even heard of. I found a job and I scraped up enough to get a decent place, I knew that everyone was still out there. I did. I just couldn’t bring myself to play the game again. Even if it was all in my head.” Tears were dripping off the tip of your nose as you stared down at your fist and Polypa’s hand still placed over yours. It took her choking out your name for you to finally look her in the face. Olive tears were streaming down her cheeks and she looked miserable. Like you had ripped the heart from her chest and stomped it into the dirt. 

“Everything you did was against your will?” Her voice was so small and for a moment you almost agreed. But that wasn’t what she was really asking. Reaching out you took her hands in yours and squeezed as tightly as you could. 

“The time we spent together was the closest I ever got to being myself. If it’s one thing I’d do over and over and over again it would be becoming your moirail. Never doubt that Polypa. Never.” A small keen left her lips and then you suddenly found yourself with a lap full of blubbering troll. Her claws were digging through the shirt you wore as her arms squeezed you like a vice. Words practically unintelligible and at least mostly in Alternian bubbled out of her in a tormented jumble. More tears gathered in your eyes as you cradled her close and started crying in earnest. You had your moirail back, of her own choice, and the dam you’d kept everything behind finally burst. 

YES YES MARCH HALLOWEEN POST HOW IVE MISSED YOU

Mors Speaks

One of these days I'm just gonna go feral and write self indulgent X Reader fics of my favs but Marvus simps are still here and must be fed. They are appreciated deeply but this is not a Marvus only blog and I am one free moment away from screaming into the abyss about my favs. Which probably won't get as many likes or reblogs but they're self indulgent for a reason lol. But worry not because I am always taking requests and asks for writing especially because the ideas thrown my way are serotonin in these crazy ass times.

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

In the warmth and safety of your bed you tried to ignore the way your phone was buzzing lost in the sheets. You had decided to stay home for once instead of letting your friends rope you into going to some party you didn’t want to be miserable at. Instead you’d enjoyed some alone time and crawled into bed as it had grown darker outside. Being home, on Earth, was still a surreal experience for you. But after the destruction of Alternia and the mass exodus of trolls fleeing the carnage you had slowly tried to come to terms with it. Which all yet again led to your predicament. Again your phone buzzed and giving into demands you picked it up and checked your messages. 

Most of them were pictures of the party you had declined to go to, all from Cirava. Scrolling mindlessly through them you paused on his last few texts. 

‘Where are you lmao’

‘Thought I saw you sneak out carrying your shoes’

‘I still need those back btw lol’

Sighing heavily you already knew the guy was higher than a damn kite. He usually was when he deigned to go to parties and if you weren’t with him he had a tendency to pull shit like this. Another message pinged through.

‘Must have been dreaming of bumping into you or something lmao’

It could have been a sweet compliment. Unfortunately things were never that simple. Letting the phone slip out of your grasp and back onto the bed you rolled over and tried to get some sleep. You’d managed to doze for a short bit before your phone began to buzz more insistently. Groaning in frustration you snatched it from your side and squinted angrily at the photoshopped image of Cirava on a moisturewave background. Rolling your eyes you hit decline on the call. Just as soon as you had done so the phone lit up again with his caller ID. Hitting decline again you checked the time and felt another swell of annoyance. 

‘Its 3 AM Cirava’

‘I’m tryna change your mind lmao’

‘Why’d you only call me when you’re high?’ 

Letting the phone fall onto your chest you tried to take a deep breath. He was just high and lonely. You didn’t want to be cruel but it was truthful, he really only called you when he was high. Always trying to talk you into something or another but tonight you were going to stay home and ignore it. You could apologize in the morning but not now, not tonight. Again your phone rang and in a fit of frustration you finally answered it, cutting Cirava off mid greeting. 

“Hi.” You replied flatly, “Why’d you only call me when you’re high?” 

“Lemme get somewhere darker.” He shouted over the music in the background, you knew he was only going to talk the same shit he always did. “I need a partner.” 

You sighed, doubting he could hear it over the noise. 

“Well, are you out tonight?” He continued. 

“Cirava its getting harder and harder to get you to listen, you know that right?” 

“What?” He shouted clearly not having heard you. 

“You’re incapable of making alright decisions, always having bad ideas.” 

“Its only three in the morning,” He scoffed, “and I’m tryin’ to change your mind.” 

You stayed silent. Frustration was back along with old hurt. 

“I left you multiple missed calls-,”

Unable to stand it anymore you cut him off.

“Why’d you only call me when you’re high?” You asked. Maybe it was the hurt talking or maybe you still wanted a genuine answer. Either way you knew you wouldn’t get one. For a moment the other side of the line was silent and you wondered if he’d hung up on you. 

“I can’t see you here.” He spoke, voice surprisingly subdued, “ Wonderin’ where I am.” 

What was that supposed to mean? Did he like jerking you around for his own amusement?

“It sort of feels like I’m runnin’ out of time.” He sighed, you could hear the rustle of fabric and realized abruptly that it was silent on the other side, “I haven’t found all I was hoping to find.” 

“Cirava-,”

“I know you said you gotta be up early in the morning, ‘gotta have an early night’, but I’m worried I’m startin’ to bore you, baby.” The use of the human pet name had you on edge. Cirava rarely bothered to use it. 

“Then call me when you’re no longer high.” You replied softer than you’d like. 

You knew he wouldn’t. 

He only called you when he was high. 

Comfort

Somewhere you could hear distant music, the notes soft and faint to the point you could delude yourself into thinking it was only in your head. The music coupled with the open window and the gentle breeze that would sway through your curtains created a sort of softness to the atmosphere. Or maybe it was the lethargy caused by the summer heat. You could never be too sure on that one. Laying on your bed you continued to lazily card your fingers through soft white curls. He’d fallen asleep some time ago and you were pleased to know he was getting any decent sleep at all. His weight was a comfort, head pillowed slightly below your chest and one arm wrapped underneath you around your waist. Had someone told you he was cuddly you might have laughed, but in a way it made a strange sort of sense. He was a twin after all, once upon a time he’d been so close to another as to share the same womb. You wondered if that was a thing with twins, if they’d spend their whole lives craving that sort of closeness with somebody. 

It had to be lonely if so. 

Your eyes drifted to your ceiling, the stars you’d placed there sometime in your youth when things were simple and you had yearned for the vastness of space to swallow you whole. Even pain, even suffering, had seemed simple then. But that had been long ago and you would never know how to explain to that younger self of yours what had led to your current situation. You couldn’t really explain it to anyone at all. Nails lightly scratching along his scalp you tried to recall when this closeness the two of you had had started but that moment was a blur amongst soft niceness you’d shown him since you had known him. It was in your nature to be kind and you had long stopped trying to deny yourself the urge to tend to others. Just as it had been in your nature to be cruel so that you could not be hurt. 

In his sleep Pietro shifted, tightening his hold. A freed hand shimmied under your body, curling loosely around a shoulder blade, before he settled. Wrapping an arm over the lean expanse of his back you let him curl close and intimate. Despite the intimacy there was no desire there. No lust. Just a warmth from the unspoken trust between you. In all the time you had known him he had been a friend and an enemy and a companion. A myriad of complicated truths and history between the two of you. 

An old friend.

Watching him now in his vulnerable sleep your eyes found the scars that peeked from underneath his shirt. The faded burns of hateful fire, the jagged scratches of war, and the stinging straight slashes of betrayal. When you had first tried to know him he’d been wild-eyed with stolen youth. Expecting a knife in the back that you never gave. He was cruel then, cruel in his suffering for fear of much the same. You had your moments of cruelty too back then. Time and experience had curbed that cruelty and dulled it with compassion and melancholy. He carried with him a great never ending sadness behind quick wit and sharp barbs. Once, when he’d been vulnerable and you had simply been there he spoke of a community afraid to love him in fear he’d be snatched from them. Of a time and place where his differences didn’t just affect him but his entire family. How he strived to embrace his own culture with the hope it would be brave enough to embrace him back. The fear his mother had, his aunt you would learn but she had always been his mother in his eyes, that he would be taken from her simply because he looked different than what the world thought the Roma should look like. That one day someone would snatch her own child from her and claim he’d been stolen from them instead. You would have liked to claim that you’d had an intelligent reply to that confession but you’d been younger then and newer to the world- suffered in different ways to the man that would become your friend- all you had been able to do was listen and offer him a hand to hold. Miraculously that had seemed to be enough for a while. You had educated yourself after that, made a better effort to understand so that he wouldn’t have to explain at every turn. 

Perhaps that had been a turning point between the two of you, one of many. A genuine attempt at understanding him when he felt isolated. Or perhaps that had been a mere moment and the turning point had been something else. Either way you had gotten to know him and he in turn had gotten to know you. Despite the terrible things you were both capable of, despite the way you had both hurt each other at times, despite every hurtle and thorn and fight between the two of you somehow you had managed to hold onto each other. You would never be sure if the way you wordlessly let him in and out of your life was healthy, if the hurt between the two of you ran deeper than either of you were comfortable admitting, but you had your moments. Moments as soft as this where the two of you were simply people. Simply seeking comfort. You could live with that. With knowing that Pietro found comfort when he needed it not just from his sister but from a friend. 

Even at your most terrible you had never denied him that. Even at his. Maybe that made you foolish, but you couldn’t deny that it could be sweet. Rubbing a hand over his back you closed your eyes, letting the afternoon heat lull you. In your bones you knew something would call him away, that some disaster or world altering tragedy would ask for him, demand his help in blood. But for the moment it was you and him in the safety of your childhood bed, a moment suspended in time and softness. For now there was the surety of comfort, the steady weight on top of you and the warmth of skin. A togetherness you rarely shared with anyone else. 

For now that was enough.