We're The Lucky Ones, The Ones Who Love The Ones Who Lost The Ones Who Stay Up Late The Ones Still Trying

I want what I want as quickly as possible to make sure it's something I still want once I get it. If not, gives me enough time to want something else.

3:00 a.m.

The sky tonight was an electric shade of blue and it reminded me of you, and that’s funny because your eyes are brown, but your personality has that certain kind of hue to it. That’s right before the clouds opened up with noise and thunder, you're so similar. 3:00 am and I wonder if it's possible tonight to get any sleep. This rain fights the same way you do, beautiful, and wont stop until its listened to. #poetry #prose #3am #therainiskeepingmeawake #ADreamForSale

We love the beauty of flowers so much that we rip them from the ground take them out the sun put them in a vase and then watch them die. Such an ostentatious display of decadence and decay for one to think they can plant a garden inside. But whatever it takes to reaffirm us that we possess just a little bit of light to make tulips bloom in a dimly lit living room for just long enough to give us a glimpse of all the wonder the world has to hide. For just a brief moment we kept something alive. Even if we knew that it would eventually fall apart, we tried and we held out hope because for that short amount of time it was beautiful and we thought we had something to do with it. We felt we were the reason why when those petals finally opened up despite all the darkness we provide.

🌹

I’ve been cursed with a vivid memory. I remember everything. Mistakes I’ve made, people who hurt me, that girl in the 4th grade who told me we would get married at 28, all the criticism I’ve gotten, the bad things my friends say about people when they’re not around, the text message I accidentally read when I looked over your shoulder last night, and everything in-between. A vivid memory is unforgiving. The world can be a hard place to navigate when you’re constantly being reminded about all of the things that didn’t go right, or trying to smile at all of your critics. Sometimes I just want to shut down and close myself off, and take a break from pretending. Acting like I don’t remember what happened yesterday, or last year, or when I was 8 becomes exhausting. 

“There is nothing more powerful, than an idea whose time has come” - Saul Williams

I asked her who she voted for in 2004, we were discussing politics and religion and that was the first election I was old enough to participate in. I said, Gore, she said that was the year she stopped believing in anything, but she still went to church just in case. She still voted in every election after that just to be safe because she didn’t want to be blamed when things went wrong, and things always went wrong. And knowing she wasn’t the reason why helped her sleep at night. I asked her how she’s been sleeping lately.

She asked, why do you put so much pressure on me to dream when I’m still stuck between feeling lost and feeling free? Forced to get along with those who arm themselves and dream of harming me. Sold me a house with a lawn and picket fence, but made copies of the key so you can come and go as I sleep at night and my dreams can be policed.

I told her I had been struggling with these dreams of my own, on the verge of packing up and selling everything I owned, but it was still too comfortable to pretend.

She told me I sounded like a politician campaigning for an election I knew I would never win, and American woke up a while ago and wasnt letting anymore new dreams in.

But I was just trying to get her attention…

The Woods

Your dreams will take you into the woods and when they do don’t get lost when it gets dark put the fire out they’ll come for you they smell you with their fangs out or their hands out they want from you I see you struggling what to bring but dont make noise or draw attention pack light move swift they track you by your footprints they’ll call you don’t turn back don’t slow down or get taken they’ll bait you they’ll love you don’t fall for it don’t give in when they howl at the moon they’re lonely and they’ll tell you you’ll be just like them lonely too don’t believe them they’re bitter they’re broken once hopeful now hopeless they wear disguises dressed as sheep they try to blend in hide their teeth don’t tease them they’re weak you are what they used to be but they’ll love you they’ll lie too they want to be just like you they’ll tell you about their dreams sleep with you then devour you lick your bones clean but listen to me if you don’t make it or can’t outrun them don’t become them I’ve been there I’ve been you now I’m among them one of them once they see you they’re coming they’re coming this is a warning

I need love and water

Where Are You? Please Don't Leave Me Here With These People: a love story