Wow. Now, This Is Art.

im experiencing jealousy but the kind where im not even sure if its actually jealousy. i dont know whether its longing for how things used to be, or being happy that they've changed. ive spent so long convincing myself to consider them a stranger with who i shared some memories.

so why do i feel myself burning when i see pictures them with other people, why-whenever i see them having fun with other people-do i feel the need to have my friends beside me just to prove a point. i feel like such a middle schooler because opening up ig to see pictures of them at parties and stuff makes me..jealous? angry? sad? bcoz its like those pictures and captions are targeted at me. they're an indirect way of saying i moved on, and im over u. so why am i still not?

why do i feel the need to go to the mall, buy clothes i shouldn't be wearing and take pictures with guys i shouldnt be hanging around with? i thank well, thats exactly what she's doing, i'll just move it up a notch. but despite it all, im still thinking about her. whether its jealousy, anger or sadness-maybe all at once-it's all because of her. and i hate her. but i feel like such a goddamn whiny child. i cant help it.

lorde lyric parallels (that i've noticed) throughout different eras:

stoned at the nail salon; solar power:

"oh, make it good"

ribs; pure heroine:

"we can talk it so good, we can make it so divine"

stoned at the nail salon; solar power:

"got a memory of waiting in your bed wearing only my earrings"

the louvre; melodrama:

"half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor"

california; solar power:

"oh, the hotels and the jets and i'd pay it all again"

still sane; pure heroine:

"i still like hotels, but i think that'll change"

mood ring; solar power:

"you can burn sage, and i'll cleanse the crystals"

royals; pure heroine:

"i've never seen a diamond in the flesh"

the path; solar power:

"now i'm alone on a windswept island"

royals; pure heroine:

"jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash"

writer in the dark; melodrama:

"i am my mother's child, i'll love you 'til my breathing stops"

love club; pure heroine:

"my mother's love is choking me"

writer in the dark; melodrama:

"i'll let the seasons change my mind"

the path; solar power:

"caught in the complex divorce of the seasons"

sober II (melodrama); melodrama:

"you asked if i was feeling it, i'm physco high"

mood ring; solar power:

"we can get high, but only if the wind blows"

liability; melodrama:

"they're gonna watch me disappear into the sun"

the path; solar power:

"i just hope the sun will show us the path"

green light; melodrama:

"i'm waiting for it, that green light, i want it"

solar power; solar power:

"acid green, aquamarine"

big star; solar power:

"but every perfect summer's gotta say goodnight"

hard feelings/loveless; melodrama

"it's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon"

“please, don't ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere”

no, i'm not crying, you're crying.

my dream aesthetic is being known as a crazy scientist, just working 24/7 in a lab

someone sees the light on in there and asks "oh hey, whos that in there working so late?" and someone else replies "thats just our resident mad scientist, he lives here"

the dream,,,

when olivia said “kinda wanna throw my phone across the room, cause all i see are girls too good to be true with paper white teeth and perfect bodies, wish i didn't care”

i thought “kinda wanna throw my book across the room, cause all i see are types to hard to be learnt with F, B and sin and electrical tubes, wish i didn't live”

the end of august/beginning of september smells like a brimming cup of tea, new textbooks, and autumn slowly approaching

Online friends are so cute like you'll prolly just say 'hi' and they'll be like 'HEY HI BESTIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LET'S GO TO LIBRARIES TOGETHER!!'

i kinda felt that on a personal level.

i’m so mad bc someone asked me what the last song i’ve listened to and it’s beach boy by knox hamilton and turns out it’s a tiktok song that i didn’t even know was a tiktok song. this is why i hate tiktok i cannot even enjoy music anymore without everyone assuming i got it from tiktok, it’s a plague on society.