Black Rhino =/= Human

My subordinates think they're all professional as fuck, but when I need things done, they all bitch and make up excuses to not work.

Spy gun. Check. Holster. Check. All I need now is a nice suit.

My favorite episode of SpongeBob was on today at my medical building. I didn't get to watch it because I had to be an adult for all the Boots in the room who were intently staring directly ahead despite no orders to do so. But, one day they will realize it's okay to be more than a statue in public settings.

There was a time I stood before fire and used its power to create beauty. I  threw away those days out of greed and fear, and I have regretted it ever since. Don't give up building the life you want. Even if you don't have the money, power, or means, if you push away your love, you may never get it back. Don't put that life on hold to sell your soul for something you never needed.

Is it guilt? What is it?

I have this weird, lingering... feeling...? Since we broke up about a year ago, we remained in contact, I have seen my ex gain at least thirty pounds. She was always insecure, depressed, anxious, etc. on top of being just downright lazy when it came to her physical well-being, and there was nothing I could say or do to get her to change that. She takes half a dozen medications to help her, and it seems to me they don't work. She refused to even eat better (A salad with ten ounces of ranch dressing is not healthy) when I gave up on offering to do walk-jog-run or something as simple as Wii-Fit. I didn't care she was overweight already or not as active as she should have been, I just wanted her to actually think for once instead of sitting on facebook all day eating junk food and looking (then, subsequently, complaining to me) at how all these "friends" kept getting married, engaged, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, the daily irony of being all these things on top of her going to nursing school was too much for me to bear. Few things make me angrier than people in health care, or trying to get into it, who can hardly make it up a flight of steps, much less have some semblance of mental/emotional stability. I don't care how smart a person is in a classroom (she is very book-smart, that much is true). If they think they are material for being in a position to possibly need to save people and have zero stability other than this illogical, masochistic idea that being in health care will mystically make themselves better (physically, mentally, emotionally), they're wrong. Thinking a job they will have huge responsibilities will magically make them take care of themselves, too, simply makes no sense at all when they have fits of depression or anxiety that keep them in bed all day. It makes me sad, too. It makes me sad because a part of me really, REALLY wanted to help her. I wanted to help her succeed, but she'd have nothing of it. A part of me also feels responsible for how she reacted to the breakup. Honestly, that's illogical, as well. Maybe even more so than her mindset. There was little worthwhile about that relationship, honestly. The relationship yielded little more than what a good friendship could have (sex has never been a strong selling point to me). Maybe if we'd been friends longer before dating, we could have circumvented the inevitable. She isn't a bad person, but she is too self-destructive for anyone less than psychiatrists to handle. Still... All-in-all, for whatever, ridiculous reason, I still feel bad... and I don't know why...

The funniest thing is that the same argument can be given about the F35. Only the F22 wasn't several billion over-budget by the time it started working. To my knowledge, the F35 still doesn't work the way it's "supposed" to.

Sometimes I feel like messaging someone because I think their blog is cool. Then, I wonder, "Why bother?" Not like it makes much of a difference to anyone. There's so much hate and garbage being thrown at anyone who posts an opinion or pictures they immediately assume you want something from them when you send a message. Apparently, no one does anything in this world if there's no immediate material or sexual profit. Guess some of us just like to see the world burn by saying or doing something nice without expecting anything for it. But at this point, I won't even bother with that anymore. All that's ever returned is suspicion or some awkward response.

At this point, I'm willing to go for an experimental procedure to fix my back. Like Wade Wilson, I've hit "fuck it." As long as the suit's not green.

The more you know

I saw the term "fuckboy" for the first time today. Not directed at me (I have a strange aversion to women. Only reason I even met my last ex was through a coworker). Anyway, it seems I really missed the harbour for the ship from the land of retarded dirtbags. Part of me wonders if this was a latent characteristic in too large a percentage of men who just didn't have the proper outlet for their useless douchebaggery, or if social media/pop culture/etc. have, in part, spawned a new race of... Ick? Is that a good way to describe it? I'd say slimers, but that'd be kind of insulting to the Ghostbusters character. I've already admitted I made a lot of stupid mistakes in the couple relationships I had, but... damn... I hate one ex with what I'd hope is enough ferver to cause nuclear fusion, but I don't see how that should make me entitled to anything. Is this what it's come to, though? Some sense of entitlement solely because you're a male? Some girl didn't treat you right (or like you wanted)? CALL THE FUCKING WAAAAAHMBULANCE. Treat a woman how she wants to be treated. Is that such an arduous task? Yeah, Tinder and dating sites have a pretty good volume of people wanting sex. Does that mean EVERYONE on there is immediately, desperately, helplessly in such dire need for sexual contact they should all be subjected to... Ick? (I like the suspense from ellipses. It's like "Legen- -dary" It's a good buildup) I can feel my brain almost overheating trying to figure out just... Why? It's almost as difficult for me to fathom why there are so many money-obsessed fuckers in the world when a 30¢ bullet can make that money not mean shit anymore. Or as maddening as the totality of the universe, our complete lack of knowledge or thirst for exploration, and how utterly insignificant and useless we are (especially compared to a 30¢ bullet that can at least change something in the immediate area). I feel the gears siezing at the notion some guys think they're so integral to the operation of the planet, their dicks/looks/money/whatever are cause for any and every woman they want to strip down and fuck wherever they happen to be. I'm not religious. I hate religion for what it is and tends to do to many people. But, one thing that nearly every religion in existence has ever had in common is what most people call "the golden rule." I don't know why such a purely basic concept requires a gilded name (probably some bullshit about gold being worth something as currency), but is it that fucking hard to not be a fuck-shit stack? When did that concept devolve into "I show u mah dik u suld send nuds"? (My brain nearly hemorrhaged typing that) I'm trying to figure out what would happen if law enforcement and the justice system got their heads out of their asses and actually allocated time and funds to taking online sexual harassment and assault seriously. I think some fuckers would find themselves out their precious smartphone they use to prey on other women. See how fucking awesome they are with a flip phone and a name that is legally forbidden from online dating. (A fake name wouldn't work out in the long run) You know, maybe there should be a push for that. Banishment from social media as a legal function, not some shit to be ignored by moderators and businesses. There's got to be money enough in there somewhere for someone to run with it. I, for one, do not have that kind of money. Or, really, not much money in general. Food is too tasty for money. Money sounds most unpleasant as a meal or snack. Or drink. Goldschlager may be an exception; though, I cannot recall ever having it before. Where was I? Oh, yeah! JUST FUCKING CUT THE SHIT, YOU FUCK-SHIT STACKS. You have as much right to assault women's vision and emotions, as I have to assault your eyes with metal filings. No, those two are far more similar than you think. I'm not some dumbass white knight, some hero wannabe, some super-nice and sensitive guy women would be lucky to have. I'm neither conceited nor delusional. Learned from my mistakes. I might never be in a relationship again, never have sex again, whatever. At least I can say I'll have gone without being an utter fuckwit to any random woman who is connected via physical proximity or cyberspace.