Honestly Love Tall Shigeo He Deserves To Tower Over Short King Teru. He Either Finally Gets To Be Taller

I hardcore headcanon that Ed became something of a mythical figure to the Amestrian military (and probably Amestrian public) after the Promised Day

Like immediately afterward he goes home and stays home to help Al recover, then travels the West as like a scholar, then settles down with Winry and has kids–it’s pretty obvious he never went back to the military at any point during that, and that he’s stayed well and far out of the public eye.

So what’s that leave the military with? “Hey you heard of Edward Elric?” “Oh yeah isn’t he that dude who passed the state alchemy exam at 12, punched God in the face, toppled the whole military coup with Fuhrer Mustang, and vanished? Yeah he had a cubby here for like…4 years.”

And with so many people knowing half-truths about what really happened in Amestris, I fully believe that hundreds of fantastically stupid and marginally correct rumors spread about Ed. “I heard Ed Elric met God twice.” “I heard he’s the only person to ever successfully break the core law of alchemy.” “I heard he’s a 4,000 year old prophet who discovered immortality and that’s why he’s so skilled.” “I heard he fought a tank.” “I heard God personally took his limbs away and that’s why he’s half-metal.”  “I heard he actually invented alchemy.” “I heard he once beat up Fuhrer Mustang with his own hands.” 

Like it’s the most central, prominent piece of small talk among new recruits–who knows the best little factoids about the child prodigy who hangs with God and saved the world and disappeared Jesus-style immediately after. Mustang walks out into press conferences, maximum security with reporters clamoring to lobby their questions at the leader of the entire nation, and somehow he always ends up with a flood of “Can you confirm?” tall tales about Ed.

“Fuhrer, is it true that Edward Elric discovered how to transmute his soul into a higher plane of existence and so he quit the military to achieve the status of a god?” 

“Edward Elric is a 32 year old man who lives in a farmhouse out east and raises sheep part-time. Last I heard from him he was learning how to make raspberry pie and trying to teach his daughter how to count to 7. Who the hell feeds you this information? Next Question”

AU where instead of purposefully immolating their house the brothers are just shitty teenagers

Bonus:

fanon ritsu can only dream of being as funny as canon ritsu

favorite visual gags:

something drawn realistically to show an emotion

something drawn poorly to show an emotion

we are in a media literacy crisis

✨💀🎃 Back to our yearly scheduled Spookiness 🎃💀✨

Happy Birthday Reigen 🌟

dialogue:

[A salt lamp.] [Another salt lamp.] [Also another salt lamp.]

Reigen: "You kids think you're real funny, don't you?" Tome, Teru, Mob: "...." Tome: -cough- [They accidentally had the same gift idea.]

Reigen: "I guess I can still use them but wow, what are the chances! Right, Serizawa?" "Now what did you get me?" [It was another salt lamp.]

Good job, you beat me!  Goodbye, Edward Elric!

there’s absolutely nothing better than reading a 100k word fanfic, that is until you remember you have a body that is starving, thirsty and incredibly sleep deprived and hasn’t used the bathroom since the sun set 8 hours ago