All Of Her Sorrow Won’t Fit In Her Chest

modern AU Javier?? Idrk i had no plan for this drawing

Something that kills me about rdr1 is John's apparent feelings towards the Javier, Bill, and Dutch.

Javier, he is 50/50 with. He can kill him or turn him in alive. It's clear that he's still very hurt from what happened between them, but it's also apparent how he still cares deeply for him. He talks highly of him. Fondly, even, as Reyes puts it. When choosing to kill Javier, he sheds a tear before bitterly spitting on his body.

When killing Bill, John shows little to no remorse. Sure, he tries to settle things civilly to begin with, but after realizing that he has no other choice, he doesn't make a big fuss about it. He doesn't think twice about shooting Bill in the dirt and handing his body over.

Then there's Dutch.

After handing over Bill's body, John demands his family be returned home safe and sound, only for Agent Ross to remind him that he still needs to find Dutch. John doesn't want to. He was trying to get out of it. He was hoping that Ross would just forget about Dutch now that he's gotten Javier and Bill.

John and Dutch play this cat and mouse game over and over, chasing after each other, tormenting each other, shooting at each other, but never killing one another.

Then there's the final stand off.

John had the full opportunity to shoot Dutch where he stood on the edge of that cliff, but he didn't. He couldn't. Before him, he didn't see a monster. He saw the man who raised him. He saw a father.

In his hesitation, Dutch also had every advantage to turn this around and kill John. But he doesn't. He watched Arthur die. Hell, he killed Arthur. He killed his other son, and he knows it. It haunts him. He can't kill the other one, too. So instead, he kills himself.

After his fall, Ross comments on the fact that even after all this time, John still didn't have the guts to kill Dutch. He then takes John's gun and shoots Dutch's lifeless body to make it appear as if John had killed him. "Looks better in the papers," he says.

It's such a heartbreaking detail. They couldn't hurt each other up on Mount Hagen. They couldn't hurt each other in the end.

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I think Javier has religious trauma.

I don't know if this counts as a fan theory, but I've been thinking about Javier, especially his relationship with the people in his life and authority.

It's quite clear that Javier resents how much power the church had over his village, and especially how much his mother still bought into their doctrine despite the murder of her brother (Javier's uncle).

Javier is, as far as I'm aware, the only openly religious person in camp; I'm not counting Swanson as 'openly religious' as we never see him actually praying in camp, and uses his Bible to hide morphine, though I still personally consider him semi-religious.

There's also an event where Sean teases Javier ('Vanity is a sin, Mr. Escuella'), and in my opinion, Sean isn't religious--or at least doesn't come across that way--and so I've always viewed this as Sean making a dig at Javier's faith, especially Javier's response ('So is judging others, my little friend').

I understand that Sean is Fenian, but he doesn't show any apparent references to being religious other than being slightly superstitious (the scene with Jack and the white rabbit comes to mind). Again, the only character in the gang shown as directly religious is Javier.

Catholicism is very much a dominant presence in Mexico today, and certainly was back in the late 1800s, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise that Javier is catholic... except it contradicts his character.

Sort of. It's complicated.

I understand that people can be religious and resent religious institutions. With Javier, though, this seems very specific.

He despises landowners and the government to the point of becoming a rebel and eventually an outlaw; he fled his home country, leaving his family behind (which greatly pains him), all for the cause.

And yet, after all the talks around the campfire where he complains about the church (getting very passionate whilst doing so), he's still religious...or is he?

I think Javier doesn't believe in the Bible willingly; I think he suffers from Catholic guilt (because of his trauma with the church), especially whilst living this lifestyle of sin, so he prays to rid himself of it; Javier, in my opinion, is absolutely TERRIFIED of Hell.

There's a scene with Javier praying, and Swanson comes stumbling in, and states, '...it's not too late to repent,' and again, there's this running theme of sin and confession relating to Javier and his faith. Javier responds (like with Sean) with a deflection: 'Oh, in that case, I'm sure there's priests who will happily take your confession.'

It even goes beyond Javier himself; Boaz is a Hebrew name meaning 'strength' or 'in him (is) strength' [thanks for pointing that out, @javierduffy] that appears in the Bible. I just thought this was worth mentioning as it goes to show religion seems to control every aspect of Javier's life, even after attempting to leave it all behind.

The thing that made me come to this conclusion, of all things, was his Saint Denis robbery outfit. Even before I started analysing the game and its characters, I always found it sort of odd that he wore...that mask.

Why a nun? Why not his bandana?

I believe that the masks worn by the gang (particularly Javier, Micah, Bill & Charles) have some deeper meaning, and I think Javier's represents the conflict within him and the lingering trauma of his faith.

A nun robbing a bank; an outlaw who fears God and Hell.

TL;DR Javier both resents his religion and what it represents, but subconsciously still fears it and thus holds God in high regard; however, he hates the fact it has this hold on him and does all in his power to defy it (by committing sin such as vanity, murder, etc.) but all this results in is Catholic guilt and tries to pray to rid himself of it, and so the cycle repeats over and over again.

Since you were interested, @scarfacemarston.

Ehajhsajz I love him so much

i will die your son.

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He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen 🦬🌲

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