Pansy: Okay, I Think I Know How I Can Find Out Whether Hermione Likes Me Or Not. We’re Going To A New

Harry hadn’t actually meant it when he told Draco that “he should try not getting arrested every few weeks.” At the time maybe he had, but Harry had grown antsy over the past few weeks.

Things had been quiet. Too quiet.

“You’d like to what?” the Head of the Aurours department asked.

“I’d like to conduct a search for Draco Malfoy,” Harry replied. Ron stood at his side looking unimpressed. Search missions required back up by law, and Harry had managed to convince a reluctant Ron to be his.

“He’s not going to give this up,” Ron pointed out.

“You know what, fine. Fine. But make it quick.”

____

Harry found Draco in the basement of Fangtasia brooding at 11am on a Thursday.

“You’re not wearing the necklace,” Draco pouted.

“That thing was bloody hideous Malfoy,” Ron said defending his friend. Draco actually looked almost offended.

“Come on Draco we both know that you usually have much better taste,” Harry said as gently as he could. Draco had clearly been struggling ever since he’d become a vampire, and as amusing as it was to watch, Harry wanted Draco to accept himself and find happiness...preferably with Harry.

“I knew you liked the leather,” Draco said proudly gesturing to his current outfit. Harry just shook his head and decided not to start this arguement.

“Draco are you okay?” Harry asked. The basement was windowless, but well lit. Draco sat at the head of a long table filled with unoccupied seats.

“None of them came,” Draco said looking at the empty seats around him with dismay.

“None of who came?” Harry asked.

“I tried to construct a founders council, and invited all the prominent Vampire families, but no one showed up,” Draco sulked. Harry nudged Ron before the boy could start laughing.

Harry was prepared for this. Harry had researched the Vampire Diaries when he’d realized Draco’s habit of picking up the identies of famous fictional vampires.

Harry spent the rest of the day making calls with Draco. They ended up enlisting Luna’s help and instead created a council of influential magical minorities.

Harry hopes that this was a good substitute for the support groups Draco had opted out of having. But wasn’t surprised when Draco ended up back in his office a week later.

Vampire Draco XD

LISTEN YOU… I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE WRITING THIS GOD DAMMIT! Tagging @violetclarity for inciting shit too. :D

Word count: 200

Harry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for what felt like the 20th time this month. Today was supposed to be a normal day, his day for paperwork and non-magical nonsense. So when his eyes fell on Draco, sitting as casually as possible in Harry’s office chair, Harry knew his day was done.

“What did you do this time?” Harry sighed, waving his hands in a way that indicated Draco should get the fuck out of his chair.

“I asked a wizard if he knew what I was….”

Harry looked at Draco quizzically. “What’s wrong with that?”

Draco sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out a handful of glitter. Harry stared, already knowing where this was going but really hoping it wasn’t.

“Draco… Please tell me you didn’t.”

“….I did.”

Harry let his head fall to his desk, hands pulling out his hair in hard tugs.

“But- But, just listen! It was going great, I was broody and reciting poetry. He was totally hooked.”

“And then…?”

“And then I threw glitter in his face.”

“Draco, what the actual fuck? That’s not even… The vampire in that book fucking actually sparkles. Like “diamonds”… He doesn’t throw sparkles.“

“Oooooh….”

draco malfoy: i’ll take my secret love of potter to the grave

the grave: *beckons*

draco: POTTER

thank you to @dddraconis for the idea to do ‘dark twist on the little mermaid’ w/malfoy losing his gay ass voice <3

Draco: You can't pretend I change my entire personality!

Harry: I don't want that! What I'm asking you is that you stop calling Ron "weasel"!

Draco: And I'm telling you that that's an important part of myself!

Harry: You mean being a git?

Draco: I don't know why you are so surprised about it

hp!au where hermione wasn’t talking about ginny

Rowena Ravenclaw: Wait, Salazar, how come you ended up with the shittiest common room? We dished out the money to make them equally AND you’re the richest sod out of all of us

Salazar Slytherin: [thinks back to installing a giantass slide into the Chamber of Secrets and putting a statue of himself in it]

Salazar Slytherin: Uhhhhh… taxes [sweats heavily]

(Part 1)

Part 2 of the Muggle Youtuber AU in which we get to see Remus’ side of the story

i am the most obnoxious person i know

To Be Written

Source: Steven Ingels

8th Year, Draco is tentative friends with the trio, they study together. Draco and Harry are shagging in secret (everyone knows Draco is with someone, no one suspects Harry).

Harry snagged some cauldron cakes and passed one to Draco.

“Fattening me up, Potter?” Draco asked, even as he bit into it. “I am capable of feeding myself.”

Harry snorted. “Wouldn’t know it from your skinny arse.”

“Look at my arse often, do you?” Draco smirked.

“It’s a fine arse,” Harry said, winking at him.

“Watch yourself!” Draco snapped playfully. “This arse is taken.”

“Quite often, I imagine,” Harry couldn’t help but reply.

Across the table, Hermione inhaled sharply, and Ron choked on his mouthful.

Harry Potter AU in which Fred and George are in different houses and they steal and wear each others ties whilst doing stupid things in hope of the others house losing points