So… You Wanna Explore The Universe.

So… You wanna explore the Universe.

If you are reading this guide, then you and any potential peers want to leave the comfort and security of your warm mother star and expand into the cold, dark, and unforgivable void. A mistake, really, but I am not here to stop you; I am here to lay out some basic rules that you puny mortals must abide by.

Don’t ask questions you are not prepared to know the answer to.

There’s always bigger.

Never cross the Elder Gods.

Always remember rule 1.

Fusion based energy is your best friend. If you are still using fossil fuels then your species sucks. Period.

Speaking of fossil fuels, chemical based rockets suck. Try using space bending warp drives or quantum bridges. Light speed sucks, too.

It’s not a bad idea for your species to be genocidal xenophobic maniacs to everything but yourselves. Just make sure you have the firepower to back it up.

I highly recommend total unity within your species. If you are too busy fighting amongst yourselves, what are you going to do when Needledorp arrives?

Fear Needledorp.

Always remember rule 9.

If you find a desolate, rocky planet with the only inhabitant named “Frank”, avoid that planet at all costs. I don’t care if it’s rich in resources, just avoid it.

Some black holes are alive. They are aggressive. Do not pet the black holes.

It’s just like that, sometimes.

Make sure nothing is following you.

If you have an individual with psychic powers, expect them to go insane once they leave the confines of your mother star. Lock them up in a closet with a few markers and check up on them every once in a while. If they star my screaming about an entity named “Carol”, shoot them out the airlock. They will be the distraction.

Remember rule 1.

You are immortal until proven otherwise.

Any extraterrestrial rocks may have anomalous properties. Proceed with caution, or you may get space zombies or something.

Remember rule 13.

Make sure nothing is following you.

Violence may be an answer to a dispute with an extraterrestrial entity. Copulation is a last resort (control your thirst).

If bullets don’t work, punches will.

Remember rule 17.

Your objective: survive.

Babies are not food, they are weapons.

There are cheat codes.

Don’t ask about the cheat codes. Remember rule 1.

If the void is staring at you. Make it uncomfortable.

Avoid Frank. The anomalous one.

Remember rules 1, 2, and 3.

More Posts from Problematicallybored and Others

4 years ago

Free Links to DND Sourcebooks

Player's Handbook

Dungeon Master's Guide

Monster Manual

Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica

Mordekainen's Tome of Foes

Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide

Volo's Guide to Monsters

Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron

Xanathar's Guide to Everything

Eberron - Rising from the Last War


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6 years ago

if my pitched-down, chopped-up remix of the wii shop channel theme gets stuck in ur head as much as the original gets stuck in mine, then i’ve accomplished my goal. if not then fuck u

4 years ago

ok fuck it

every single person who reblogs this will get a picture of a possum in their inbox, loosely based on the vibes i get from your blog

(as long as you have asks or submissions on tho)

6 years ago
Reach For The Sky

Reach for the Sky

6 years ago
I Tried Making A Proper Dbh Fanart I Swear I Did

i tried making a proper dbh fanart i swear i did

4 years ago
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Seriously, where did Steve find that armor? I hope he didn’t steal it from an aggressive warrior or something…I don’t want him to get in trouble, ya know? It’s been a year since this tutorial is on Patreon, so I’ll post it for everyone now! (I have to work on a reptile scales or transparent materials tutorial one day tho)

Fire tutorial: https://darhak.tumblr.com/post/186828219798/thats-my-first-and-probably-not-last-art

4 years ago

UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!

According to Fawcette, the main streamer of the event, the amount of Joshes who turned up is about 75-100 Joshes. Any streams are really laggy, but for those who couldn’t tune in here are some pics:

UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!
UPDATES ON THE JOSH FIGHT!

These were taken from a laggy stream, but as you can see the turnout is massive. The crowd is estimated to be at least 200 people.

The latest winner from the series of Josh fights is “Tiny Josh”, a four year old child who was inducted into the battle. As of right now, the bearer for the title of “The One True Josh” is the original Josh Swain.

Updates will continue if the stream stops lagging.

2 years ago
Promotional image for Exquisite Biome, a speculative evolution tabletop roleplaying game.
Note: I Claimed A Community Copy For This Game, So While I Did Not Pay Money, I Received It For Free.

Note: I claimed a community copy for this game, so while I did not pay money, I received it for free.

Exquisite Biome was pointed my way by one of my Discord community members as something I'd be interested in, and oh my God, they were right. As a professional ecologist and wildlife conservationist--and a fan of all things spec evo/bio--Exquisite Biome is everything I love conceptually, and it even had the audacity of being fantastically designed.

Note: I Claimed A Community Copy For This Game, So While I Did Not Pay Money, I Received It For Free.

Caro Asercion on itch.io has managed to make a masterpiece of a GM-less game for one to three or four players, using only a single deck of cards. It's incredibly simple and intuitive, with much of the interaction coming from the human element. In fact, I loved the test run I gave it. Exquisite Biome (is it named after Exquisite Corpse? I'm pretty sure right?) uses drawn cards to guide player(s) through the designing of a speculative species, from the creation of the biome it lives in, to its most notable features and how it interacts with other species within the ecological web. Each designed species culminates in a scene played out, almost akin to a nature documentary, of an important part of the animal's life--giving greater insight into both its daily existence and its most important evolutionary aspects.

Note: I Claimed A Community Copy For This Game, So While I Did Not Pay Money, I Received It For Free.

I can't give too much detail as to how, exactly, the game parts function, or what they are, but they are precisely balanced between detailed and loose enough to allow players the structure/random element needed for fun and guiding through the process, while leaving the vast majority of the imagination up to them. A traditional Exquisite Biome session is intended to be done with creating three unique animals, seeing how they all intersect with each other, but there are also other options for various modes of gameplay given as well!

My favorite aspect of Exquisite Biome, however, may be what isn't in the game just yet. The system itself is so perfectly intuitive and genius that it lends itself instantly to conceptualization of further deep-dives into specialization (speciation?) of different biomes and concepts--expansion packs, in short. What would a variant of EB look like in a xenobiological setting? Or perhaps an entire variant dedicated to rainforest or tropical reef biomes (or the various listed ones, even--even deserts have great biodiversity!)? Caro Asercion has managed to hit upon something here that I would really hope to see find success, because I can envision it having an incredibly dedicated and loyal fanbase for years and years to come.

Note: I Claimed A Community Copy For This Game, So While I Did Not Pay Money, I Received It For Free.

I'd recommend this game to anyone who loves nature documentaries, who is passionate about life sciences, and who enjoys worldbuilding natural elements for tabletop settings! For fans of Monster Hunter, In Other Waters, Pokemon, Pikmin, and Wingspan, definitely give it a look to see if you'd be intrigued!

And, bonus round--a sketch of my own Exquisite Biome's first animal, the Shepherd Spider!

=====

A highly territorial species of cobweb-spiders, shepherd spiders create various 'pastures' with their webs where small insects such as beetles, flies, butterflies, and aphids can safely use as nursery habitats. By hiding within the webbed pastures, they obscure their location from predators, allowing an easier chance to reach adulthood and pass on their genes.

Additionally, the shepherd spiders tend to avoid immature specimens as much as possible: they prefer to hunt adult prey at the end of its lifespan, or sickly or otherwise 'unfit' food. In doing so, it ensures itself a steady supply of food, keeping a 'pantry', and opportunistically feeding on the young as needed when times are dry.

Shepherds mate for life, and their courtship rituals are based on the large, iridescent eyespots of the chelicerae. During rainy seasons, male spiders will gather up dew and rain and daub them on themselves, magnifying their false eyes to greater proportions and causing bright refractions in the water's reflected curves. A female will choose her mate based on the brightest display. There seems to be a growing subpopulation of males with prominent pseudopupils as well, which may affect apparent fitness during these rituals versus specimens with smaller or nonexistent pseudopupils.

Note: I Claimed A Community Copy For This Game, So While I Did Not Pay Money, I Received It For Free.
6 years ago

My boredom has magicly gotten more problematic, in other words nothing has changed.

problematicallybored - Hello
6 years ago

Size comparison of Y’gathok, the Ceaseless Hunger and Bjorn, our level 20 Goliath Barbarian.

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Faun - They Them - I sometime write, sometimes draw, but I mostly lurk.

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