So I'm New Here And I Love All Your Art And Fic And I Don't Even Write Fic But I Saw Your "feral Pro

Billy Batson can never grow up because it's just not funny. Like oh, this guy says a magic word and then transforms into a slightly buffer guy? I am snoring. I am tossing the comic away in disgust. He's gotta be a little guy. He's gotta be a little shit. He's gotta be an angelic ten year old. He's been to juvie. He doesn't understand taxes. He could kill a man. He chooses not to. He still sleeps with a stuffed animal. If a League member yells at him he will cry. He'll leave them contemplating their own existence. He'll put shaving cream in their shoes.

When Billy Batson's identity gets exposed why doesn't he just... lie. Like, nothing else he comes up with is going to be more unbelievable than the homeless ten year old with a magical girl transformation that turns him into a giant himbo of an indestructible demigod. Just. Lie, Bill. No one is going to know the difference. If they didn't clock you then, they're not going to clock you now.

"I pissed off a witch and she cursed me. It gets overridden when I use my powers—you know, 'blessings of the gods' and all—but I haven't figured out how to get it totally off yet. Great for free ice cream tho."

"Billy Batson died five years ago and I'm the last figment of his imagination"

"C.C. and Marylin Batson stumbled across my tomb during a expedition and now I just look like this."

"I was created ten years ago from the ambient magic in the Rock of Eternity."

"I age really, really slowly."

"Zeus thought it would be funny."

"I made a bet with Klarion and lost."

"This is how I looked when I died."

"My species just ages like this. Are you telling me you don't? How was I supposed to know I should mention it!"

"You ever seen the movie Freaky Friday?"

"It's rude to ask a lady her age!"

("It's rude to what?!)

Billy Batson and Damian Wayne being weirdly good friends (ft. the occasional Jon Kent)

Billy befriends Damian after the JL learns his real identity. Batman approached him and told him they should meet since they’re the same age.

At first, it’s awkward because Damian isn’t interested in making friends, and Billy’s mad that Batman is essentially sending him to the kids' table. Until… 

Damian: “Why must my father insist that I socialize? I can handle myself!” Billy: “Thank you! I’ve been on my own since I was six. I don’t need an adult to tell me what to do.” Damian: “…I like you.” Billy: “Wanna spy on the Justice League?” Damian: “Yes.”

Batman immediately regrets his decision.

At first, the two don’t really talk outside of meetings or happenstance, but when they do, they’re like twins. They know exactly what the other is thinking at all times. (The adults are terrified.)

Both end up bonding over their upbringing, specifically the fact that they were abused/traumatized/malnourished for several years. That marks the point where they start talking regularly.

Damian nearly jumps out of his skin the first time Billy speaks to him in Arabic (courtesy of the Islamic Prophet, Solomon.) They now speak exclusively in Arabic when they gossip.

They will cut a bitch. Do not get on either’s bad side.

Every time one of them says something out of pocket, the other one high-fives them. Even Jon is concerned (and very jealous.)

Billy is required to attend the same school as the Teen Titans and YJ for a bit as a condition of staying in the JL so he and Damian end up taking a few classes together.

Billy “I have Zeus on speed dial” Batson and Damian “I got a PhD in The Classics at age six” Wayne proceed to roast their history professors in the back of the classroom for all of the misinformation.

Damian: “Okay so I really need a human skull, but you can’t ask why.” Billy: “As long as you also don’t ask why.” *pulls out several pristine human skulls from pocket dimension* “Take your pick.” Damian: “…this one.” Jon: “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck”

They’re both eerily good at schooling their emotions due to countless years of emotional abuse and neglect. If anything goes wrong during a mission, it’s like a switch is flipped. They are suddenly completely level-headed.

Damian gifts Billy a PC that he built himself so they can play games together without so much lag. (It’s literally just Minecraft on creative mode. They design a working amusement park together.)

Both have been permanently banned from all zoos on the eastern seaboard. Damian tried to “liberate” the ostriches, and Billy taught the gorillas swear words in sign language.

Everyone Else: “We need to find civilization on this desert planet we crashed landed on or we’ll starve.” Billy and Damian: “The human body can go ten days without food.” Everyone: “…Are you okay?” Billy and Damian: “Not important.”

Billy, Jon, Colin, and Damian have a group chat where they regularly place bets on dumb mishaps the adults get themselves into. The one rule is they can’t bet with cash. Thus they create a trading system made entirely of local snacks, Pokémon cards, supernatural knick-knacks, and dares.

Persephone captain marvel au. Hear me out.

Associated with duality, reincarnation, resurrection, childhood innocence (and it getting ripped away by adults), and her 'counterpart' Kore, which is her in her returning aspect of spring, youthfulness, new life... Come on. Is that not the closest thing to Billy you've ever seen in ancient Greece? Where he gets his powers?

It all starts with Teth Adam, and his devastation at the death of his son. He finds the old paths, breaks them open, and storms down into the underworld to demand him back. His is not a new story.

But where Persephone might ordinarily be inclined to ease her husband's scorn, give the troubled mourner a chance, she is speaking to the champion of magic, the world's mightiest mortal. The chance of success is too high. The challenge would not be enough. The death was too high profile and would risk too many attempting to follow in his footsteps. The man is too unstable, too powerful, too close to the heart of magic for it to be safe - for any of him - to grant his wish and risk his false hope.

They deny him.

Enraged, implacable, Teth Adam lashes out. The battle is long and drawn out, neither side tiring even as both weaken, but Persephone, in either form, is not one of war, and she is felled as her curses shatter, her furies tossed aside like dolls. The sound of Hades' scream as Adam's surprise leaves him open flattens the rubble of their throne room.

The wounded champion escapes, hounded by cerberus and skeletons instead of his son's shade, as her husband crashes to his knees beside her. She has not a mortal soul, and thus will be going where even Death cannot reach.

But Adam killed the goddess of reincarnation, and Billy has odd dreams. He's pretty sure he needs to ease up on the stress. He's restless in winter and distracted in summer, he can sleep outside in howling storms as long as he's tucked snug in the boughs of a tree, he's had the luck of never tasting a rotten fruit. Sometimes it feels like there's ghosts in his hideouts and the kids at school try and bribe him to curse their enemies.

When he chosen to be Captain Marvel the wizard chokes on his own speech when the smoke clears. They stare at each other.

"Well," says Persephone, "that was unexpected. Hullo."

"Hello," the wizard replies, "I was under the impression..."

"I don't think the laws of interference quite apply until I'm immortal again," he says.

The wizard's relief is palpable. It's understandable, he looks ready to keel over from old age. "Can I ask...?" he gestures at the new body. It takes a second to understand.

"Oh, I'm a boy now. For a while."

And that's that.

Until green lantern is killed in battle.

I have made what I think is the shitty-est dad joke in existence and I love it

So I'm in hell (the nether in Minecraft) with my friends, yah know the usual. So this one friend and I come across a Bastion which results in lots of screaming on my part and death for the both of us but as we’re exploring trying to find our way around I found a random loot chest with a banner in it which my friend gets  hyped about and asks if he can have it. So as he comes and finds me so I can hand it off I make the passing comment of ‘it’s like Bruce’ ... like the banner, like Bruce Banner. This is what I mean by shitty as in actually shitty not just its so shitty it’s funny shitty. Anyway my friend gets what I mean and finds it kinda funny in a pain way cause he’s a nerddd so at least there’s that.

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

What if Danny ended up in the DC universe but in a way similar to Imps, like Nite-Mite or Bat-Mite?

Danny was aware of DC comics and a huge fan so when he was unceremoniously chucked into the DC universe (probably the work of Clockwork but maybe some random ghost he was fighting) he fanboyed. Hard.

Just Danny realizing where he is and causing chaos, maybe its intentional maybe not, but chaos is happening. Probably not actually putting people in danger, I think he’d be more like Nite-Mite than Bat-Mite but maybe his is a nuisance.

This reminds me of that one set of cover designs for the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy. If I remember correctly all four of those fit together to make a different image depending on how you arranged them.

The haggis animal

ok but have you ever seen a parked blimp?

why is this so goddamn funny