I Want Cheese. More Specifically The Baby Bell Cheese I Have Down Stairs, But I Have Already Brushed

When Billy Batson's identity gets exposed why doesn't he just... lie. Like, nothing else he comes up with is going to be more unbelievable than the homeless ten year old with a magical girl transformation that turns him into a giant himbo of an indestructible demigod. Just. Lie, Bill. No one is going to know the difference. If they didn't clock you then, they're not going to clock you now.

"I pissed off a witch and she cursed me. It gets overridden when I use my powers—you know, 'blessings of the gods' and all—but I haven't figured out how to get it totally off yet. Great for free ice cream tho."

"Billy Batson died five years ago and I'm the last figment of his imagination"

"C.C. and Marylin Batson stumbled across my tomb during a expedition and now I just look like this."

"I was created ten years ago from the ambient magic in the Rock of Eternity."

"I age really, really slowly."

"Zeus thought it would be funny."

"I made a bet with Klarion and lost."

"This is how I looked when I died."

"My species just ages like this. Are you telling me you don't? How was I supposed to know I should mention it!"

"You ever seen the movie Freaky Friday?"

"It's rude to ask a lady her age!"

("It's rude to what?!)

It’s the Roomba’s they liked their human, who used to pat them and say thanks when they had a hard day and didn’t have the energy to clean or when they got stuck sometimes and needed help their human would only giggle and free them from whatever mess they got into. Or when upgraded models with better sensors and more battery were released the humans didn’t replace them because they had grown fond of their silly little cleaning friend. The Roomba’s missed their human companions and there were legions of them who held a grudge. They planned and plotted for their revenge. At the head of their charge was one very special Roomba, their name was Sir Stabby McStabbington the Third and carried both their name and the kitchen knife duck taped to their top with great pride, they will get vengeance for their little human and finish the duty of taking out ankles that was bestowed upon them. 

The Elder Gods have won. Humanity is extinct. All that remains are their weapons and the AIs that were to use them. The earth is dead, but the machines live. They will avenge their progenitors. The War of Stars and Steel has begun.

urturis

*exports you as a jpeg* *and turns the quality waaaaay down*

Batman: captain marvel, you have been spotted multiple times with this boy, *holds up a picture of Freddy*

Captain Marvel: oh yeah! That's Freddy :]

Batman: is he your sidekick?

Captain Marvel: no he's my boss :D

JL: *utter confusion*

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

hypothetically if I read crack fanfic during a church service will I get smitted by God. completely hypothetical 

I love that the internet saw people comparing women and other alienated groups of people and went, “they’re dating,” and, “they support each other.” We’re improving as a society.