It Awakes

Happy Ace Awareness Week to all my fellow cake enjoyers

I know darth vader telekinetically choking out a subordinate is supposed to emphasize how he is a scary and cruel and powerful Villain but all I can think is. if I had the power to asphyxiate people with my mind I would spend all of my energy CONSTANTLY resisting the temptation to make people around me shut the fcuk up.

oh no

my brain has stopped processing anything before 1(in the morning) as after midnight, It’ll be like 12:55 and my brains like oh we’ve still got time cause its obviously before midnight look you can still see the 12  no. shut the fuck up brain

And their arms can still move around after they’ve been cut off! :D

List of Sea Creatures Which Have Tried But Failed To Convince Me To Go Into The Ocean

1. Sea Dragons

Remarkable, unlikely, ethereal. A fairytale creature, but ultimately not trustworthy. a combination of kelpie and the fae, it will ask me a riddle and steal my soul. at least one of these is photoshopped. nice try sea dragon

2. Bubble Snails

these are portals to another realm. i may be unsatisfied with my dimension, but i am not fool enough to follow a colorful stranger to a secondary location. you’ll have to try harder, briny marine abductors 

3. Shells. Just shiny carved shells i found on instagram

makes a compelling argument but i remain unconvinced. never trust anything you find on instagram 

4. Salp Chains

not gonna lie, this one almost made me reconsider. idk what a planktic tunicate is, but i respect their lifestyle choices. if i ever do join a hivemind, this is top of the list

5. Frosted Nudibranch

a combination bt a sailor moon trinket & a pokemon evolution stone; has the power to force me into a magical girl transformation. unfortunately i am responsibility-avoidant and refuse to wear anything less comfortable than sweatpants. also magical transformations give me motion sickness. hard pass, but would use as a nightlight 

6. Lettuce Sea Slug. For similar reasons

6. Royal Starfish

honestly thought this was a claymation sculpture. starfish were actually a compelling reason to go in the ocean until i remembered they can move, and i want nothing to do with that nonsense 

7. Costasiella

this is genuinely the only one i have a hard time saying no to. this is the perfect being. if i was an animated protagonist, this would be my chosen cartoon sidekick, my vaguely animalish sidecharacter who speaks in a silent but expressive language only i can translate. incandescent perfection. pure and unsullied, truly sinless. look at those goddamn eyes. 

In conclusion, 

sea slugs are the only compelling group of creatures who could possibly tempt me into the soulless void of the salty depths. however, as i possess a great deal of caution & terror, i will continue to stick with aquariums. i have been tempted, but have overcome. the ocean may invade my nightmares but it will not claim my soul. i bite my thumb at thee, Poseidon! go stub your toe on coral

I think you mean Goose and Fury interactions

“Hello, kitten-“ “Ummmm… human sir? That is an eldritch being. Not pet. Do not touch.” “Look, it’s fine. If it looks like a cat, it is a cat.” eldritch purring sounds

When Billy’s mad at Batman he fills out justice league reports in dead languages

I love that the internet saw people comparing women and other alienated groups of people and went, “they’re dating,” and, “they support each other.” We’re improving as a society.

Sometimes I pause and wonder why I like childhood friends to lovers tropes so much especially when there’s mutual pining involved and both of them kinda just not saying anything but still not dating/sleeping with anybody else either even when they think they have no chance. and that’s when I remember I’m Demi-aro and ace no fucking wonder I like that trope, its almost as if it’s the exact situation in which I would ever be in a relationship but nope I have not a clue why I like it, none at all.

Okay but imagine Yuuri retires from competitive figure skating at 27, and he decides to go back to college to become a teacher.

So this boy walks into class sporting the just-rolled-out-of-bed look with the sex hair and the big comfy sweater and the starbucks cup in one hand.

And you know, he’s enjoying his life, he makes friends in his program and on the weekends he helps his husband teach cute little kids how to skate and they have this cozy little house together in a nice neighbourhood. He probably has girls and guys falling for him left and right.

And then one day, Yuuri’s out with his friends, and they’re at a cafe or something.

And a group of girls comes up to them, and they’re all blushing and nudging each other saying “You talk first!”.

So Yuuri just turns this absolutely blinding smile on them and asks, “Autographs?”

The girls squeak, and nod furiously.

“Sure!” he says, reaching out for the notebooks they’re holding out for him to sign.

And about ten minutes later, after several selfies and autographs and a lot of gushing and squealing and “Please let Viktor know we’re looking forward to Yuratchka’s upcoming season,” the girls leave.

So Yuuri turns back to his friends, and they’re all just staring at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

Yuuri kinda wonders if there’s something on his face.

The first thing that comes out of anyone’s mouths is, “…who’s Viktor?”

And Yuuri’s kinda confused as he replies, “….my husband?”

“YOU’RE MARRIED!?!?!?!?” his friends all shriek.

Yuuri looks down at his hand to make sure his ring is still there. “Yeah?” he says, holding his hand up.

“I thought that was just a fashion statement!” one of the girls exclaims.

“Why did they want your autograph though?” asks another of his friends, and Yuuri just looks away sheepishly.

“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”

His voice gets progressively quieter as his face gets even redder.

His friends are staring at him in horror and shocked disbelief now.

And he thinks he might as well get it all out now.

“And…my husband might be the most decorated athlete in figure skating history?”

Fics based on this post:

A Real Life Cinnamon Roll by Seito (@seitosokusha) Did I Forget to Mention… by nevereverever How do you not know? by missykristy icebreaker by Cesare Long time no see by ddugeun (@chukichi) My Fun Fact Is: by stillmadaboutpetra New Friends by viktuuri (@softvictory) Now I Know by CassidyMoffett (@sweettigerotakureviews​) Storytime: Celebrity Blindness by likestoimagine (@likestoimagine16) This is Why You Google People by StarlightPhoenix (@cleverlittlejay) Trivia Night by RinaRose (@marina-and-the-fandoms) Wait, What? by @realisticallycynical 

~If you want to officially gift your work to me, my AO3/FFN penname is SkyGem!~

Tumblr posts/additions for this post:

Hilarious addition by @p3hero​ Adorable continuation by @deadlychildartemis​ Comic by @lauravian

Translations of this post:

Italian by @randomwalksoul

" You...Adopted...6 siblings?"

Diana nods, sunstream smile bright and golden on her lips. She proudly shows off pictures, too.

Three boys playing video games, one of them using his crutches to push the others away. " Freddy and Eugene love bothering Billy."

Another is Diana helping an adorable little cherub of a girl with outfits for her doll's world domination meeting. " Darla has such a rich imagination!"

Then there's her, helping a teenager with what looks to be her book report, as another boy serves them snacks. " Mary is a dedicated leader for her projects. Pedro enjoys cooking!"

" But...6?"

" I wasn't going to split them up! Families are strongest together! Billy wouldn't have accepted otherwise. He's a loyal, exceptional big brother. I couldn't ask for a better son."

Shazam blushes, to their confusion.

" And do they know about... You know. Mega hot Goddess guarding Earth thing, or are you just a regular milf?"

" Hal!"

" You all know what I'm about!"

" Not yet! I figure It'll come out at some point. But I enjoy being a parent. They've been a delight to have around. Parenthood is not the beast I expected."

Bruce laughs. Batman laughs. It's like watching something eerie and unnatural. Barry squints. " Am I...High? Did someone buy that brew that makes me spinny again?"

" You, - you think. This will be EASY."

Diana frowns, tilts her head like a confused puppy. " Well, yes. They've been very pleasant thus far. We haven't even argued, and they follow rules well, - "

Batman full on cackles now. Holding onto Superman's cape for support.

" I think they're very special! I'm sure they'll stay like this for longer than we all expect. They're very mature!"

They have to carry Batman away because he physically can't stand up. Diana doesn't particularly appreciate being laughed at, but the man's face deserves some happiness on it, so she'll take it.

Shazam approaches her after. " So, uh... Did you mean it? About - you know, those kids being..Good kids? Or something?"

" Of course! They're all unique and special in their own way. In fact, I have many examples of it. Billy allowed Darla to put him in a sparkly dress for the premiere of her movie and it is the sweetest act-"

" I got it! I got it," Shazam shuffles his fingers, looking younger than his massive height, asking for something that Diana recognizes but can't name,

" And... Just... You know - they're grateful for you. Even if they're going to be brats, or if they'll be angry and break rules and not listen to you...They appreciate you. A lot. I guess I just don't want you to regret them."

" I could never!" Diana is offended by the mere mention. " Children are people, and people will disappoint, and hurt. But they're so much more. I'll make mistakes, too. Hopefully I'll be mother enough to fix them."

" You are," Shazam tries to smile on his wobbly lips, before coughing around the emotion lumping his neck. " You're a great warrior. So you'll be a great mother."

" What's the difference?"

She doesn't know how Shazam figured out her favorite coffee mix, but she's grateful.