I've never learned to meditate properly, but sometimes when things are frustrating for reasons beyond my control, I'll smoke a mental cigarette. Not menthol, but mental, but it can be menthol too if I want it to be special.
But anyway, when shit gets too much I can just sit down, calmly imagine the feeling of a firm but yielding cigarette filter between the mid- and forefingers of my left hand, feel how the texture of the smooth paper and spongy filter feel against my lips, draw a deep breath and remember the sensation of warm, heavy smoke filling my lungs, and then slowly blow it out, vividly feeling the greasy smell and taste of the smoke as it flows out of my mouth and my nostrils. And then take another drag if I need one, until I'm calm again and ready to go back to what I was doing.
The one cig can last exactly as long as I need it to, be done exactly when I'm done, costs me absolutely nothing and has no negative consequences to my health. I haven't smoked an actual cigarette for years now and don't have cravings of any sort, but every once in a while things just suck ass so bad that I need a fucking cigarette.
my annotations on sun bleached flies for a poetry project in my ap lit class ♡ ♡
I love you, you have good takes. But your posts are the only content on my feed. I unfollowed you, it was sad, but I saw a variety of content again. Yet, about 8 weeks later, present day, you are still unfollowed by me but you are somehow my entire dash again. What are you ?
I am inevitable.
One time when Steve was a kid, he wanted some older kids at the park to think he was cool so he asked them what he had to do to prove he was.
They told him only cool kids can win a fight and if he wants to hang out with them, he has to beat someone up. They even point out a whimpy looking kid for him to fight.
Steve doesn’t want to do that but his dad says being cool is like, super important so he has to. He goes up to the kid looking at ants on the sidewalk and tells him, “Hi, I’m Steve. I have to beat you up so I can be friends with those guys.”
“I’m Eddie,” the boy says, giving the hand Steve stuck out to shake an amused look. “I don’t want to get beat up, no thanks.”
Steve sighs.
That’s gonna be a problem. Eddie said no.
Steve runs his hand into his already messy hair and then asks, “What if I hit you? Just once.”
“That’s fair,” Eddie nods after some consideration. He shakes the ants off his hand and then stands up. “Okay. We can do one hit.”
Steve’s never hit anybody before but he can feel the older kids’ eyes on him so he squeezes his eyes shut and swings. His swing is too wide and he clips Eddie in the ear.
He doesn’t even have time to get his bearings before a hand strikes out and Eddie punch’s him in the nose. Steve staggers but Eddie grins at him like they’re having fun, “One hit, right? Want to go again?”
Steve has never been hit by anybody before and he wasn’t planning on being hit today.
He promptly burst into tears.
This memory is burnt into Eddie’s brain for the oddity of it all and the confusion he felt when Steve started crying. He was the one that suggested they hit each other???
Meanwhile, Steve only really remembers the story his babysitter repeatedly told his parents about how a big kid punched him unprovoked, that she had been watching but not close enough to prevent it, and that he wasn’t allowed to go to that park anymore.
"if tumblr dies you can find me on bluesky" "if tumblr dies you can find me on Instagram" if tumblr dies you cannot find me. It's over. I'm free.
on the one hand yeah sure 'social media traps you in your own bubble slash feedback loop and nuance gets squashed' etc
but on the other hand i dont have to lay my eyes on one of those 'ao3 needs an algorithm/shipping is bad actually/the art you consume for fun makes you a bad person' rancid takes and honestly thank fuck for that
Wh-whats going on??????
4chan has suffered a site-destroying hack
Elevator scene:
I fuck with the time travel fix it fics. But there’s one that I really want to write.
It starts just before or around the beginning of Season 1. Steve and Eddie (or Steve, Eddie, Robin, and maybe Nancy) are sent back and they don’t give a shit about the high school hierarchy.
Eddie and Steve just run at each other and hug in the middle of the hallway. Steve has his arm around Eddie as they walk to class.
Hellfire and Tommy and Carol are losing their shit.
Eddie jumps on the table and starts one of his speeches, harassing Steve until he hops on the table with him and the lecture continues.
Tommy hears Eddie call Steve Big Boy and goes so red in the face he nearly passes out.
Steve and Eddie rig the prom vote so they’d win prom king and queen.
They raise a demo dog and run it through the school on a fucking leash.
Fun stuff like that.
"You'd be a writer, if he didn't leave all his hell for you"
"Sayin' if you could, you'd leave it all..."
Dust Bowl - Ethel Cain (Demo)
I suppose Cain didn't realize 'all' included her too.