I Love Dressing In Alt Fashion. Currently Thinking About The Time This Like 4yr Old Boy Walked By Me

happy autism awareness day to all the girls who had “ friends” growing up who were actually bullying them . to the girls who always sat alone in the grass and wondered why nobody wanted to talk . to the girls who spoke to animals like they were listening . to the girls who created a little world in their room . to the girls who always felt ashamed for how deeply they love things and how passionately they enjoyed media . to the girls who covered their ears when they were overwhelmed by everything . to the girls who carrying a special thing around to feel safe . to the girls who never understood what they did wrong to feel so lonely . to the girls who were diagnosed later in life because they weren’t little boys who liked trains. you are so special and beautiful and you’re not worse for it, you love deeply and that is so wonderful please never try to push that down . I LOVE YOU !!!!!

Being a system is so weird like my mummy and daddy didn't like me so now I'm sans the skeleton

it's completely normal to have conversations with yourself every day for your entire life. "who are you talking to?" duh, the girl that lives in my head. why, do you wanna talk to her too? I can put her on speaker if you want

Here’s my metaphor for systemhood that I tell my singlet friends.

Imagine you’re playing a first person video game. You have the controller, you control your character. It’s a normal first person game. You are an alter, the character is the body. This is fronting.

Other people live with you. Sometimes, they come into the room and sit and watch while you play. They sometimes try to guide you, give you advice on what to do next. They don’t always agree, and they can argue with each other. Other times they scream at you that you’re doing everything wrong and you suck at this game. This is co-consciousness.

Imagine how distracting it would be for people around you to tell you what to do, or to scream at each other or at you, even if they have good intentions. It wouldn’t be easy to focus on your game, would it?

Then sometimes, something happens in the game that prompts you to hand off the controller to someone else so they can play and you get a break. This is (some types of) switching. This can be good.

Other times, someone rips the controller out of your hand or fights you for it. This is (other types of) switching. And sometimes, six other players hook up their controllers, but there’s only one character to play as. So all of you have your controllers, but you’re all trying to play the same character. This is cofronting.

Imagine how difficult that would be. Imagine how hard it would be to try and play a game while someone is trying to take the controller from you, or while six other people are trying to play too.

There are also times that nobody is playing, or you can’t decide who should play. What’s happening to the character in the game? What are they doing if no one is playing? This is dissociation. The character is doing nothing. They’re stuck.

This is the best metaphor I have come up with for being a system. It’s something a lot of people get because they’ve played games before.

made a meme for anyone else out there who gets stuck in the "it wasnt that bad!" or "maybe im not traumatized!" loops because trauma denial sucks ass!!! you all are valid!!!

it makes me kind of sad to see how many people online make fun of autism depictions in media... even the "stereotypical" ones. i often see people make fun of media with autistic characters (either canon described as autistic, or heavy implications and autistic traits) and then say its because its "inaccurate" and "stereotypical" and "overexaggerated" like... are we ignoring the fact that some autistic people do present that way?

my personal example of this is the tv show the good doctor, i watched the first couple seasons when i was like 14ish and first coming to terms with my autism diagnosis (before that point i had done everything i could to ignore it, and my mom had hidden the fact that i was diagnosed from me for a few years because she didnt want me to feel bad... i was diagnosed around age 10 and really would have benefitted from support, but never got any)

i am aware that the show doesnt have the best representation and isnt the most accurate, and i do wish the actor who played the character had been autistic, for better representation as well as promoting autistic actors... but i still loved the show, medical science is a special interest of mine and i have wanted to be a surgeon ever since i was very little, so i really liked to see a show about a topic i love that shows someone like me being successful! i was very happy!

later on i ended up going online and searching the show, all i saw were people making fun of the show and making fun of the character for autism things... all done under the "nobody actually acts like that" argument... it really did hurt me a lot, because i actually act like that. a lot of the struggles the character had are real struggles i face as an autistic person, even if the show doesnt always represent them the best

i struggle with making friends, i struggle with physical touch, i struggle with saying the "wrong" thing and not really knowing how to converse (especially in emotional situations), i am monotone, i need rigid routines, etc etc... so i was very happy to see a show with someone like me!! and it makes me sad how many people make fun of it with the excuse of "nobody is actually like that" because yes! people are! i am!

✶ ﹒ intro.

eight. 19 years old.

any pronouns. genderless.

mixed indigenous. disabled.

DID system. OEA survivor.

ASPD. NPD. schizospec.

blog will contain triggering content including posts relating to / showing weapons, posts about mental illness, posts about trauma, and more.

i plan to get started making NPT and BAH posts! might also coin xenogenders eventually, you can send requests in if you want, i may decline if i feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.

below is my tagging system and NPT + BAH request rules!

✶ ﹒ requests.

i will do any themes requested unless i find them too difficult for whatever reason, or feel uncomfortable with the theme.

my npts will include names, pronouns, and genders. i can add titles if requested but i am not too good at them! i can also include system names if requested.

all bah posts will come with some basic information, and any additional information can be requested with add-ons!

a basic bah will include names, pronouns, age, role, gender, orientation, and species. it will also include a personality overview, as well as any noteworthy traits or features, and a general aesthetic or style description.

add-ons include faceclaim, typing quirk, sign offs, image aesthetic / moodboard, music taste, source, kins, and anything else requested! please specify if you would like any of these included in your ask.

bah template will look something like this...

names:

pronouns:

age:

role:

genders:

orientation:

species:

personality overview:

notable traits:

general aesthetic:

add ons:

✶ ﹒ tagging.

system tag — ✶ ﹒ sys.

trauma tag — ✶ ﹒ trauma.

aesthetic tag — ✶ ﹒ aesthetic.

vent / rant tag — ✶ ﹒ vent.

music tag — ✶ ﹒ music.

media tag — ✶ ﹒ media.

disability tag — ✶ ﹒ disability.

mental illness tag — ✶ ﹒ mental.

coining tag — ✶ ﹒ coining.

bah tag — ✶ ﹒ bah.

npt tag — ✶ ﹒ npt.

witchy tag — ✶ ﹒ witchy.

misc tag — ✶ ﹒ misc.

reblog tag — ✶ ﹒ reblog.

asks tag — ✶ ﹒ asks.

omg lol i wws just explaining the same thing to my partner, that it’s hypocritical how they understand didosdd is more than just alter disorder and then turn around and claim alter = didosdd? every time i argue with antiendos it devolves into the most basic argument

“endos are faking having didosdd! theyre invading our spaces!”

“okay but the majority of endos dont claim to have didosdd, that’s like the entire point of the label”

“but by claiming to have alters you’re just roleplaying didosdd!”

“but you agree that didosdd is more than just alter disorder, right? if you can have hallucinations or depression by itself, as a symptom of a disorder or even as a struggle alone, who’s to say you cannot have alters by themself? that’s even barring the hundreds of other ways people claim to have headmates, which are not things that you have authority on if it is real or not since you don’t live in their brain”

“…YOU’RE FAKING!”

“i am diagnosed with did, i just do more critical thinking than you do”

“YOU’RE STILL FAKING FOR BEING PROENDO LFMEBFKWJFNWKJSJAK”

like it’s tiring seeing all of these people listen to whatever lie gets told to them and then base their entire personalities off hating some group or other just because the internet told them to. and anything less than hatred is somehow unacceptable as well

YEAH exactly!! like... its kind of just gatekeeping the term "system" at this point, because the DSM-5 actually acknowledges cultural practices that cause identity alteration in the diagnostic criteria of DID. there is a specific note saying it isnt a cultural practice lol

Is it a headmate? Is it a fragment? Is it a facet? Is it a persona? Am I subconsciously masking? Am I subconsciously/involuntarily otherlinking/copinglinking? Is it a kinshift? Is it a ’flicker? Is it age regression? Is it a mood? Is it impulsivity? Is it an intrusive thought that I’m reacting to? Is it genderfluidity? Is it pronoun/namefluidity?

Who knows! Who cares! I don’t need to stress about this, it doesn’t matter! It’s a mode that the “I” is in, the way I feel in that moment! And I will make a pluralkit/tupperbox for it so I can express myself and decide the rest later! Or never! These labels are a construct! Personhood itself is a construct! I don’t need to box myselves! I can just live!

gonna get a bit syscourse-y here, but... recently noticed kind of a weird hypocrisy in anti-endo arguments and wanted to point it out to see if others agree

for extra context, i have DID and im pro-endo id say?? my mindset is basically just "i dont get it personally, but live ur life dude(s), its not my business and im not gonna tell u what u are / arent" because like. i find it super hard to believe that DID and OSDD-1 are the ONLY possible causes for systems LOL... also i will be using the terms endo / endogenic as umbrella terms for all plurality outside of DID / OSDD-1 throughout this post

ANYWAYS THOUGHH... most harshly anti-endo spaces (or at least those that are pro-recovery) really emphasise that DID and OSDD-1 are more than just "alter disorders", which i absolutely agree with! DID and OSDD-1 are both complex dissociative disorders that include identity alteration (alters) as a SYMPTOM, but the disorders both fundamentally involve dissociation and impairment in daily life to some extent

BUT... then they are also so quick to say that endos MUST have DID / OSDD-1 if they have alters... but what about all the other symptoms? most endos i have met do not experience dissociation or other DID / OSDD-1 symptoms. claiming someone MUST have DID / OSDD-1 because they have alters would kind of be reducing the disorders down to just "alter disorders", right?

plus, it seems to be entirely ignoring the fact that you can have a symptom of a disorder without having the disorder / being disordered... lets use ADHD as an example here since its the first thing to come to mind LOL, someone can have a short attention span or be distracted easily without inherently having ADHD. it would depend on the presence of other symptoms as well as degree of life impairment. this logic also applies to any other disorder ever... so why dont we apply the same logic to DID / OSDD-1?

most endos i see dont claim DID / OSDD-1, and the ones that do are generally mixed origins. if we apply the logic that symptom ≠ disorder and that DID / OSDD-1 are more than just "alter disorders", why would someone not be able to have alters without a dissociative disorder?

IDK i hope this makes sense. feel free to reblog with any comments or anything i want to see others opinionz