What I Mean When I Do Not Control The Hyperfixation.

Neil is sensory-seeking autistic. The sensory input he seeks being pain.

Someone explain to me why I randomly started listening to Sleep Token for the first time like three days before the new single released. I know I'm late to the party but I'm loving it. I feel a hyperfixation coming on... pray for me.

Back to the issue of Astarion's charisma after doing his personal quest:

One thing that caught my attention is the double standards the inhabitants of Cazador's Mansion display. As soon as the party arrives there, we learn of the cultist pseudo-hierarchy that seemed to be at play. Spawns other than the chosen seven call Astarion Master. But also, there's Master-Master who is not named because it's obvious in the context, and because he elicits such dread. But as soon as Astarion speaks against Cazador, people call him blasphemous or weak or ignorant.

Then we need to get to the kennel master, and Astarion confronts him about the endured torture. The skeleton says some interesting things:

Then, you go into battle with Cazador. The game gives you an option to detach Astarion from the party, and then Cazador pouts that Astarion won't even see him, and the fight is a little easier because he can't drag Astarion into the ritual circle. But according to the "happy path" that is intended as default (as we always see Astarion half-naked just like the other six spawns in the cutscene after the battle), Astarion confronts Cazador, and Cazador berates him callously before assuming direct control.

Both Godey and Cazador infantilize Astarion, portraying him as a brat, "always difficult" and petulant. Cazador weaponizes the fact that he was turned as a very young person, denying Astarion the right to mature, whatever Cazador might consider maturation by vampire standards.

This paints a picture where Astarion was cheeky in his servitude after all, which might be considered bravely stupid, but it's still telling of a certain resilience on his part being constantly tested. He "sang sweetly" to his torturer because, apparently, he kept his voice. And something about Cazador trying to mock that pattern, Astarion being loud and chatty and driven to win people over, gets an abrupt reaction that makes me think Astarion has been baited and triggered in this exact way many times before. This trait was possibly the thing that set him apart from others and gave him his unique "purpose" as a spawn.

The narrative thus indicates that he has always been a hilariously annoying chatterbox, but being called out for it by Cazador seems to wound him deeper than other quips. So here, the narrative seems to win over game mechanics in terms of telling us how good Astarion is at influencing people.

So perhaps this is a remnant of the person Astarion was before the turning, part of the reason he was picked to become Cazador's victim. Perhaps that kind of coping through humor, sarcasm and people pleasing was the core of his youthful self-image, even.

(I think citing the alleged inevitable corruption of the character after being turned into a spawn would be counterproductive at this point, and it's more plausible to consider any corruption to be a result of living in an an abusive structure).

When searching Cazador's dungeon we find proof of his keen interest in Sarevok and in the contemporary politics of Baldur's Gate. In one of the writings, he expressed concern about Gortash's Steel Watchers harming his spawns. Allegedly, he was supposed to play a greater role in the interplay between the city's factions. A question arises then, why would he tell Astarion that he amounted to nothing? Is it another offense to Astarion dying before he could be considered accomplished by social standards, or is it something else?

Could Astarion really have already been entangled with Cazador in his career as a magistrate, after all?

(I need content where we can explore his lifetime so bad, even if it means breaking into an empty ruin and finding a portrait, a handkerchief, a sheet of cheesy poems, anything)

the way disco elysium plays with and ultimately shatters the concept of "camaraderie" in the police and the military truly is So. Good.

it introduces you to kim who is this ideal of the Brother in Arms - you meet him and you know. he'd lay it all down for you.

you then proceed to realize this is a kim thing, not a cop thing, despite the skill that informs you about it being The Cop Camaraderie skill

the rest of the cops are not just unhelpful, they're cruel. they're a boys' club of toxic masculinity, homophobia and joking about how they abuse their power, like when jean stole mustard from a homeless man. if harry begs them for help, the greatest kindness the operator can do for him is pretend he didn't hear and cut the connection to save harry's pride. the more you put into this skill, the more the rancid underbelly of policing and policemen as individuals in this system comes to light.

and that's before we get into the plot-relevant stuff, how martinaise was abandoned by jean and co because jean was too damn busy trying to make a point to harry than do his fucking job.

then there's the bond between the paramilitary squad. unlike the cops, they're tight, a family to each other, and it makes them completely immune to reason the moment the Head of their hierarchy gets murdered. and this head of theirs, the most rational, most charismatic of them all, their leader, still was a monster who, for His Men and their Morale, saw kidnapping some poor girl and offering her like a human sacrifice to the pit of animals that was his squadron as a Rational course of action.

maybe there's love there, in a way, but it's the kind of love that wholly depends on seeing your circle as the only people deserving of life, and the rest of the world as insects.

and i think abt how so many other stories that try to be cop or military critical still fall into that trap of believing that the people in these environs are a Family doing their Best, that they got each others back and thats all that they need to get through this!(whatever plot event is happening)

and not that its like. a cesspool of keeping each other in Check or maintaining that Family only by Othering the rest of the world

Was Astarion lying in this scene?

So there's a line that stands out to me from one of Astarion's act 1 scenes, when he admits that the player character was his first taste of blood from a person. When I first saw this scene and ever since, I've felt a bit conflicted about it, because I'm not sure whether or not he's lying. I do believe that Cazador wouldn't ever let him ever drink a person's blood, because he wants to degrade and torment him as much as he can, but it seems very possible that Astarion might have bitten one of his victims in the past, given that he was so starved. He'd certainly be punished horribly for it, but I think there's a definite possibility it happened at least once. The whole "you were my first" line came across to me as potentially a part of his manipulation, because that just sounds exactly like pandering straight to the player character's desires, trying to make us feel special. But the way that the line is delivered also puzzles me, because with the way he kind of mutters and looks to the side, it seems like he could be genuine here. But Neil Newbon is a legend and maybe he's just that good at portraying a well-delivered lie. I'm not sure if this topic ever comes up again, but it seemed pretty significant in terms of just how meaningful that first bite was, on multiple levels. I'm curious to know what others think and if I'm missing anything.

Absolutely. As much as I love dramatic romance, I think there's a beautiful subtlety to Astarion's romance storyline. This slow-burn relationship where he only really, truly confesses his love with confidence after defeating Cazador would feel cheapened if he just suddenly flipped a switch into calling us his soulmate or something. Although I believe that he probably feels more strongly than he's willing to admit, as is typical of him. He's not exactly the best at putting his vulnerable feelings into words. I also *love* that, like you said, the playfulness in this comment of his shows a comfort and equality in the relationship. He's not a lovestruck puppy who worships the ground we walk on; he's an equal partner. That's important for any romance story, but especially his, I think.

I swear, this is why I love this game (and Astarion in particular) so much. We can sit here and talk about a single line of dialogue and pick apart all the layers. It's beautiful.

“What are we to you?”

“Nothing special, of course. You're only the first person who I truly care for.”

While this is not that perfectly quotable bon mot you can slap on a t-shirt, so far it's my personal favourite when it comes to spawn Astarion dialogues. (Still a few quests away from finishing the game, but slowly getting there!)

If the player hoped that after hours of hearing I don't know. But isn't it nice not to know? (which I also adore) they'll get something more definite and old-school romantic, they were wrong. (Well, maybe not wrong; the cemetery scene is still there, both touching and heartwrenching.)

What do we get instead? Astarion’s trademark sarcasm. A dramatic sigh followed by an annoyed Nothing special, of course. As in: Tav, do you really need to ask such stupid questions? Do you really need me to spell it out for you?

And I mean, casually calling your loved one ‘nothing special’ right into their face? If you can allow yourself a joke like this and you both laugh, you know you're in a place of comfort.

You're only the first person who I truly care for – yet, a confession follows, and again, I appreciate the just right mixture of quip, candour and informality. No lofty professions of undying love, thank the gods. Astarion’s body language is delicious, too. That motion as if he’s playfully tapping Tav on the arm? But I especially love the cheeky smile as he glances to the side. He’s such an adorable rascal during this dialogue.

The whole line is punctuated by Astarion clearing his throat. I’ve seen someone write it’s a telltale sign of him being genuine. Perhaps there's a tiny hint of self-consciousness, too, because he’s so much more used to all those fake, turgid pick-up lines.

No worries, Astarion, you're doing great. Please don't ever lose that smart mouth of yours.

Have I just written a small wall of text about a single line of dialogue? Quite possibly, yes.

Some of my favorite lines—among the saddest—that Astarion has ever said. Every time I hear them, delivered so perfectly by Neil, my heart aches. I'm sharing them with you because my husband can't take hearing me talk about Astarion and Baldur's Gate anymore!

"It’s what you want, isn’t it? To lose yourself in me." There’s an entire world behind this line: the expression on his face, the tone of his voice. There’s sadness and resignation. This is how things work—this is who he is. The person in front of him is no different from the others, just another one who wants to lose themselves in him, use him for their own pleasure, and then move on as if nothing happened. Not only that, but it's also the same old charade used to deliver unsuspecting victims to the slaughter. The same old script, one he’s tired of, one that causes him pain. His eyes grow sad as he says it, his shoulders sink, his lips curve downward, and everything about him exudes bitterness. In that moment, amidst sweet words and sensual movements, the real Astarion comes out, carrying all the heavy baggage he’s been burdened with.

"Maybe, but did he take it." Cazador is dead, Astarion won, he’s alive, and he’s free. But the death of his tormentor didn’t turn back time, the death of the monster didn’t undo the damage or return what was stolen. It’s a powerful, terrifying, and painful realization, especially when you think about how these things—these parts of Astarion—were taken and erased. Because what is gone wasn’t just lost—it was replaced with suffering, shame, anger, hatred, and horrific experiences. These are memories that will stay with him for the rest of his un-life, memories he’ll have to battle every single day.

"All right, I’ll do it." The way he says it, after Tav/Durge delves into his mind and uses his greatest fear against him, is utterly heartbreaking. Once again, there’s resignation, but there’s also fear and, worst of all, a hint of submission. In that moment, Tav/Durge is the embodiment of Cazador. They bring back his most horrifying experience, fill him with pure terror, and remind him of how useless, weak, and pathetic he is—unable to defend himself. It makes him feel small again, lost, and willing to do anything just to feel safe. And this is coming from the very person who, up until that moment (unless the player is a complete sociopath xP), had been helping him regain a shred of self-worth and independence. It’s truly a low blow, a betrayal—especially because Astarion depends on Tav/Durge, much like he depended on Cazador, but in a positive way instead of a negative one. They force him, against his will, to do something he doesn’t want to do, and with that statement, Astarion seems to be saying, “Yes, master.”

"I didn’t know how to say no." This one is heartbreaking too, it hits right in the heart. It really hurts, especially in context, but also in general. Saying "no" is a fundamental right of every free individual. But Astarion doesn’t say that he can’t say no—he says he doesn’t know how to say it. And that’s truly sad, because at this point, it’s no longer just an external imposition; it’s something internalized. And of course, it goes without saying that here too, Tav/Durge took advantage of Astarion—of his inability to defend himself, to immediately recognize and stop behavior that should be shut down at the first sign because it’s harmful to him. Once again, Tav/Durge betrays him in the worst way, right after an agonizing confession, no less—Astarion opens up and admits to having very real struggles with sex.

Do you have any favorite lines too? Obviously, there are a billion more funny ones, but I’m afraid I’d need an entire day to write down all my favorites. I just love this little shit too much. xD

Always let Astarion vandalize the Vlaakith portrait, as a treat. He deserves it.

Hello and welcome back to "I Take Things Too Seriously And Treat Fictional Characters Like They're Real People". On today's episode-

Love it when you have to suspend your disbelief over the fact that a character is able to function on any level given what they've been through. My boy is impossibly well-adjusted.