27.04.2025 (sun)

You are smarter than you feel and you know more than you think.

Always while studying or right before an exam i feel like i don't know anything, my thoughts are all jumbled and I can't find a straight answer for a question i ask myself for funsies.

That's ok.

I've come to know that, despite feeling like i don't know anything, i hold all the necessary information. When it counts, when you have a specific problem right in front of you, you will know the answer.

You sometimes just have to trust yourself.

I want to be completely honest.

There are going to be people who are better than you.

There will be times when someone is going to get ahead of you

And there will be times when you worked hard, and you didn't achieve it.

And yes, it is fine. Completely fine. You are allowed to be disappointed. You are allowed to be sad. And you are allowed to get pissed.

It's the brutal truth that you may not get what you want all the time. And you should learn to be okay with that.

Update: Took a nap right after my last post because I was dead tired and thought it’d help me stay up later. Well... that nap turned into 3 hours, and then I went straight into my favorite hobby: procrastination. Actually started studying around 10:45 PM and only managed to touch chem.

Tried revising today’s numericals, which should’ve taken me 30 minutes tops, but it ended up taking almost an hour because I was struggling with basic multiplication (and also why are so many decimal shits). Like, why am I like this? F you, CBSE, for not letting us use calculators—but it’s not like I can use them in entrance exams either, so guess I’m stuck suffering in silence.

Honestly, I’m so mad at myself, but I’m too tired to even spiral into a self-hate session or breakdown. I’m just here, floating through my regrets. Thinking I’ll try to squeeze in physics during the bus ride tomorrow because time? what dat ?

The OG plan was to finish Lec 2 & 3 today, do Lec 4 after school tomorrow, and attend Lec 5 live.

Reality check? I’ll just do Chem Lectures 1-3 tomorrow and 4-6 on Friday because right now I’m tired down to my soul. Like, this is exhaustion on another level. fml I’m crashing for the night.

Let’s hope tomorrow-me has her life together *sigh*

GNNNNN

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Study time ~ 0:55 hr

12.03.2025 (wed)

Just got back from school and honestly, today’s been lowkey trash. Couldn’t focus at all and zoned out for the entirety of physics—like, my brain just went NOPE. So now I have to relearn everything from scratch 😭. I’ve been trying so hard to be consistent, but it’s days like these that really test me. So yeah, gonna lock in and grind to make up for it.

Today’s To-Do List (aka the battle plan):

Chem - Revise numericals.

Chem - Study Lec 1 (it’s been haunting my to-do list for a week now) + Lec 2 & 3 (I’m not going to bed until these are DONE.)

Phy - Relearn today’s class (because clearly my brain took a day off.)

It’s me vs. my procrastination today, and I’m NOT losing.

Toodles ~~

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"What if you mess up? What if you realize you’ve already forgotten the materials you start studying?What if you initially focus but feel like a sedated zombie after a while?"

Can't you change these questions in your mind to - What if you can actually focus well for a long time? What if you do good enough to at least feel relieved? What if you can feel some sense of control over your life? What if you didn’t forget as much as you thought? What if you're way more competent than you thought? What if consistent hard work actually brings what your childhood self had desired instead of disappointments and exhaustion? What if it solves your lack of appetite and anxiety and thought spirals?

What if you asked the second set of questions more often? You already subconsciously know it would've lessened your stress a lot. Can you please stop thinking of self-hatred and pessimism as inseparable parts of your identity?

You're throwing yourself on the verge of extreme uncertainties. Do you deserve this much indifference? Ik you're afraid. But there isn’t any way to eliminate the fears without working on things while being afraid at first.

And even if you're lagging way too behind, you can manage to improve better than you're expecting at present. Trust this for at least a little time and trust everyone who trusted you.

12.03.2025 (wed)

Just got back from school and honestly, today’s been lowkey trash. Couldn’t focus at all and zoned out for the entirety of physics—like, my brain just went NOPE. So now I have to relearn everything from scratch 😭. I’ve been trying so hard to be consistent, but it’s days like these that really test me. So yeah, gonna lock in and grind to make up for it.

Today’s To-Do List (aka the battle plan):

Chem - Revise numericals.

Chem - Study Lec 1 (it’s been haunting my to-do list for a week now) + Lec 2 & 3 (I’m not going to bed until these are DONE.)

Phy - Relearn today’s class (because clearly my brain took a day off.)

It’s me vs. my procrastination today, and I’m NOT losing.

Toodles ~~

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗

Thanks for the spam! Have good times!

LOVE ur content and sty !!

26.03.2025 (wed)

Gooddd morningg my lovessss <33

Startin the day earlayy :P

• study lec 4 of srifp

• read the textbook + questions

• study lec 5 of chem

• lec 6

That's it for now. Might add stuff later :)

Have an amazing day u beautiful

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗

02.03.2025

First Day Back + Study Plans

Woke up at 4 AM for suhoor, and after Fajr, I tried going back to sleep since I had to be up by 6:30 AM (my bus comes at 7). Ideally, I want to use the two hours before school to study, but today, I was running on just 3 hrs of sleep. I knew I’d be exhausted on my first day back, but I just couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I hate my life So, I ended up just lying in bed and then ironing my uniform lol.

At school, there weren’t any actual classes, so nothing much happened. Came home and took a 3 hr nap—not because I was super sleepy, but because I knew I’d regret not getting some rest. Now, thinking back, I kinda regret that regret sleeping that long 🤦🏻‍♀️ should’ve just taken a 1-2 hour nap instead.

Afterwards, I cleaned the rest of my room and planned out my study schedule for the week. Apart from daily live classes at my coaching (except Sundays, which are free for now), I want to revise some 11th-grade topics, starting with organic nomenclature. Here's my plan:

✦ Monday: Live class + Lecture 1 & 2

✦ Tuesday: Live class + Lecture 3 & 4

✦ Wednesday: Live class + Lecture 5 & 6

✦ Thursday: Live class + Lecture 7 & 8

✦ Friday: Live class + Buffer day

✦ Saturday: Live class + Test

✦ Sunday: Lecture 1, 2, 3

Keeping it flexible because, well, life happens, but let’s see how it goes! Hoping I can actually stick to this ;)

Ciao ppl <33

18.03.2025 (mon)

( MAGIC bc I frkn LOVE them 😭 )

Hellloo BEAUTIFUL hoomans ;)

Today was a whole lot of procrastination and barely any productivity :( Did about 3 hours, but around 2 of those were just my live class, and the rest went into writing notes and HW. Not exactly proud of today, but I’ll make up for it tomorrow by working even harder !!

Also, after iftar, I usually feel tired, but today? I was like sooo full and sooooo ded. Like, I couldn't even lie down. Idk why probably because I was stuffing my face with literally everything in sight

Got a chem test on Chemical Kinetics this Thursday, so I need to cover at least half of it tomorrow.

*sigh*

It’s already 1 AM, and I have no idea how I’m gonna function 😭.

Gnnn lovesss

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗

29.04.2025 (tue)

Day (20/30) DOP COLLAB CHALLENGE

Ypt hrs ≈ 2:15 hrs

💤 5:00 + 1:30 hr nap 💤

(forgot to post it yesterday lol)

Tried to nap on the bus but it didn’t really work which left me in a REALLY bad mood. Went over some random shi b4 my live class, but skipped coffee which turned out to be a BIG mistake. About 30 minutes into the live, I was dozing off and ended up taking a proper nap from 5 to 6:45. Procrastinated a bit after that, and finally watched the lecture I’d missed napping. It’s just been a pretty bleh day overall. I think the mid-week burnout is officially here :D

Lec 2 of organism and population

Revised random stuff from yesterday

Toodles ~~

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗