Self Quarantine / Social Distancing

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Old Guys Rule... Through All The Pain & Medication

by Rusty

The crusty crew of surfers I normally paddle out with have had a lot to deal with lately. Many of us salt & peppered degenerates have really taken a physical beating this year. Our collective seasons of surfing have led up to... one slider replacing both knees, another to swap his calcified hip for space-age titanium and just the other day, a newly minted grandfather, to “Cheater-Five” his way to the emergency room with a dislocated hip. All of these high doses of medication and pain has caused me to seriously question one of surfing’s most marketable slogans, “Old Guys Rule!”

Do we really rule? This old guy has witnessed a significant amount of pain and must fully admit that his own personal threshold for such things is, no bueno.

After surveying a few older guys than myself these past weeks, I have discovered one common thread amongst the healthier old guys; that is, no serious, oxidized, slider has ever squeezed into one of those doomed, cotton-blend, t-shirts.

According to one ageless soul surfer - that I, as an aging grasshopper sit at the feet of - there is only one way to deal with this hex... Fire! “My grand kids love to buy me these kookie shirts and I love those little boogers,” he said with joy and pride beaming from his eyes. “I would never purposely break their little hearts, but for my own personal safety and those in the line-up around me, I torch those communist made pieces of cotton on the grill. As a sacrifice to the surf gods!” And for that sage piece of pain avoidance, I say “Amen!”

Lastly, this is for all my surf brothers who are still in traction or slightly induced comas... The hippy, hippy shakes of 1965′s “Beach Girls and the Monster” - video remix by The Copper Tones.

I came across a pic of my old girlfriend…

I came across a pic of my old girlfriend… A lovely girl, great personality, beautiful skin, gorgeous curves… A drop dead knockout! But she just couldn’t commit (Honestly, I’ve always been a one woman guy). The summer of ‘67 I made my first pilgrimage to the Islands and she decided to hook up with a writer named Kesey and moved to Frisco… Last time I saw her, she was dealing Orange Sunshine in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert. The real story… Das Burgfräulein von Strechau / The Damsel of Strechau Castle in Styria, 17th century by an unknown artist.

One of the many legends of Burg Strechau in Styria recounts the story of a damsel who waited for her lover to return from the Holy Land to free it from the infidels. When he did not return, she broke her vow and married another man. When the bride appeared for the wedding ceremony her face suddenly changed into that of a skull and devilish creatures dragged her into hell.

Happy Birthday To... Me!

Tomorrow is my Birthday and my loving, wonderful, grown-up kids ordered me a few things online… #BirthdayPresents…

A New Cali State Park Day Pass Old School @katinusa​ Boardshorts Nat Young’s “Church of the Open Sky” and #Weed Suppositories?!?!? https://twitter.com/RustedAloha/status/1285729682051272704?s=20

Alabama Fixin To Keep Yoga Ban

by Da Bob In Alabama they don’t… Call you “Pretentious”… They say you’re “too big for your britches.” Don’t say “I’m about to”… They say “I’m fixin to.” Don’t get “Upset”… They “Throw a hissy fit.” Don’t say “It’ll be okay”… They say “God willin’ and the creek don’t rise.” And fervently believe that “Yoga”… Will make their chitlins Hindu! Read More...

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The Patriotic Women Of The Gridiron... Helping To Make America Great Again!

by Rusty

Rusty’s Note: Most of us have grown tired this week of POTUS’s NFL rants and the subsequent millionaire player’s responses. Stand For The Anthem... Take A Knee… Tune In… Tune Out… There are so many other pressing issues that deserve our nation’s attention. But just bare with me here and I promise, at the end, you’ll see a 35 second video of scarcely dressed ladies that will definitely make you feel more… Patriotic.

Whether you are an American Sports fan or Constitutional 1st Amendment fan, of which I am both, your fandom was recently blitzed by our Commander & Chief. Last week, while at a political rally in the deep south of Alabama, our President declared that all NFL players who take a knee during the singing of our national anthem are SOB’s and should be fired, “You’re Fired!” The following morning, via Twitter, he disinvited Steph Curry’s Golden State Warriors to White House for their February... ‘Wink, Wink’... long desired NBA Championship Celebration.

POTUS’s full court press didn’t stop there… He took it way beyond overtime by engaging in an entire weekend’s worth of patriotic / boycottic NFL tweetstorms. Ignoring an agenda of hurricane duties and possible golf outings.

Nonetheless, his ‘flag waving point’ was firmly planted (and retweeted by loyal Russian bots around the globe).

A ‘manipulated point’ heard loud and clear by officials in all mainstream American sports.

A ‘false point’ that influenced, owner’s like the NFL’s Jerry Jones to split the protesting difference by having his Cowboys take a historic five second knee-drop before the anthem on Monday Night Football to the country’s second most important pigskin league, the Legends Football League (former known as the Lingerie Football League) to announce that it’s lovely-looking-players will “stand in salute of our flag.”

A patriotic touchdown scored round the world!

In the end, the Commissioner of Make America Great Again and his 62,984,825 mandate-less votes, deserve all the credit for turning an almost overlooked protest - of a shameful mark on our nation’s moral character - into a reason for “Women Of The Gridiron” to stand up, face the flag and turn their asses ‘just so’ towards the camera for our Star Spangled Banner!

Stoked~Till~Death

Burnett’s Cocoaine Hair Oil

Besides my daily saltwater dip, this is the only hair product I use… Good old Joseph Burnett’s Cocoaine Hair Oil! Now don’t get all preachy on me and say, but Rusty “Just say no to dope” or “Ugh to drugs”. I am not dousing my grayish locks with Amazonian March Dust… Nope, the “Coco” is just coco-nut oil. It’s Rusty approved!!! Conditions the hair I have left, smells great and keeps the ladies sniffing around. #StokedTillDeath

Only Pottz Can Save Pro… Surfing!

Last week the WSL officially announced the death of this year’s 2020 tour and a retooled 2021 list of events... But lets get real, only Martin Potter can save Pro Surfing! Here is a serious question for all you Pro Surfer lovers out there… Since the onset of COVID-19 and the shutdown of the World Surf League’s 2020 Pro Tour… Have you really missed Pro Surfing? Did you miss the sunny opening leg on Australia’s Gold Coast or her cold slabs at Bells or Margaret River? Maybe the itch you were looking to scratch was some live Indo? Or were you looking to gawk at the sandy thongs of Brazil’s Oi Rio Pro!?! I know I miss J-Bay… I miss everything about that cold, sharky, right hand point break! Teahupo’o? Slater’s ranch in Lemoore? No! The European Leg? Da Pipe Masters? Be honest… No You Don’t! Didn’t! Haven’t! Read More - Da Bob - Medium