Shitty Genshin Valentine's Cards Bc Why Not

I think an extremely important part of mental health awareness and intervention is acknowledging that no, help isn’t actually always available. Or the “help” that is, isn’t actually helpful.

When I was 22 I hit a wall. I called the suicide hotline from my car so my roommates wouldn’t hear me crying. I explained that I could barely shower, feed, or dress myself. I needed immediate intervention.

They asked me if they could send an ambulance for me. They wanted to hospitalize me. I explained that I was a week away from finals. And graduation. If I were hospitalized, I couldn’t graduate. The inpatient program also didn’t allow phones or visitors, and I knew how disastrous it would be for me to lose contact with my family support system.

I didn’t need to be hospitalized. I needed daily solutions. Simple ones, even. I needed a few precooked meals in my fridge so I could use my menial energy to keep my body going. I needed a doctor to contact my school and ask if I could have some extensions on my class assignments. I neededna few excused absences so I could catch up on my lost sleep.

They told me there was an intensive program that allowed residents to live in an inpatient care facility and get daily help with tasks like eating, therapy, medication, and showering, while still leaving for work and school, but it cost $30,000. I told them half the reason I was calling them was because of my financial pressures and fear.

In about 10 minutes of back-and-forth, it became clear that they had no true solution for me. I could go into the hospital and an inpatient program which would interrupt my entire life, and which I knew did not create very good results and had traumatized some of my own friends, or, well, I couldn’t even go into debt for the other program. They didn’t accept any new patients without half of the cost upfront. So it wasn’t even an option.

No therapist or psychiatrists or social workers could fit me in for 3-8 weeks.

So I said thank you and hung up, emotionally spent. I felt utterly empty.

Sitting in my car I realized I had a choice, to live or to stop. Nobody was going to save me. Nobody was going to help.

So I went inside, and I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up I still hadn’t made a choice. So then I did. I chose to live no matter how terrible, just in case things turned around down the road.

It was unspeakably difficult. I didn’t shower. I barely ate. I either slept too much or not enough.

But I did survive, and a year later I got with a therapist who started to make things a little lighter for me.

I still struggle now, but things are usually much better, and I’m glad I’m still here.

I just think it’s important to acknowledge that for many people, especially in rural areas, and for people without money, which is most people, that the “help is always available” line feels hollow. Because often times it isn’t, actually.

But that doesn’t mean there will never be.

Overall, we need to build an entirely new system for mental health support in this world.

But for now, ask yourself or your friend in crisis what might make things a little more bearable until help actually is available.

A meal? Emailing a professor? Clean laundry? What might make things a little lighter?

I know that on the very brink, things like this may seem totally pointlessnor trivial. But if you can’t stop yourself or someone from falling, sometimes the only way to save someone is with a softer landing.

me, having just put an anon ask in someone's askbox specifically so nobody knows who i am: what if i told them who i was

Color Palette Series day 12: Baizhu (Genshin Impact)

PATTERN BANNERS | knit.

──────── ⵌ GOLD …

──────── ⵌ MINT …

──────── ⵌ RED …

──────── ⵌ CORAL …

I call this Christmas sweater vibes ;)))) I wanted to make something that looked and felt like sweaters and I think I did it ?! it was fun trying to achieve that ‘knit’ texture haha. learned a few new things and new techniques as well HAHAHH.

this is so so so so out of what I normally do—srsly, patterns ? maximalist patterns ?! who am I ?!

feel free to send / comment colours you’d like to see next for this set ♡

please like, reblog, and credit if you use :)

more dividers →

lil fanart I made of korekiyos execution in @kagazuly 's drv3 beta au fic cause it was a bittersweet moment and he was my favorite character :')

click for better resolution

cursed edit of the day

Back at it again, making random memes by badly editing like 2 things

Made a oneshot for @amasaiweek Day 2: book/hot chocolate

[Beta AU Amasai Week Day 2]

A Surprise Gift - B!Amasairuma fluff/angst-ish?

tw: drug/drugging mention at the end

@kagazuly tagging for au credit

--------------------------------------------

"Hey, Shuichi, can ya do me a favor?"

The tan-haired boy turned from Kirumi to Miu, who was now holding a tray with a small saucer and a cup full of a steamy brown liquid.

"...Hot chocolate?"

"It's… for Rantaro. He's been studying all day, y'know? I kinda… kinda worry about him."

Don't we all? thought Shuichi before asking, "Well, why do I have to deliver it then? If you want to show him you're worried, give it to him yourself. I think that'd be the obvious solution.”

Miu pouted and turned to the ingredients strewn across the countertop. "I would, but, well, I made that on a whim, and me and Kirumi still have to finish making dinner, and by the time we finish it'll get cold, and…"

"And you're embarrassed to give it to him."

"Am not!!" Miu snapped back at Kirumi's smooth remark, shoving the tray into Shuichi's hands and shooing him out of the kitchen. "I just don't want him to think the wrong sorta things about this!"

"He told you himself he's aro-"

"That's not what I mean!! I mean I don't want him to think I'm babying him like I do with you guys and… and Kaz."

Shuichi let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “It’s alright. If you don’t want to, I’ll take it to him. Do you want me to tell him it’s from you, or-“

“No, just say Kirumi made hot chocolate for everyone.”

“Okay.” He smiled and set off to find the medic. 

He decided to check Rantaro’s lab first, assuming he’d be studying in there as he did often. But when he knocked on the door to the lab there was no response. It was even unlocked, which started to worry the violinist a bit before he looked around and saw nothing out of place. Wherever Rantaro was now, he had gone there in a rush, most likely, and thankfully it looked like nobody had been in here since then. 

The knocks on his dorm room door were also met with silence, except this door was locked. He could be in there, Shuichi thought. They could never really figure out his thought process, after all. Regardless, he decided to check a few more possible study rooms before giving up. 

Just the library and the pavilion outside are left, he thought, his hand already on the doorknob to his second-to-last destination. He was starting to regret looking in other rooms. The chocolate was already getting lukewarm. He turned the handle and entered.

Shuichi couldn’t believe it. Here, after all his searching, the medic sat in the center of the library, reading and annotating a book from a large stack next to him. Normally Rantaro did his work in secret or at least alone. But for him to be here, in such an obvious place… Could he actually be starting to trust the others?

It was awkward, both of them realized, the green-haired boy looking up at his guest. 

Shuichi cleared his throat. “Ahem, uh, Kirumi… made hot chocolate for everyone. You want any?” He now understood why Miu dumped this job on him. He, too, would give anything to get away from this embarrassing moment. 

Rantaro looked back at his book nonchalantly. “‘M not thirsty. Go give mine to someone else,” he mumbled, waving the violinist away. 

“Rantaro…”

The medic made a few more scribbles in the book with a pen. 

“Rantaro, we’re all worried about you, you know.” Shuichi said softly. 

He shot out of his reading suddenly with a seemingly normal smile on his face, though Shuichi could see he had slight eye bags. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m fine. You guys don’t need to worry about me. I’ll see you at dinner, ok?” After this brief remark, he got right back to studying. 

Shuichi placed the tray on the desk anyways, and left without a word. He wished Rantaro could understand the others, but, well, the guy was a war medic. How much could he really trust them after only a week or two? In fact, the violinist thought, he probably studied out in the open this time because it wasn’t important stuff, or he could have just been faking the whole time, obsessing over the mastermind again. Rantaro didn’t trust them. He never would, most likely, until they stopped the person behind this all. It made sense, but… there was just a part of Shuichi that wanted to trust everyone, even if that trust was a lie at its core. Something Rantaro could never consider, it seemed like. For a war medic, the boy sure was a mystery. One that he wasn’t really sure he wanted to try to solve. 

That evening, Rantaro did fulfill his promise, showing up for dinner just as he had said. He brought the tray with the cup and saucer back, too and- was that cup empty? 

He probably dumped it out in the bathroom or something, Shuichi thought, knowing the medic couldn’t have actually wanted to drink that uncomfortably semi-warm drink while busying himself with his research, even if that research was fake. And yet, something about Rantaro looked and felt off. As if his actions now were genuine. As if he was truly glad to be here, truly energized despite his previously miserable state. 

The violinist heard a faint whisper behind him that he never would’ve guessed was aimed at him had he not felt the quick poke of Miu’s fingernail on his back. “The trick worked, don’tcha think? Rantaro just needed some sleep, I could tell.” 

“What are you talking about?” he mumbled back.

“Oh, stealing a single sleep-inducing pill when the lab’s unlocked and mixing it into a drink to make that stubborn medic get the sleep he needs? Never something I’d think of doing. Never.”

Shuichi nearly cracked up. He could just barely stop himself from even laughing a little at the plan. And from what he’d seen, it worked. Rantaro was definitely suspecting Kirumi of something now, but at least he was more energetic, more human. Miu was right, he definitely needed some sleep before, even though he insisted he didn’t.

“You really gave him a taste of his own medicine, huh?” Shuichi said, letting out a small chuckle. 

“Well, you’re the one who gave it to him. I could say the same about you. Oh, and have fun being on his watch list for a while.”

“You too.”

The two of them giggled more at their dumb quips, Shuichi still watching Rantaro. The medic laughed at something Kokichi said that Shuichi couldn’t hear from so far away, and a calm smile made its way onto the violinist’s face. 

agsgdhxkfkdsmzjnxjd fischl came home today

That's it that's the post

Wait I didnt-

I didnt post this yesterday I forgot I left it in drafts fuck

Anyway heres a they/them Mitarai for trans day of visibility <3