Hhhh Dior

TF2 Headcanons: Game Balance & The Gunslinger

So, let’s get right to it.

Gunslinger:

Obviously, the RED Engineer invented it first with the help of the RED Medic. The BLU Engineer never asked his team’s Medic for help due to the rocky relationship the entire BLU team has, so he could never figure out how to bridge the gap between man and machine. BLU Engie just found the blueprints for the Gunslinger design at the front of his door one day, complete with notes from the RED Medic and Engineer on how the wiring and circuits could function as nerves. BLU Engie immediately took to building it, but ran into a problem once he finished.

How would he remove his hand?

The RED Medic had helped his team’s Engie with removing the hand precisely so that the nerves would connect with the wiring of the machine. But there was no way the BLU Engineer would ever ask his Medic, considering how snappy he got. So BLU Engineer went into the day’s round of fighting, only to be absolutely obliterated by an Ubered RED Medic and Battle Engineer. After the humiliating defeat, BLU Engineer just says screw it and slices his hand clean off.

He, of course, ended up with an infection that forced him to go to the BLU Medic for help, who did his best to try and fix the problem. It was pretty hard to fix completely without regrowing his entire hand back, so he ended up with constant hand pain.

But how did BLU Engineer end up with the blueprints at his door?

Well that leads us to our next topic…

Game Balance:

The Administrator’s job is to make both teams as balanced as possible. She was the one who proposed the idea of clones to Blutarch, which Blutarch screwed up with his desire to make the BLU team superior to the RED team. If she could, the Administrator would definitely make a new set of clones for the BLU team, but cloning people is extremely expensive. So the Administrator tries to make the game more balanced, by giving all weapons that the RED team invents to the BLU team, and taking weapons that have too much power.

The RED team often works together to try and make new weapons that will make fighting easier, but overnight, the weapon will either disappear or be “nerfed” (aka components that make it too overpowered will be removed). However, once a weapon achieves balance, a copy is sent to the BLU team. Some of the RED team have suspicions about their disappearing weapons, but there isn’t much they can do about it. It’s either accept it as the norm or get fired.

So, the Administrator gave the BLU Engineer the Gunslinger to “balance” the teams. The Administrator couldn’t directly help the BLU team though, so they kept getting dominated by the RED team. The Administrator often sends Miss Pauling to provide the BLU team more support, but Miss Pauling doesn’t really care for the BLU team much. They’re never as lively or as fun as the RED team, and they don’t treat her as a friend and more as an uncaring employer. She definitely prefers the RED team over them, but she still needs to follow the Administrator.

Now, as I mentioned in my last post, I considered the RED Pyro to only be a suit brought to life with magic, and the BLU Pyro a crude mechanical version of it. A more detailed version of what I think of it will be up in a few days, and I apologize for the delay on that.

Thank you for all of the support on the last post! I spent the past few days just staring at the number of notes going up and reading the tags on reblogs and it just made me explode on the inside lol. I’ll be posting more of these headcanon posts, but instead of packing a ton of headcanons into one post I’ll spread them out a bit more so I’ll have time to come up with new ones. Thank you to everyone who reblogged and left all those nice words. It really encourages me to write more in this fandom, hell even in general.

TLDR: THANK YOU

My new pfp since I’m feeling like spycrab rn. The best feeling to feel.

the punching crab 🦀 

work in progress thing

I really do adore the kind of character who would rather make everything worse than even try to fix the problem. Yeah man, fuck communicating with your friends, blow the place to hell!!!

Ohhhhh the underused potential of Plas not perceiving himself as human anymore

Masks of Smoke

MISSION BEGINS IN 60 SECONDS.

“Say, Spy. How does your mask and disguise thing work?

The RED Spy stiffened. Scout continued talking.

“I mean, all you do is put on a mask and throw a smoke bomb and now everyone thinks you’re the stupid Medic or something. What’s the freakin’ deal with that?”

“Scout, are you sure that your mind the size of a quail egg could understand it in the first place?”

“Of COURSE I can understand it,” said Scout, waving his hands in the air indignantly, “Besides, quail eggs are huge, man! Have you even seen one before?”

Spy blew a puff a smoke and smirked. 

“And have YOU ever seen one? They’re smaller than chicken’s eggs.”

“...quail eggs my ass. Tell me how your freakin’ mask works!”

Spy sighed, then put out his cigarette. 

“Well, the smoke encourages the idea of the mask actually being my face. It’s memetic, I’d say. It makes the enemy team think that I’m one of them with whatever new chemical from Australia it uses.” Scout blinked, his mind hitting a brick wall the second Spy had said the word memetic. Of course, he was the smartest in the entire RED team, so of course he knew what it meant! It was just...used in Spy terms. Yeah, that must be why. Spy’s speaking in Spynese.

“Alright, alright, I understand. But just in case, y’know, could you like...repeat that in English?”

Spy rubbed at his forehead, then mimicked Scout’s voice perfectly.

“Of COURSE I can understand it! Very well Scout, here it is in English. The smoke makes people think that I’m actually whatever mask I am wearing. Without the smoke, people would see me as a man walking around with a mask. And without the mask, the smoke has nothing to convince people of. Understand, Scout?”

“Yeah, I guess. But what makes the smoke ‘memetic’ or whatever?”

“Like I said, it’s something from Australia. No one knows what the hell those Australians do down there, especially after they discovered Australium.”

MISSION BEGINS IN 10 SECONDS.

Spy picked up his balisong and examined it, while Scout pulled his bat up over his shoulder.

“I wish you luck, Scout. This mission isn’t going to be an easy one.”

“Hey, thanks. Get them all smoked up out there for me!”

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Memetic (as from the SCP Wiki) -  Memetics in regards to SCP objects tends to focus on the impossible rather than the mundane, regarding effects that are transmitted via information. In general, the effects themselves should remain in the realm of information. A memetic SCP would be more likely to be a phrase that makes you think you have wings as opposed to a phrase that makes you actually grow a pair of wings. If you write up magic words that make people grow wings, it should be described as something other than memetic.

(is my writing any good? tell me where I can improve in writing, since I’ve never had actual feedback for my work)

The J in the U.S.ans font looks like a face.

I can’t believe I spent the day after my birthday translating and memorizing a language from an online show. (bottom translation: real sh*t)

The captain is simultaneously the “Great decision maker” and also the dumbest person on earth. That’s just how it is.

Here’s the template for anyone who wants to use it.

terrible hosonaga image edit i made to truly reflect how cool he is for anyone who wants it.

Blinded.

I thought about van Zieks' breakdown and how he didn't have any noticable post-breakdown sprites, so then I had the idea for an alternative breakdown where he rips off his badge and afterwards, regards it with horror and confusion because he decided to carry his brother's legacy without knowing there was blood was sticking to it.

Stop reading popular books by Zionist authors!

This includes Neil Gaiman, Brandon Sanderson, SJM, Rebecca Yarros, Chloe Walsh, Gabrielle Zevin, Pierce Brown, Carissa Broadbent, Rachel Lynn Solomon, Michelle Hodkin, Taylor Reid Jenkins, etc.

Boycott Zionists’ works!