Sobbing 😭

blurb ideaa for george so gigi is out with a boy and she runs into george and he is in protective uncle mode hahah he’s like wait until i tell your dad

gigi is maybe fifteen when she starts showing a proper interest in dating. she's had little crushes and maybe a sweet little first kiss or two but honestly was too busy just doing her own thing to be that bothered. but she's been seeing this guy for a bit now and she thinks she really likes him. apart from all the questions swirling in her head, am i old enough, does he like me, what's it like being someone's girlfriend, the biggest one in her mind is, how is she going to tell her dad. she had a boy round when she was a bit younger, and he invited the whole band to dinner to stare the poor lad down. luckily he thought it was cool.

but now she is out with her crush, and her parents think she is with friends, but they're too busy with the little girls to really notice what she is doing today anyway which is fine by her. they've walked to get coffee, well frappucinos, and they are now wandering to the park. it's a warm day and gigi is on summer break and hasn't seen her crush since school broke up a week ago. she's giddy. she's even more giddy when he reaches out and takes her hand, swinging it as she walks. this is what her dad writes songs about. she's convinced!

then she sees him. he'd stand out anyway. bleached blond buzz cut. abnormally tall. dark sunglasses. it's george. he's walking towards them, still at a distance. charli isn't there, which gigi thinks with regret, would probably make the situation less bad.

"oh shit," gigi says. the boy looks at her.

"what? what is it?"

"that guy," she says, pointing to him. he's getting closer. she's panicking. "that's my uncle."

"aw nice!" the boy says, "shall we go say hi?"

"no!" gigi says, "of course not. you have to hide."

"i have to what."

"hide. now."

the boy looks around, grinning, amused at her, "where am i supposed to hide. it's a street."

"erm. er. fuck," gigi says, and george is already too close. he's spotted them. his face has lit up.

"hey gus gus," he says, he scoops her into a hug. "what you up to?"

"oh nothing, just hanging with a friend."

george's eyes land on the boy. he raises an eyebrow.

"friend?" he says.

"yep!" gigi says, brightly, "anyway, we've got to go." she all but shoves the boy on. he doesnt move.

"you alright mate," george is saying to him.

"yeah thanks, you gigi's uncle?"

"yep," george says. he straightens up, tall. he blocks out the sun with his head. he puts them both in shadow. gigi takes a deep breath.

"you taking care of this girl?" george says, his face a hard line now.

"yes sir," the boy says. he holds his own. looking at george in the eye.

"you don't do harm to this girl, correct?" george says.

"yes sir."

george snaps back into his happy self. his goofball self. he smiles.

"i gotta meet my missus. cant keep the ladies waiting," he says, "can we?"

"no sir."

"nice to meet you. bye gussy. come round soon okay?" he says. he hugs gigi goodbye.

"please dont tell my dad," she whispers to him. he doesnt respond until he starts to walk away. he winks at her.

"oh ho ho. i'm telling your dad," he says. and then he is gone.

gigi puts her head in her hands, "we're screwed."

"we'll be okay. you're dad doesnt sound like a hardass," the boy says, putting his arm around gigi.

"he is when it comes to me," she says, "he'll pretend to be all cool with it but he'll stare at you when i'm not looking. cry to my mum about me growing up. "

"nothing i cant handle," the boy says.

"then he'll write a song about you called, little shit get away from my daughter or something."

"that sounds pretty cool," the boy grins at her.

Hey guys it’s me ,

I hope everyone who has been reading Heart Out has been having a lovely time reading it and enjoys it, I’m really struggling with the next chapter it just doesn’t seem to be flowing , I know I send out a couple a week, but I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be getting one out this week. I’m so sorry if your waiting BUT what I can do for you while you wait is do some BLURBS OR IDEAS that you all may have , if you do have anything you’d like me to hash out or give blurbs for let me know and I’ll get them written for you.

IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ALL GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE AND ITS SOOOO APPRECIATED ❤️❤️

Thank you again

Dylan 💥

Chapter 11

Word count :3411

Mention of weed , mention of death worry and anxiety

The next few chapters are a little deep and angsty so I hope that’s okay I’d also like to mention it might be more enthralling to read this while listening to lost my head or 102

George's POV

(Starts off not long after he sent matty the snap)

I spent the last few hours of school just stressing over what I'd said , it was stupid he's going to think I'm so weird, I'll talk to Adam and Carly about it later one because I don't really know why I never think before I do things it's an impulse thing I guess.

My classes go over in a blur, I don't think I really do any work in any of them. I just spent a lot of time thinking. Adam or Carly aren't in any of my last classes so I message Adam just to let him know I need some advice

"Hey Ad...need some advice bro, gotta talk after"

Adam won't be in his phone he's a nerd but I take the chance anyway because at least he'll know when we leave that I need to talk to him.

When the belle for the end of school comes around I'm waiting outside of Joel's class to walk down too Adams. Carly and Adam like to have time alone on there walks back so it's just Joel and I till then maybe Joel will help a little

"Hey Joe ? Can I ask you something". I'd usually just come right out with it but this seems too difficult to even understand.

"What's up G" , he's not paying much attention he's typing away on his phone like usual, he's always trying to impress some boy no matter what time of day off even whenever he's met them.

"We'll you know , have you ever felt an instant attraction to someone". Even asking it sound bloody stupid but I've said it now so no going back now "like even without knowing them?"

"What do you mean?, like are you talking about one night stands or what?", Joel isn't one for relationships I think he just has a guy a few times and there never seen again

"Joe be serious for a minute not everything is about sex". That is the complete opposite of what most boys my age would say but I need a good talk right now.

"Alright fine , think about it right if your really think you might like the guy and you get fuzzy and cute with them does it really matter how long you've know them?"

"Time doesn't matter me no , but what about if you don't know anything about em". It's never me talking about wanting someone , it's usually Joel fawning over one guy or the next so this situation feels forgein to me

"Just go for it G , learn about him". Joel goes back to his phone he's not a big talker really, if I texted him this whole conversation sure he'd write a bloody novel but when it comes to talking absolutely not.

"Alright fine, thanks" . Adams house is about five minutes from school so we just walk in when we arrive, we've done that since 11 no one stops us. We shout hi to his dad and make our way into his room. He's got a basement room you know like all the kids do in the movies.

"Yo guys", I wave over to Adam and Carly sat on Adam’s bed I then made my way over to the beanbag in the corner and drop my bag beside me and take out my phone for the first time in like three hours I see I have a snap from Matty and I open it immediately gasping and I feel my face flush "nah" , looking around the room I see no one is looking at me there all talking to each other "there's no way"

Shortly after having been staring at the screen for like five minutes the snap long gone I feel a dip in the beanbag , tearing my eyes away from my phone I look up and Carly is sat right next to me

"You doing alright there G, you look like you've just seen a ghost", we all love Carly she's very observant I understand why Adam chased her for years.

"Want the long story or short?", I look at her to judge her reaction , I can't always tell how people will react to what I say.

"Whatever story you want", she taps my knee , it's a comfort thing and she's looking right at me already paying far more attention than Joel did

"Obviously you know about Matty, well earlier we were messing around and I said he was fit and I thought he took offence to it or at least that it made him feel weird but he just told me that apparently I'm fit too , I don't know how to take that", trying not to look at her I pick a spot in the wall and just stare into hoping to glare a whole into it.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeh it felt good but as I've said we know nothing about each other, I'm crazy", the other have tuned in slightly to the conversation and are just giggling at me.

"George you may be crazy but any geezer would be lucky to ave ya mate", Adam chimes in this time, "and really what have you got to lose , I chased Carly for years , just go for it what's the worst that could happen?"

"Thanks guys", picking up Adams Xbox remote I realise why we were here in the first place "so smokes and games yeh!?"

They all agree ecstatically as we all discuss what game we want to play, this is always what takes the longest, what we play it usually ends up with us not even playing and watching a movie instead. Which is exactly what happens this time. We argue over game play for what feels like forever until Carly pipes up and suggest we watch a movie instead, we opt for "Legend". STELLER choice , a movie about real life London gangsters in the 80s it's amazing. We smoke quite a lot too, giddy and hoped up on the day I feel at home and comfortable after a while his mum comes down and gives us some pizza "just take your time with that yeh , I don't want any injuries like last time please lovies", She's referring to the last time I was here we spent the night just drinking and smoking and playing stupid games. There were a few others there so it wasn't as weird but there was one point we're I went to go to take a leak and I lost my balance and broke my wrist falling down the short flight of stairs , It was genuinely really funny. We get caught up in our time just so engrossed by the movie that when it ends we're all high as kites , Carly curled up in Adams lap on the bed , Joel and I on the beanbag wrapped up in one another my hands playing with his hair, we're all best mates and they don't find it weird that Joel and I are still close. Adam has a theory that Joel misses being with me but I think it's just how we are. Once it's all over Adams dad offers to drive me home since it's about 8 o'clock not that late nothing is that wild but I take him up on the offer so I'm home and can talk to Matty, I say goodbye to them all giving them a quick hug and thanking them all again.

I get dropped of by Adams dad around 8:15, walking in the house is strangely still very lively my dad has a few friends over and my mother is cooking for them all and my sisters and playing with my dads friends kids, so before I disappear to my room I say hello to them all as not to be rude and go to see what my mum is cooking. I take some juice out the fridge and pour myself a glass

"Hiya, do you want a hand with that mum?"

"It's alright love, how was your day ?". Always the first thing a parents ask when you get home later than they expected from school.

"It was great , school was school and then we all went round Hanns for dinner", I really hope I don't smell to much of weed but knowing my luck it's well obvious anyway

"Just dinner ?", I'm sure she's trying to get me to tell her we smoked but she'll just lecture me again and I really don't want that right now , I'm in a good way right now a lecture will just ruin that.

"Dinner and a movies that's all Mum", before she has the time to question me more I kiss her cheek and say goodbye making my way upstairs, two steps at a time. The house is a little warmer than I'm used to so I strip my jacket and jumper and quickly change into a hoodie and a pair of Nike shorts, after closing my door and getting my laptop ready, this is all I've wanted to do all day. Just hearing his voice will make me happier than I already am , I send him a quick "hey , I know I've been quite quiet for the last few hours but I'm ready to call if your still down" , while waiting for a reply I pull up YouTube on my laptop and look through YouTube for something to watch to hold my attention while I wait for Matty to reply. I'm half way through a Cam Kirkham video when I hear the reply come from my phone and small message from matty "I hope you had a good day darlin, I'll be ready in five minutes just gotta change x"

I'll let him call me when he's ready so I don't interrupt him, but like he said five minutes later the calling alert comes through my laptop and I accept straight away and wait for his face to appear

"Hey there love", Seeing Matty on my screen just close enough to touch makes me feel lighter than a feather, he looks so cute right now I can just make out that's he's wearing a really fluffy jumper and he's wrapped up in a tiny blanket "you look so cozy there"

"Hey Darlin, it's like I was sat in a solid block of ice all night since I got home but I was doing homework and putting some music together , didn't give myself a minute to change", he laughed after he said but it sounded a bit strained

"How are you doing , like really, like after your class today we didn’t talk much after that." I swear if I could just reach out and touch the screen and swipe that hair out of his face so I could see his eyes I'd do that right now.

"I'm okay, I was a little stressed out after class but I got some time alone so I've been alright, I spoke to Miss Conner's more and spoke a lot more about how I'm feeling , I also started putting together a song I was writing and im so happy about how it's going so im feeling quite okay right now", That was a lot in one go I hope he's not trying to keep it all in and trying to keep me happy

"Can you promise me?", I know that's a really tough thing to promise but I hope he knows he doesn't always have to be okay

"Right now yes I can promise I'm doing alright , just a little drained but I'm okay", He's smiling now and oh my god I can't get enough of that face "I can't promise I'll be okay all the time but right I'm alright, everything is calm my brain is settled and I feel less buzzy"

I'm smiling at his response I hope I can always see him like this , I know full well it won't always be that way like he said but calm Matty is gorgeous,

"Can I show you the track now , feel free to add lyrics to it if you feel like you can!"

"Yes I'd love too", I see him sit up at this , his whole demeanour changes and he looks much more alive then I've seen him since we met "let me hear it!!!"

I rummage around in my pocket looking around for my phone pulling it out , I find the app I've been using and start the track “it's like 5 minutes long so be prepared , I hope you understand the ambiance"

I can see him actually come alive and he's really listening like really listening to it, he's feeling it I can tell, It can be complicated to understand this type of music if your not used it but I know he understands, he knows how he as a person has been feeling and really it's a direct ambiance of that. The track is just playing around my room and it's bringing me so much joy that someone else is hearing it for the first time and enjoying it as much as I do , he's nodding  along like he's actually thinking of lyrics , smiling when he hears a bit he likes. It finishes not long after "So....?"

"George that's fuckin epic....your a legend". This man is 100% gunna be my death but I thank him and ask him if he understand where it's coming from and how I felt when making it.

"It's deep, to begin with it's eary and complex, it's like a story of someone's mentality in my mind someone starts off scared and uncertain juxtaposed with the ending we're they find that happiness and joy in the end", he's seated cross legged on his bed looking like a little kid in the assembly hall , looking smaller than he already seems "I don't think it needs much lyrics either the story is told for itself"

"Thank you honestly , your the first person to hear it so the fact you understand it and like it , is amazing" , I finally flash a smile properly in his direction and I can feel myself blushing like an absolute freak but I can't help it , it's him, he does these things to me "so the lyrics you write do you have any examples you can show me ?"

"Do you really want to hear something I've done ?" , he seems genuinely surprised at this , he immediately jumps up from the bed abandoning the blanket and comes back holding a guitar and guitar pick in between his teeth "I uh this is one of the songs I wrote about Janey before she passed I've wrote at least three for her this was the only one she heard"

He picked up the guitar properly and the cord started filling the room invading my brain in a way I never thought would affect me then he starts singing

"Well we're here , we're at the common again", his voice is so raw and emotional even just the first line , a little messy but amazing all the same "smoked six of the ten fags I only bought an hour ago", of course , the smoker in me understand that a little too much , nervousness and all "she said well ....I like the look of your shoes ....I like the way that your face looks when I'm arguing with you" , this makes me smile because that's always a funny thing, playful arguing with the person you love they always try to be angry but you just can't there face is just the most amazing thing.

He plays for a little longer , the emotion that he's showing while playing is really starting to show, tears rolling down his face as he plays "But on this shirt...Well I found your smell... I just sat there for ages...Contemplating what to do with myself" , man he must be heartbroken right now , I can't say I really understand everything that he's going through but losing any of my friends would honestly ruin me. As he finishes the quiver in his voice becomes more prominent after he places the guitar down on the bed he lets the tears fall wiping them violently from his face, sniffling he brings his hands to his face crying into them

"Matty love, that was so beautiful" , I didn't get a response for a while I don't really expect to either I just needed him to know that I was amazing. "You so talented I swear"

He's sat crying for another five minutes but it was the most heart wrenching five minutes I've felt in a while, I just want to take all his pain away. He disappears after a while presumably to clean himself up, but when he does come back he has a joint in one hand and a mug of what I guess is coffee in the other.

"Sorry, I haven't sang that in a while , I forgot that it did that to me", He ignites his joint taking a deep inhaled drag swiftly followed by a big sip of coffee and he makes as face as the two tastes mix "Shit"

"You don't have to apologise it was an amazing piece, well done to you, you really did feel deeply for her ",Here I go probably putting my foot in my mouth but hey ho.

"I did, like so much G", Another long drag of the joint comes again , his looking a lot redder then normal, and like I know that he's smoking and been crying but I've seen both there never usually this red.

"Are you okay Matty, your eyes look really red", He's looking at me but it really looking you know its like no-one is home, the lights aren't even on, he's so spaced. "Like more than I've seen in you before"

"Yeah I'm fine, they don't feel any different, I'm maybe just high", It seems a little odd, and I'm not loving the feeling my stomach is guessing so I don't want to push my luck.

"I'll be grand soon enough G don't worry", he lays down and places his laptop next to him "its just been a busy day , I'm just a little tired"

i let him rest for a bit were basically sat there for what I want to say was 20 minutes at least I know for a fact he's never been quiet for for this long, I've just been fidgeting with my hands the whole time but he's been lying there staring at the ceiling with his hands resting on his stomach and i soon hear him mumbling to himself i cant quite make it out

"Sorry love?, what was that?"

"I was just playing with some lyrics for your track , I don't think it should be too much said maybe just a little something"

"Oh what were you thinking", I sit upright again fully paying attention to him not that he can see because he's so far in space he's on bloody Venus, I don't really know what's going on with him but its alright for now

"and he said I've lost my head, can you see it? , can you see it?, and then maybe a few line's after that then repeat, simple but it gets the message across.

"That is amazing, maybe the bit after that can be something about how you feel when your out of your depth",

"well if that's what you really want and really do like it maybe it could be , Bellyaches when you in bed can you feel it can you feel it?, i always have a stomach ache when I'm feeling uncertain and lost"

"That's beautiful, but do you really feel like that, like your losing everything in you other than the pain?"

He throws his eyes in the direction of the screen, then back to the ceiling ,sitting up quickly

"yes , all the time" I see him shift to the edge of the bed and his hand is covering his eyes and he looks a little wobbly "Sorry I just got really dizzy, can I call you back". before I have time to reply i see the swiftest movement of ending the call and slightly running off.

"Okay"

I just read my S3 (14/15 years old) , report card from school , why am I still exactly the bloody same 😂, my fave subject/ ones I was good at were history , German and computer stuff like I’m so confused

And my English teacher spoke about how I’m always writing stories like

WHY AM I STILL THE SAME 😂😂

@justanamesstuff @medeas-chariot @squishysoupy @alwaysanagelneveragod @the1975attheirverybest

Chapter three

Word count :1941

I think we all hate/hated school as much as matty in this fanfiction , I swear if I had the courage to walk out and act up I’d be exactly like this 🙄😂

I trudge through the halls pulling my rucksack straps around me before sliding into my English class all ther way to my seat in the back next to my friend Jamie I place my rucksack on the table infront of me and pull my phone out of my pocket again and put my earphones in to listen to music after picking a playlist I go back to Pub-G and open my messages sending George a quick message with my number and Snapchat attached explaining that it's easier to talk there I then rest my head on the table as I wait for the teacher to come , sleep once again overcoming me slowly

Again just before I have time to fully succumb to sleep my phone vibrates on the table I pick it up to see a Snapchat alert from the same user as Pub-G , I smile as I open it and swiftly accept it and quickly send him a quick snap of my hair with a simple "fancy seeing you here ". A reply doesn't come straight away so I gather he is in class now and actually working .

Just at that my teacher decided to make an arrival. I roll my eyes immediately as he starts talking and slowly sink into my chair avoiding his gaze at all costs because I just know he will be all over me for answers because I'm so far getting an A* for this class but I really don't want to be talking to anyone right now. The buzz of the classroom keeps me awake only slightly as everyone conversates over something or other and I have my phone glued to my hand again in wait of George's snap , which doesn't take to much longer to come through. I receive a snap from him , it's full face and damn is that a good looking man , not that I'm gay but I can very much appreciate a good looking chap , his eyes do how ever seem to be just as blown as mine and red rimmed , his face is broken out in a wild smile and his hair is trapped under his hood , with a simple caption of "Yooo dude "

I smile to myself at the obvious stoner I have befriended , I then take another picture but this time making sure I get my whole face in , leaning on my hand as I take it "Bro you look wrecked...are you okay?honestly ?"

His reply comes through momentarily another of his face but looks like he's rolling his eyes dramatically "nah man ...shit sucks right now but I'll be fine "

I look around to make sure no one is looking at me as I can't really hear anything then quickly snap another pick of me making a stupid face hopefully cheering him up a little "you sure don't wanna talk about it ay?". Helping someone through there struggles might help me forget for a little while why I'm so tense and stressed.

The replies are getting faster so it get another almost instantaneously his face still in the shot still looking done with life...I can relate "just girls man...broke up with my girl the other day ...well she broke up with me ". I feel bad for the dude , break ups are tough especially at his age , I know I'm not that much older than him but geez I was even more on edge then than I am now and that's saying something so if he's anything like me he's got to be struggling like mad right now

I send another snap of a stupid face back but this time with a video and I flip my teacher off from behind my screen , again hoping to maybe cheer him up "that's tough man ...any reason why ?".

I don't get a picture snap this time just a message "she thinks I don't care about anything ...I'm too laid back ...don't care about my future ...I don't have any "real" ambition and she also hated that I got so into weed " I scoff as I read the message as Ive heard that too much in my life from girls. They're pretty but they suuuuuck.

I must have scoffed louder than I thought I had , after being pulled out of my own little world by Mr Lezdon

"Mr Healy , is there something you'd like to share ....also please remove your bag from the table it should be long gone by now "

"No sir sorry I just hiccuped ...I'm so sorry " I move my rucksack into my lap so I can slouch  on it with my arms wrapped softly around it. I try to pay attention but my hands were itching to take my phone back out so I opt for drumming hands on my lap and resting my head back onto my desk while listening to Mr lezdon talk about symbolism and juxtapositions between two poems that we had been reading. Man I should have slept last night I'm really struggling right now. I have an apiffany and raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I'm allowed out this one time I take my phone out and reply back to George "I'm so sorry that must really suck girls really take a lot out of a guy ". I take this as an opportunity to sneak out for another zoot , If I'm going to stay here all day I really need this. It's not going to help with my tiredness really but anything to ease the dull throbbing vibrating through me, to still the buzzing in my brain. It's go to be quick though. My phone vibrates in my pocket once again I see another text reply from George "yeh I'm just done right now I know it's lame cuz she's just a girl but we were going strong and I guess I'm young but I thought we had a good thing ...but what can you do ,"

I smile again as I manage to get outside without being spotted and take another  zoot and the lighter out of my trousers pocket. It's slightly flat due to the pressure between my thighs and trousers but it will do. After taking a video of me with the zoot lit and between my lips captioned by "just have a zoot bro  " I get a quick reply of laughing emojis straight back with a "smoking is bad for you Matthew " not so long after

I take about five minute to myself to finish my joint and just bask in the quiet and the fresh air before I go back inside. It's so hard to find time for myself at the moment there sooo much to be getting on with. The joint calmed me down quite a bit more than the last one had so after making my way back to class I get back to my seat after a few glares from people who I know 100% knew what I was doing. I reply to George quickly with a cheeky emoji and said "I know but I'm bad for me " meant to be as a joke but maybe not sounding so. For the rest of the class I just lay with my head resting on my arm on the desk as the world moves on by around me .

The rest of the morning up until break time flies by not paying attention in most classes and sitting with Jamie half asleep brings him to speak to me at break time

"Hey mate are you okay ? " I pressed a supportive hand on the small of my back as we make our way through the crowd of teenagers as we go outside to meet Ross

"M' fine " I keep my head down as I'm in the mist of a banging headache and I just want out of the noise for a bit "honestly just tired ay "

"I know Ross has probably said and your mum ...but your not giving yourself time to be at peace right now Matty....you do so much in a day ...have barley anything to eat ...and your not sleeping right ...can you promise you'll tell us if anything gets to much " . He pauses us in the hallway and lifts my head up with my chin so I'm looking directly into my eyes . I nod nonchalantly "I'm fine Jay honestly...everyone needs to stop worrying "

"Promise me ?"

"Alright ...fine I promise " I roll my eyes at him this time and continue walking . I love my mates so much but my god to they worry too much.

"Good " . We reach the back gate as I pull out a cigarette out of my also crushed packet and light it quickly relishing in the rush of nicotine floating through my body i slouch against the back wall and close my eyes and let the cigarette consume me while Jamie is talking away when Ross comes over. I  cant decipher every part of the conversation but it takes me a minute to realise they're talking to me. Ross nudges me slightly shaking me off balance "Matty mate ??"

"Huh ... I wasn't paying attention...what did you say ?" I look at them properly now giving them my full attention while taking another long drag

"Jay and I were wandering if you'd like to come back to his after school, some drinks , just to relax for a bit " . They look at me with hopeful grins "you've been on edge for weeks now you need it ?"

It's true I have been quite skittish and on edge for a while now. "I'm sorry guys , I've got work tonight then I've got to look after Loiue for a little while, you can see me at work though and help me look after Lou if you'd like ?"

"I can come see you at work" Jay isn't much round at mine so that makes sense

"Yeh I ain't seen the little dude in a while so I could come over bring some drinks and we can just chill while we look after him ? , Would you mum mind ? . Ross loves my house he was there most days before work and GCSEs got the better of us

"No I'm sure she won't mind so long as lou is in bed by 8 and we don't make to much noise " I smile and get slightly more excited at the prospects of seeing my best friend after school like we used too "thank you Ross "

"You don't have to thank me mate... we're just really worried about you and your mental health right now...and we want you to be okay " . Our conversation is interrupted by the noise of the bell ringing through everywhere alerting us it's time to go back in

"Guys seriously I'm fine stop worrying " I nod to them both before making my way back inside. I've got maths next. Let's so how this goes down it never goes well. I take out my phone again putting my headphones back in and realising I have at least 2 messages from my mum reminding me about looking after Lou later and asking if I've eaten . Shit I forgot , I message back a little white lie saying that I had as to not upset her. Then I see George has sent a snap

It's just his face again looking a little more awake this time "what do you mean by not being good for yourself "

Snapping back with what I mean expressing that im usually my own worst enemy and that it's not always the best thing for me to be me or in my head . Im sure he'd understand

Hello, I'm sorry you are sad love, I hope things will get better for you 🙏 I kinda need something comforting too, so maybe could you write something about Matty being soft and caring towards his girlfriend after she had a terrible day full of stress at work and is really exhausted 🖤

A/N: Combining this with another very similar ask here! Thank you anon 🥺🫶 hope you’re doing okay xox

Moving in with Matty was possibly the best choice you had ever made. Before, when you had a rough day at work, you would go home to an empty house and feel more alone than ever before. Now you came home to Matty’s warm presence engulfing you the moment you walked through the door. So when you came home from the absolute worst day imaginable, you were surprised to find Matty gone. Even though he had seen your message about how terrible you felt and promised to be here. His shoes weren’t by the door like usual, his jacket was gone, and Mayhem was alone on the living room sofa. You sat down beside him and rubbed his ears while he nudged at your cheek with his nose.

“Where’s your dad, huh?” You asked with a sad smile. Mayhem whined in response. You kicked off your shoes and sank into the sofa, the dog cuddling into your side. You had been there perhaps ten minutes when Mayhem sat up straight and looked at the door, tail wagging. A key turned in the front door and Matty appeared in the living room, holding 2 plastic Tesco bags.

“Sorry, love, i just nipped out to get you a few bits and pieces,” he said, sitting down next to you. He threw an arm around you and hugged you close to himself, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You buried your head into his neck and breathed in his scent of cigarettes and distinctive aftershave. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, gorgeous. You okay?”

“Better now,” you sighed.

“I’ve brought a bottle of wine and some snacks and stuff. I was thinking we could just get some blankets and stuff and watch a movie.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Matty.” He kissed your head again and stood to get you a glass of wine, saying “I love you, babe.”

When Matty came back, he handed you a glass and grabbed a blanket which had been hanging over the back of the sofa, laying it over you and tucking a pillow behind your back. Your boyfriend picked up his own drink and slid under the blanket right next to you, pulling you closer until you were practically on his lap. He had switched on a movie, but wasn’t watching it, instead looking at you. He watched the way your eyes lit up when your favourite character was onscreen, how you would shake your head and smile at every stupid joke, the way your lips looked against the glass when you sipped your wine. He kissed them a lot, too. You couldn’t get 3 minutes of peace in between before he placed a hand on your jaw and turned your head to place soft kisses on your lips again. Not that you minded. Most importantly, he watched the way you started to yawn near the end of the film and how your eyes were closing gently. The last thing you heard was a soft “I love you” before you fell asleep, and he wasn’t sure if you felt him move both your bodies around gently so he could lie back and hold you into his chest as you slept.

We’ll I only bought three what you looking at me for 😂😂😂

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

I hate having ADHD sometimes man like , when I get the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep I just wake up in the morning and feel like I’m going about my day like a damn zombie and can only concentrate on one thing at a time and like I get tired more often —- but when I get no sleep or maybe like less than 5 hours I’ll be up all day for like 3-4 day straight and I can do anything , get everything done , think and concentrate on a million things at one time I’m happy and alive ——but then by the end of day for the burnout comes and I just wanna die and sleep forever like wtf

I don’t feel grown up enough at my big age (23 ) to be going to an Embassy to be picking something up this isn’t funny