Introducing Mate To The 1975 (idk If It’s The Girls On The Song Or Them ) But She’s Living 😂

Backstage At Your Show

Matty x Reader

Warning: Smut (Mutual masturbation, voyeurism, public sex? cumplay, dom-reader, and subby Matty)

WC: 3.2K

Summary: You catch Matty in the act backstage at his show.

Masterlist

Matty and the guys had no clue that you would be attending their first-ever arena show. You could hardly contain your excitement for them, having worked so fucking hard to get to this point. Everything felt surreal; you couldn't believe that they were performing on such a large stage and for a sold-out crowd at that. You felt so proud of all of them.

To Matty's knowledge, you wouldn’t be here for another eight days for Christmas Eve, and he was missing you like fucking crazy. As sadistic as it may sound, it made you feel good knowing he was going crazy without you. 

The arena appears in sight as the driver whips the car into its parking spot. You clutch your suitcase tightly and wave a silent goodbye before they pull away. The cold air bites against your body, and the sheer top you’re wearing does little to hide the goosebumps littering your skin. 

You wanted to look hot for Matty, but now you fucking regret not bringing a jacket. The queue of fans lined up outside the arena stretches on for what feels like miles, but you make your way through them, stopping to take pictures with them before Mark rushes outside to get you.

"C'mon, love." Mark grabs your suitcase and leads you through the front entrance, "How was your flight?"

You smile at Mark as you make your way backstage, trying not to bump into people doing last-minute preparations for the show. "God, it was exhausting! I forgot how much I hate traveling during the holidays. Just a nightmare."

Mark chuckles. "Well, you made it just in time. Matty's been moaning about you not texting him all day, you know. He's been driving everyone mad. Hann sent him back to the dressing room because he couldn't take his complaining anymore."

You laugh at Mark's words, imagining Matty pacing around the room, fidgeting with his clothes, and checking his phone every two seconds. It was cute, really, how much he cared about you, but you couldn't help but tease him a little. "I spoke to him this morning! He's just being dramatic, as usual."

Mark chuckles again, shaking his head. "You know how he is."

"Oh, trust me, I do. They definitely need to pay you more for always dealing with his shit." You joke, giving Mark a playful nudge as he leads you towards the dressing room.

Mark laughs, "I keep telling him that. I'll take your suitcase to the bus. The guys are doing the soundcheck without him. Just go down this hall, and it's the last door on the left."

You give a curt nod of thanks to Mark before hastily making your way down the damp-smelling hallway. Eyes focused on finding a head of curly hair. There’s a hum of music playing, growing louder and louder as you approach the door at the end of the hall. The door is barely cracked, but it’s enough for you to see where you’re stepping and to make sure you don’t bump into anything.

The music grows as you stalk further into the back of the O2 dressing room, and you can see the silhouette of a shadow break against the adjacent wall.

A smile breaks across your face at managing to perfect the surprise. Matty would be none the wiser, completely taken aback and shocked. You could practically see the way his eyes would crinkle at the sight of you.

Matty’s back is facing you as he lounges on the chase situated in the middle of the room. The music you had heard is playing on the speaker in front of him, and you are about to walk behind him, jumping into his arms when something catches your attention.

You can't help but pause when you see how his black suit hugs his shoulders, stretching with every tense movement. And it's the subtle sheen on his skin that catches your eye.

Your mouth runs dry as his head lulls back, his mouth parted in silent ecstasy, and his eyes clenched tightly in awe.

“Fuuuck,” he moans to himself, and the grit of his voice has your legs squeezing together, “god–yes.” His shoulders move more intensely, and your eyes are drawn to the glimmer of his many rings, shining with each pump of his hand. And it has you walking closer to the back of the chase.

You dragged your index finger across his body, from one shoulder to the other, going over the highs and lows of soft fabric agonizingly slow. He jumps in surprise and spins around quickly, in utter shock. You have to stop yourself from screaming when you notice the black eyeshadow and liner around his eyes, making his brown eyes pop even more than usual.

He is a vision of beauty. His black suit jacket clung to his body like a second skin, displaying the white dress shirt beneath it in all its crisp glory. The black necktie added a touch of sophistication. Tight-fitting jet-black jeans unbuttoned and hung low on his waist, exposing a dark dusting of hair above his hard cock that was leaking precum at the slit.

He looks like a fucking gothic god.

His eyes, even though wide with confusion, are teetering on the edge of ecstasy as he takes you in.

“Hi, baby.” You purr, letting your eyes wander down the expanse of his body. His entire body tenses, and you shake your head slowly, “why did you stop? I’m enjoying the show.” 

Matty knows that tone of your voice. He dreams about it, makes himself cum to the memory of it. As you circle around the chase, he grows comfortable on the cushions. Palming his dick, he lets you watch as he slowly rubs the length of his cock up and down. “That’s a good boy.” You praise, and you can see the light grow in his eyes.

Sitting opposite of him on the oversized chair, you part your legs in front of him. The skirt you’re wearing rides up your thighs, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of your bare pussy through your stockings.

Hey, you wanted him to have easy access. You knew how this night was gonna end anyway, and you wanted to make it easier for the both of you. So, you took off your underwear in the airport bathroom.

“What were you thinking about, baby boy?” You ask, and Matty's mouth hangs open slightly as a moan rips through his throat at the pet name. You smile knowingly at him, and his cheeks are tinged red, and you can tell he’s embarrassed by it.

It's fucking hot. You loved it when he had that innocent look on his face when he’s completely lost in his thoughts and didn’t realize what he was doing. God, you just want to eat him up.

His eyes follow every movement as you let your hand dance down the length of your abdomen, teasingly inching its way under your skirt and up the insides of your thigh. “Was it me?” You purr, tearing away the flimsy stocking with your nails, exposing your glistening and ready cunt.

Matty nods, fist tightens around his cock. “I missed you so fuckin’ much, baby.” He moans, pausing the slight lifting of his hips as you circle your fingertip over your already sensitive clit. The moment you stop, he’s staring back at your face, “No, please.” He begs, pumping himself again–quicker, more desperate, “Don’t stop.” 

Your pussy clenches in anticipation, yearning for the stretch of his cock inside of you. “Were you thinking about how I’d ride you right there where you’re sitting if I had been here?” You push further, and his lips part.

He shakes his head feverishly, stumbling over his own movements as you stand and start walking towards him. Matty quickly pulls down his jeans to his lower thighs before palming his dick. The hand he had wrapped around his dick only a second ago slips under the mesh shirt you’re wearing and pulls you closer to his chest.

“What do you want, baby boy?” You ask, biting your own lip to stop the moan as you feel his dick glide against your already swollen clit, his hips involuntarily bucking up as he tries his best to form a coherent sentence.

“Anything. Fuckin' anything.” Matty answers immediately, pressing his lips to your neck, right below your ear. “Just need you.” He mumbles against your skin.

Reaching between the two of you, you take his cock in your hand and stroke teasingly over the length, and you watch as his breathing accelerates. "I heard you were driving everyone crazy today," He choked on a breath as you swiped a thumb over the tip of his cock, smearing the precum over him. Your legs shake as he moans your name lowly and deeply, the sound coming from his chest. "So, maybe don't you deserve anything."

"N-no, please. I do! I do, I do, I do." Matty babbles in a rush, mouth dry and stuttering over his words. His fingers bite into your skin, and he raises his hips once more, attempting to bury himself inside of you.

“Not yet.” You demand, forcing his eyes on you. He looks completely desperate, pupils blown, cheeks red, and slightly sweaty curls falling on his forehead. “You don’t get to fuck me until I say so, do you understand?”

Matty nods and lets his head fall back against the edge of the chase. He loosens his grip, letting you rock your bare pussy over his cock slowly. You can see how hard he’s fighting the urge to push up inside of you. His jaw is locked, his brows pinched together tightly, and to be honest, you were nearly coming undone as well. With every roll, the head of his dick was brushing against your clit, and the precum mixed with your own wetness, aiding in the ease of gliding against one another.

"Wanna make that pretty makeup run down your checks, hmm? Would you like that?" You taunt, as his eyes widen with anticipation. He nods frantically but fails to form a single word. "I want to see you cum all over yourself before I let you fuck me."

Matty almost chokes on his breath, and his hips shoot up into you, the length of his cock twitching against your clit. His black-lined eyes had become glassy; whether it was from the sight of you or the sensations you were inflicting on him, you couldn't tell.

But you can't be bothered by it because he looks so fucking gorgeous, and he doesn't even know it. You almost forgot what you were doing. Almost. But not quite.

"Such a good boy." You purr, picking up the pace once more.

Matty's hips were thrashing in tandem with yours, his knuckles white and his cries more frenzied. Your breath came in heavy gasps as the tension between you increased. You tangled your fingers in Matty's now-soaked hair, pulling him close as you writhed together. Each hip thrust made the knot in your stomach tighten, sending shivers up your spine.

Your breaths are shared with one another: open mouths and heaving chests. In a frenzy, Matty is ripping the shirt over your head and unclasping your bra with one hand, just leaving you in stockings and a skirt. Letting his other hand roam your body. His chest presses against yours, his lips ghosting over your collarbone and down your chest, sucking at your peaked nipples.

“Fuck, baby.” He moans as you pull your skirt around your waist and angle your hips and roll harder against his cock. “You’re gonna make me cum.”

You can see him shake, trying to stave off an orgasm. But you can also see how much he wanted it. How desperately he wanted to cum, to spray all over you, to feel the relief of it gushing out of him.

You loved doing this to him.

“Do it.” You command, gripping his hair, and his eyes go wide. “Fucking do it.” You repeat. Matty’s mouth falls open, his brows high on his forehead before his head falls back against the seat, his hips jerking erratically as he orgasms. You watch as pearly white jets of cum erupt over your boyfriend's still-clothed chest. You can feel him tense beneath you as his orgasm hits and rattles through his body.

He looks at you like he’s never seen you before. And in a way, he hasn't. High on the feeling of his release, he looks at you like he’d never be able to get enough. Like he wanted you to stay just like this, forever.

“You're so fucking beautiful.” Matty whispers, buried in your neck. In any other situation, you would've melted at his words, but the only thing you can think about is wanting to see black streaks running down his face and onto his—now cum covered shirt.

Without a second thought, you tighten the grip you have on his hair and force his eyes on you. The pain surges through his scalp, and he hisses out, but you can feel the pulse of his dick when you do it.

“You’re my little whore–aren’t you?” You question, reaching down between you two, lining him with your entrance and sinking down in one swift motion. Matty moans, almost choking on his spit. Still extremely sensitive from his orgasm not even a second ago. “F-fuck, god–yes, I’m your whore, baby.” Matty whines.

You lean back, hands resting on his knees, pushing your hips down onto him roughly. With your cunt exposed, Matty's eyes can't help but fall to where your bodies meet, watching as his cock slides into your pulsing cunt.

Matty glances up at you through the hair falling over his forehead, and you notice tears starting to form as his hands find your hips, trying to slow your movements. "Please, pleassse! I can't anymore–" He whimpers, sliding his hands to your ass, squeezing it painfully.

"Look at you—shit," Another rough drop of your hips, "a withering fuckin' mess because of me." You chuckle lowly, fighting back the moan as you feel his hips come off the couch, trying to match your speed.

Matty's eyes snap to yours, and his mouth opens, assumingly to respond with some witty comment, but you rut yourself back onto him, bottoming out to the hilt, and Matty's words are cut off with a loud moan.

“Yes, baby, that’s it, fuckin’ give it to me. Fuck my little pussy and make me cum.” You yell, grinding down onto him hard.

Matty’s hips shoot up, his dick twitching inside of you, and you can see him bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. "Oh, god, please." Matty nearly begs, hands griping your ass even tighter, his head to drop back against the chase, exposing his neck. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re so good." He moans, trying to restrain his voice.

"I wanna see your pretty makeup all over you." You whisper, leaning forward, licking a trail from the base of neck to his ear. "Wanna see you covered in it."

You feel Matty's breathing quicken, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Fuck, please.” He whines through gritted teeth, and you can feel he’s about to lose it. You purposely clench the muscles in your pussy, building up pressure in the base of your stomach, and Matty fucking loses it.

"I take it, baby. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I—I'm gonna cum again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, love. I can't stop it. I can't-I can't- I'm gonna cum again." He whines.

You push yourself faster, grinding down onto him hard. "Not just yet, sweetheart. Give me some tears, baby boy. We're not done yet." Reaching out, you cup your hand over his mouth to muffle his cries. "Don't cum yet. Don't you fucking cum yet." You demand firmly. Matty nods quickly, whimpering against your hand. "Want you to get your head as fucked up as your cock is right now."

You keep one hand cupped over his mouth, muffling his cries while you're harshly bouncing up and down on his cock. "You're gonna take it. You're gonna take it all, alright? Just like a good boy." You grind into him a little harder, making sure your nails are digging into his cheek, but not hard enough to leave marks.

He's out of control.

He's no longer Matty, the cocky, self-absorbed man you love. He's some sort of desperate animal. He’s a whore, and you fucking love it. You can feel his little whimpers in your hand, begging you not to make him cum again, then begging you to let him cum.

Your other hand finds its way to his hair, where you pull at the roots, rocking your hips back and forth. You can feel Matty's head thrashing from side to side, his eyes screwed shut, and black tears beginning to stream from them.

"You love this, don't you, you little slut. You love being a slut for me, don't you?" You chuckle lowly, watching his head fall to the side, away from your hand. "My beautiful boy."

"Ungh! Yeah—shit." He whines. "I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum. Fuck. Fuck."

Your gaze is mesmerizingly fixed on him; his chocolate brown curls are tousled, and there are black smudges tracing the contours of his eyes and cheeks. His pink lips swollen from biting them, his dick twitching inside of you while on the verge of cumming again, It's absolutely perfect.

"Cum for me, Matty. Paint my pussy white."

And he does.

It's so perfect that it has your stomach tightening in knots and your orgasm rising at a rapid pace. "Ungh! Fuck! I'm gonna cum." You moan, losing yourself and crashing your lips to his.

You taste blood as your teeth crash together, and a high-pitched moan escapes from the both of you as your bodies tense. He's cumming, you're cumming. Both of you cumming at the same time.

It feels like your spine has been struck by the strongest bolt of lightning you could possibly imagine. Explosions of pleasure course through your body, your vision goes white for a moment, and you can feel every muscle in your body tense and relax at once.

Your trembling lips locked together as wave after wave of pleasure washes over your intertwined bodies. Inhaling deeply, you both feel the intensity of the moment before slowly exhaling into each other's mouths as his tears wet your cheeks. You can feel Matty's cum gushing into you, marking you as his. You can feel him tense and shiver against you as you milk every last drop of cum from his cock.

You pull away from him, and after a moment, he raises his head to look at you. You move your hands to his face, thumbs swiping away the black lines from his eyelids, cheeks, and chin. He smiles at you, and you can't help but smile back, "Think you gotta redo your makeup. Sorry about that, love." You whisper, gently kissing his lips.

Matty chuckles silently. "Mhm, you're fuckin’ doing it for me this time." He whispers back, kissing your nose.

Tags (can't tag if your @ is red): @nothingrevealedeverythingdenied, @x-a-black-winged-dove-x, @butyou-callmewhenyourebored, @sugarkane1001, @uramilf, @thereisaplaceintheheart, @squishysoupy, @ari-turner, @0nlyangel1975

i just wanna love on someone and be a good boyfriend for someone atp man ❤️

Felt this was a necessity

We’ll I only bought three what you looking at me for 😂😂😂

Hello, I'm sorry you are sad love, I hope things will get better for you 🙏 I kinda need something comforting too, so maybe could you write something about Matty being soft and caring towards his girlfriend after she had a terrible day full of stress at work and is really exhausted 🖤

A/N: Combining this with another very similar ask here! Thank you anon 🥺🫶 hope you’re doing okay xox

Moving in with Matty was possibly the best choice you had ever made. Before, when you had a rough day at work, you would go home to an empty house and feel more alone than ever before. Now you came home to Matty’s warm presence engulfing you the moment you walked through the door. So when you came home from the absolute worst day imaginable, you were surprised to find Matty gone. Even though he had seen your message about how terrible you felt and promised to be here. His shoes weren’t by the door like usual, his jacket was gone, and Mayhem was alone on the living room sofa. You sat down beside him and rubbed his ears while he nudged at your cheek with his nose.

“Where’s your dad, huh?” You asked with a sad smile. Mayhem whined in response. You kicked off your shoes and sank into the sofa, the dog cuddling into your side. You had been there perhaps ten minutes when Mayhem sat up straight and looked at the door, tail wagging. A key turned in the front door and Matty appeared in the living room, holding 2 plastic Tesco bags.

“Sorry, love, i just nipped out to get you a few bits and pieces,” he said, sitting down next to you. He threw an arm around you and hugged you close to himself, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You buried your head into his neck and breathed in his scent of cigarettes and distinctive aftershave. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, gorgeous. You okay?”

“Better now,” you sighed.

“I’ve brought a bottle of wine and some snacks and stuff. I was thinking we could just get some blankets and stuff and watch a movie.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Matty.” He kissed your head again and stood to get you a glass of wine, saying “I love you, babe.”

When Matty came back, he handed you a glass and grabbed a blanket which had been hanging over the back of the sofa, laying it over you and tucking a pillow behind your back. Your boyfriend picked up his own drink and slid under the blanket right next to you, pulling you closer until you were practically on his lap. He had switched on a movie, but wasn’t watching it, instead looking at you. He watched the way your eyes lit up when your favourite character was onscreen, how you would shake your head and smile at every stupid joke, the way your lips looked against the glass when you sipped your wine. He kissed them a lot, too. You couldn’t get 3 minutes of peace in between before he placed a hand on your jaw and turned your head to place soft kisses on your lips again. Not that you minded. Most importantly, he watched the way you started to yawn near the end of the film and how your eyes were closing gently. The last thing you heard was a soft “I love you” before you fell asleep, and he wasn’t sure if you felt him move both your bodies around gently so he could lie back and hold you into his chest as you slept.

Why does this picture alone make him look so fuckin tiny he’s so cute

the1975: L’Olympia Paris, France July 12th 2023

Right TikTok just attacked me , haven’t been on it all morning and I open it now and this is the second video to appear

Chapter 11

Word count :3411

Mention of weed , mention of death worry and anxiety

The next few chapters are a little deep and angsty so I hope that’s okay I’d also like to mention it might be more enthralling to read this while listening to lost my head or 102

George's POV

(Starts off not long after he sent matty the snap)

I spent the last few hours of school just stressing over what I'd said , it was stupid he's going to think I'm so weird, I'll talk to Adam and Carly about it later one because I don't really know why I never think before I do things it's an impulse thing I guess.

My classes go over in a blur, I don't think I really do any work in any of them. I just spent a lot of time thinking. Adam or Carly aren't in any of my last classes so I message Adam just to let him know I need some advice

"Hey Ad...need some advice bro, gotta talk after"

Adam won't be in his phone he's a nerd but I take the chance anyway because at least he'll know when we leave that I need to talk to him.

When the belle for the end of school comes around I'm waiting outside of Joel's class to walk down too Adams. Carly and Adam like to have time alone on there walks back so it's just Joel and I till then maybe Joel will help a little

"Hey Joe ? Can I ask you something". I'd usually just come right out with it but this seems too difficult to even understand.

"What's up G" , he's not paying much attention he's typing away on his phone like usual, he's always trying to impress some boy no matter what time of day off even whenever he's met them.

"We'll you know , have you ever felt an instant attraction to someone". Even asking it sound bloody stupid but I've said it now so no going back now "like even without knowing them?"

"What do you mean?, like are you talking about one night stands or what?", Joel isn't one for relationships I think he just has a guy a few times and there never seen again

"Joe be serious for a minute not everything is about sex". That is the complete opposite of what most boys my age would say but I need a good talk right now.

"Alright fine , think about it right if your really think you might like the guy and you get fuzzy and cute with them does it really matter how long you've know them?"

"Time doesn't matter me no , but what about if you don't know anything about em". It's never me talking about wanting someone , it's usually Joel fawning over one guy or the next so this situation feels forgein to me

"Just go for it G , learn about him". Joel goes back to his phone he's not a big talker really, if I texted him this whole conversation sure he'd write a bloody novel but when it comes to talking absolutely not.

"Alright fine, thanks" . Adams house is about five minutes from school so we just walk in when we arrive, we've done that since 11 no one stops us. We shout hi to his dad and make our way into his room. He's got a basement room you know like all the kids do in the movies.

"Yo guys", I wave over to Adam and Carly sat on Adam’s bed I then made my way over to the beanbag in the corner and drop my bag beside me and take out my phone for the first time in like three hours I see I have a snap from Matty and I open it immediately gasping and I feel my face flush "nah" , looking around the room I see no one is looking at me there all talking to each other "there's no way"

Shortly after having been staring at the screen for like five minutes the snap long gone I feel a dip in the beanbag , tearing my eyes away from my phone I look up and Carly is sat right next to me

"You doing alright there G, you look like you've just seen a ghost", we all love Carly she's very observant I understand why Adam chased her for years.

"Want the long story or short?", I look at her to judge her reaction , I can't always tell how people will react to what I say.

"Whatever story you want", she taps my knee , it's a comfort thing and she's looking right at me already paying far more attention than Joel did

"Obviously you know about Matty, well earlier we were messing around and I said he was fit and I thought he took offence to it or at least that it made him feel weird but he just told me that apparently I'm fit too , I don't know how to take that", trying not to look at her I pick a spot in the wall and just stare into hoping to glare a whole into it.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeh it felt good but as I've said we know nothing about each other, I'm crazy", the other have tuned in slightly to the conversation and are just giggling at me.

"George you may be crazy but any geezer would be lucky to ave ya mate", Adam chimes in this time, "and really what have you got to lose , I chased Carly for years , just go for it what's the worst that could happen?"

"Thanks guys", picking up Adams Xbox remote I realise why we were here in the first place "so smokes and games yeh!?"

They all agree ecstatically as we all discuss what game we want to play, this is always what takes the longest, what we play it usually ends up with us not even playing and watching a movie instead. Which is exactly what happens this time. We argue over game play for what feels like forever until Carly pipes up and suggest we watch a movie instead, we opt for "Legend". STELLER choice , a movie about real life London gangsters in the 80s it's amazing. We smoke quite a lot too, giddy and hoped up on the day I feel at home and comfortable after a while his mum comes down and gives us some pizza "just take your time with that yeh , I don't want any injuries like last time please lovies", She's referring to the last time I was here we spent the night just drinking and smoking and playing stupid games. There were a few others there so it wasn't as weird but there was one point we're I went to go to take a leak and I lost my balance and broke my wrist falling down the short flight of stairs , It was genuinely really funny. We get caught up in our time just so engrossed by the movie that when it ends we're all high as kites , Carly curled up in Adams lap on the bed , Joel and I on the beanbag wrapped up in one another my hands playing with his hair, we're all best mates and they don't find it weird that Joel and I are still close. Adam has a theory that Joel misses being with me but I think it's just how we are. Once it's all over Adams dad offers to drive me home since it's about 8 o'clock not that late nothing is that wild but I take him up on the offer so I'm home and can talk to Matty, I say goodbye to them all giving them a quick hug and thanking them all again.

I get dropped of by Adams dad around 8:15, walking in the house is strangely still very lively my dad has a few friends over and my mother is cooking for them all and my sisters and playing with my dads friends kids, so before I disappear to my room I say hello to them all as not to be rude and go to see what my mum is cooking. I take some juice out the fridge and pour myself a glass

"Hiya, do you want a hand with that mum?"

"It's alright love, how was your day ?". Always the first thing a parents ask when you get home later than they expected from school.

"It was great , school was school and then we all went round Hanns for dinner", I really hope I don't smell to much of weed but knowing my luck it's well obvious anyway

"Just dinner ?", I'm sure she's trying to get me to tell her we smoked but she'll just lecture me again and I really don't want that right now , I'm in a good way right now a lecture will just ruin that.

"Dinner and a movies that's all Mum", before she has the time to question me more I kiss her cheek and say goodbye making my way upstairs, two steps at a time. The house is a little warmer than I'm used to so I strip my jacket and jumper and quickly change into a hoodie and a pair of Nike shorts, after closing my door and getting my laptop ready, this is all I've wanted to do all day. Just hearing his voice will make me happier than I already am , I send him a quick "hey , I know I've been quite quiet for the last few hours but I'm ready to call if your still down" , while waiting for a reply I pull up YouTube on my laptop and look through YouTube for something to watch to hold my attention while I wait for Matty to reply. I'm half way through a Cam Kirkham video when I hear the reply come from my phone and small message from matty "I hope you had a good day darlin, I'll be ready in five minutes just gotta change x"

I'll let him call me when he's ready so I don't interrupt him, but like he said five minutes later the calling alert comes through my laptop and I accept straight away and wait for his face to appear

"Hey there love", Seeing Matty on my screen just close enough to touch makes me feel lighter than a feather, he looks so cute right now I can just make out that's he's wearing a really fluffy jumper and he's wrapped up in a tiny blanket "you look so cozy there"

"Hey Darlin, it's like I was sat in a solid block of ice all night since I got home but I was doing homework and putting some music together , didn't give myself a minute to change", he laughed after he said but it sounded a bit strained

"How are you doing , like really, like after your class today we didn’t talk much after that." I swear if I could just reach out and touch the screen and swipe that hair out of his face so I could see his eyes I'd do that right now.

"I'm okay, I was a little stressed out after class but I got some time alone so I've been alright, I spoke to Miss Conner's more and spoke a lot more about how I'm feeling , I also started putting together a song I was writing and im so happy about how it's going so im feeling quite okay right now", That was a lot in one go I hope he's not trying to keep it all in and trying to keep me happy

"Can you promise me?", I know that's a really tough thing to promise but I hope he knows he doesn't always have to be okay

"Right now yes I can promise I'm doing alright , just a little drained but I'm okay", He's smiling now and oh my god I can't get enough of that face "I can't promise I'll be okay all the time but right I'm alright, everything is calm my brain is settled and I feel less buzzy"

I'm smiling at his response I hope I can always see him like this , I know full well it won't always be that way like he said but calm Matty is gorgeous,

"Can I show you the track now , feel free to add lyrics to it if you feel like you can!"

"Yes I'd love too", I see him sit up at this , his whole demeanour changes and he looks much more alive then I've seen him since we met "let me hear it!!!"

I rummage around in my pocket looking around for my phone pulling it out , I find the app I've been using and start the track “it's like 5 minutes long so be prepared , I hope you understand the ambiance"

I can see him actually come alive and he's really listening like really listening to it, he's feeling it I can tell, It can be complicated to understand this type of music if your not used it but I know he understands, he knows how he as a person has been feeling and really it's a direct ambiance of that. The track is just playing around my room and it's bringing me so much joy that someone else is hearing it for the first time and enjoying it as much as I do , he's nodding  along like he's actually thinking of lyrics , smiling when he hears a bit he likes. It finishes not long after "So....?"

"George that's fuckin epic....your a legend". This man is 100% gunna be my death but I thank him and ask him if he understand where it's coming from and how I felt when making it.

"It's deep, to begin with it's eary and complex, it's like a story of someone's mentality in my mind someone starts off scared and uncertain juxtaposed with the ending we're they find that happiness and joy in the end", he's seated cross legged on his bed looking like a little kid in the assembly hall , looking smaller than he already seems "I don't think it needs much lyrics either the story is told for itself"

"Thank you honestly , your the first person to hear it so the fact you understand it and like it , is amazing" , I finally flash a smile properly in his direction and I can feel myself blushing like an absolute freak but I can't help it , it's him, he does these things to me "so the lyrics you write do you have any examples you can show me ?"

"Do you really want to hear something I've done ?" , he seems genuinely surprised at this , he immediately jumps up from the bed abandoning the blanket and comes back holding a guitar and guitar pick in between his teeth "I uh this is one of the songs I wrote about Janey before she passed I've wrote at least three for her this was the only one she heard"

He picked up the guitar properly and the cord started filling the room invading my brain in a way I never thought would affect me then he starts singing

"Well we're here , we're at the common again", his voice is so raw and emotional even just the first line , a little messy but amazing all the same "smoked six of the ten fags I only bought an hour ago", of course , the smoker in me understand that a little too much , nervousness and all "she said well ....I like the look of your shoes ....I like the way that your face looks when I'm arguing with you" , this makes me smile because that's always a funny thing, playful arguing with the person you love they always try to be angry but you just can't there face is just the most amazing thing.

He plays for a little longer , the emotion that he's showing while playing is really starting to show, tears rolling down his face as he plays "But on this shirt...Well I found your smell... I just sat there for ages...Contemplating what to do with myself" , man he must be heartbroken right now , I can't say I really understand everything that he's going through but losing any of my friends would honestly ruin me. As he finishes the quiver in his voice becomes more prominent after he places the guitar down on the bed he lets the tears fall wiping them violently from his face, sniffling he brings his hands to his face crying into them

"Matty love, that was so beautiful" , I didn't get a response for a while I don't really expect to either I just needed him to know that I was amazing. "You so talented I swear"

He's sat crying for another five minutes but it was the most heart wrenching five minutes I've felt in a while, I just want to take all his pain away. He disappears after a while presumably to clean himself up, but when he does come back he has a joint in one hand and a mug of what I guess is coffee in the other.

"Sorry, I haven't sang that in a while , I forgot that it did that to me", He ignites his joint taking a deep inhaled drag swiftly followed by a big sip of coffee and he makes as face as the two tastes mix "Shit"

"You don't have to apologise it was an amazing piece, well done to you, you really did feel deeply for her ",Here I go probably putting my foot in my mouth but hey ho.

"I did, like so much G", Another long drag of the joint comes again , his looking a lot redder then normal, and like I know that he's smoking and been crying but I've seen both there never usually this red.

"Are you okay Matty, your eyes look really red", He's looking at me but it really looking you know its like no-one is home, the lights aren't even on, he's so spaced. "Like more than I've seen in you before"

"Yeah I'm fine, they don't feel any different, I'm maybe just high", It seems a little odd, and I'm not loving the feeling my stomach is guessing so I don't want to push my luck.

"I'll be grand soon enough G don't worry", he lays down and places his laptop next to him "its just been a busy day , I'm just a little tired"

i let him rest for a bit were basically sat there for what I want to say was 20 minutes at least I know for a fact he's never been quiet for for this long, I've just been fidgeting with my hands the whole time but he's been lying there staring at the ceiling with his hands resting on his stomach and i soon hear him mumbling to himself i cant quite make it out

"Sorry love?, what was that?"

"I was just playing with some lyrics for your track , I don't think it should be too much said maybe just a little something"

"Oh what were you thinking", I sit upright again fully paying attention to him not that he can see because he's so far in space he's on bloody Venus, I don't really know what's going on with him but its alright for now

"and he said I've lost my head, can you see it? , can you see it?, and then maybe a few line's after that then repeat, simple but it gets the message across.

"That is amazing, maybe the bit after that can be something about how you feel when your out of your depth",

"well if that's what you really want and really do like it maybe it could be , Bellyaches when you in bed can you feel it can you feel it?, i always have a stomach ache when I'm feeling uncertain and lost"

"That's beautiful, but do you really feel like that, like your losing everything in you other than the pain?"

He throws his eyes in the direction of the screen, then back to the ceiling ,sitting up quickly

"yes , all the time" I see him shift to the edge of the bed and his hand is covering his eyes and he looks a little wobbly "Sorry I just got really dizzy, can I call you back". before I have time to reply i see the swiftest movement of ending the call and slightly running off.

"Okay"

Chapter five

Word count :1885

Mention: vomit and sickness , medication and still light anxiety

If you’ve been reading so far, who’s everyone’s favourites so far , I love writing the interactions between Louis and the lads

(I don’t know if have the age gap right but in this I’ve written Lou to be around 7)

I finish up in the shower the heat in the bathroom from the shower was just genuinely irritating so I didn't stay in very long , I can say I probably smell and look a lot better than I did 20 minutes ago but I can't say I feel any better maybe even worse but hey we push on. I lay on my bed wrapped in my towel for about a half hour where I just sit and watch YouTube videos. While I was in the shower Jamie and Ross had sent messages asking where I was at lunch, so I replied to them both just saying I went home but not to worry I'm fine. I know they'll worry but its okay if I say I'm fine. I have an hour or so till work after my YouTube video finishes so I find an old GCSE paper for History and just try to work through that, It involves a lot of essay writing and answering really big questions, This particular paper is about historic medical practises and I can chat on about that all day, working on this really helps me calm down as it's something I know a lot about and can control what happens for a while , during the world crumbling and spiralling out of control around me. I time it too make sure Ill be able to do it correctly on the day, The general exam is an hour and a half long, so I try to complete it in an hour and fifteen minutes, so it gives me at least fifteen minutes to get ready for work and leave. I do well with it and complete it just in time. Now I must get ready for work I put on my skinny jeans and converse and the t shirt that I need to wear for work and pull my hoodie over the top. The journey takes about 10 minutes on my bike, so I jump on my bike and start heading to work. I also just realised my mum never came home so she must be working later .Work isn't too busy when I clock in so it wont be too bad but I head over to my manager and ask him if I can just do some stock taking out back as I'm only here for a few hours and my head is splitting but a lot of stock taking has already been done so I have to go out and just make coffees for people which I was really hoping to avoid but hey ho. I clock in and start working. Its not all the busy all that comes in is a few school kids as its 3:30 and school has just finished. I'm in for about twenty minutes when I hear Ross and Jamie come in loud as ever "MATTY" I hear them calling from the door and I wave them over they come bounding over and sit on the stalls at the front coffee bar and I slide over to them "Hey guys."

"Hiya mate, can we get two lattes."

"You sure can" I busy myself with making their coffees. Hoping to God, they don't ask me why I went home early but I know they will. Once I hand them over, they both drop their bags next to them and get comfortable "So why'd you go home early."

"Just didn't feel great, you know how it is "I shrug trying to be nonchalant about it.

"Miss Conners came to speak to us at lunch asking us to keep an eye on you, do we have to be concerned" Ross speaks up.

"No bro honestly, I'm fine, I wish everyone would stop asking me."

I move over to the other end of the bar and serve an older looking women who has been waiting a couple of minutes just to get away from the guys for a second "Hello Miss , what can I get for you?" she ponders for a minute about what she would like "Can I just get a cappuccino please young man"

"Of course, you can, if you'd like to go sit down, Ill bring it over to you once I've finished it, Is that okay." I watch her walk off and make her cappuccino ,my hands are shaking again. These damn shakes need to stop. I locate her table and slowly make my way over trying not to spill it everywhere.

"You're a little shaky there Darling." Of course, someone would notice. I place the mug on the table in front of her "I'm just a little cold is all." I plaster on a smile and lets her know if she needs anything else all she must do is ask.

I make my way back to Jamie and Ross and try to tune into there conversation "I'm sorry guys I swear I'm not trying to be moody with you guys, I'm just tired and its so noisy in here, everything is buzzy." It's not that loud but the noises of all the machine and the few conversations everything is buzzing and it's a lot. "Mate its alright we get it."

There isn't all the much to do on my shift it's not that busy, so I spend a lot of it cleaning up and just talking to Jamie and Ross having them around is helping. Were just talking about the next football game that's on the television in a few days, then about the demo were setting up for Mr Hardy. The shift goes a lot quicker than I thought it would.

Once I've finished another round of nausea flies through me but I really try to ignore it but by the time I make it outside with the guys a few strides in front of me the chill in the air makes it too much for me to deal with and I end up throwing up on the pavement next to me. The guys must have heard me retching and came over to me. I feel Ross' hand on my back, and he starts rubbing it "Mate, we really need to get you home ay." I lean into Ross as he starts walking me back. "Jamie, can you take my bike."

"Sure, thing mate." Jamie jumps onto my bike and rides slowly next to us we don't speak much because they know if they ask ill just blow my top. It doesn't feel like it takes to long to get back to my place, I can tell everyone is home now because all the cars are in the driveway, I ask Jamie just to leave my bike leaning against the fence as he leaves Ross and I to it.

Ross helps me inside "Hiya Denise can you come get Matty." Before I have time to protest my mum is at my side while Ross tries to get me to the couch "Matthew are you okay sweetheart" I can see the worry in my mother's face and I don't want her and my dad to have to cancel there plans "Yeh Mum I'm alight I just feel a little off that's all but Ross is here to help me look after Lou so its alright". I can see her about to protest what I've said, "Mum honestly its fine, has Lou eaten, I can just get him straight to bed if he has"?

"Yes, love he has."

"That's alright then you and dad can get to your thing and ill get him to bed."

She looks at me again and looks between Ross and me. I just nod for extra confidence "Please Mum, I'm fine."

"Alright sweetheart" she looks over to Ross properly now who is standing awkwardly at the end of the couch "look after him alright and if he gets any worse, please phone me."

"I will Denise don't worry."

My parents left not long after then Lou came tumbling down the stairs "Maffu, guess what I did at school today". He stopped dead at the door "ROSSEY"

"Hey kiddo , how you been". He goes bounding over to Ross and flings his arms around him and kisses his cheek. "I've been good Rossey are you looking after me too wif Maffu."

"I sure am Kiddo, Matty needs a little bit of help tonight, he's not feeling very well tonight." Louis waves at me sat on the couch. "What's wrong Maffu?." I look up at them both and smile "Just got a poorly tummy Kiddo that's all."

He jumps down from Ross' hold and comes to sit on my lap and plays with my hair "I can make you better Maffu, you just have to have some medicine, Mummy always gives me medicine when I'm sick." I'm smiling at him holding closely. "You know what Kiddo, your absolutely right, Go show Rossey where Mummy keeps it." He jumps back off my lap and takes Ross through to the kitchen. I lay back on the couch pulling my phone out again and I see have a few texts from George just checking in asking if I'm okay, and if I need anything.

I message him back "Sorry for being so distant this afternoon everything got a little bit hectic , I was working and I had a bit of an episode I'm now with my mate looking after my little brother"

He replies back straight away "You don't need to apologise I just wanted to make sure your okay, an episode ?"

"Just a bout of sickness again, Hey I know this is out of the blue but I feel like it might help ,and you can say no but would you like to facetime tonight when my mate goes home "

"You know what if that's what's going to help then I'd sure love too"

"Thank you"

Just then Ross and Louie come back into the room, Ross sitting next to me and Louie sitting right back on my lap where he previously was and continues playing with my hair. Ross hands me the medicine and I place it on the table in front of me.

"Maffu , You got to have it silly." I smile down at him and ruffle his hair "I'll have some when you go to bed because it makes grownups sleepy, and I have to look after you little one". We stick on the tv and put on the kids' channel for him. Horrid Henry and he cuddles up close to me and I hold him tightly as I know hell fall asleep quite fast.

I was right about 5 minutes into the second episode he falls asleep right on my lap, and I whisper over to Ross "Can you take him up for me I have no strength to carry him right now." He takes Louie in his arms and heads to his room "Make sure you take that yeh." he motions to the medicine. I do and I lay back down on the couch waiting for Ross to come back so I can tell him I'm going to get an early night and that I'll see him tomorrow. He comes back five minutes later, and I tell him just that and he's fully all right with that he gives me a hug goodbye and hopes I get better.