How The Fuck Do You Make Friends.

good boy but in the way you praise a hunting dog after you have it gore something

Hey so um do you want to have a really fucked up dynamic with me or not

i hate snapchat memories lol. just saw some pics from 5 years ago of me and my friends on call when we started online school during the pandemic and it fucking stung way more than i anticipated. these people don't talk to me anymore. they've all moved on with their lives and im still drowning in the past by myself, wishing they'd come back to get me. they have partners and new friends in our old city, and i got forcefully pulled away to a whole new province without my permission. i get to start all over again with friendships and family i don't want in my life.

i miss my friends.

literally all i want is someone who's excited to talk to me im tired of desperately sexualizing myself in the hopes that that'll come i just want to be loved and wanted lol

how I look curled up in my bed as the body dysphoria sets in..

reassurance kink bc my brain makes me feel unlovable

🐇🎀

I feel like i am years behind the people my age. All the work i have done in the past has lead up to nothing. Amounted to only me rotting in my bed, in my house, with not even the will to go outside because whats the point? I hear people tell me to move on, thats life, i can make new memories, new friends, new places to see. But how can i when all i can do is lament on how different life could have been. When all i do is ruminate on the things ive left behind and how cruel the world is to continuously take it from me, i with a weakened grip. A grasp so light on the new things i have because i know it will just be taken from me again and again. When does it ever stop being so painful? If it will be taken from me, whats the point of having anything at all. I do nothing but deteriorate the things i do have because of this, like a curse of touch. It saddens me. I wish life had been different

and I want to do things. I really do. I want to make friends and go places but. Theres a certain point where it gets just so tiring. Im tired of getting to know people. Im tired of people trying to get to know me. Im tired of being betrayed, being hurt, having my trust misplaced. Im years ahead on this distaste i have towards other people, but im so far behind people my age. I barely know the first thing about insurance. Im not even relatively independent. I have my mother help me on taxes. Fuck im not even doing a real online college course yet. Im not great at drawing. Im not famous. I dont like tiktok, or social media algorithms. I dont like being known. Is there anything I can be that’s substantial in life?

my younger self would have thought of me a disappointment

Identifying with the beautiful mug I’ve turned into an ashtray.

breaking news: attention-seeking jirai girl (me) has killed herself after recieving no attention on the internet ♡

doc there is a fucking hole where something was