The Cool, Marble Countertops Send A Shiver Up Your Spine, But You Don't Seem To Care. Instead Of Complaints,

Perfect | The Apothecary Diaries | Jinshi x reader

cw - you're mute, jinshi calls you perfect a disgusting amount of times, gn neutral but you're referred to as: concubine, doll, toy, flower of the emperor's

i need to feed the tag to revitalize it

Jinshi gently cups your cheeks, palms resting against your face. The calluses tickle your soft skin, making you shiver momentarily.

With a kiss to your forehead, Jinshi lets out a sigh - a long breath, rather. A breath of relief and respite, brought only on by your presence and kind gaze. Unkind gaze. You stare at him in annoyance, bottom lip puffed out as you pout at him. He pays it no mind.

"I find you immaculate; unsullied and... perfect." The purple haired man finds no shame in his words, merely reporting fact like he would to anyone else. Except, maybe without all of the affection and adoration.

The man seems almost obsessed, if you didn't know any better. With a gentle swipe of his thumb back and forth, back and forth across your cheek, you wonder if perhaps he is.

"No flaws on this wonderful face. No flaws on your pretty little pout. I wish you'd glare at me forever." The last sentence is less than a whisper, spoken only to himself that you happen to catch due to the proximity he holds you in.

Your pout loosens, biting nervously on your bottom lip instead after sucking it in. Still, you've yet to say a word to the man. What got into him, possessing him to say all of this? Soft hands cup his, gently tugging them from your face.

"Please," he nearly whimpers, eyes wide in panic.

The reaction makes your eyes widen in tandem, hands stilling as they hold gently onto his, less than a few inches from your face. Head cocking to the side, you silently express your confusion (and maybe concern).

He trembles at your silent words, letting out another long breath; this one more a sigh of embarrassment and acceptance. "You... are perfect. You're like a gift from the heavens just for me, crafted in the image of a thief after nothing more than my heart. I wish to hold you, may I?" The last sentence is tacked on, spoken quickly as his hands move back to your cheeks.

Pursing your lips together slightly, you give him a small pout. The question was merely for show, a courtesy while he did as he pleased anyway. "To stay such a low ranking concubine for the emperor is a waste. You need to be paraded, heralded for your perfection. You— " Jinshi can't stop himself from pressing another kiss to your forehead.

"No. I think I'll keep you to myself. A doll for me to pose as I please, yes? A toy made just for me, as I spoke earlier."

You roll your eyes, an amused smirk tugging at your lips. Jinshi nearly swoons.

"That, right there! Your wonderful reactions. You..." he can't explain it. How is he to summarize everything that makes you you?

A deadpan look is shot at him. Of course you react with your face, isn't that communication? Your hands move to hug at the fabric of his robe, trying to turn his attention back to what you're saying, rather than how you look. Or whatever is on his mind - you didn't bother to learn.

The action works, Jinshi blinking a few times as he sits up slightly. His eyes focus on yours, waiting to decipher your actions. Noticing his obedient change, focusing entirely on you now, you take that as your queue to communicate. So you try.

A neatly manicured finger points to your chest, tapping against the fabric twice. You. Following, you drag both hands up in fists before crossing your forearms. An X..? The action is followed by your hands creating a heart shape, finished by the same pointer finger tapping Jinshi's chest. Heart... Me. Jinshi thinks. You don't heart him. Love? You don't love him? He speaks it out loud, asking if he understood you correctly.

You shake your head, face scrunching up to showcase your disproval. Once again, your arms cross in the shape of an X. So it's not don't, he now knows. "Don't... No...? Maybe unsure? Are you unsure if you love me?"

A smile cracks on your lips, biting one briefly to try and keep it from growing wider. You shake your head - as amusing as his guesses were, they're terribly wrong. This time repeating all the steps, you make the same actions. Point to you, make an X, make a heart, point to Jinshi. Of course, he still seems lost, gazing at you with focused concentration. His eyebrows are knitted together as he tries to unravel your meaning.

For a small moment, your lips part in a mousey sigh. While it's been a few months now since you lost your voice, you still haven't kicked the muscle memory of opening your mouth to respond - or react, in this case.

You hold up your left palm flatly, right hand miming holding a brush as you trace imaginary circles with it. Right away Jinshi knew you were asking for something to write with. He's quick to move. While he doesn't want to be away from you, his hands leave your cheeks so the purple haired man can quickly get you what you ask for - whatever you ask for.

Gently dipping the brush in ink, Jinshi watches you paint characters so delicately onto the paper. You're a bit anxious doing so, knowing how expensive the material is, but knowing you'd just feel worse making him get up again to find something new. That's alright, you'll just write small.

The characters read I can't love you.

He frowns. "Can't... the X," Jinshi makes the symbol with his arms, "meant can't?"

You nod quickly, gently settling the brush down over the paper. Once again, you point to yourself, hold up an X, make a heart, then point to Jinshi.

"You can't love me. You can't love me. But... you can." The eunuch was confused. You can, so easily. He's trying so hard. "Please?" Jinshi whispers.

If you could chuckle - could laugh, you would, but you only pout once again. Picking up the brush, the pads of your fingers gently move down the soft paper. It wasn't the first time you've used it, but so freely felt wrong. Either way, you brushed out more characters.

I'm the emperor's

I'm a concubine

I can't—

Jinshi pouts as well, his hand gently resting over yours to stop the brush work. "You can't love me," he finishes for you. Frowning, you nod.

"He has a habit of giving up lower ranked concubines to those of merit."

You smirk. What merit has Jinshi earned? A mere rear palace eunuch. One with prestige, sure, but not enough to be rewarded with a flower of the emperor. None of this is spoken, of course, but Jinshi easily catches the mirth in your eyes.

Clicking his tongue, his pout deepens. "Teasing me without a voice... only one as perfect as you could accomplish such a feat."

The smirk pulls into a grin, feeling pride at his understanding.

"But, if I may be so bold, I'm sure the emperor will gift you to me. You're mine, after all - I've claimed you."

An eyebrow cocks at his haughty tone, unimpressed and doubtful. The intention gets across as Jinshi huffs, reaching over to pinch your cheek. "Don't be so cruel. You are, you know! And the emperor will agree. He doesn't visit you, anyway."

Insult to injury, but you suppose he's right. You had arrived to the inner court around 5 months ago, and just before your time to finally meet the emperor had arrived nearly 2 months after, you lost your voice. Hearing the news, he decided to meet with someone else while you recovered - something that never happened.

"I hadn't meant anything by that. But it's a good thing now, right? You get to be mine instead. No one else gets to traverse your perfect mind."

You click your tongue this time, the sound one of few you can still make with your mouth. For a eunuch, Jinshi had quite the balls on him. Annoying.

The purple haired man grins at the newly painted characters on the page, unable to hide his excitement at your writing. "Yes! And I'll only be worse once you're finally my spouse."

Unable to keep it at bay, a soft smile appears on your lips. His spouse, huh? Eunuch or otherwise, spending your life by his side sounds very lovely.

Jinshi grabs your hands, pulling them against his chest as he leans in toward you. With a kiss to your forehead, he whispers, "Perfect. You're mine and you're perfect."

It's late.

Dazai feels a little ashamed, if he were to be honest. How pathetic is it that he's unable to sleep unless in the arms of his coworker? A little pathetic. His eyebrows furrow as he begins to pick the lock to your apartment.

It's late. You're probably asleep.

He's jealous. Yeah; the clenching feeling in his chest is jealousy from your ability to sleep through the nights (a feeling of his that isn't shared towards his well-rested coworkers). You're asleep, and he should be. He will be.

The door clicks quietly, and Dazai doesn't react. How many times has he broken into your apartment? The question is left unanswered as he saunters into the place, making sure to close and lock it behind him.

You're asleep. It's late.

He makes a pit stop by your kitchen, staring blankly into your fridge like he'd do if he lived here. He counts the number of half finished water bottles littering the shelves, dispersed in between random ingredients you don't open and snacks that are dwindling in number.

If Dazai lived here, maybe he could make you dinner sometime. Gather the ingredients to fill your fridge, put a pan on the stove — however people cook, he can't remember. The fridge closes quietly; It's late. You're asleep.

With a final glance towards the sink, taking note of the dirty cutlery delicately balanced around the edges, he makes his way into the hall. Three steps and he'd be outside your door, your bedroom door, where you're asleep.

Dazai pushes away the same thought that keeps appearing in his mind. Of course you're asleep, it's late.

He turns away from your bedroom and finds himself standing in your living room. It's happily lived in - cushions that have lost their fluff, a blanket strewed across the couch haphazardly. His hand runs over it; always the same blanket. Dazai can imagine sitting under this blanket on the couch with you, the couch you two would share, watching some movie on your small tv just across the small room.

If he lived here, he'd make sure to tidy up the living room before you two went to bed. You kept a basket of blankets just next to the tv, and Dazai could easily drape the blanket back into it before following you off to bed. For now, he leaves it; There'd be no trace he was here come morning.

Once again, he finds himself mere steps away from your bedroom door. You live alone, for now, and yet keep the door closed every night. Is it habit? Are you worried some barbarian will break in just to watch you sleep? (Dazai isn't here to watch you, of course; He's here to sleep as well.) If that is what you're worried about, he could always spend the night with you, just to make sure you're safe. Well, spend the whole night with you, rather than breaking in late and sneaking out early.

Dazai turns into the bathroom.

You have the cutest rug next to your shower, one that always makes Dazai smile. A tough persona is applied at the agency, so only he is privy to your cute pink Sanrio bathmat. It's not what he would have expected for you, and that's what makes him smile. Your counter holds an electric toothbrush and has a lot of clutter Dazai wants to sort through. If he lived with you, he could place his toothbrush next to yours and keep your hair care stuff in the cabinet below. Maybe one day you'd let Dazai comb your hair, with a brush or just his fingers.

It's late. You're asleep. The same thought Dazai has been pushing down since he began the walk to your apartment fills his head once more. He's not delusional, no, but what if you weren't asleep? What if you were waiting up, just for him?

His hand touches the doorknob. It's late. You have no reason to think he's coming. The door opens slowly and quietly as he peers in.

You're asleep.

Dazai's chest constricts and he can't help the frown pulling at his lips. Of course you're asleep; He's stupid to get his hopes up. If you were awake anyway, you'd kick him out and probably call the cops. He is trespassing right now, at a time when you're most vulnerable.

Still, Dazai slips into your warm, cream-colored sheets, his hands clasped together under his cheek as he lies on his side. You're so calm, so serene under the dull light of a street lamp just outside the bedroom window. Hesitantly, Dazai's hand moves to brush a strand of hair from your face, the tips of his fingers experimentally tracing your skin.

His eyes flutter shut when you move closer. Were you used to his presence? Dazai likes to think you need him to sleep as much as he needs you. Sure, you could fall asleep without him curled up beside you, but maybe he was soothing nightmares. The thought made him frown. He shouldn't care, he shouldn't be here. His eyebrows furrowed like they had when he first broke in — this is weird. This is illegal, too.

A frustrated puff of air leaves his mouth, his eyes shutting more firmly. Tighter, tighter — why isn't he asleep yet?

He curls more into himself, feeling ashamed and embarrassed and anxious and annoyed and-

Your hand moves from your chest to his, softly resting over his heart. The small smile resides back on Dazai's face as he relaxes, slowly drifting to sleep in your bed.

Light filters in through your sheer curtains, the sun kissing your face as you quickly wake up. The blaring of your alarm was the first thing you'd noticed, rubbing your eyes with one hand as you turned to shut it off. Just a few moments of peace, and then you'd get up....

Those few moments didn't come to pass before you were hit with a boost of energy, sitting up in your empty bed. Of course your bed was empty, no need to emphasize it. You live alone, did you expect someone to be there when you woke up?

The cool, marble countertops send a shiver up your spine, but you don't seem to care. Instead of complaints, a giggle leaves your mouth, hands tightening around Dazai's shoulders. Feeling him scoop you up and set you onto the kitchen counter so easily made you swoon, which only deepened the make out session you two were currently engaged in. His hands kept moving from your hips to your ass, wanting to feel your body under his fingers as he held you close.

You both couldn't help giggling, feeling giddy at the touches and kisses being shared during such early hours. Pajama shorts riding up your thighs, a stretched-out and loose t-shirt showing off Dazai's bare neck and collar bones... it was all so intimate. There was no one around, just the two of you and the early morning sun dancing across the room as your legs moved up to cage Dazai in. More giggles erupted from him before pulling back, cutely flushed cheeks on display for just you to see. No words were shared, just heavy breaths and loving stares as your brains worked on properly waking up.

“Y’know, maybe I should skip work today.”

“You said the same thing yesterday, Osamu.”

YOURE BACK !!! YAYY im literally at episode 10 of the apothecary diaries (yes im watching it almost a year later)

You’re making me consider reading the manga 😞

OMG YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!! first of all IM BACK!!!!! sometimes you just need to disappear for um. a few months! before locking tf back in 🐺 secondly YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE i loveee apothecary diaries it has nestled its way into my brain like a worm and the manga only gets better im so excited for s2

im glad to be back 😎 cleaned up my acct a little too teehee my masterlist is ever growing and hopefully a bit easier to traverse. LOCKED IN!!!!!!!

Your blog is so silly :3 I LOVE IT

uehehehe THANK YOU :3 i strive to be Sillier.

omg I just went through your blog and holy shit completely whipped pathetic head over heels Dazai is feeding my SOUL !! esp pm!Dazai I love him sm it's embarrassing

hehe join the dark side (pathetic dazai) glad you're enjoying :)

hai deer :3 anon who made the aro dazai ask here, thank you for the food 🙏 it was everything i wanted and more 😩

anyway, wanted to wish you well on your essay! i hope school isnt beating your ass too hard, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS !!!

also i was thinking of an emoji to give myself because i plan on pestering you for the near future ?? maybe 🩵, but anything you give me is fine

YAYYY glad you enjoyed!!! mmmm aro dazai good food

AND THANK YOU!!!!! i just turned it in so i'm back to answer requests :3 school isn't too bad when i have y'all to look forward to 😋 cheesy af my bad

YES you can be 🩵 ! my first emoji anon awooga i feel like a real tumblr writer now 💪🏻

Dazai is antsy. For those who've seen him regularly the past month, this isn't a new sight: him pulling at the edges of his bandages, shifting continuously in his seat, eyes flittering back and forth... It happens daily at this point.

Until you show up, when he jumps into your arms, drapes himself over your back, leans into your side, anything he can do to be as physically close to you as possible. His clinginess has started to affect your work, unable to do much as Dazai pulls you onto his lap during the day or sits on yours, head pushed into your shoulder. At least lunches are fine as he pulls you onto the Agency's couch and holds you from behind: you can still access your packed food (which Dazai always steals bites of).

Holding your hand isn't enough, either. Dazai needs to be on top of you or have you on top of him, or he's antsy — which leads us to now. He's shifting uncomfortably in the passenger seat of your car, the edges of his bandages unraveling as he picks at them. A small look of panic crosses his face as he finally notices, discretely trying to pull them more tightly in hopes of bringing them back to how they were before.

He glances over at you. Your eyes were focused on the road, one hand holding the steering wheel and the other resting on your lap. The hand was taunting Dazai, practically begging him to grab it... so he did. You glance at the intertwined hands briefly before smiling at him, focusing back on the road right after.

...

It wasn't helping. You're right there and he can't hold you? So close he can smell you but can't have you in his embrace?! This must be his own hell, fashioned by Satan himself to torture Dazai for all eternity (or for the next ten minutes before you reach your destination).

"You alright, Dazai?"

He huffs at your question; Of course not. The childish pout on his face makes you let out a breathy laugh. He turns to you with such adoration - what an adorable sound that he coaxed out of you... Ugh, it just makes him want to hold you more.

You squeeze his hand reassuringly, the feeling causing Dazai to relax momentarily... Until once again he's thinking about the warmth of your hand, and how much warmer it'd be to hold you.

"How much longer?" He whines, the same pout on his lips.

"GPS says seven minutes. Are you that excited for this case?" An amused smirk plays on your lips, the teasing tone making Dazai's heart flutter.

He shifts in his seat, the hand not holding yours fidgeting with the fabric of his vest. "Excited for it to be over," he replies, trying to keep his gaze out the window and not on you.

"Seven minutes, and then you can solve it."

Seven minutes. Seven long, excruciating minutes in hell before he can touch you again, hold you again. Seven minutes, 420 seconds, a few red lights and then a shoddy parking job. Seven minutes... seven...

You let out a yelp, eyes widening as you swerve slightly on the road. "Dazai!" You chastise, both hands moving to tightly grip the steering wheel.

His face is pressed up against your neck, hands grabbing you tightly as he leans over the car's center console to be closer. A stupid grin sits on his lips as he giggles, feeling heady from your warmth. Mmm, this is what he was missing...

"Dazai, I'm driving!" you say, as though the man would understand and move off of you. Instead, he lets out a low whine and hugs you tighter, entirely off of his seat and pressing up against you.

"I'm not stopping you." Your gaze shifts over towards him. "Eyes on the road." You huff, but do as he says. His eyes were closed, how could he see you looking at him?

"You can't do this, Dazai."

"It's like you said: it's only seven minutes," Dazai grinned smugly. Part of him wanted to ask why you didn't like him holding you so closely, but he knew you didn't mind. Should he be clinging to you while you're driving? Probably not, but then maybe you shouldn't be so warm and inviting.

You say nothing else, now focused entirely on the road with a tight grip on the steering wheel. Dazai says nothing either: after all, he got what he wanted.

masterlist secondary acct

please don't post my work to other platforms and don't upload anything into any AI learning tool/software

jinshi..... you get it.....

LMAOOO i try 🙂‍↕️