Boop Bc Ur Dazai Dishwashing Fic Just Made My Morning

Washing dishes is Dazai's favorite activity.

If you asked Kunikida, he'd say Dazai loves wasting time. Atsushi would say something more intellectual, like maybe he enjoys crosswords. Drinking would be Yosano's guess, since Dazai does it quite often, and Tanizaki would mention all the girls that call looking for him. Maybe petting the stray cats by the building, Kyoka would offer, and Kenji would agree excitedly with the notion — since he enjoys it, too. But none of them could guess what he really loves to do.

Ranpo knows Dazai loves doing the dishes with you. He'll unwrap his bandages more and more confidently each day, waiting as the sink fills with lukewarm water and soapy bubbles. You'll stand by his side happily, a dishrag in hand you'd forced him to buy long before you moved in.

The two of you would work without talking for a bit, Dazai scrubbing away whatever grime was left on plates while you dried off his hard work. The feeling of the water in his bare arms brought him peace, knowing the soapy bubbles covered his scars, but you also never commented when he'd pull them up and out of the comforting submerged space to hand you a plate. You'd hum beside him, the notes of whatever latest pop song got stuck in your head while at work today filling the small space between you two.

Dazai would knock his shoulder into yours playfully, grinning down at you softly as he passed over another dish. He loved when you'd almost drop a glass into the sink when taking it from him, face burning and eyes wide as you make an adorable startled noise. The humming tended to stop then, as you'd focus all your energy on not dropping anything else.

That's when the conversation would start. Dazai would ask for work drama, and you'd happily oblige. From intimate humming to workplace gossip, Dazai loved all of your sounds. If he could record these moments to keep forever, they'd become his white noise as he slept in your arms.

"Your fingers must be pruny. Do you want to switch jobs?"

You were always so considerate of him. He'd pat down his hands and forearms and you'd gently help him wrap his bandages back up, making sure not to let your gaze linger. Sometimes Dazai would lean over and sniff your hair as you worked, smelling your shampoo and nearly swooning. You'd pat his arm once gently to let him know you were done before turning to the few remaining dishes. He'd always leave the harder ones for you; bigger pots and pans and whatever the fuck a colander was. "It's just a big bowl! It even drains on its own," you'd huff, but never complain more than that.

Just as cute as ever, you'd wash them without complaint as he smiled victoriously. You both knew what he was doing, but even the "harder objects" were simple so you didn't mind. It'd be Dazai's turn to talk as he'd tease you for being so gullible. He'd mention his day, complaining about Kunikida's reports that he so graciously took over (which were Dazai's reports, actually) and how scary and nearly disastrous his meeting with a random dog was that he had passed by on the way home — a dog that was leashed and following beside its owner obediently.

The way home to you, to this vulnerable moment you both shared in the quiet of his apartment. He loved how focused you'd get on scrubbing away the grime, allowing him pause to stare at you and admire your dedication. How beautiful can one person be? And the way you'd get all flustered when you turn to hand him a dish to dry only to see him basking in your ethereal visage always caused him to grin.

He'd pepper your face with kisses, his now dried hands grabbing your soaked ones to pull you away from the kitchen and to the couch. You'd whine and complain, saying you only had a few dishes left, but you never tried to pull from his grasp while dutifully following suit. Dazai loves to cradle you close to him, forgetting about whatever worries him for a few moments.

Dazai loves doing the dishes.

hai deer how was ur day ?!

hi anon!!!! i enrolled for classes for my final semester today wooo !!!!!!! but i have a big essay due tmr tho that i gotta start LMAO but it's been really good !

thank you for asking anon :) please tell me about your day!!!

hii hru? i have a fic request umm i have this idea thats been sitting in my head for TOO LONG... i need to get it out how would bsd men (your choice) react to a reader who is too nice of a person, basically an ANGEL but seeks love from people who treats them like shit.,,.,. n theyre always like "nono theyre a great friend" (i need to stop doing this though it happens too many times)

ok bye!! have a lovely day!!!!!!

if someone treats me wrongly i will treat them wrongER. i do not start shit but i will End It. i included Dazai, Ranpo, Nikolai, Atsushi and Chuuya :) ive never written for Chuuya and Atsushi but i just kept typing so umm mb!! don’t read the last two unless ur crazy

Dazai would be so frustrated internally. He had been one of those people you give such patience to, and he knows everyone else is only preying that kind nature. He’d subtly try and point out that what they’re doing is bad, but he has always preferred a less direct approach. Threatening. Okay, yes yes, Dazai has turned over a new leaf, but as long as he doesn’t hurt or kill it’s fine, right? Are mild and “empty” threats really that bad? He’d chase away those people easily, helping you to meet others like his coworkers at the Agency or reminding you of the good friends you have and how you should spend more time with them. If you’re the type to tolerate rudeness from others but Not tolerate it when people are rude to your friends, Dazai would lie and claim that these assholes wronged him in some devastating way so you never forgive them.

Ranpo would (metaphorically) hit you upside the head. What do you think you’re doing, letting anyone treat you as less than you are? Not because he cares for you (so he claims), but because you’re associated with him! By allowing these, for lack of a better word, losers to treat you so awfully, you’re taking down his image with you! How would people react if they knew that the greatest detective allowed his friend (..?) to be treated so horribly? That he of all people couldn’t knock some sense into you? He’d huff, reminding you that you’d only need him and the Agency anyway, so why waste your time with such imbeciles 🙄

Nikolai is the one who treats you like shit. He hadn’t originally meant to — not any more than usual, that is — but watching you defend horrible actions from people that didn’t matter made him wonder if you’d do the same for those that do (being him, of course). He’d change at the drop of a hat, doting on you and cherishing you to kicking you out and ghosting you for weeks. But when he messaged you once again, you’d find yourself back on a bus approaching his apartment. Because of course you are, how could you leave Nikolai when he’s been so kind to you? He said he was busy, and what reason did you have not to believe him?

Atsushi would see himself in you but it’d just be a cycle. You’d see others treating him poorly and get angry, and he’d see people doing that with you, but you both would defend your “friends” up and down until exhaustion kept you from continuing. Atsushi is used to being used, so it’s fine, and seemingly so are you, so you’re fine, and it just repeats forever. But, if Atsushi’s options are to hang out with you or those jerks, then you’ll just have to spend more time with him. And if your options are to hang out with him or those jerks, he’ll just have to spend more time with you. The cycle ends, but without any real confrontation, which is how the both of you would prefer it.

Chuuya: your loyal guard dog. If he can’t convince you not to see “those piece of shit, dumbass jerks” ever again he’d tag along. Everything except barking would be on the table - he’d growl when they talked over you or break a finger if he had to. This is the man you want by your side, because he’d fight for your honor when he needs to or take you back to his place for a soothing spa-adjacent bath with amazing scented candles and over the top bubbles, maybe a glass of expensive wine, to unwind and forget it all. Also he’d block their numbers from your phone and threaten them to never contact you again 💀

stop just read your dazai kisses one it’s so cute but the beastzai one fucked me up. awful. gut wrenching i have such a soft spot for him

hejdshfueh i wrote it with a permanent frown on my face. i can no longer smile.

thanks sm anon!!!! glad you enjoyed :)

Hello deer!! I wholeheartedly hope you are feeling better day after day! Here a bit of a thought about Dazai that could cheer you up.

I was thinking about Pm! Dazai (like always).

People always says "he listens to this, he listens to that", I think he didn't listen to any music honestly.

So imagine if you are the one who makes him listen to songs for the first time, and you help him build up his own tastes making him listen to any genre, some you like some maybe you don't like just to help him.

It would be so wholesome idk I love this idea😭

- ⏳️

hi ⏳ anon!!! youre so real 🙂‍↕️ i did this more as hcs :)

"Why are you playing me songs you don't like?"

"..? Because what if you like them?"

"I'm not going to just out of spite now."

and he doesn't

if you go out of your way to show dazai songs and help him build his taste he's just gonna fall in love with you agree with what you like

i think honestly it'd be hell to make him sit down and listen, follow along with the lyrics, etc - so please have something else nearby for him to stimulate his brain or hands or anything!!!!

like puzzles or something! fidget toys idk! maybe he doesn't care for music because he doesn't understand sitting there silently and doing nothing

listen. drop a bin of legos on him or something you know what i mean?

but you teach him well 🙂‍↕️ you don't have to just sit around and focus solely on the music! you can dance and have fun or just put it in the background!!!!

and now he gets it. now he's into it.

i think he'd love all music! isn't the type to make specific playlists just has every song he likes in one big pile

he doesn't gaf when some high beat song comes on full blast after the saddest tune yk. doesn't bat an eye

perhaps a given but he loves songs about dark topics that have cheerful beats 😭 have any of you heard bullet by hollywood undead? bro blasts that song all the time just to frustrate mori people

i think his emo ass would love mcr i'm sorry lmao

him rocking out and going crazy to all of their discography... it was meant for him

he hates whatever music you hate in solidarity btw. YOU showed him music so you clearly are the end all be all on decisions here

if someone recommends him a song he asks you if you've heard it. if not: you can listen together! if so:

"Do you like it? Are we gatekeeping this artist? Or is the song bad and I should I tell this guy to fuck off?"

"Dazai, just listen to it! Maybe you'll like it!"

"? That's what I'm trying to figure out. So answer my question, do you like it?"

and he says that all on the phone with you across from the person lmao

i just think he doesn't care enough to find his own taste if he never cared enough to listen on his own

so while he Says that your music taste is objectively correct (to which he stands by fully) he also just doesn't mind never listening to anything else

he doesn't care to branch out! dazai just likes you

and by extension, your music

piggybacking off of what i said earlier, he is not a playlist guy

BUT. however.

dazai will never sit down and forge his own playlist

unless it's a joke. "songs to make chuuya mad" and it's like. nyan cat 10 hour version idfk

okay back to the point

dazai will never forge his own playlists HOWEVER. if you're a playlist enjoyer and make tons and tons, spanning across different moods and different times and everything -

he listens to Every Single One

dazai will pick favorites from the playlists, but each one is meticulously worked through and studied, making sure to give you specific compliments on each one

okay. pm!dazai is so emo i need you all to understand while he does just shuffle every song you've ever liked, he is partial to more of that standard tumblr-emo shit yk

bro queues up mcr fall out boy and pierce the veil

every middle school emo kid's playlist is what dazai listens to

Jinshi masterlist tad masterlist main masterlist

You're oblivious and Jinshi's an idiot gn but you're in the rear palace and maidservant is used a few times in reference to you and your job, brief mention of nail picking

Perfect you're mute, jinshi calls you perfect a disgusting amount of times, gn neutral but you're referred to as: concubine, doll, toy and flower of the emperor's

haii deer i hope you are able to get all your assignments done on time! was reading your tags and aro dazai?? big brain.

so how about aro ace darling? never been in a relationship and never really want to, their friends are more than enough for them !! honestly i just wanna be aro buddies with dazai 🥹

but damn just being weirdo coworkers together, im,,, willing to look past many red flags for him 💔

YOURE JUST LIKE ME FR dazai and i are best friends and we are aro you can ask him yourself also weirdo coworkers.. you get it

"Oh, wait, so you were the latest person hired?" Atsushi's head cocked to the side, looking at you with curiosity. "How long have you been here?"

"My dear here has been with the agency for three months! You know, I was the one that brought them on board," Dazai gloated, a smug smirk on his face and a dramatic hand over his heart.

You were quick to play along, throwing a dramatic hand over your forehead as you leaned back. "Oh, my hero! What would I do without my lovely Dazai?" The sarcastic lilt in your tone didn't go unnoticed by the newest agency member, but he decided not to comment on it.

"Was it like what happened with me? Did you find Dazai drowning?" Apparently a common occurrence, Atsushi had pieced together.

Dazai denied, a smile on his face as he replied with a simple, "Nope!" A few moments of silence passed before the junior realized he wasn't going to elaborate.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask for more information, you decided to take pity on the poor soul and fill him in. "I bailed him out of a holding cell."

No one bat an eye. Atsushi looked around the office, trying to see if maybe someone was holding back laughter, but not a single one of his new coworkers were phased. Did they not hear what you said?

"He got detained for public disturbance in the middle of a case. I told Dazai he'd have to find a way to get out on his own, and he shows back up not even thirty minutes later with them in tow," Kunikida explains, frustration evident in his voice. "I was trying to teach him a lesson."

"I was in the area," you shrug.

"Yeah, being detained as well..."

"I was being released from detainment, actually!" You correct Kunikida, a proud grin on your face. "And Dazai said I should follow him, so I did."

Atsushi laughed awkwardly. He knew you seemed similar to Dazai in your hedonistic pursuits, but this was baffling. "And the president hired you?"

"I had an entrance exam, but pretty much! I had just been fired from my old job the day before so Dazai helped me get set up here. And before you ask: I was fired because I told the boss' kid I wouldn't date him. He got all upset and told daddy to can me," you huff in frustration, still annoyed at your wrongful termination.

Kunikida rolled his eyes. "Don't act like some martyr; You also deserved to be fired. You just messed around on the job like you do here. You barely got any work done."

"You want me so badly it makes you look stupid—"

"I told them to sue and say it's discrimination because they're aro," Dazai cut you off, a pout on his lips like he's annoyed you didn't take his advice.

"What's... arrow?" Atsushi cocked his head to the side. He was unaware of the terminology, having never come across it in this context during his studies at the orphanage.

"Oh, it's shorthand for aromantic. It just means, like, experiencing little to no romantic attraction to anyone. It varies, of course..." You try to explain simply.

Atsushi nods, understanding the basic idea. "But it'd be wrong to lie about your sexuality, right?"

"I'm aro, actually," you shrug. Everyone at the agency is well aware, so Atsushi will likely find out eventually.

"Oh!" The younger employee's cheeks turn pink, feeling a little sheepish for assuming. A moment passes as Atsushi thinks before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. "I thought you and Dazai..?"

"We're both aromantic," Dazai rests his chin on his hand, elbow on his desk and an amused smirk pulling at his lips. "I've dated a lot in the past, but I realized it's just not for me."

"I've never been in a relationship and never want to," you add in yourself. "Aromanticism is... much more complex than how I explained it. Dazai feels romantic attraction, but doesn't— Is it fine if I tell him this?" You suddenly ask, realizing it really isn't your place to speak on his experience, even as his best friend.

"Oh, I don't care. Saves me the trouble," Dazai waves his hand dismissively. "But yeah, I feel romantic attraction, but lose it when it's reciprocated."

Atsushi nods slowly, beginning to understand. "Oh, okay. So you two are just close friends, then."

"Are we just not going to ask what you were doing in a holding cell when Dazai got thrown in?" Tanizaki asks from his desk.

"I just got too silly, you know how it is."

ive been horribly sick lately so all ive posted the last few days were things i had already done. i havent been able to really work on any rqs 😭 sorry for those who have some in my inbox! when im able to think clearly ill be back to working hard 💪🏻

hi deerie… tulip for u 🌷 *pat pat*

thank uuu 😖😖😖❤️

Stereotypical vampire darling but they refuse to drink from humans and mostly drinks from animals like bunnies and birds lmao

cw: blood, feeding on animals and people, yandere themes, deception, drugging with blood??

thank you to domi (@.cqthqrtic) for talking to me abt human dazai w a vampire s/o!! this was inspired by the conversation we had hehe

!!! vampire darling w human dazai who's just desperate for them to feed on him. please take his blood. please...it's all he wants. he's kind of addicted to the feeling but more than that he loves the idea of having his blood in you, of you having to drink his blood to stay alive. how romantic! he's literally part of you and within you.

he's devastated when you tell him that you don't feed on people, and stares enviously at your prey instead. he just knows that he'd taste better, and if you'd just stop being so stubborn and have one try, you'd never go back.

but you were far more patient than him, and far more resolute in your decisions.

you're still sweet to him, of course, kissing him and holding him and telling him you love him—but you're firm on not feeding, and dazai aches for that final connection. he tells you that he wants it, that it wouldn't hurt (and even if it did, he'd like it) and he'd wear your marks proudly, but nothing convinces you. the moment he brings it up, you shoot him a tired look and repeat the same excuses again.

if his words weren't enough to convince you, maybe he should just give you a taste of what you're missing.

there are days, when the weather is too cold, that you drink off pre-filled bags instead. during one of your long trips away, dazai, with a lot of careful planning and shaky excecution, replaces a bag with his blood instead. it was a process done over time, since he didn't want to risk loosing too much in one go, and there were too many potential obstacles—you could differenciate human and animal blood just from scent alone, for one, or you could stop drinking once you had a single drop—but it was his beat shot.

lucky him, then, that you came home famished and too exhausted to check. by the time you had finished the bag, you were staring at him with a disturbed expression, but dazai knew it was too late.

you would never forget the taste.