“I Consulted The Stars And They Said Fuck You.”

"I can't breathe! I mean... I can, but why would I want to?"

-A very relatable girl in my drama class

“I would make a better Hitler than Hitler!”

-My brother

“From the moment this universe began it was destined to end in a duck apocalypse.”

"I've been having horse flashbacks..."

"Tell me what pen you use, WITCH!"

“He’s such an overprotective mother hen sometimes.”

-My friend, while literally talking about Satan

“Isn’t he the spoon God?”

-Somebody who probably just discovered a new religion

“Vinegar and FUCK.”

That’s the culprit

“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

-My cat. Loudly. In my face. At 3am. Every night.

"Be right back while I confess my sins to the nearest priest!"