“Actually I’m Captain America.”

“Jaffa cakes are terrifying!”

-My friend, who is genuinely scared of the orange part of Jaffa cakes

"I'd throw a parade to annoy mysterious goats"

“Smells like science...”

-A girl, with a great sense of smell, literally walking into the science lab

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

"I'm trying to listen to a dwarvern shanty here, pal!"

“Your homework is to pee in a jar for a week...”

-My science teacher

“That’s a pretty gender neutral way of killing someone!”

-Me, not making nearly as much sense without context

"Today I shall be expanding the list of reasons I'm going to hell."

“You’re in trouble!”

-My science teacher in the same way kids do after someone was told to come to the office

“It should be easier once we get rid of the pile of noses...”

-My mother, not making nearly as much without context