I'M CRYING WHY DID TRUMP TAG PAPYRUS

OMGGG I LOVE THIS ART SO MUCH I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT

GAVIN BROTHERS AND BLACKQUILL SIBLINGS LETS FUXKING GO

ace attorney + older siblings

a little headcanon of what I think is in Sevs bag!!!

Heavily inspired by:@lovesevrus on tiktok

recent observation: kazuma's armband is loose on ryunosuke in all his sprite animations, because kazuma is more muscular than he is......the level of detail in this game is INSANE.

but beyond that, i also wanna point out that the armband is noticeably adjustable:

he keeps it as kazuma's size by choice.....i'm so normal

I uh… have some headcanons…

Hi there!

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A complex and many-layered thing

But Harry’s anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs. . . .

This is the first Occlumency lesson. Harry is right, of course. Feelings don’t go away because you want them to. To let go of them when they’ve not been addressed or validated can be as hard as detaching a leg. And yet, it’s what Dumbledore asked Snape to do, and it’s what Snape had to do to survive the first war as Dumbledore’s spy. You have to ask yourself… how?

Trapped animals chew off their own legs to escape. It’s a sacrifice they make to survive.

If there’s one thing in a fic that turns me off it, it’s the idea that Occlumency shields are a thing, that Severus was so gifted at it because he’s got some power like Second Sight or being a metamorphagus. I always preferred to think of Occlumency and Legilimency as skills that can be learned, even if some have more aptitude for it than others.

Severus entered Hogwarts with the kind of life experience that primed him for developing these skills, and left it with even more. Occlumency is magical dissociation, a post-traumatic coping mechanism, and Severus has C/PTSD. More under the cut; tw: just general angst.

To survive, he would have had to develop a knack for telling how explosive and unpredictable people feel. Over his life, he faced at least two egregious examples of what Pete Walker, author of “Complex PTSD” calls “the Charming Bully”.

Especially devolved fight types can become sociopathic. Sociopathy can range along a continuum that stretches from corrupt politician to vicious criminal. A particularly nasty sociopath, who I call the charming bully, probably falls somewhere around the middle of this continuum. The charming bully behaves in a friendly manner some of the time. He can even occasionally listen and be helpful in small amounts, but he still uses his contempt to overpower and control others. This type typically relies on scapegoats for the dumping of his vitriol. These unfortunate scapegoats are typically weaker than him. […] He generally spares his favorites from this behavior, unless they get out of line. If the charming bully is charismatic enough, those close to him will often fail to register the unconscionable meanness of his scapegoating. The bully’s favorites often slip into denial, relieved that they are not the target. Especially charismatic bullies may even be admired and seen as great.

These would be James Potter and Tom Riddle, who are distantly related, I might add. Harry inherited the tendency to default to the fight response, but since he grew up the scapegoat and not the golden child, he never becomes quite as appalling, and after all, a fight response is normal when they are after you. Even so, Harry, who has both James and Voldemort inside him, triggers Severus to no end. It’s not a coincidence that the memories Harry sees when he is with him are largely horrible, and vice versa. There had to be happy or at least neutral or even boring moments, but these two detest each other, and they know they detest each other. Negative emotions and associated memories are so close to the surface they can’t be contained. This is the purpose of the Pensieve in this context - to contain the emotions. Since Severus knew what was in there when he pulled Harry out, my theory is that you don’t suddenly forget the memories you placed there, but rather you make them less fraught with emotions.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was. “I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

A lot to unpack here.

“Memories you fear,” “weapons”, “easy prey”.

Fearing your own memories, viewing your own lived experiences as weapons to be used against you, being easy prey… Severus could not be speaking louder of himself here. He is the one whose mind had been penetrated with absurd ease, he is the one who handed weapons to Voldemort, and he is the one who had to do the psychological equivalent of detaching his own leg – again and again – to survive.

I’ll argue that Severus developed a fawn response and a flight response, as fighting had never really worked out for him if it was possible at all. He had at least two more people I’d describe as bullies in his life, Tobias and Lucius.

Again from Pete Walker:

These [fawn] response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threat like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: “to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.” I find it tragic that some codependents are as loyal as dogs to even the worst “masters”.

Remember what Sirius called him? Lucius’s lapdog. Bellatrix called him Dumbledore’s pet, Dumbledore said he dangles on Voldemort’s arm, the narrative compares Snape to a rabbit in SWM and Harry compares the Half Blood Prince to a beloved pet who had gone feral (yes, this does mean a lot to me on a personal level, yes my username is not a coincidence).

His unconscious fawn response might have been his undoing, drawn as he was to figures like Lucius and Voldemort. As an adult, I think he utilized the skills he had developed to survive in order to stitch these people up, and involuntary dissociation and fawning became Occlumency, which to me, is his signature magic. Harry needed only to banish Voldemort from his mind; Severus could not settle for this. He had to give Voldemort something, and knowing how to fawn meant knowing what to give him and how to draw himself in such a light that Voldemort would believe it. We see how he wanted to be seen by the Death Eaters: a self-serving coward who sought to hide behind Dumbledore’s apron, playing his pet. But that’s Pettigrew, not Snape. Imagine the self-immolation, the self-violation, it must have taken to convince everyone that you’re an ersatz Wormtail! Snape is a man and a prince, and the text recognizes this as Harry calls him, in the end, Dumbledore’s man, the bravest man, and as that chapter is called “The Prince’s Tale”. Voldemort thought Snape was nothing more than a “good and faithful servant,” and that his last words were “My Lord”.

But Severus had an unequaled gift for Occlumency, specifically against Voldemort, because Voldemort could not legilimens what he couldn’t feel; and he couldn’t feel love, grief, guilt, and remorse. This was Severus’s secret weapon, which would not have worked against Harry - who can feel these things, and who is also Lily’s son. I can prove it. The first time Harry gets the hang of Occlumency is after Dobby dies:

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

Harry learned to dissociate, though fortunately in a healthier way than many of us ever get to.

Of course, Snape was a good and faithful servant… to Dumbledore, which brings us to the flight response. The chapter wherein he escapes after killing Dumbledore is called “Flight of the Prince”. He should be fighting, he had just proven that he can cast a killing curse, and yet he flees. He can literally fly, in fact: He, Lily, and Voldemort are the only ones we see pulling this off.

As a child, we see this too: He copes with his home situation by reminding himself “it won’t be long and I’ll be gone.” He is thrilled when he imagines Hogwarts, his escape; he follows Lily out of the carriage instead of confronting James and Sirius head-on (which might have saved them all a lot of pain eventually). But this doesn’t work out, we see that in terrifying detail. The next attempt at an escape is joining the Death Eaters, but this too doesn’t work out.

He can’t flee anymore.

“Severus, you cannot pretend this isn’t happening!” Karkaroff’s voice sounded anxious and hushed, as though keen not to be overheard. “It’s been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can’t deny it —”

“Then flee,” said Snape’s voice curtly. “Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts.”

Shortly thereafter:

“Severus,” said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, “you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready . . . if you are prepared . . .”

“I am,” said Snape.

He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely.

He was ready, and he was prepared. He didn’t fly; he walked toward what might well have been his end with open eyes, armed only with the strength of his mind. Before Voldemort killed him, he looked pale, again, and terrified.

“I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

And now Snape looked at Voldemort, and Snape’s face was like a death mask. It was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes.

I ask myself if this was the moment he realized he had been betrayed, that by giving Dumbledore a painless death he had secured his own. Maybe he wasn’t pale because he was scared; maybe he was pale because he was shocked. He was at his absolute limit, Occluding with all his might when he could have easily saved himself. The dam is about to break. All the memories he feared, all the weapons, the entire content of his heart is about to spill through - literally.

He fawned for Voldemort, the worst of all possible masters, but in the end, he was Voldemort’s undoing. All the ways in which he was weak and powerless against Tobias, James, Lucius, et al., proved to be part of goodness and source of his power. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that Snape is so loved. I’ve never actually seen such love for any other fictional character. He represents a kind of courage that many of us need to get by, lest we simply become evil or give the fuck up (“I wish I was dead”). A kind of courage rarely celebrated. The more time I’ve spent in the fandom in general and in the Snapedom in particular, the more I am convinced of this.

I have a lot of feelings about this scene. Because from Harry's POV at this point obviously Snape is the mean bully who's always picked on him for no reason and it's gratifying to see Sirius standing up to him and putting him in his place. And at this point in the story that's kind of what we as readers see too. BUT with the additional knowledge we gain about Snape throughout the rest of the story this hits so different.

Think about Snape, who spent years being tormented and humiliated by Sirius and who has carefully rebuilt himself from that, but who still has all the open wounds and trauma from it lurking just beneath the surface. Think about how he's so used to Sirius hurting and humiliating him that the second Sirius stands it's a reflex to grab his wand. And he's not just holding it. He's balled his fist around it - an obvious sign of stress from someone who usually masks it so well - because this isn't just another duel. This isn't even like facing Voldemort.

No matter that Snape is much older and more capable and more powerful now. When it's Sirius suddenly Snape is 15 again and all those memories and feelings of powerlessness and humiliation come rushing back.

“Look At Me”

Using Occlumency to calm a panicked 11 year old

Fucked up actually how Garmadon is just. Never allowed to be happy and he knows it. He's a young kid who's going out of his way to protect his little brother and he gets so horrifically cursed and punished and doomed for it for the rest of his life, and he grows up knowing this will haunt and change him, that this will vilify him. There's all this talk of a 'balance' between good and evil and how both must exist, so does it drive Garmadon mad knowing that he is still technically playing a role in preserving the natural order of things, yet he will be despised and horrified by what he's done, grappling with the guilt in a best-case scenario, while others are celebrated because they're lucky enough to be chosen to fight for good instead?

He had to constantly fight the evil in his veins growing up, knowing it would eventually be over. But he still tried his best to do as much good as he possibly could, he tried not to hold it against Wu but at the same time... He took such an enormous bullet for his brother. Wu never asked him to do it, but Garmadon wasn't even allowed to agree to it either. I can see how easy it would've been to tell himself; Wu is going to grow old and loved and happy. I won't be. I deserve something for my sacrifice, for what I did for his sake.

What does he think, what right would we have to judge me, as if I haven't already lost it all for him, as if he doesn't have to contend with how he might act under the influence of the Great Devourer?! Garmadon actually gets this little bit of happiness with Misako, even a child... And fate plays the cruelest joke, practically punishing Garmadon for this, by making this child the very Green Ninja destined to defeat him; Why not someone else, like Morro dammit?! Even so, Garmadon does everything to NOT take out his frustration on Lloyd, despite knowing Lloyd is supposed to end any chance at happiness for Garmadon by ending his life.

The introduction of the Great Devourer's venom as a plot point is interesting, because it admittedly does absolve Garmadon of his wrongdoing (or make it very easy to) by re-contextualizing it all as something he's forced to commit, yet very much does try to fight against. Him continuing to love and care for Lloyd and look for loopholes out of fighting his son, instead of just destroying him, does prove how much he's trying to avert the venom's influence anyway. He IS trying.

I think the lingering specter looming over Garmadon over his inevitable fate must've like. Made it really hard for him to be happy at times, or even dare to dream of happiness. He committed his youth to saving the world, and then was trapped in the Underworld for years. He languishes alone with only the company of people who hate him and only go along out of coercion, people who DID choose to be evil. Garmadon has his agonizing stint as the lord of darkness, but still tries to help Lloyd, and after everything is freed.

And he still tries to atone!!! He still tries to make up for everything by swearing a vow of pacifism, and only rightfully goes back on that when an innocent life, his very son he does so much for, is threatened! Garmadon is allowed like, what? A few years of happiness with his wife and child, only a few years at best of not having to worry about the future because now destiny is out of the way and it's a fresh start for him, he can actually rest and breathe easy knowing there's no guaranteed doom ahead of him.

But he's still haunted by his past, still trying to make up for it; And then he has to sacrifice himself to save everyone all over again. And Garmadon dies, but he's not even allowed to stay dead because his soul is brought back in a fractured, tormented state, by someone who idolizes and misunderstands the worst period of his life, his greatest trauma. And now Garmadon is stumbling around, half-formed, incomplete, back in that same old trap and it's just so hard... But after everything, he still goes back to the same attempts at bettering himself, going against his nature one step at a time, in all of the little ways, rebuilding himself.

But his relationship with his son, this whole time, is deeply destroyed and fractured and hurt in a way it's never been before; And he and Lloyd never really get that reconciliation at the end of Crystalized. He doesn't get to be with his wife anymore and vice-versa. Garmadon is half a soul but still trying, he's always trying to be kind and good even in the worst of circumstances, it's his most natural instinct no matter how much tries to bury it underneath.

It's just. MAN; He really isn't allowed to be happy, isn't allowed to live or settle down. Truly doomed by the narrative, and by the hype of the Lego Ninjago Movie resurrecting the image of Lord Garmadon. Garmadon isn't allowed to hope, he isn't allowed to rest or settle down, it's just a constant battle for him. Sometimes I think he must've had a moment where he was just tired of being nice despite everything the world threw at him, that maybe he deserved a chance to go ape shit against everyone's ungrateful attitude and hypocritical condemnation by just embracing the darkness, and getting to think about himself for a moment; I think the closest to that was the love letter situation with Wu and Misako. A moment like that in the Oni trilogy would've been nice to see, though it has been a long while since I've watched it, so it may have happened.

Maybe Garmadon and the Overlord could've bonded over the fact that they're both doomed to play the role that nobody wants and everyone hates, yet is explicitly required by 'the balance' to exist nonetheless. I'd have loved to see him and Harumi interact in Crystalized, given Garmadon seems actually distraught when he accidentally kills her; It'd have done nice things for both characters to explore Garmadon's feelings about someone who chooses to glamorize his evil, but also weirdly enough appreciates him over it, too?

I'd have liked to see those two actually talk about the fact that Garmadon was doomed again all over, yet unintentionally maybe given a second chance at happiness, given his attempts at rehabilitation. And how does Harumi feel about this, how does she move on when her idol also fails her in this way? Does she keep clinging to a replacement like the Overlord, or just let go? It all turned to be NOT what she expected, both with the ninja and then with Garmadon.

It's like, man. The very concept of the 'balance' between good and evil having to exist, that there can't be too much evil but there also can't be too much good, and how this latter part is never explored because it exposes how fucked up the status quo is, it's driving me insane; Hell it drives Wu, Misako, Lloyd, and even Morro insane too. Someone has to take the fall, someone has to be the scapegoat, the sacrificial martyr, and be vilified for doing something everyone needs them to do. I'd go mad. Maybe that's the real reason for the Overlord's cruelty. And what happens if you take into account the original plan for Crystalized to reveal the Overlord is just the FSM's rejected Oni side?

She was not pretty; she looked simultaneously cross and sullen, with heavy brows and a long, pallid face.