Newt With All Due Respect, I Am Gonna Completely Ignore Everything You Just Said

my parents were never really bad nor toxic for that matter, they loved me and i know

it's just that my mom never really told me she loved, she never hugged me tight, she never really cared how i was feeling, she sometimes says things that hurt me, things i'll never forget (i still don't understand why she says them, i don't think i ever will), still, she does everything she can to be the best mom she can be, despite everything, she struggles to keep it all together for us and i know that

my dad is a good father too, he's just not a good husband, he never really loved mom, nor did she, their relationship was never really good at all, he never really did much to make it better, it was all on mom's back, he had problems of his own too, but he was selfish and stubborn, he always thinks he's right, he hurts her and she stays silent until she lets it out on us.

my parents are trying their best, it's just that their best was never enough..

can we skip to the part where i’m healed and nothing bad ever happens to me again

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matter is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

— Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (J.K. Rowling)

TAYLOR SWIFT @ The “Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour” performs on stage at State Farm Stadium on March 17, 2023 in Swift City, ERAzona (Glendale, Arizona).  

“It’s so hard being a single mother, especially when you have no children and are a teenage male.”

— Newt

i want someone who sees the bad in me and still wants to stay.

Seeing the house you spend your beloved childhood turn into such a toxic place is scary

Was it always like this? Or didn’t I see it through my child eyes ?

The bad energy is so high, I feel like I’m going to suffocate

The house I lived for 13 years turnt into a madhouse

I don’t recognise him at all

Where does all this anger come from?

All this hate?

All those lies…

Those lies feel like they never going to stop

Only continue, becoming a parallel reality for us all

Living in a delusion, full of fake hopes for the future

“Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.”

— S.C. Lourie

my trauma didn’t make me stronger it made me addicted to escapism and terrified of facing reality