Tylerbeyond:

beautifulburnout:

Watching Jaxon and Tanis warmed Jonny’s heart. Sure, he expected to be alone when he came out here, but he wasn’t complaining. Jonny had a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about Jaxon right now but he still enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him. And let’s face it, even if he expected to be alone, Jonny much preferred having company. “We’ll just have to leave then. Since you had first dibs,” he teased back and nodded at Jaxon’s explanation. “Restless too. Both of us,” he gave a little shrug with a half smile. He knew Jaxon would understand. Jonny being stuck inside for days was usually not the best mix. “Are they okay with other dogs?” Jonny nodded towards Jaxon’s pups. “Tanis loves to play but he also thinks he’s as big as a Wolfhound,” he chuckled and crouched down to join in on the belly scratching.

" yeah, you better. 'fore I chase you off myself, " he joked, going only with jonny's teasing. but the gentle curve of his lips and the levity in his gaze rendered the words absolutely benign. there was something about it just being the two of them, so late at night, so off the beaten path... that felt too familiar to deny. he couldn't count how many times had they snuck off in the middle of the night, out to the lake, or the river, or the Yankees stadium parking lot, just to chill. and Jaxon's own internal environment disarmed him some. too tired from fighting his own shit so much, jaxon just didn't have the energy to fight against his emotions with jonny.  " yeah, they're good. Jamie gets pretty excited. but he's still kinda small. ginger is a lot more mellow. and she's a totally mama, " he replied. but as soon as jonny came close, jaxon tension crept back in. he hated that the instinct was the reach out and touch jonny's hand, and he hated even more that he so immediately recoiled from it. jaxon stood, pretending to stretch out his knee.

@tatemcallisterr

if you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be?

“ i try not to live in regrets, ya know? try not to wonder how life would be different if this or if that. found it just gets me more in my head. but... i dunno. i wouldn’t have made every excuse in th’ book not to reach out to jonny after our fight. i let my bullshit get in my way for so long, and then after a while... it just was too long, ya know? but yeah. i think things would have been really different for th’ both of us. but who knows? maybe it was supposed to be like this. ”

@beautifulburnout

punsandgun:

“wait! lemme guess,” darby mused as she attempted to put her walkie on her shoulder, on the correct side this time. she was still getting use to what to do and when to do it. being a rookie was harder than some people believed. thankfully she had jaxon around. her buddy from the big apple. “elvis?” she offered sarcastically. impersonators were the best. she was slightly sad that she never got her own impersonator. who wanted to impersonate an olympic gymnast. “aw thanks bud,” she replied in appreciation at the coffee. her daughter definitely kept her on her toes but she loved it. “and i saw a drag swayze on friday at The Garage. Man I miss that guy.”

after checking he had everything, he gave darby a once over (maybe twice) to make sure she was ready too. today, she was. there’s been plenty of days that she wasn’t. but darby was learning, and getting better, and jax was a little bit proud.  “ well... i mean. yeah. usually. ten bucks that we stop and interview an elvis today, ” he replied with a wry little grin. it was too easy to joke around with darby, even when he didn’t feel particularly cheery.  “ you got an exciting night life, kid, ” he replied, the amusement in his eyes though he couldn’t manage a laugh.  “ c’mon. this is serious. jonny’s in vegas. i saw him couple nights ago... ”

Jax,  Happy birthday! I found this when I was digging through some of my old stuff. This was the last trip we took to the lake back in New York. I thought it was nostalgic and sweet so I wanted you to have it. Look how young we were!  Anyway, happy 31st. I know you were never big on birthdays but I hope you enjoy it. Let me take you out for a drink soon.  Have a great day (don’t be too grouchy). -Jay

[ sms → jonny ] thank you for the picture. and the birthday wishes. that’s very sweet of you. 

[ sms → jonny ] i’ll try not to be too much of a grump. 

And a hopeful rhythm woke within him She's singing to me "Glory" Had some letters written, 'course she's in 'em She's singing to me "Glory" Tried to tell her, throat was linen She's singing to me "Glory" I was only ever thinking about you, you know

“ …. — if you wanna start a fight, ya better throw the first punch. 

                                                                                  — m a k e  i t  a  g o o d  o n e . ”

im dealing with my shit the way im dealing with it.  are my methods unhealthy? yes. are they effective? no. am i going to change what im doing? nope. 

the lost boys // jaxathan

his heart thudded harshly against the inside of his ribs, banging out a beat that rang in his ears and drowned out the city noises behind him. ginger whined and leaned against his leg, concerned at his stillness. but jaxon was frozen, staring at the drying paint on the wall, at the brushstrokes made by hands that used to paint neosporin over his cuts, at the marks left behind by a man he didn’t know anymore. jaxon felt sick, and scared, and that teenage angry heartbreak all over again. he shouldn’t be here. it was too much. but he couldn’t move. he could barely breathe. jonny had done this. jonny... 

jamie yipped and tugged at his leash, breaking the daze jaxon’s emotions had kept him in. he looked down in confusion, following jamie’s gaze, right into jonny’s. 

beautifulburnout:

Things between them were beyond complicated. There was a lot unsaid and a lot that needed to be said. But despite all the years and despite the tension Jonny trusted Jaxon because he knew that he still cared. He felt weak, vulnerable and small but with Jaxon it didn’t matter. He knew he’d take care of him and Jonny knew he needed that right now.  The touch to his jaw had him meeting Jaxon’s eyes. Even if he wasn’t crying there was no hiding the fact that he had been. He didn’t have anything to hide from Jax and when he offered his hands Jonny took them without hesitation. He almost went in for a hug because he wanted the comfort but he checked himself. The last hug they shared hadn’t exactly been the most encouraging thing in regards to affection and even if he was having a rough night he didn’t want to push that on Jax. Instead he just climbed into the car and hugged his jacket around himself tighter. “Um, sure. Sounds good,” he finally replied. His voice was soft and hoarse. All the yelling that he did only served to make him lose his voice. Coffee did sound pretty nice. “Thanks…”

the tension, the history, the complicated feelings— all of that was monumental and waiting between them. but that was for another time, another night, another place. not with jonny hurting and scared and in need. jaxon would chalk it up to his duty as a cop. he was supposed to help people. that’s all this was. but the way worry ached in his chest, and the way he wanted nothing more than to comfort jonny with physical affection... that wasn’t exactly standard cop feelings. but he was doing a job, and playing a role, and his feelings were easier to ignore when he focused on that. 

he closed the door behind jonny, pausing at the trunk to grab a blanket as he walked.  “ here, jay, ” he said, laying the blanket gently in his lap. he knew how cold jonny always got. and being shaken up and barefoot probably wouldn’t help that.  “ okay, ” jax replied softly, watching him for another long moment. he noticed the tear in jonny’s jacket, and he grazed a fingertip over the slice. when his finger came away with a slight smear of blood, jaxon concern peaked sharply.  “ alright. i know yer really shaken. but i need t’ know what happened, jonny... ” his voice was still gentle, and empathetic. but he put the cruiser into drive, and pulled away. maybe it would be easier for jonny to talk when it felt less like he was filing a police report.