Dear, Elisa Lam...

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

My Dearest L...

Man, do I have stuff to catch you up on!! There has been so much happening lately.

I'll be posting ALOT soon so make sure you keep up 🖤

MY DEAREST L…

Hello, it's been a while and a few things have changed since we last spoke. I've decided to quit smoking for one. I'm not to sure how long it will last this time but I'm going to try my best to stop.

i know that your coming over this week. just hope that you can handle me being cranky hahah. but anyways i've just been chilling out. oh! yeah i've noticed that i can breath better actually now that i stopped smoking. i was short of breath all the time before but now i seem to be getting better.

a craving is hitting right now. i'm trying to just ignore it and wright throw the craving. anyways talk to you tomorrow.

MY DEAREST L…

So last night I was laying with L in bed after we shared an intimate night together moments before and I felt discussed with myself, is this normal to feel that way? but like things got a little messy when we were having our moment together and I have OCD maybe it was just my OCD bec after that I had to shower and clean myself, I then got out of the shower and my manic episode started I had to clean my room and I had to move around I also when feeling so many emotions at once I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. but I was just weird that those feelings came up the way they did but I've felt it before. when I was hooking up with people but I'm not doing that as much anymore bec I don't want to do that with him, so I stopped doing it except for the rare moments when I do but it's so rare now, what I was getting at is that when I was done doing it and I came home from them I would have to shower bec I felt so nasty and gross and I felt that way last night so that's why I'm asking is it normal to feel that way sometimes when I'm with him? it's the first time I've ever felt that way with him. I honestly do think it was just my OCD and that I wasn't taking my meds right I was a bit not sleeping and not doing what I'm supposed to on them and do I like tell him about this or do I keep it to myself? like is there a limit to what you are supposed to talk about with your other half? or are you supposed to be fully transparent with them? I would really like some feedback on this post bec I honestly don't know what to think about it...

My Dearest L...

Why do I feel like your going? but are you still with me...it’s like you have left me.

You used to be with me when I was 13 but then I got older and you slowly just ended you fading away from me. Times got too hard for you, I guess. Was that the case tho? for are you still here with me. Do you still live in the dark? when will you find the light again... and make me feel the same way you used to? will it ever come back or is it gone forever!!! I guess I’ll just have to wait.

My Dearest L...

So I had this really weird ss dream last night, I was in the Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit movie, of course, I was Gromit cuz who else would I be... but I was in the movie, and instead of catching rabbits and vacuuming them up I found Wallace in the back garden room with the were-rabbit and he was feeding GOD DAMN GIRLS TO HIM like WTFFFF I then proceeded to roll my eyes and walk away from him thinking to myself that the rabbit is only going to grow up with a bad temper cuz he was only eating girls like where were the guys in this. did Wallace not feed him guys cuz he didn't want the rabbit to one day turn on him or was it bec the rabbit was sexist??? well that's a question only the people that make my insane wild dreams would know XDD 

If you would like me to type out my dreams more on my blog let me know cuz I have some really crazy fucked up ones. just repost and like this post to let me know if you are interested :)

My Dearest L...

I wake up on a normal day. Get out of bed and got use the bathroom then I head back to my room and lay on my bed, but lately, I’ve been waking up, and every time I stare at people my eyes tend to blur, and their faces deform almost as if I’m on LSD their eyes won’t be in the right place or their nose. Their head is all deformed, there like balloons. yet I find a strange comfort in knowing that people are not always what they tend to be. Sometimes people make people out to be things that there not and I don’t think it’s right...

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Unknown

My Dearest L…

My b-day is next week HAHA who would have guessed that I would still be here to see my 21st b-day cuz I sure and hell didn't. this is probably the part when I drift off into some random thought that pops up in my head. like it smells like chocolate in my room. I don't even have any air fresheners in here strange. sometimes I struggle to write things down on this blog and I think it shows sometimes. but sometimes I don't want to write but nothing comes out at all, so I just mash a bunch of random thoughts in my head into one paragraph.