Have You Ever Been To Earth?

Have You Ever Been To Earth?

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

More Posts from Tyras-stuff and Others

10 months ago

“this is a scam, they used to be tenaciousbearcowboy and have the same paypal account under Jane Majuma and pretended to be diabetic, now they also go by atomicollectorladdy  and pretend to be Palestinian and diabetic. block and report” - hakawti and other accounts have verified that this is a scam account.

thanks homie

2 years ago

DID I IMAGINE IT?????

WAS IT FAKE?????

I'M LOOKING FOR AND IT HASN'T APPEARED AT ALL

1 year ago

Me re-watching the handmaid's tale&taking notes on how to escape the US before the supreme court passes another law that will affect me:

Me Re-watching The Handmaid's Tale&taking Notes On How To Escape The US Before The Supreme Court Passes

Fr hope you get out soon I see the shit happening over there


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8 months ago

Dear generous supporters,

Please do not skip my story 🇵🇸🍉🚨

Donate to Help Ahmed to regain his physical ability to walk, organized by Sara Al
gofundme.com
Dear generous supporters,   I am writing this with full hope to find people… Sara Al needs your support for Help Ahmed to regain his physic

I am writing this with full hope to find people with kind hearts to help and support to regain my physical ability to walk and work again.

My name is Ahmed Al Yazji. I am 20 years old living in Gaza and in need for urgent medical treatment after being dangerously injured by a recent Israeli airstrike.

On Nov 11, 2023, I was at home staying peacefully with my family when an air strike hit the house causing severe damage to the building and serious injury to my neck.

The medical images show part of a rocket still present in my neck which according to the report will potentially cause me complete paralysis if not removed.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to do the needed surgery in Gaza due to lack of medical expertise, the damaged hospitals and equipment caused by the war.

Before the war, I was working and taking care of my family and being responsible for the financial expenses.

Now with my injury, I am not physically capable of working which has been causing extreme hardship to my family who is now facing inevitable hunger and escalating health issues.

I am running this fundraiser to ask for donations to help me do a neck surgery out of Gaza so that i can gain back my physical abilities to walk and work to feed my family. Part of the donations will be also used to maintain our house that was severely impacted by the strike.

With your power and your support I hope that I can rebuild my life again soon.

Donate to Help Ahmed to regain his physical ability to walk, organized by Sara Al
gofundme.com
Dear generous supporters,   I am writing this with full hope to find people… Sara Al needs your support for Help Ahmed to regain his physic

Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,

@fairuzfan @ibtisams @fallahifag

@vakarians-babe @sar-soor @plomegranate @nabulsi @sayruq

@palipunk @palidoodles @el-shab-hussein @communistchilchuck @northgazaupdates @stil-lindigo @queerstudiesnatural

@bluebellsinthedells @palestine @rizzyluke @kordeliiius @self-hating-zionist @thenewgothictwice @raelyn-dreams @unfortunatelyuncreative @licencetokrill @jezebelgoldstone @ramelcandy @petracourtjester

@labutansa @sammywo @autistwizard @tortiefrancis @sparklinpixiedust

@teluka @revcuse @golvio

@leftismsideblog @star-and-space @rainbowywitch @marscodes @oursapphirestars

@annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @boyvander @the-bastard-king

@13ag21k @agentfascinateur @ammonitetheseaserpent

@northgazaupdates@queerstudiesnatura

@palestinegenocide @nabulsi@sayruq@f1dyke@sar-

soor @appsa @oopollo-blog@fireyfobbitmedicine

@el-shab-hussein

@ibtisams @90-ghost@fairuzfan@sar-soor @nabulsi

@vakarians-babe

@aces-and-angels @interfacefox@cosmic-collective-

system@finnslay@muchmossymess @rez-urrection

@walking-polyp @bibyebae @autisticexpression2

@bisexualchemistry @violetclowns @beefybutchboy

@feefal @mobydyke @genderfluidgothwitch

@sleepyseaslug @urfavhatesthehungovt @riding-

with-the-wild-hunt@morallyrainyday@taviamoth

@olovelymoon @jannahswaiting @el-shab-hussein

@longlivepalestina@beesofink@curiOuscreature

@orchidvioletindigo@sunclownsblog@selamat-

linting @girlinafairytale @ragingbullmode

@theneutral-zone@thevalaxy@fairuzfan

@opencommunion @gorillawithautism

@seafoamwoman @emathyst9 @three-croissants

@iznabl@nabulsi@sar-soor@appsa@akajustmerry


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8 months ago

URGENT HELP 🚨🚨

Today we transferred my little daughter to the hospital because she is suffering from an infection that is affecting his breathing and causing him pain. I hope that every living conscience will help us save my little daughter’s life and donate any amount we can.

URGENT HELP 🚨🚨

Please help us, donate and share

Donate to Save Ibrahim family, organized by Ibrahim Family
gofundme.com
I'm Ibrahim Al-Habil from Gaza I live with my family consisting of my wife and 7 daughter. The oc… Ibrahim Family needs your support for S

@90-ghost @el-shab-hussein @sayruq @nabulsi @neptunerings @flower-tea-fairies @appsa @a-shade-of-blue @sar-soor @commissions4aid-international @paper-mario-wiki @dlxxv-vetted-donations @gaza-evacuation-funds @writerqueenofjewels @the-ballerina-battle @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @girlinafairytale @khanger @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @maoistyuri @dykesbat @acepumpkinpatrick @thetownwecallhome @tsaricides @feluka @brutaliakhoa @kordeliiius @queerstudiesnatural @the-bastard-king @aria-ashryver @malcriaada @vakarians-babe @bat-luun @mangocheesecakes @nightowlssleep @self-hating-zionist @staretes @friendshapedplant @yokohama-crackhouse @omiteo777


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6 months ago

Hello, my name is Ahmad Al-Louh, and I am from Gaza. Before the war, I worked as a lawyer, dedicating my life to helping others, seeking justice, and defending the oppressed.

Today, I am no longer the lawyer who protects others; I am a father desperately trying to protect his children from the horrors of war.

Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating

My two little ones, Orhan and Helana, go to sleep every night to the sounds of bombs and missiles. All I wish for is to give them one more day of life. Just five dollars could be the difference between life and death for my small family.

My parents, my siblings, my wife, and my children all depend on me, and all I ask is for you to stand by me in this nightmare we are living.

Please, help spread my voice. Help me save my children and my family. I hope my message reaches your hearts.

IM VETTED HERE

Donate to Help save Ahmed's family from genocide in Gaza, organized by Kawthar  Jad
gofundme.com
I am Kawthar Y M Jadalhaq, a resident of Spain. I created this fundraising… Kawthar Jad needs your support for Help save Ahmed's family fro
Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating
Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating
Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating
Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating
Hello, My Name Is Ahmad Al-Louh, And I Am From Gaza. Before The War, I Worked As A Lawyer, Dedicating

Tags
2 years ago
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News
Help Us By Spreading The News

Help us by spreading the news


Tags
6 months ago

Dear generous supporters,

Please do not skip my story 🇵🇸🍉🚨

Donate to Help Ahmed to regain his physical ability to walk, organized by Sara Al
gofundme.com
Dear generous supporters,   I am writing this with full hope to find people… Sara Al needs your support for Help Ahmed to regain his physic

I am writing this with full hope to find people with kind hearts to help and support to regain my physical ability to walk and work again.

My name is Ahmed Al Yazji. I am 20 years old living in Gaza and in need for urgent medical treatment after being dangerously injured by a recent Israeli airstrike.

On Nov 11, 2023, I was at home staying peacefully with my family when an air strike hit the house causing severe damage to the building and serious injury to my neck.

The medical images show part of a rocket still present in my neck which according to the report will potentially cause me complete paralysis if not removed.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to do the needed surgery in Gaza due to lack of medical expertise, the damaged hospitals and equipment caused by the war.

Before the war, I was working and taking care of my family and being responsible for the financial expenses.

Now with my injury, I am not physically capable of working which has been causing extreme hardship to my family who is now facing inevitable hunger and escalating health issues.

I am running this fundraiser to ask for donations to help me do a neck surgery out of Gaza so that i can gain back my physical abilities to walk and work to feed my family. Part of the donations will be also used to maintain our house that was severely impacted by the strike.

With your power and your support I hope that I can rebuild my life again soon.

Donate to Help Ahmed to regain his physical ability to walk, organized by Sara Al
gofundme.com
Dear generous supporters,   I am writing this with full hope to find people… Sara Al needs your support for Help Ahmed to regain his physic

Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,
Dear Generous Supporters,

@fairuzfan @ibtisams @fallahifag

@vakarians-babe @sar-soor @plomegranate @nabulsi @sayruq

@palipunk @palidoodles @el-shab-hussein @communistchilchuck @northgazaupdates @stil-lindigo @queerstudiesnatural

@bluebellsinthedells @palestine @rizzyluke @kordeliiius @self-hating-zionist @thenewgothictwice @raelyn-dreams @unfortunatelyuncreative @licencetokrill @jezebelgoldstone @ramelcandy @petracourtjester

@labutansa @sammywo @autistwizard @tortiefrancis @sparklinpixiedust

@teluka @revcuse @golvio

@leftismsideblog @star-and-space @rainbowywitch @marscodes @oursapphirestars

@annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @boyvander @the-bastard-king

@13ag21k @agentfascinateur @ammonitetheseaserpent

@northgazaupdates@queerstudiesnatura

@palestinegenocide @nabulsi@sayruq@f1dyke@sar-

soor @appsa @oopollo-blog@fireyfobbitmedicine

@el-shab-hussein

@ibtisams @90-ghost@fairuzfan@sar-soor @nabulsi

@vakarians-babe

@aces-and-angels @interfacefox@cosmic-collective-

system@finnslay@muchmossymess @rez-urrection

@walking-polyp @bibyebae @autisticexpression2

@bisexualchemistry @violetclowns @beefybutchboy

@feefal @mobydyke @genderfluidgothwitch

@sleepyseaslug @urfavhatesthehungovt @riding-

with-the-wild-hunt@morallyrainyday@taviamoth

@olovelymoon @jannahswaiting @el-shab-hussein

@longlivepalestina@beesofink@curiOuscreature

@orchidvioletindigo@sunclownsblog@selamat-

linting @girlinafairytale @ragingbullmode

@theneutral-zone@thevalaxy@fairuzfan

@opencommunion @gorillawithautism

@seafoamwoman @emathyst9 @three-croissants

@iznabl@nabulsi@sar-soor@appsa@akajustmerry


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2 years ago

Meet Koa :P

This is the first I drew this year which is pretty sad when I think abt it

Meet Koa :P

She's fucking tall as well. Like REALLY tall lol. Tall women are so pretty though. Click it for better quality my camera sucks ass


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17 year old australian. Transboy slowly becoming a transman. If under 13 or over 30 do not interact.

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