Just Sua With Long Hair ⭐

Lyrics taken from 還願 by 草東沒有派對

and all for the sake of belonging

art takes so long and its so tiring but if i dont make art for the rest of my life ill die

Wire Mother

it deeply disgusts me that nothing is genuine

(crawls on all fours with blood drenched on me) I have to do arts and crafts

bungou stray fish

Elusive memory, pencil on paper, 2020

this post was mainly about ford trying to convince himself that he isn't stupid and he used bill as much as bill used him. instead of accepting his feelings or fully admitting what happened, he uses this 'reassurances' as ways to cope. he was the genius who will change the world, and now he became the genius who saved the same world. i imagine him being a little vulnerable around his family and admitting things but mostly he is overly protective about this topic

oh, of course ford might have been naive for believing bill's manipulations but that doesn't exactly mean he is stupid too. sure, bill's intentions were far more different than what he told but regardless, he chose ford. out of every human he could use, he trusted ford's intelligence to build an inter-dimensional portal. and mind you, he succeeded.

"bill was using you" then what? ford was using him too. they were on a deal, actually. that means both parts get something out of it. plus, he was a little too much focused on his feelings, his admiration. if not he would've definitely realized something is off with bill.

would he though?

when bill told a story about how he cut a disrespectful garbage's head and displayed it on a square, a lesson to all, ford murmured. when bill sectioned human kind in two; people like ford & others and talked about how much of a material waste others are, how they will never understand ford and exploit his intelligence, ford thought about certain someone who looks just like him. he nodded in agreement when bill casually kept going on how it would be better if they erase out of existence.

he had similar thoughts after all. bill was just more open and violent about them. but wasn't bill always like that? ford never saw those ideas as cracks in bill's mask or slip-ups from his manipulation. he was just bill.

even now he doesn't think bill lied to him all the time because he didn't have to. ford felt himself shiver. those weren't cues for him to realize. he knew and admired bill regardless. admired him with them. admired him because of them.