IVE GOT THE KNIFE!!!

Fictional men > reality

My sister thought that this would count for a settlement in Settlers Of Catan...

Take this everyone, you deserve it

Dating Peter Pan in his true asshole ways would include

- “I’m cold” “Well jeez Y/n I can’t control the weather” “Yes you can bitch”

- Throwing a snowball at your face by accident

- Everyone is confused about your relationship dynamic

- “Pixie bitch” “Takes one to know one” “Peter that doesn’t even make sense”

- “Peter you can’t drink alcohol you’re twelve” “Shut up”

-Calling each other by your last names which confuses everyone even more

-You’re as evil as him and he finds it extremely hot

-”Okay pixie boy” “Okay witch bitch”

- “shut up I don’t even like you” “I know because you loveee me”

- “Wow you had a crush on me that’s embarrassing” “I know those were my darkest times”

- Constantly playing tricks on each other

- Peter telling you he has a daddy kink “Thats really ironic coming from the boy that never wants to grow up”

-Telling each other to smell things then shoving it in each others noses “It helps you smell it better” “You got frosting inside my nose”

-Peter wrapping you up in a blanket as he carries you places “Peter let me out” “Whatever you say burrito” “Stop calling me burrito”

-Peter affectionally calling you ‘burrito’ because he knows you hate it

- “Stop acting like a child” “I’m literally Peter Pan what did you expect”

- “You remind me of a cupcake” “I’m literally the most evil person you have ever met” “Okay then you’re a devils food cupcake”

-Wearing bright colored lipstick so you could leave marks on Peter

- Peter having the tendency of chucking blankets at you whenever he knew you were cold

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

hey guys so apparently the boss baby was based off a book

my last 2 brain cells watching me trying to succeed

Of kittens...

Agent Carter fandom. For @laylainalaska. “You know you’ve got a cat sitting on your chest, right?” Daniel said.

Jack lifted his matted blond head up to glare at him, and wrapped the thick blanket tighter around himself. He did not remove the cat.

It stayed curled into a soft ball of grey fuzz, tucked somewhere between Jack’s shoulder and his ear, its pink nose barely visible, and one tiny paw hanging loosely on his chest. It was purring.

Jack on the other hand looked drenched from foot to toe. Thus the blanket, which he clutched to himself as he sat at the rear of a van.

“He rescued it,” Samberly offered gamely from inside the van, where he was crouched over some complicated-looking machinery.

Jack slowly turned to glare at Samberly.

“Shutting up now.” The other man put his nose down into his work.

Daniel pressed his lips together and composed his face, so that by the time Jack turned back around he was no longer in danger of cracking up with laughter.

“So it seems like you’re gonna live?” he said after he got his voice under control under the heated glare from Jack’s grey eyes.

“I fell in a river, I didn’t drown, therefore yes, I think I’ll live.” His tone dripped with sarcasm.

“Good,” Daniel said. “I’ve got relief efforts to supervise….” he trailed off.

The kitten made an aborted wriggle on Jack’s shoulder and he set his palm against its back to keep it from falling. His palm was large enough to cover the entire animal, which let out a pitiful meow as it settled more firmly against the warm human.

Daniel observed this impassively. Jack’s glare, if possible, burned hotter.

Daniel coughed to clear his throat. “Peggy’s in the thick of it. Yes, I’d better go find her now.” He swirled around and strode quickly away.

“Don’t even think about telling Carter!” Jack shouted in his wake.

Daniel pretended not to hear him.

“Jack Thompson, the kitten-rescuer,” Daniel said softly to himself once he was out of ear-shot, and shook his head. “Now I’ve seen everything.”

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