DAMN

Cale: What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?

Alberu *sacred to ask*: ...what?

Cale: No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.

Choi Han: pff-

Cale is the loser

Yes, give me 10 more of wherever this is

punkpool and spiderpunk inspired by this post

This was how I pictured him in this AU 🤸

36 year old KRS taking all his savings and buying a farm in a town in the middle of nowhere.

His line of work was a dangerous one, being a bodyguard for high-profile clients

After a job where KRS was blinded in one eye, he took the compensation money and his savings and quit.

His idea was to buy a small, nice house in a town far from the city. But LSH and CJS convinced him that he should buy a couple of acres and make it a farm. Their argument was something about how he should keep himself busy with something to avoid getting into trouble.

Bullshit. If you ask him. But they made him promise that after a three-hour session of them yapping, he only managed to convince them to buy something smaller. There is still a lot of space for only one person (for now)

They made him promise that once they retire, he would give them a room at the farm. KRS sometimes wonders why they tend to ask obvious questions.

The land was acquired at a low price due to its condition: weeds everywhere, rocks, and a two-story old wooden house with leaks.

He wouldn't have bought it if it weren't for the fact that the previous owner had told him he had completely redone the plumbing and wiring a few years earlier.

The only thing Roksoo carried with him when he arrived at his new residence was a bag with clothes and another with his few precious belongings: books, a coffee machine that his coworkers gave him for his birthday, and his pillow.

The moment he set foot on his new property, Roksoo kind of regretted it all because of the work the property needed. He was aware of the condition of the house when he moved in, but for some reason he thought it would be easy. Never again.

He blames LSH and CJS for putting ideas in his head about moving to a farm; this wasn't his idea about living like a slacker. He could do nothing but sigh and enter the house.

The first step creaked as he walked on it; he avoided stepping on the second one, which was obviously rotten. The board on the third and final step creaked and broke. KRS cursed and fell into the hole. He had scratches all over his calf when he managed to get his leg out of the hole.

KRS wondered if he should have been less stingy when it came to shelling out money to buy the property. It's not like he couldn't afford it; he wasn't as rich as he would have liked to be, but he wasn't lacking either.

There was nothing he could do now, so he simply sighed again and opened the creaking door. A cloud of dust made him cough and step back.

KRS mentally thanks the previous owner, who was kind enough to leave him his old tools in the shed. He left his bags on the floor and went to look for a broom to clean the interior to make it minimally habitable for the night.

Sexy Ahjussy activities. Imagine a tall, buff, black-haired middle-aged man with an eye scar🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🦅🦅🦅

cap shenanigans

obsessed with like, Jason who absolutely refuses to reconcile with the bats. he wants no part in that family and will not talk to them under any circumstances. but he's legally dead with no friends and sometimes he gets sick of being completely by himself and wants to have company. so.

Bruce: hey Alfred have you seen my-

*comes into kitchen to see Alfred calmly preparing dinner while Jason Todd, Killer Red Hood, silently does paperwork while sat on the corner of the kitchen counter*

Bruce:

Bruce: uh-

Tim, doing homework at the table: don't mention it. if you acknowledge him he'll leave. he just likes being around people sometimes.

the bats have to start treating him like a stray cat, letting him go to them and acting completely unbothered by his presence because if they even make eye contact with Jason he'll jump out the window and they 1. won't see him for a month and 2. will start to see a lot more murders cropping up around gotham.

eventually it gets to the point where Dick will come to dinner to see the rest of the family wordlessly ignoring the brick shithouse of a man who is just sat on the floor of the dining area reading a book and he has to just. take a breath and pretend Jason isn't there. calmly stepping around him without acknowledging him. Alfred will silently place a plate of food by the guys elbow while speaking to Damian about school. When they decide to move from the table to the tv room for a movie night none of them can even look around when they hear him eventually follow just to sit in the corner of this room instead.

Bruce: I'm concerned, this is abnormal for Jason. what if he's been drugged with something? or he's trying to gain sensitive information?

Damian: actually he used to do this a lot after he came out of the Lazarus pit. he liked to sit in and watch me train, and occasionally we'd find him sat by grandfathers feet while he ran meetings. Mother says it's important to let him settle, because it's likely that he's simply craving human intimacy on his own terms for once.

Bruce, crying: oh

Jason still refuses to say a word to any of them unless it's in costume, and even then it's the same old 'i'm not your son! i'm not one of you! fuck off!' shtick like normal. they just have to accept him sneaking into the house every now and then too.

one time Tim needs Red Hoods info on a case he's working and since Jason's been sat on the floor against the wall of the bat cave for the past 45 minutes just. staring into space and vibing. he risks sliding the file across the floor towards him before pointedly turning back to the batcomputer, the info he needs marked clearly. five minutes later it's wordlessly slid back, info filled out and Jason refusing to acknowledge Tim's existence again. it's the only way he'll communicate with them.

after a while it gets to the point where Jason will straight up go to bludhaven and break into Dicks apartment just to silently sit in the corner of the room and Be Around A Familiar Person. Tim comes back from his lunch brake at WE to find him sat on the edge of his desk, working through a case. They work in silence for the rest of the day and when Tim leaves Jason just follows. They get a batburger together but the second Tim slips up and asks how his day was he's off like a shot. Damian regularly eats lunch at school on the roof while Jason plays mario kart on a DSI next to him. Batman will be 4 hours into a solo stake out when civilian Jason will silently slide up next to him with a crossword. they never talk. Jason still makes it clear that he's pissed at Bruce. Bruce doesn't know what else to do but let him be and hope eventually, with enough time, things will progress even further.

Dick, whispering so Jason won't pick up on the fact that he's being perceived: are you sure this is normal

Damian: is anything about any of us normal

Tim: he's got a point. at least we know Jason's watching us. I did this shit all the time before I was Robin, and none of you ever noticed me.

Dick:

Tim: sometimes its comforting to be in the same room as people you're familiar with, even if you can't handle interacting with them.

Dick, crying: ok

He's the meme that says "the fact that I'm smart doesn't mean I'm not stupid" and I love him

He notices the minimum details but is the most obnoxious person on the planet.

Cale Henituse is the funniest bastard to have as an MC, he's a unreliable narrator and everyone sees it. He wants to slack off and says world peace needed first before that.

Hates cats yet adopts two and plans to make a third king, scams people constantly, the most skewed perception of how to be a trashy man. Says he isn't a good person, does things that help people constantly, justifies it saying cause he didn't have pure motives for doing it it's not a good deed so he's still a bad person. Adopts a dragon even though he said he didn't want it near him cause he'd be in the middle of crazy situations, said by the guy who puts himself in situations constantly all the time. "I don't care about this old man assassin and want him to leave as soon as possible' several chapters later when said assassin comes back hurt and dying "What the fuck i'm going to blow up an island the bastards behind this are on" Yeah he blows up an island, says 'well the ships can just sail a bit further so it can go no biggie.' Said explosion is several times bigger then it should be, cause of his chronic inability to communicate with anyone ever. Stop saying shit exclusively in your head dumbass! He coughs up blood constantly from rebound his powers cause, fails to understand why anyone is upset by this sight when he's 'fine'. Has a healing power, fails to disclose that too to anyone. "I'm weak." Says this fucking idiot, while blasting his charisma aura that makes you feel like your going to die at people who have no idea it's a buff and take it seriously. While using a giant fuck off shield to block bombs. While blasting people with a thunderbolt that can blow up a forest. He's so stupid /aff I want to bite him like a chew toy and shake some sense but we all know he'll never get any.

MOTHER

Litana 🫶

I'm down bad for this bitch

No thoughts, just him:

Ok but like what if Lian one day, instead of Jayjay, calls Jason Jaydad?

She always heard Roy call him Jaybird or whatever, and she knew that was not really his name. Anyways, she meets Bruce at some point, and he eventually calls him Jaylad, but maybe their relationship is not great yet, so he calls him Jason… and so Lian makes the most logical connection a 5 year old would make: Dad calls him Jaybird (because he’s Jayjay and he’s Dad’s bird), Jayjay’s dad calls him Jay-son (because he’s Jayjay and he’s his son), it is only logical that Lian calls him Jay-whatever-he’s-to-her.

For some time she still calls him Jayjay, cause she’s not sure what he is to her? He is Dad’s bestest friend, and he comes over a lot, and he picks her up from preschool sometimes, and he makes her pancakes with blueberries when she asks nicely, and he reads her books at night, and he makes the extra effort to make the best voices, and he hugs her, and he kisses Dad sometimes, when they think she’s not looking, and— Oh.

So, after she has done a great lot of thinking, she comes to the conclusion that Jayjay must be her Dad too, but he’s not Dad. Jaydad? Hmm doesn’t roll off her tongue the way Jayjay does, but maybe if she tries…

Jason cries the first few times she calls him that. Roy is amused (he also cries a little).