Vanakrisum-blog - Nerding Around

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

This is such an accurate description of how I was raised

I know it's useless to ruminate, but I've been thinking about the way I was raised, and the indirect ways I was taught that the rules and standards are different for me and for other people.

I was taught to never judge anyone, but also that I should not embarrass my family by acting or appearing any way that people would judge. I was taught that it was rude of me to talk on and on about things that are boring, but also that it was rude of me to not listen attentively when someone else was talking on and on about things that bore me. That people were allowed to take their anger out on me, but that I was not allowed to be angry at anyone or anything. That everyone's feelings are vaild and their actions are understandable, except for mine of course.

If they ever heard me say this, my family would argue "nobody ever explicitly said that to you, word-for-word, at your face, so therefore none of this is true", but they did, indirectly and inadvertently, teach me that I must always be nice, patient, polite, understanding, and good to people, but that it's preposterous of me to expect anyone else to treat me as nicely as I'm expected to treat them.

I was taught what is, and what is not, the appropriate way to treat other people, and to unconsciously understand that I don't really count as "people".

I'm not sure I can make it back to the line, but I'd like to snort it before heading out again

There's a fine line between letting go of your fear of being cringe and accepting your genuine self completely and wholeheartedly, and becoming a completely unhinged shameless gross little feral animal, and I'm going to snort it.

Wish I had these words a few weeks ago. Had the concept, but words are hard in the moment

*grabs your hands and speaks to you in a tone that is so gentle* they/them pronouns stop being universal once you learn a person's pronouns. Sometimes that person's pronouns will include they/them and in that specific case you are allowed to keep using those pronouns for that person. In any case where you learn a persons pronouns and that person doesn't use they/them, you should no longer use those pronouns for that person. If you continue to use they/them pronouns knowing that person doesn't use them, you are now misgendering that person. Kindly stop doing that please. Thank you, I love you.

As an American that's seen way too much baseball in media, I can confidently say the most important rule of baseball is family 🥰

ds9 baseball episode is so far incredibly funny as a foreigner who also doesn't understand baseball

a klingon, a bajoran, and a ferengi sitting around a table trying to understand the rules of baseball

me, a brasilian human, just as confused as them

i must not kill myself . killing myself is the myself killer

see the THING IS I don't feel like I ever worked hard enough to have "earned" the burnout, which is. probably how we got here.

I un-installed TikTok in a fit of rage, without finding any of the people I followed there on other platforms. Now that it is back, I can't install it to find them. I mentally blame my autism. My autism looks back in disbelief and blames my ADHD. My ADHD confirms, we have skipped over a week of meditation. Apologetic, my ADHD supplies the name of one TikTok person I followed and he is on this app. It is a tentative ceasefire.