Government, Monty Python Style

small habits to adopt

wake up early

drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up

meditate or concentrate on your breathing for at least 2 mins

visualize your goals for the day and for the future

make your bed 

do calf raises or squats while brushing your teeth

floss

dry brush

take a cold shower (or end a hot shower with cold water right after for about 3 mins)

put on lotion while your skin is still damp

cleanse, tone, and moisturize your face

apply sunscreen

drink a glass of water before and after every meal

listen to a podcast/ted talk instead of music while walking or driving

park far away from where you’re going

stand up straight

look at people in the eye when talking to them

look straight ahead when walking, not at the ground

smile at strangers

stop complaining (it’s bad for your health)

bring cash instead of credit card

track your expenses

turn off notifications on your phone when doing work

resist the urge to go on your phone and observe your surroundings more

set a timer for 5 mins when scrolling through social media and stop when the time is up

learn at least 5 new vocab words from your target language every day

exercise while watching shows/videos

read at least 10 pages every day

do tasks that can be done in 2 mins right away

drink tea

prepare workout gear the night before

jot down tasks for the next day before sleeping

write down quotes/lyrics that strike a chord

spend 30 mins on a hobby

journal and write down things you are grateful for

aim for 7-8 hours of sleep

Garrett King | @shortstache

hey remember when jane austen, a woman, referred to a character named richard as having “never done anything to entitle himself to more than the abbreviation of his name” in 1817. yeah me too.

The Book of Dogs. An Intimate Study of Man’s Best Friend-Pt 1

Published by Natl. Geographic in 1919, this book includes outstanding 73 natural color portraits of dogs from original paintings by Louis Agassiz Fuertes.

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The Social Network (2010) dir. David Fincher

the concept of how sir arthur conan doyle was as a person always sends me into fits. imagine making the most famous literary character of all time but you hate the character so much you try to kill him off. but everyone is so horny for this asshole detective they make you bring him back. even your own mother gets mad when he’s dead because she likes him. raising your prices to ridiculous rates to avoid writing holmes stories backfired and now you’re rich. it’s absolutely a pain because it’s keeping you from your true passion which is spiritualism despite how one of your good friends harry houdini keeps telling you it’s bullshit. you consider your best novels to be historical ones but they’re well over shadowed by the nemesis of your own creation sherlock fucking holmes. some fake photographs from some kids convinced you faeries were real and you wrote a whole book about it. you started writing stories in medical school. and yes, also you are a doctor. after you’re dead, they erect a statue of sherlock holmes across the street from your birthplace, causing you to probably roll over one hundred eighty degrees in your grave and scream into your casket pillow.

When insults had class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease”. “That depends, Sir,“ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” “He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” - Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” (George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill) “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second  …. if there is one.“  (Winston Churchill, in response.) “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” Andrew Lang (1844-1912) “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx