Will: Dumbest Scar Stories, Go! 
Cassandra: I Burned My Tongue Once Drinking Tea. 
Alyss: I Dropped

Me??? Projecting on Optimus Prime????? Blasphemy. Could never happen, you're being ridiculous. More likely than you'd think.

As an asexual, Alastor is so valid for this😭

Look, sometimes I see someone who is really pretty and I completely shut down. Do I want to bang that person? No. But holy SHIT they're pretty, and I have to tell myself to stop looking so I don't make them uncomfortable. So Alastor? Completely valid babe. Get it.

Also, his face in the 4th panel is killing me🤣 baby's first crush and it hit him like a freight train

Poor Husk, can't even have a break even in summer break and Al, looks kind of those smitten girls, trying to spy on their crushes (I don't blame him though XD).

Credits

Random Ranger's Apprentice Headcanons (mostly Halt tbh)

I might elaborate further on some of these later, and I definitely have more than I'm posting this time around. Let me know what you guys think. I love having conversations about this shit

~ Will has found that the best way to ground himself during panic attacks or hard days since returning from Skandia is to hold a warm hand and a mug of coffee. He wasn't allowed to have coffee as a slave, and while Cassandra (then Evanlyn) held his hand, hers was always cold

~ Halt has a hard time sleeping because he is constantly plagued by nightmares. When Will was taken, he started having them about his death, and how the apprentice would blame Halt for being too slow

~ Halt is actually ambidextrous. He was born left-handed, but his parents forced him to learn to use his right hand due to left-handedness being seen as a sign of the devil. He still prefers to do a lot of things with his left hand though

~ Crowley is an only child. His parents tried for years, and it was only after they had given up that his mom became pregnant with Crowley. He is close with his parents, but he was unable to talk to them at all after Pritchard was banished up until Morgorath was defeated out of fear of putting them in harm's way

~ It was never diagnosed, (because, yk, the middle ages), but Halt actually has POTS syndrome. It wasn't too bad when he was younger, he would get out of bed and black out sometimes, or he would stand up and have to freeze for a moment until his head and vision cleared, and doing extreme exercises was fine, but walking up the castle steps could only be done with controlled deep breathing. However, in the last year of Will's apprenticeship, it seemed to get worse. The first time he full-on passed out in front of someone, he and Will had made camp, Halt had stood up only to collapse back to the ground. Will was frantic, and practically cradled Halt in his lap until he became responsive again about 12 minutes later

>> Will had never been that terrified in his life, because it was the only time that Halt was ever completely unresponsive when it was just him and Will throughout his whole apprenticeship. The guilt of that terror was what convinced Halt to see a healer (though it didn't do any good)

~ Pauline is 100% open to the idea of bringing Crowley into her and Halt's relationship, but they are both too scared to bring it up to her, so she has to do everything herself

~ He would only say this under threat of imminent death, but Arald sees Halt as a younger brother, mind you, a younger brother who constantly causes chaos and deserves to be cuffed around the ear sometimes, but still

~ Alyss once punched someone in the face and threatened their life for insulting Will behind his back

~ Before KoC, Will played a Hibernian ballad at a ranger gathering, but never noticed Halt slipping away with tears in his eyes, as he had picked one of Caitlyn's favorite songs

~ Believe it or not, Halt is actually incredibly ticklish. Will and Gilan learned this after Crowley pinched his sides at a gathering and Halt shrieked and leapt into the air. They will never let him live it down, and Crowley is obsessed with the weakness, finding it absolutely hilarious and adorable

~ Horace cried the first time he held Maddie. Then Will came to meet her, and he cried even more

~ Halt's regular handwriting is a strange mix between cursive and print, but he can copy anyone else's handwriting with little more than a glance. It's a skill that exasperates anyone who has to read his reports, because if they annoy him beforehand, he'll use their own handwriting

~ Before coming to Araluen, Halt had never seen a snake before, and his unfortunate first meeting was with the renegade rangers when a (fortunately non-venomous) snake got tangled in his blankets and he woke everyone else up screaming absolute bloody murder. Since then, he always freezes at the sight of a snake, and Crowley tells the story any time he's reminded of it

a few things with this

Not quite to the prompt, but imagine Horace is trying to alley-oop Halt over a wall or something and just....severely overestimates how much strength he needs to move this 5'3" wiry man and fucking LAUNCHES him into the air. Literally the most undignified scream anyone's ever heard from Halt as he suddenly know what it's like to be a bird. He's so lucky he managed to catch himself on the top of the wall bc he would have faceplanted directly into the ground on the other side. He still hasn't forgiven Horace and has banned him from ever speaking of it again

While he may not be the most delicate with injuries, if he's around, Halt is the first person Horace will go to if he's hurt, especially for stitches. Despite Halt's unintentionally rough treatment of bruises, he's actually surprisingly gentle when giving people stitches

When they were travelling together after Halt's banishment, Horace had to make sure Halt would eat. Halt was practically drowning in guilt and self-loathing at the time, though he tried to hide it bc he didn't want to make himself a burden on Horace. Unfortunately it manifested as Halt having little to no appetite for a good while after they first left Araluen, and once he noticed it Horace would subtly make him eat by refusing to start his meal until Halt had had the first bite

Halt also helped Horace practice with his sword when they first started travelling (before the Gallican knights anyways). At the time, Horace just figured Halt knew his way around a sword bc he'd had Gilan as an apprentice, but once he and Will learned a bit about Halt's past he connected the dots

Halt will poke fun at how much Horace eats, but also makes a genuine effort to ensure that he doesn't go hungry. He'll joke about Horace asking for seconds, but also subtly make his plate if you know what I mean

He also taught Horace the benefits of being a sarcastic little shit, only to immediately regret it when Horace inevitably betrayed him with it

One time Halt sprained his ankle really badly and absolutely refused to acknowledge it (bc he's Halt "Everyone Can Have Problems Except For Me Because It Would Make Me a Burden" O'Carrick) and Will just sent Horace a Look and Horace Immediately nodded and scooped Halt up bridal style to take him to the nearest infirmary while casually ignoring the violent death threats he's receiving

After book 8 when Will went ahead of them, Horace was trying his best to subtly make sure that Halt was okay. I mean, realizing that you're the last surviving member of your family besides a nephew you've met once would hurt, even if your family sucked like Halt's did. Horace wasn't very subtle and Halt noticed pretty much immediately, but he secretly appreciated the sentiment

There's more but I just can't think of them rn. I love them so much and I genuinely don't think their relationship earns enough attention

I need to see shit of Halt and Horace taking care of each other.

Or really just any content with those two. I love their relationship and their dynamic so much my two boys.

After Alastor's last panic attack, Angel's been keeping a close eye on the Radio Demon. Unfortunately from what he can tell, the overlord hasn't been doing too hot since the extermination, and it's only a matter of time before everything boils to the surface.

OR

An idea from @TeddyLockwood in the comments of the last one in this series, where Alastor is coping with his injuries from the battle. I couldn't say no to another opportunity to write Alastor whump with Therapy Pig Fat Nuggets lol

Halt, waking up after being knocked out for the 2274879th time: Oh, I survived. Great. Love it when I do that

Have quite a few things in the works, but I figured I should post something to show that I'm not actually dead lol. I just finished the chapter layout for a horror/hurt+comfort multichapter fic for hazbin hotel, and I wanted to put a few sneak peaks for anyone interested. It'll take a while to be posted but I think it'll be worth the wait, especially if you enjoy Alastor whump as much as I do lol

again, this is in layout formatting, so it'll change style once the fic's actually written lol

also, while this isn't a part of the series, the next two installments of the therapy pig series are already in production, so dw, those will happen eventually

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

Thanks for the tag!!

These are just my most recent favorites since I can't choose between all of them

Go wild lol

I'll tag @lonely-lost-insanity , @oberveroftheinfinite , @that-hazbin , and @giggle-guru

Not me having some kinda type... Who shall I tag? I think I wanna tagggggg... @mybugsmybugsmybugs @mexicangela @lunar-years @biscuitboxpink but no pressure!! I just thought it would be fun!

Alastor's Animal Noises

I won't call this an unpopular headcanon, just one that is slept on.

So, everyone knows about Alastor making deer noises, both in canon and fanon. In the show he canonically makes little fawn squeaks when Rosie hugs him (which lives in my head rent free at all times) and does the elk scream a couple times throughout the show. Fanon is just as up in arms about this trait of his, and I think it's great.

But.

What if he ALSO made alligator noises? HEAR ME OUT - trust me, you won't regret it.

So.

When you really think about it, there are a large amount of traits that Alastor has that would make it logical for him to share traits with an alligator as well as a deer. These include: teeth/habit of eating sinners(cannibalism) (alligators are known cannibals), place of origin being Louisiana, persistent presence of bayous in his life (near his home in the living world, supposedly where he hid his victims, where he died, and the bayou in his room), ambush predator (makes you feel at ease by being unassuming then strikes before you even realize the danger), and his temper (appears calm until he's NOT) just to name a few.

Despite what people tend to think, alligators actually make a TON of different sounds, though there's a few main ones I'll talk about.

First one is the territorial growl.

I feel like Alastor could make this sound when he's being territorial (obviously), threatening, or protective (as rare as that is). He begins making this sound a lot more often the longer he stays at the hotel because he begins to see it as his territory, and the residents as his people (not that he'd ever admit that lol). Also, I feel like hearing this loud, bass-feeling noise from this rail-thin deer man would be a bit jarring, especially if you'd never heard it before

Second sound is the defensive hiss.

This is a sound Alastor would make if he's feeling threatened. I'm thinking scenarios where he's annoyed/mad/anxious are when he'd hiss, because they're all scenarios where he'd be trying to get something or someone to leave him alone. It's a very different yet very similar sound to a cat's hiss. They can mean similar things, but hearing an alligator hiss is significantly more threatening, which fits Alastor's character. Also, it means he can still sound terrifying when he's the one who's scared (if he manages to make a distressed gator sound rather than a distressed deer sound that is lol)

And of course, we can't forget the mandatory cute sound, the baby swamp puppy chirps.

If he gets to make fawn noises, you bet your ass he's gonna make swamp puppy laser sounds. The scenarios where he'd make these noises are a lot more rare, but they definitely exist. He wouldn't ever admit it, but he sees Rosie as a mother figure, and just as he tends to greet her with fawn squeaks, Alastor will subconsciously start doing little baby gator chirps when he's looking for her and can't find her. His instincts are to call out to her so she can find him - the same way baby alligators do with their mothers - and the side effect is that he makes cute little laser chirping noises without even realizing it. He has a tendency to do it when he's looking for anyone he likes who is older than him. Zestial finds it charming and the few times it happened to him, Husk refuses to talk about, a lot of mixed feelings brought up by the fact that the man who owns his soul has given him at least somewhat of a parental role subconsciously.

anyways, these were just my thoughts on it, feel free to add on your own or use it as inspiration for your own work (let me know though, I want to see it!!!!) (putting this in the lee!alastor tags to feed the imaginations of my friends there who are always starving for more things)