Henry: This Year, I Lost My Dear Friend Bunny Concoran.

MBTI TYPES AS SIBLINGS:

ESFJ: the favourite sibling who gets along with everyone

ISFJ: the quiet, generous one who let's you have their cupcakes

ESTJ: the one who tries to lead but everyone thinks of him as a joke

ISTJ: the sibling who you come to when you have a problem

ENFJ: Listens to all your problems and is there when you are having a hard time

INFJ: Knows everything about you, but you know nothing about what they do all day

ENTJ: The sibling who would kill you and also kill for you

INTJ: Is emotionally suppressed but is always stressed and looking out for you

ISFP: would watch movies with you and encourage your hobbies

ESFP: is fun to be around and speaks up for you when you can't

ISTP: just too cool

INTP: acts like they don't care but they care more than you would ever find out

ESTP: fights with you for fun

ENTP: is the sibling who would say "you are adopted you know?" just to mess up with your brain

ENFP: is a bundle of energy and joy, always trying to get you out of your shell

INFP: tries hard to have peace with you but becomes diabolical when messed with

Crippling loneliness in the age of the internet:

"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"

~Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (1999)

Let me set the scene:

In a dark room, the only light is coming from the phone of a girl laying on the bed, as she mindlessly scrolls for hours on end. She is typing fast, she is running multiple apps in the background, she is listening to the latest hits while doing all of this, her earphones never leave her ears; even when she closes her eyes, she is still listening to a podcast. Despite all these activities happening around her. The girl looks bored and apathetic, her eyes are blank, no emotions, no thoughts. And for hours to come she stays in that state, waiting for something to happen, even if it doesn't, she doesn't care.

This could be the opening lines of a sci-fi novel but this is actually how I act when I am alone. This is how my life has become. And while people like to blame this on the internet that has made Gen Z mindless zombies; I think the only reason I haven't died is because of the internet. To normal people it's a curse that makes humanity fall to its lowest. To me it gave a purpose, a want and a direction to live for.

The Internet isn't the evil mastermind to me, it's a necessity that has kept me alive and not succumbing to the fact I have no one to talk with.

Internet to me isn't Instagram, Snapchat, Discord,Twi--X (someone stop Elon Musk from cooking), it's the "quirky" apps like Pinterest, Tumblr and Reddit as well as the depths of content that is YouTube. It's the places where I found "my" people who understood me, who accepted me, who appreciated me. Growing up I had no one to talk with, even my own family wasn't understanding, let alone my friends.

During my school life I had always been surrounded by friends or as I like to put it, people I can talk to and have lunch with during school hours. That's what it was, nothing more than that. My idea of friends was just different from others, I didn't want emotional connection or people to hang out with. I wanted friends who would listen to my ramblings and be able to debate and discuss things with.

I don't want to seem pretentious or snobbish and definitely not above others in any way. But....when I am surrounded by so many frustratingly stupid people, I don't have any other words to describe them than "not good enough for me". They may be wonderful people, who are warm and lively. I do not care about being around such people. I am someone that watches video essays on morality, ethics, philosophy and analysis of movies and TV, in comparison to the people I know I am just more perceptive and thoughtful and that alone makes me seem like a stranger to them (INTPs are weird in short form). My dad told me smart people have it hard to make friends because of this exact nature, I wouldn't call myself incredibly intelligent but I know I am far more capable in thinking than my classmates who watch reality TV shows and Tiktok dances. Sometimes I cannot even comprehend how people can even get satisfaction and happiness from something as simple as that and that's when I understand: it's okay to be different than that and it's okay that they are "normal".

I feel like I am Lain from "Serial Experiments Lain", as if my existence is given meaning by the internet and I was born from it. My lack of social interactions in person can be explained by that, but it's the thought of talking with other people that often scares me. I am used to being silent, so much so that even on the internet, I remain quiet, not interacting with people who might understand me. Being afraid of not being understood has stopped me from even trying to make connections when there's people ready to do that.

I don't even reply to comments on my posts, unless I have to and I don't talk with anyone on the internet itself. I just watch and be happy at other people's interactions and feel a sense of belonging.

For some days I decided to stop doing that, to stop the vow of silence. To let people approach me and approach others myself. I want to be friends and it's the only thing that I have ever considered as something I couldn't achieve.

Loneliness isn't as pretty as the movies and books tell you. It's more of a psychological thriller than a show like Euphoria and Skins where these stylised depictions make my depression and loneliness appear cool. It's cool to be alone, to have my own space and not cross boundaries but it's not cool to let the loneliness that shields me, devour me.

Just the idea of Atsushi going out of his way to decorate his house for the new years using all the money he has to make Kyouka happy comes into my head----

I do think ever since Kyouka moved in with Atsushi he has changed his lifestyle. He bought new furniture, he makes good food at home and keeps the house warm. Cuz Atsushi is never letting his little sister have anything less than what she deserves.

Kunikida: Atsushi came to get his salary in advance again. Do you want me to check on him?

Fukuzawa: no, don't. It's fine

Kunikida: I hope he's not wasting his money like Dazai does....

Fukuzawa: he doesn't. I know it.

*meanwhile*

Kyouka: you didn't have to buy the bunny plushie, I didn't need it!

Atsushi: of course I had to. It's your Christmas gift.

Kyouka: I don't need gifts. I already have everything

Atsushi: no you don't. I want you to have all the things a little girl should have

Kyouka: I already have you, I didn't need anything else.

Atsushi: *starts crying*

Kyouka: *pat pat* I made some cake big bro, let's eat.

Atsushi: I don't know why you look up to Dazai-san of all people?

Akutagawa: why shouldn't I? He is a genius

Atsushi: well, he doesn't eat his vegetables

Akutagawa: what....

Atsushi: he naps during work hours, doesn't do his paperwork and spends most of his time making elaborate plans to annoy Kunikida-san

Akutagawa: you don't know him, he is the Port Mafia's demon prodigy, his ruthlessness and capabilities have no limits,the greatest, youngest, Port Mafia executive that's ever-----

Dazai: Atsushi-kun~

Atsushi: what is it now?

Dazai: I got stuck in the oil barrel again! And I mixed some random pills I found in the drawer. My head hurts, I think I need your help in doing my paperwork today~

Atsushi: why don't you do it in the afternoon?

Dazai: I am hosting a tea party for Ranpo-san, Kenji-kun and Kyouka-chan!

Akutagawa: .....

Atsushi, rolling his eyes: Yeah. Ruthless and capable my ass!

Donna Tart: *writes a book about how bad romanticism and obsession is*

Me: *romanticises and obsesses over that book*

I genuinely believe the reason Dazai wants to protect Atsushi at all cost is because he has grown to care for him. It's not even because of Oda's promise or because of the huge bounty on Atsushi or even his big bad final boss plan for the future. He sees a little bit of himself in Atsushi, or more likely, the version of him that could have existed if he wasn't fucked up since he was a child.

Dazai admires Atsushi for the person he is, something he himself could never become.

Atsushi is someone innocent, naive, good at heart and caring. Someone that changes other people through his kindness and love. Someone who has gone through so many horrific things and still retains his humanity.

At this point Dazai has completely accepted his love (platonic) for Atsushi and his entire mission hinges on that.

You know somethings wrong when even 100 calories for breakfast sets off alarm bells for you.

My problem is saying I don't give a shit about what anyone says and yet seeking validation from them.

After Bunny's death: Richard decides to say his internal monologue aloud (this is not a passage from the book)

Richard: "The view of the red blood mixing in with the soil shows how one's sins taint the purity of life. Bunny falls to his death in the beautiful light of the dusk, as his friends are celebrating one day well spent, he lays in between rocks and the broken bottle of wine, to show the morbid display of the youth of today. What a great life he could have had if not to commit treason against the people who trusted him. And what irony is it that he is pushed to his death by the same people who he had spent hours beside as a friend. That is the biggest truth of life, for its unpredictability is what makes life far more terrifying than death itself. The soil has become red with Bunny's blood; the wind blows, snow has started to fall to bury the remains of one cheery, smiling boy. What a beautiful sight it is to see someone die in front of you, it shows how aesthetics remain even in death"

Camilla, Charles and Francis: What the fuck Richard? 😶😶😶

Henry: *gives an approving nod* that is exactly what I was thinking, you took words from my mouth.

(PS: Richard's unhinged monologues give me life every time I read TSH. Also I believe Richard and Henry have a spiritual connection)

I want to see a TSH pov but from

✨ Julian's Version ✨

Julian knew about the bacchanal yes but he clearly had no idea that the farmer and Bunny were killed by the others, that's why he left immediately cuz he couldn't deal with the truth and the responsibility. Throughout the book he is confused about where all his students are and what they are doing, why they are acting like that. I just want to see him spiral as he figures things out. To see what they have become. Because of him.

(also I am just interested in Julian, like what was his deal? What was he doing all day? The book didn't have enough Julian. I wanted to know him better)