Therapist: So Let's Unpack Everything

⚠️ SPOILERS CHAPTER 113 ⚠️

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WTF DID I JUST READ? WHAT WAS THAT!

Let me just organise my thoughts:

The old men Yaoi was expected but it still killed me

The last panel was so chilling and traumatic with Aya's cheerful words and Fukuzawa's expression 😭

Why wasn't Fukuzawa holding Fukuchi in his arms????

SIGMA IS ALIVVVEE

WHERE IS NIKOLAI? Did he go to bury Fyodor's hand or smtg?

FYODOR AND BRAM HAVE HISTORY

So that MF is immortal or really really old or smtg

There's NO way an immortal being like Fyodor dies by a helicopter falling on him!

Before dying (allegedly) Fyodor had mentioned "that man" as his rival before Dazai, could it be Bram? 🤔

Bram serving as usual 💅

Sigma looked like Sleeping Beauty (maybe you should have kissed the Princess instead of throwing him down 15 times Chuuya 🙄)

Fyodor has more Jesus allegories

Dazai wasn't in Fukuzawa's thoughts about the ADA..... maybe he is going to transfer to PM and the reason Chuuya was sent to rescue him was because they were going back to Mori together

NO AKUTAGAWA UPDATE (come on this was his birthday week 🥺)

CHUUYA LOST HIS VAMPIRE TEETH AHHH

WTF IS FYODOR? WTH IS GOING ON WITH HIM

I have so many more thoughts but mostly-----I really want to track down Asagiri to ask him wtf is going on here

I can't understand anything

I'll go and watch some yt shorts

This is all too much for my brain to process (I understand Sigma now)

Person: did you like the love triangle in the Secret history?

Me: oh you mean the love Hexagon? Loved it!

James giving Oliver a "not so brotherly kiss": YES GO!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY! FINALLY! MY SHIP HAS SAILED!

Charles giving Camilla a "not so brotherly kiss": ........WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BOOK

TSH but after Bunny's death, the rest of the gang start receiving mysterious messages about their secrets.

Like the twins are sleeping together, they killed the farmer, Richard isn't rich, Francis and Charles have a thing, they tried to escape jail by going to South America, Richard knew about the farmer but kept quiet, Henry and Camilla are secretly involved, Henry tried to kill Bunny with poison mushrooms, Henry and Julian's little kiss, Julian knew about the bacchanal etc.

At first they got these messages, they kept it to themselves. Finding letters and notes in their bags, pockets and books. They kept it to themselves until they went to Bunny's funeral.

And there one of Bunny's nephews runs to them and gives Henry a note addressed to them in a familiar handwriting.

"Did you think you got me buried under the snow? That you got rid of me? I am not gone bitches, I am still here, and I know everything.

- Kisses, B"

Dazai: We're like a big happy family! And I am the dad, and Kunikida's the mom!

Kunikida: why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here?

Atsushi: I know they are probably thinking I am the son. But I am not. I will be the gay emo cousin.

Junichiro: I will be the son, that hotshot whose only dream is...to be a star✨

Ranpo: I feel like I'll be a fresh out of jail uncle

Yosano: and I am the sassy aunt, who talks shit about everyone

Every MBTI couple: Part 1

ENFP×INTJ: the classic; it's like sunshine and butterflies standing next to Darth Vader. Tbh love the dynamic, the bounce off and the contrast.

INFJ×ENTP: they are like the smart couple who argues a LOT just beacuse they are both good at arguing about random stuff. They would fight a lot but they rarely get mad at eachother cuz they understand eachother at a deeper level and just love to argue regardless.

INTP×ENTJ: if I am talking about myself......I do find ENTJs super attractive. The low and high energy contrast works, both are thinking types, and they are the couple who makes fun of EVERYONE else and respects just eachother.

ISFP×ESFJ: they are probably the most loving couple in the list. You have the shy one and the doting extroverted one. Their relationship is like the one you think of when you hear "healthy relationship"

INFP×INTJ: the most used one ig in fictional stories. Another nice contrast and probably having the most slow burn material. I think they both secretly find eachother adorable...but never say it.

ENTP×INTP: WOULD DEFINITELY CAUSE AN APOCALYPSE

ISTP×ISFP: both are creative and down to earth. Will have one of the most low key yet healthy relationships. Since both are introverts, most dates would be in the house or isolated artistic locations.

ESFP×ESTP: A crazy trainwreck you can't help but watch go down

ESTP×INTP: I can see either becoming one of the best or worst relationships ever. The reason I find it cute is cuz my two main characters of my book are these two types and their relationship and chemistry is super cute.

ESFP×INTJ: they say opposites attract

ESFJ×ISFJ: emotions are oversaturated....

ISTP×ISFJ: .....(every person I pair up with ISTP makes the overall couple lowkey and cool) anyways, ISTP would teach ISFJ to not apologise for everything and focus more on themselves and ISFJ would teach ISTP to feel more emotions and enjoy life a little.

INTP×INTJ: they are the couple that never leaves the house, work on thier hobbies, don't interact with anyone and live their life in peace and comfort of being with someone just like you

ENFJ×ESFP: Tbh they are the couple all of us are jealous of

ISTJ×ESTJ: Both of them are organised and hard working. Would definitely not hate each other but are way too similar to have balance.

I feel very conflicted with my opinions on Dazai. He is not my favourite character, he never was. But I feel a weird sympathy for him at times when he is seen as a total villan?

He is not evil. I don't know how people mischaracterize Dazai as evil.

With the recent chapter 122, there are a lot of people who hate Dazai and want him to die for what he did to Akutagawa. For a second, I felt like that too. I can't see children being abused, not that anyone wants to see it, but I feel very emotional whenever I see hurt children. My first instinct was to hate Dazai too.

But Dazai isn't a responsible adult. Dazai himself was a 16 year old, trying to find meaning in life, guiding a 14 year old into the dark side. This isn't an older, experienced, manipulative man who knows what he is doing but a teenager who thinks he knows everything. Dazai himself ran away from home and was suicidal already at the age of 14, just the same lonely child as Akutagawa. But he found "meaning" in the Port Mafia, or at least trying to. When he gave his word to Akutagawa that he'll "certainly" find meaning in life, I don't think it's manipulation, Dazai himself believes in it. An adult putting you in a dangerous climate is very different than when your cousin tells you to smoke because "it's cool, dude"

I am NOT defending Dazai's abuse of Akutagawa, as I said before, I am not some Dazai superfan (which, Dazai being portrayed as completely innocent also irks me!). I want there to be balance in the conversation surrounding it.

Dazai AND Akutagawa were children, they were both trying to find reasons to live. They grew up in the Port Mafia. We have seen how cruel and unhinged Dazai can be during his time in the PM. We have seen Akutagawa, and his constant internal battle with good and evil. These two are not some heartless creatures, both of them are changing for the better. Dazai found proper guidance in Oda, and taking his words, he became a better mentor to Atsushi. Akutagawa was left in the PM alone, so he grew stone cold and ruthless until he saw the light again, because of Atsushi (in recent chapters his eyes are literally lighter)

Does Dazai feel bad for what he did to Akutagawa? No, at least not now or we don't know what he is feeling, I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. But he doesn't HAVE to feel bad. That's what morally grey characters are. If Dazai immediately repented for what he did, it won't be realistic or true to his personality. Yes, he is in the ADA, but he is NOT some great person just because he chose to leave PM, even he himself knows that! That's why he felt so shocked when Atsushi called him a good person. Dazai knows he is not a good person and that's why he doesn't repent for what he did to Akutagawa. We don't accept our mistakes easily, not when we thought of them as means to an end. Dazai truly believed what he did to Akutagawa was a pro and not a con. If he will change that perspective now, is more about his own character arc.

Akutagawa was just a kid, influenced by Dazai. He wanted to impress him, like we do to our parents. Like we fight tooth and nails to defend our parents mistakes and sometimes even abuse. He isn't ready to accept what Dazai did to him was wrong. But when he saw how Dazai treats Atsushi, I am pretty sure he felt like dying. Because imagine your parent treating their step children better than you, that's how I see Aku's jealousy to be like. Dazai was his mentor first, why is he praising and coddling this random guy who just came into his life? But Akutagawa doesn't hate Atsushi in particular, he hates the treatment he gets from Dazai. I think considering what's happening in recent chapters, just like how Atsushi overcame his conflicting feelings towards the headmaster, Akutagawa will do the same with Dazai.

Akutagawa carried the cycle of abuse, doing the same thing Dazai did to him to Kyouka, another 14 year old (she trained since she was even younger). But unlike Dazai, when Kyouka is finally free from PM, Akutagawa doesn't want her to come back to him, he stops abusing her, Dazai still is awful and manipulative with Akutagawa at times. He feels happy for Kyouka, because HE wanted someone to rescue him too. Of all the abused children, Akutagawa was the one who never got rescued. Akutagawa was abusive to Kyouka, it can't be erased because of his own tragic past, he also hit Higuchi and seem to answer everything with violence. This is why the cycle of abuse is so painful, Akutagawa was taught to be this way and he CHOSE to stay this way, until he made the bet to stop killing people with Atsushi. I don't think Akutagawa will ever go back to his own ways after this arc is over. You can't undo your past, you have to move on, keep walking, keep living and trying to do better next time.

I want Dazai to get some good old karma! I want him to face the consequences for what he did to Akutagawa. I want Atsushi to have conflicting feelings towards Dazai but I don't want him to hate Dazai. Atsushi understands people on a deeper level, he's going to try and change people no matter of their pasts. Akutagawa and Dazai aren't going to be on good terms ever, that can't happen. I want Dazai to stop treating Akutagawa like shit and I want Akutagawa to stop wanting validation from Dazai.

Now the final verdit from me, is Dazai evil? No. Is Dazai a good person? No. Can Dazai change? Yes. Did Atsushi have a huge impact on both Dazai and Akutagawa? Yes. Is Akutagawa already changing? Yes. Can Dazai be vile? Yes. Can Dazai be soft? Yes. Does Dazai deserve to die? No.

Morally grey characters cannot be good or evil. They are grey. Let them be grey. We shouldn't erase their bad sides and we can't act like they didn't do good. BOTH Dazai and Akutagawa are morally grey characters. They are just different types of grey. Akutagawa is speed running to the light and Dazai is stuck in the middle of the grey. People have the ability to change for the better or worse, no matter who they are.

Now let's be clear: Dazai and Akutagawa are not the same. Dazai is a much worse person than Akutagawa, what he did was not excusable considering he doesn't feel bad for what he did. That is why he cannot be a good person. Dazai isn't a victim of abuse like Akutagawa either, although I do believe he had enough problems already to screw his brain before he moved to PM, living in PM isn't exactly an environment to raise someone right, who is constantly called "the demon prodigy". He IS the demon prodigy.

No matter what Dazai did in the PM, I can't hold a child to the upmost standards. There's a reason why Juveniles have a seperate court. Juveniles shouldn't get death penalty. Dazai committed heinous crimes as a child. But he is NOT the only child who did this. Everyone in PM has committed several crimes. It's a fictional story after all. Because of that I can't HATE Dazai. I believe all children deserve to be saved, to be given a second chance. Dazai went to the ADA and started to use his dark sides for the good. I can't call him evil for his past, when he was a suicidal kid, mentally ill, having a god knows what tragic backstory. Yes Dazai was smarter than an average teenager, but if you have read "The Day I picked up Dazai", you know despite all that; he was just a kid.

A kid abusing another kid cannot be any less tragic. There is not one childhood loss. It's TWO childhoods lost.

(ps: I was scared to post this lol 😭😭😭😭)

There's no way Rat Man is dead right? He even went out spewing Jesus's line about resurrection.

But I DON'T want Nikolai to be the one who saved Fyodor at the last minute, let it be anyone else (let's say Agatha Christie). Nikolai saving Fyodor will take away all of the emotions of the climax. It was such a sad/heartbreaking moment for Nikolai that Dazai, who always had snide remarks, didn't make a joke about it (probably because he understands Nikolai and would feel the same way if Chuuya died).

If Fyodor survives and is ready for his next villain arc with Agatha, then let him be the one to reveal himself to Nikolai and recruit him....this time not as a pawn but as an ally/friend.

Every winter all I think about is a holiday in a snowy place, in a village perhaps, where no one talks to me or see me. Where I can sit in front of the fire and drink hot tea listening to classical music and read novels. Where I can smile as much as I want. Cry as much as I want. Nothing comes in my way, I don't come in the way of others. I just exist. I don't have anything to worry about, anything to look forward to.

ENTP: so now the extros are gone, you guys wanna do something?

ISFJ: Sure, what do you want to do?

ENTP: I was asking about what YOU want to do....anyways how about pizza?

ISFP: I like pizza.

ENTP: great, which one?

ISFP: whatever everyone else likes.

ENTP:....ok ISTJ, pizza?

ISTJ: I don't eat fast food.

ENTP: ok, we will get some salad. Um...INTP...where is INTP?

ISTP: they left when you were blinking.

ENTP:....

ISTP: just text me when you get the pizza.

ENTP: INFP, what do you like?

INFP: I was a feeling a little down, if you don't mind, its okay if you do mind, I don't um....I don't like Pizza at all....you guys can eat I will just....sleep or something.

ENTP: You know right we can order something else for you?

INFP: I don't want to seem like an inconvenience

ENTP:.....you are so not... Ok INTJ what about you?

INTJ: .....

ENTP: .....

INTJ: .....

ENTP: ..... is he dead...?

INFJ: just order anything you want, we don't complain even if we have a problem.

ENTP: alright.....you guys are being very easygoing.