You're An Absolute Genius, Im Stealing That Tag Forevermore

That one 1 chapter wip fic with shen yuan transmigrating as wen yuan lives rent free in my head but HEAR ME OuT

Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua co-wrote mdzs in svsss dimension, they where attacked by a plot device, they ended up as children in yilling post sunshot

I’ll make it better for myself and say sqh was the first hit so he’s toddler aged and sy is like 9 yo

They feel responsible for the plot so they’re gonna mess things up, it would be easier if the husbands showed up for them to get back at being adults with a true love hug or something but they’ll make do

(it’s not like it’ll change things for them to save the blorbo r they condemned, it’s not the same dimension yk)

They end up in the burial mounds with the wen and wwx, sqh tries to fix their money problems … poor guy is having a hard time communicating bc of the lisp, he is younger them a-yuan and he hates it

Sy and sqh still do the classic clown to clown communication characteristic to people who are soulmates, so sy always translates his babbling and wwx is 60% sure sy is the child genius who just wants to make his yapping brother look useful

The adults are under the impression they are helping street children running away from a abusive home (they were still hurt from the plot device fight when they first met) Shen yuan was very clear they are cultivators and adults who are under a curse… neither wen Qing nor Wei Ying could find anything tho so clearly this and the talking about husbands taking too long are clearly children stories made up by too smart traumatized children

Cumplane talking about all the resources they could get for wwx for him to work with, clearly one of the steps for heabilitating his image enough is to make other want to buy his stuff… Shen yuan is them educating wwx about the properties of beast parts and magical wood and all kind of stuff, wwx humors him and also has a lot of fun and even some inspiration with the stuff he’s hearing tbh

They are now convinced the children are from cultivation families tho… they get too many things right not to be.

It’s ok, they’re already hated anyway, being accused of stealing some secret genius from a clan won’t really do that much sem age to their security

Cumplane also discuss what they could do to help wn, if the husbands get there before he awakes a fierce copse theyd have a easier time but there are options if they come after

Wen Qing overhears and is Concerned the children will try to play with guidao, she talks to wwx about it and they start to put up all kind of obstacles for them to stop to get into wy’s research… which are easily circumvent by spy sqh… they are being defeated by a toddler… he even convinced a-yuan to help being a distraction

They should not be put to play with a yuan, but they are

sy ends up criticizing a-yuans stories or giving him ideas about monster too gruesome for a baby… which doesn’t upset him but makes him say random weird stuff when playing (like a reveal that the hero was a secret unicorn-water-rat who feed from friendship) sqh is in a small body and he is tired so his playing is mostly playing dead and them fierce corpse once he is too tired to run around, which happens really quickly (unfortunately this could make baby ayuan associate fierce corpse with playmates… a dangerous assumption to have in the burial mounds)

Okok and the husbands?

The day of the yilling date goes much the same bc no one wants the run away kids to be seen, which is good bc cumplane is trying to set up some array to help contain wn away from the others once he goes into a rage ( they already did it the one other time wwx went in town with a-yuan but they do have to reactivate it)

Things happen, wen Ning gets his consciousness back, cumplane is Anxious bc they don’t have many ways to really change fate being toddlers, without their resources and what if their husbands can’t show up?? What if this curse will just make they live to the end of the mdzs plot and in svsss time haven’t moved??, maybe mobing don’t even know they’re not where they’re supposed to be…

They’ll have to work with plan b them, arranged marriage fix it it is

Which means they already convinced a confused lwj to stay for dinner and are now trying to matchmake terribly when Binghe and Mobei show up in the middle of the settlement, both terrifyingly demonic and just as wangxian is starting to fight them binghe sees sy running to him and goes “Shizun!! 🥺🥺😭”

Everyone dumbfounded by the demon crying all over a magically re-aging shen yuan just for them to look to the back and see adult sqh sitting on his husband lap, who’s just… clutching him and kind of trembling

Turns out the only lie the kids told was by omitting that they were married to demons from another realm…

And them binghe ofc has his emergency qiankun bag with all the stuff he hoards (bc without xin mo he needs to always be prepared duh)

And they do the fix-it by refurbishing the burial mounds with all kinds of defense, gives wwx all kinds of tools and money and resources, give all the warnings about the Jin’s exact machinations and weaknesses and start a whisper campaign to both clean up the wen and wwx’s reputation

Which will end of course with wwx purifying the burial mounds, he doesn’t even need the dead anymore cause now he can not only demonic cultivate fr (got tips from demons themselves) but also they gave him a way to recultivate a core and made lwj responsible for helping with that (ofc its papapa)

What about airplane getting hit by wife plots

He spends a lot of time in the demon realm, it's more likely for him to run into sex pollens and nasty entities who put weird curses on him while he's just a little guy trying to fix his king's kingdom.

He brings home precious plants and potions to keep safe for his king or for himself for emergencies. Oops, accidentally inhaled something weird from the secret stash while sorting through it and now he needs to be taken, that's the only way it works (who wrote this shit????????)

Mobie jun is out of question, Airplane will smell like demon for days and he cannot contact/bother him with this, not to mention that's purely marital activities which he cannot ask his king to engage in! That's his king and Airplane is but a lowly servant.

So.. Cucumber bro is the only safe bet. He has modern sensibilities. He won't kick up fuss about casual sex which is also not casual but life saving.

He flies to his bro's peak, half crazed and kicks down the door, startling him and his son's lesson. Oops. His dear son will have to practice on his own, sorry protagonist, Airplane needs touch and he needs it now.

Cucumber bro taps him on the head with his stupid fan which only makes him fall into his arms with fervor. Three privacy barriers, two noise cancelling tailsman and a verbal lashing later, Cucumber bro finally lets their mouths meet and the relief is heavenly.

Peak Lord Shang Qinghua passes out fucked out of his mind (and the poison) and Master Shen refuses to answer his door till later in afternoon next day because his place smells so strongly of sex.

Stupid hack writer falling victim to his own writing. Get fucked. He thinks with satisfaction.

cumplane thoughts: (lots of nsfw LOL)

airplane in shen yuan's lap, cockwarming for him while he writes and shen yuan looks over his shoulder, sharply criticizing his writing

shen yuan using his advanced knowledge of pidw to wifeplot the fuck out of airplane (its not his fault that airplane doesnt remember that flower is an aphrodisiac or this cave is the "ohno now we have to get married!" cave. really, it was irresponsible of airplane to forget such things and this was the forgone conclusion of that hack author being so forgetful)

cucumber and airplane being enemies online, but crushing on each other irl without knowing about the online handles (classmates? workmates? that cute guy i see on the train?)

shen twins au where shen yuan notices that disciple shang is kinda sus and investigates (thinking that its bc of the mobei jun thing and now that he's grown up in this world he's sort of invested in NOT having demons attack his sect-mates), but the more he gets to know the skittish disciple, the more he's sorta catching feelings and this is a problem! bc shang qinghua is gonna be a traitor! ....but is he really? sure, qinghua is a lil asshole, but he's not really the bloodthirsty type? maybe with some proper guidance from his shixiong he'll turn out better? no, jiu-ge, i am not being naive and no i dont think my dick cures evil, its not like that! it's just that--why are you calling him my boyfriend?! I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JIU-GE!

cumplane frenemies since their school days and current roommates. shen "i'm not gay so the sex isnt gay" yuan and shang "you're not fooling anyone but sure" qinghua. they're just 'friends' according to shen yuan. it's 'no homo sex' apparently. shang qinghua is fine with this, he is, his stupid boyfriend might have the most internalized homophobia in the world but like... they live together and shen yuan is mostly nice to him and they've been together for years and this is something real, right? except shen yuan's mom starts pressuring him to "finally settle down and marry a nice girl" so shen yuan is talking about it and the sinking realization finally hits shang qinghua that shen yuan never really considered their relationship to be a real thing. thats... fine... this is fine... he'll be fine. he is not fine. nope. not one bit. and he is not gonna be the bigger man about this. fuck. no. he is absolutely going to fucking destroy that stupid piece of shit EX boyfriend who never deserved him!! he is going to avenge himself and ruin shen yuan's life and he is going to be super shitty about it! but first, he's going to run away from home and cry with a tub of ice-cream bc wow that is the most painful breakup he's ever had haha. except after shang qinghua disappears and leaves behind a "fuck you, i want a divorce" note, shen yuan looks for him and asks friends and gets dressed down for being an idiot and also realizes oh fuck he actually totally was in love with his not-boyfriend and now he has to win back a very vengeful and very bitter shang qinghua, who also knows all of his weaknesses and darkest secrets

cumplane sex where cucumber is struggling to comprehend just how fucking shameless airplane is. that man can ride his dick while moaning pathetically and then still look cucumber in the face and smile while asking for round five and cucumber knew that airplane wrote porn, cucumber READ that porn, but nothing quite prepared him for just how horny and sexually expressive airplane is. SHEN YUAN'S THIN FACE WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT

shang twins au: the shang twins have been pretending to be one person, for vaguely evil reasons, and shen yuan notices solely bc he Is A Very Observant and Smart Person and it's not at all because he's memorized the pattern of airplane's freckles or anything gay like that, nope, that's not it at all!

cucumber starts talking to one of airplanes various troll alts that he uses to stir up drama and airplane replies, fully intending to further agitate one of his loudest anti-fans except.... they just kinda... keep talking? and airplane is really enjoying himself? and they're taking it to the dms and now they're kinda friends and shit, it's bad if cucumber finds out he's airplane, right? the entire basis of their friendship is a lie then. which is totally fine, haha, this friendship prolly won't last long. except it totally does and now theres like irl meetings and cucumber is Fucking Handsome and that isn't fair AT ALL bc now airplane has a crush on his (best??)friend and ohwow, cucumber can srsly NEVER learn abt his identity as the author. cucumber is a super bitter and grudge holding person but also he HATES the author and airplane rreeeallly likes having someone who kinda likes him in his life aND OHFUCK IS THAT CUCUMBER LOOKING AT HIS PHONE!?

shen yuan making airplane endure Every Single sex position that he wrote those poor wives in the harem having to endure. partially to make a point of "that CANT be possible", partially bc he's still annoyed at the hack writing, and partially bc it's rrreeeeeaallly nice to see airplane fucked out of his mind like that

airplane accidentally wife-plots himself and cucumber is a good bro about it and fucks away the fuck-or-die pollen. except now he's accidentally gotten airplane addicted to his dick??? bc now airplane is seeking him out constantly. was there something else in that fuck-or-die pollen? bc airplane is acting weird. was there some freaky love potion or something? ahh, it's really hard to think of the answer when he wakes up to the peak lord of an ding sucking his dick

airplane accidentally gets transformed into a magical beast and before he can find his way back to humanity, he gets beaten up and hauled off by liu qingge to be presented as a gift to shen yuan. which oki, fine, maybe he can communicate to his bro. but shen yuan is really nice to him when he's in this form (like a hamster monster) and wow, he never knew how much he really liked shen yuan being nice to him??? maybe he should just let it be for a bit longer??

shen yuan, recently trasnmigrated into the body of an ice demon, does not know what to do about the sobbing an ding disciple clinging to his thigh and begging for his life (bc i refuse to kill off mobei jun, this is a body swap au and now mobei jun has to live in modern day china as shen yuan LOL)

cucumber decides that he likes airplane best when he's too fucked out of his mind to keep talking shit. also, on a related note, airplane decides he likes when cucumber talks shit when they're in bed the most. does he have a degradation kink? he might have a degradation kink.

sugar baby airplane and his very grumpy sugar daddy shen yuan. yes, airplane is spoiled rotten, but he also has a strict writing schedule and his harshest critic tormenting him in bed. but ohwell, shen yuan also nags him to eat properly and makes sure that he does and the kitchen is always stocked and sometimes shen yuan just pulls him into a hug and rests his chin against airplane's head and yeah, he can live with sometimes getting fucked while cucumber growls in his ear "that was a shit chapter, you completely forgot the continuity from chapter 24 and now you created a big stupid plothole with the most interesting monster you made--". its a good life

airplane first meets shen yuan as a coworker. he's a rich trust-fund baby type who has impeccable fashion and a poser attitude. clearly a thin face and probably boring as fuck. airplane meets shen yuan for the second time at a convention while signing autographs, dressed in binghe-merch and clearly Way Too Invested. and airplane immediately thinks the gap moe is AMAZING. he's gonna have so much fucking fun with this. especially since airplane was wearing cosplay and his coworker didn't recognize him >:D

I could have fucking done this????

school shootings are truly terrifying. when there was an active shooter at the school next to ours a couple of months ago, we were all so scared. we had a lockdown and we turned off the lights and sat in complete silence, flinching at the slightest noises. we were all wondering “is this it? is this where i die?” i was thinking that i didn’t tell my parents that i loved them enough. my teacher, who normally hates us, was trying to comfort us and promised that he would die protecting us if that what it took for all of us to make it out alive. i just thought “that’s not what i want, why can’t these just stop?” #schoolshootings #stopschoolshootings https://www.instagram.com/p/BvVXaoFn_eU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n9oa6aj26ppd

I keep imagining a distant future where sqh and sqq are sitting together with their new husbands and they start over sharing shit.

Sqh sais something along the lines of "oh yeah sqq and i actually bonded over some duo cultivation manual i was writing. He helped me point out flaws ans inconveniences ect, and in such great details.. Aaah the joyous days right sqq?"

And suddenly they're both banned from seeing each other, But they meet up anw to get drunk and they start laughing abt how they're star crossed lovers or how abt they're not Allowed to meet again. And one thing leads to another until they're drunk and walking around calling each other my Romeo and my Juliette.

Their husbands lose their minds obv because they think they went back to their exes even if they can't understand the references.

Sqq wakes up to a crying (and pretty much suicidal) lbh in some sort of.... Dungeon???? 😨

Sqh is just tied to a bed in frozen mountain with no source of heat but......mobei's deamon blood or something.

my new church is so pretty! here’s the opening hallway and two of my most favorite paintings 🖼 #church #prettychurch #prettypainting https://www.instagram.com/p/BwCZSewHgSv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17irnagdaaf79

A Star Wars time travel full of misunderstandings starring Obi-Wan and his "harem" of clones

A Star Wars time travel fic in which Obi-Wan and a group of clones (including Cody of course!) land in the past. Decades in the past.

Ignoring all the nitty gritty details, Obi-Wan and the clones decide to keep silent on the whole time traveling aspect. So, how to explain the clones?

What ends up being the story - a combination of Obi-Wan's creative storytelling and the Mandalorians misunderstanding coupled with observations leading to the wrong conclusions - is this:

Obi-Wan had a Mandalorian lover. Obi-Wan is basically useless by himself, not remembering to take care of himself due to all sorts of past trauma and lack of self worth. Obi-Wan also loves kids.

His lover - some person of the Fett clan (which has split into multiple factions so no Fett can actually confirm or deny things) judging by the clones' appearances - decided to create clones of himself to raise as kids/backups in case he perished so that Obi-Wan would never be left alone. Plus Obi-Wan is at high risk of killed being a Jedi married to a Mandalorian, so he's excluded from being welcomed by either groups. The lover also refused to acknowledge the clones as his children. The clones have rapid-aging chips in them to make them adults.

Conclusion: the lover actually meant for the clones to be his replacement (but Obi-Wan is in denial of that particular fact). This is also the time of the Mandalorian Civil War and Clan Wars so the risk of death is pretty high and unfortunately the lover's fears of perishing... came true.

Obi-Wan now has a harem of clones serving at his beck and call. The leader of Obi-Wan's harem is called Cody, but they all pretend to be a small military group because Obi-Wan is still grieving for his fallen lover. (Obi-Wan is actually grieving for all the friends that no longer exist).

-

Obi-Wan: …why are people out there saying that I was future!Jango’s lover

Cody: Sip your tea Sir. You must have misheard before your morning cup of tea.

-

People misunderstand Obi-Wan to be from some rich, elite perhaps runaway Prince type of background.

Trained force sensitive people are rich people who can afford (and have the influence to be able) to hire Jedi/force sensitive trainers. They also have more reasons to be against giving up their children to the Jedi Temple such as arranged marriages and heirship.

Obi-Wan is also used to some luxuries that only rich people (or Jedi’s) are used to. Plus his mannerism and expansive knowledge points to being a highly educated elite. Being an elite would also explain a lot of gaps of knowledge he has about the present since only elites can ignore important and groundbreaking events like famines (aka the era Obi-Wan has time traveled to.)

Meanwhile Obi’s lover must be of a lower status than Obi-Wan for his clones to automatically defer and serve Obi-Wan like it's normal. (Normal people don't think of doing something so insane as creating clones of themselves in what is basically slavery otherwise.) Plus no one knows who he is or called him out for having a (almost) Jedi for a lover so evidently he is more of a common Mando background.

-

Insert scene of Obi-Wan prancing around in 7 layers of silk and a few clones chasing him, trying to add more layers (and amour) onto Obi-Wan.

The casual Mandalorian on the side of the road stop to stare at the gorgeous sight. With Obi-Wan not in amour and in flowing silk, he looks more like he belonged in a bedroom getting ready for bed than being out in public.

It's indecent, they think. No wonder he was able to seduce a Mando and overcome the whole *waves hands* Mando dislike for Jedi thanks to his looks.

wowow

what’s christmas even like in non-christian families? in completely non-religious families? like what do you tell your children? “well, kids, we’re eating a whole lot of food and spending a fuckton of money spoiling you because some other people somewhere believe their holy lord and saviour and the greatest person to walk the earth was born 2000 years ago. here’s a playstation.”

I just think Shang Qinghua should get so angry one time that he unconsciously overrides the System and unlocks Admin privileges and just deletes entire clans out of existance in the blink of an eye while going "writing you in was a mistake".

And I also think everyone who saw that refuses to ever talk about it, but they're all scared shitless of the tiny human by Mobei-jun's side now because they realize he's not just really smart and an amazing strategist, he's also a god and can kill them all in 0.5 seconds. And now they all think that Shang Qinghua is actually the one running the show and Mobei-jun is just, like, the face of the Northern kingdom only.

Shang Qinghua is utterly horrified when he snaps out of it and realizes what he's done (somehow??? He doesn't know wtf just happened) and how now everyone is terrified of him except for Mobei-jun who is just looking at him with heart in his eyes lmao