Kids Are Fucking Weird Dude. A Four Year Old Just Came Into My Room To Check If I’m Working As I Said

Private investigator playing for both sides, I disappear people and find missing people. And sometimes for kicks, I’ll just disappear myself.

Your Tumblr username decides your profession. How is your first day at work?

Out of all the things to fast track in life, I went for a mid-life crisis.

Never do I regret my life choices more than when there is an impending exam/deadline on the horizon.

Therapy is nice and all but have you ever made drastic life choices in response to the shit you put yourself through out of sheer procrastination?

Do I have an exam tomorrow? Yes.

Will I sit down and finish my reading and be proactive and prepare for tomorrow? No.

Or will I ingest toxic amounts of coffee and chocolate and leave the rest up to whichever deity the internet believes in to help me out? Absolutely.

I’m tired of finding my own way in life, I’d like a glow-in-the-dark map right about now.

So yes, I do fully react to fictional characters doing dumb things with incredulity and rage and then turn around and encourage myself to place my hands on a burning stove....what are you trying to say?

Put potato chips in the oven and then forgot about them because BBQ flavored just doesn’t cut it anymore I’m going for charred and cracked now.

Me: I don’t have any seemingly recognizable human emotions that you could pin me under. I’m impenetrable and indecipherable. The ultimate warrior archetype.

Also me: listens to 6lack at 2am imagining a bad breakup and craving a booty call to supress these sudden feelings.

Huh.

Did a little soul searching...I am in fact, a narcissistic little shit with no concern for consequences but if someone mentions a cat I will build a shelter with my bare hands and protect it from the elements.

I hate your guts but here’s some chocolate flavored Yoplait to help you through it.