i’m very biased but people acting like atsushi is somehow a bland or unimpressive mc will always be crazy to me because he’s just??? so fucking excellent. i will never get over the way he subverts the classic good guy protagonist trope. his morals being guided not by what society deems right and wrong but by what makes him feel like a good person, and even that can be overridden by his natural inclination to prioritize himself. and we see this from the first chapter. like. hi, my name is atsushi. i love chazuke. i’m going to attack and rob the next person i see, because i’m so hungry. i saved a man from drowning in the river, why isn’t he thanking me? i’ll join his heroic organization even though i don’t want to, because it’s the only way to keep a roof over my head. my two favorite people are ex-mafia members who’ve taken countless lives. my least favorite person is also a mafia member who’s taken countless lives, but it’s different because he’s an asshole to me and my friends. i need kyouka to stay safe, because i care about her, but also because she’s proof that i can help people and that i’m good. today i found out that i killed someone when i was younger, but what did he expect? he hurt me. he deserved it. the man who abused me in childhood died too. he was hit by a truck. it doesn’t matter what his intentions were, because he hurt me. he deserved it. why can’t i stop crying?
goddd theres something about how often characters like atsushi are self sacrificial, ready to die at a moments notice because their self worth is nonexistent and theyve been beaten into believing saving others gives them worth, and atsushi DOES believe that but its NEVER been at the expense of his own life the way it is for a lot of similar characters. like he is cockroach style gripping onto survival in whatever way he can because he doesnt want to die he wants to live even when living is awful and hard and it hurts because dying terrifies him more than any of the unthinkable pain his life has thrown him through, but with his friends gone and akutagawa's life on the line he's ready to die for him in an instant, and yeah he may be pretty sure its impermanent, but it is ONLY pretty sure, hes not certain and he does it anyway
yall remember that one quote from 55 minutes abt how atsushi hates pain but it’s one of the only things that makes him feel alive?? yeah