Tax Breaks Are The New Sexy.

I like to imagine time traveling/getting "isekai"ed, and then needing to explain that where i come from, "Doomscroll" is not an ancient arcane artifact that allows the caster to unleash hell with mere words, but in fact an addiction to petting a metal brick with your thumb.

I love scrolls like imagine getting a scroll and unraveling it instead of downloading a f*cking pdf

Imagine how magical life would be

When i grow up, if i ever go bald, I'm gonna get a bunch of vaguely threatening tattoos and become one of those actors who play the bad guy from the mafia in every single action movie.

Someone else already used my favourite spoon, and now my entire day is ruined

Hello, can I get you guys anything?

Yes, two anxiety potions please

Coming right up

I want mine bitter and teeth staining, and they'll have the laxative one with bovine secretions on top.

Great! That'll be 20$

^ This is what I imagine people who like coffee sound like.

I just love the word: "whatsoever", it's just three unrelated words stitched together for no reason whatsoever.

If you ever feel worthless sometimes...

Remember you'll always have calorific value

Thinking about the time there were a lot of people in the public pool and I asked my friend if they wanted to go in and they said:

"I don't like it when there's more boba than tea"

Idk what to post on here but im also bored so ima start writing a blog about the apocalypse.

Coming soon...

(the blog not the apocalypse)

(i hope)

Me: *doomscrolls for hours until it's late*

Clock: it's 00:01

Phone tracking app: Congrats! You’ve spent 0 minutes on your phone today

Me: Oh, yay, I’m allowed to doomscroll for two more hours guilt-free

Phone app: No, that’s not—

Me: don’t care, didn’t ask, it's technically a new day so everything resets

*continues doomscrolling*

Damn Hamilton is such a good musical I wish democracy in the United states was real