Zella-rose - Zella Rose

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.

Maya Angelou (via recoveryisbeautiful)

“I hope you let yourself learn from the moments of stillness, the moments of silence, and the moments of rest. I hope you see that even when you don’t think there is any growth happening, there is — it’s just steady and slow.”

— Megan Minutillo, Please Embrace The Slowness

Hi! Hope you don’t mind if I take a different angle here:

It is absolutely possible to experience some symptoms but not all, and still need and deserve help.

I’m kind of inferring, Anon, so this might not be what you’re talking about. Let me say up front that if you want to pursue an official diagnosis, for any reason, that’s totally fine!

But also?

You don’t have to be diagnosed for your struggle to be valid. 

You don’t even have to be diagnosable.

And you don’t have to reach a “bad enough” point before you deserve to feel better.

Our culture puts forward the idea that only some people – people with Real Problems™ – get to have feelings, need help, or spend time trying to be happy. But that’s complete nonsense. Everyone needs to do those things, and everyone deserves to.

It’s okay to recognize how miserable you feel, or admit how much you’re struggling! You’re allowed to care about being happy.

You’re a good enough, real enough, valid enough person already. Your feelings matter. You matter -- and you don’t have to do anything to “earn” that, or to deserve to feel better and be happy.

Now…

Having a name for a specific condition or group of conditions, like AvPD and PD’s in general, is useful because similar problems usually behave in similar ways. (And honestly! So many PD’s have overlap!)

These labels aren’t a permanent stamp of “Here’s What’s Wrong With You.” They exist basically to point you in the right direction – to help you understand what’s happening, and which treatments are likely to help you.

If you relate to the experiences of people with AvPD, then the treatments that help AvPD will probably help you, too. Even if you never meet the official criteria for “having the disorder.”

Maybe you’re just Avoidant-ish … but you might discover that solutions like DBT, self-care, and social support still work really well to help you function and live the way you want.

The most important thing is finding things that work for you. And maybe getting an official diagnosis is part of that process for you. If so, that’s fantastic, good luck! But, it’s not a prerequisite.

You’re allowed to need help at any point, so don’t wait for that moment before you start to work on getting better. We are all learning, growing and trying to take care of ourselves. And you belong here just as much as the rest of us.

<3

is it possible to experience some symptoms of avpd (or any pd) but not all and still have avpd? (it's ok if not, you don't need to spare my feelings haha)

Hello. 

Yes and no. It depends what you mean. The current diagnostic criteria states 4 out of 7 symptoms need to be present in order for a formal diagnosis plus the general PD criteria. You definitely don’t need all of them but you do need 4 or more. For more information, visit our What Is AvPD? page.

- Jay. 

there’s no rule as to how big or how small you’re allowed to dream. if you just want a small home and an orange kitchen and four cats that’s just as reasonable of a goal to work for as a big new york penthouse. and if all you really want is a simplistic career that isn’t the center of your life then that’s just as valid as dreaming of becoming a famous fashion designer or ceo. i know everyone keeps urging you to dream big, but dreams can be as simple and small as you want. they’ll always be valid. you decide how you want to live and what kind of life you want, no one else.

Try stuff. Put plants in your room even if you aren’t the best at caring for them. Attempt that dessert recipe even if it turns out ugly. Listen to that music you’ve been meaning to try for a while. The world is full of infinite sources of goodness and the best thing to do it to try and find as many as possible.

It doesn’t make you unlovable or a horrible person if you don’t have many friends. It can be difficult to meet new people if you’re shy or quiet or have anxiety. It can be difficult to stay in touch with people if you can’t find the time or energy to remain in contact. It can be difficult to make new friends if you struggle to find people you click with or who are interested in the same things as you. None of those things mean you’re unlovable. 

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I'm almost certain I have AVPD and I'd like to explain it to my parents, since they've gotten upset over symptoms of AVPD that I've expressed and I want to tell them why I act like that. But they don't really think that PDs are a thing that exists. so how could I explain it to them so that they understand? thank you in advance !!

Hi there anon!

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. The most important is probably:

What you want to accomplish by telling your parents

What your relationship with your parents is like

Would you mind sharing a bit more about the situation? You can write more in asks, submit something or just message me, that works too! (And don’t worry, I won’t publish your username either way <3)

Or if you aren’t comfortable with that, I’ll see what advice I can scrounge up as-is =)

The one thing you can control is how you treat yourself. And that one thing can change everything.

Leeana Tankersley (via psych2go)

Any advice on how to approach tough conversations with my parents without getting overwhelmed and crying?

-Keep in mind that not every discussion is a fight. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight.

-Think about what you want to say on beforehand. You can write your ideas if possible so you don’t miss any point or get lost within the conversation.

-Tell your parents that you want to talk about something important. Schedule a brief time with them in which they can give you their attention.

-Let them know why talking about that subject is important for you.

-Your emotional well being goes first. If the thing is getting ugly you can ask to pause the conversation and re take it when everybody is more calm (this particular tip has made wonders in the relationship with my mom).

-Keep your voicetone calm but steady. Don’t shout, and try to not get heated. Remember that it’s a conversation. Don’t get defensive even if they do. The outcome might not be what you wanted and that might be frustrating but try to stay calm.

-Some phrases that might help are:

“I would like to know what you think of (the subject)”

“Why do you think that way? What are your concerns?”

“I understand why you say it but I do not agree”

“From my point of view…”

“I would appreciate if you could give thought to (subject)” and negotiate a partial agreement

“I don’t agree with that but I respect your decision/ will support you”

-If things don’t go your way you can always try again when armed with resources.

And even if the outcome isn’t what you wanted I am already proud of you for speaking out. I believe you and support you.