Actually Mentally Ill - Blog Posts

i hate it when mental illness doesn't just make me a silly person who cuts and is chill about it or whatever but also an actual deppressed loser who stays home alone all day and cries >:(

thanks for actually answering my texts FP now i wanna kill myself even more !! 🙃

okokok so

its been almost 2 weeks????? since me and my fp last had an actual conversation. i tried reaching out but they just ignored it and keep sending me fuckin memes and instagram posts and ignoring my message 🙃

i feel like i've already gone through the fucking 7 stages of grief with this mf and now i don't know if i care what they choose to do, so now im just wondering:

do i attempt to reach out again somehow and if so what the fuck do i say? OR do i just abandon ship and give up the entire friendship and see what happens-

That one meme, but they’re deranged 🫶🏽

Execution Mode

A badass queen ready to execute people ❤️ Kenyan doesn’t play in the job, even if she doesn’t really want it.

Her mask is made of bones because bones need extremely high temperatures to burn, like 1292 degrees Fahrenheit, or 700 degrees Celsius.

Well, when using her powers on living beings, no bones stay, but she wears that for the meaning (“Maivtre can’t get burned with her powers”, which is a lie everyone believes into). People also aren’t worthy of even looking at her face, so if she catches somebody gazing at her when she’s not wearing the mask, they burn immediately 💀

I didn’t stop to think how her powers work exactly, but I’m imagining something like agitating the molecules of a specific place. No, she doesn’t have fire coming from her hands, the target just gets hot really fast and then the fire appears.

So, if she makes some hand gestures in public, is just to make it dramatic. In reality, she just needs to focus a bit in something and it will burn. I love her 😝

Ah, and in this specific moment of the drawing, she’s not using her powers. You can notice it by checking if her halo is visible or not (which is also how Hiélo catches her self-harming…)

reminder that productivity doesnt equal worth because i am forgetting this at the moment

disabled consistency prt. 2 prt. 1 here (u dont need to read it to understand this post)

what happens to consistency, to habits, when you have a dynamic disability?

i want us to understand the differences between having a consistent body and having an ever changing one. sometimes you could be so healthy you are working/studying, exercising a few times a week, socialising, and independently caring for yourself. but other times.. you’re bedbound? can’t even shower and brush your teeth twice a day? can’t keep up with texting your friends or social media? what habit is surviving that.

you work so hard to build habits and follow routines you and your doctors have set, and then you achieve it, but then it all gets taken away in a flare-up. you wonder what the point is. its a constant vicious cycle. even abled people know its hard to build habits. it takes time. and you might not have that time.

for abled people, theres no time limit on building a habit. they might have a goal in mind of when they want to achieve it, but theres no actual clock ticking in the background.

for me, and for other dynamically disabled people, we are on a time crunch. you may not be aware of it, but you are. it’s always a race to get things done while you can, build those habits and routines and get consistent and get your life together while you can. because even if you’re not thinking it, you are living on a countdown until your next flare-up. until the next crash, the next time you lose all your progress.

and that cycle, is exhausting. it’s like building a sandcastle right on the shore. you build it and you get to revel in it for a second. then it’s gone. there may be a little bump in the sand where your hard work had just stood, but essentially, you are starting from scratch. while the abled people are up the beach a few metres and their sand is perfectly wet and perfectly dry and the waves never reach it.

then those same people, tell you to just keep building. “eventually you’ll get there!” “keep trying!” “habits take time!” they say. but how? there will always be another wave.

understanding this difference in experience is so important if you want to understand why you can’t just tell a disabled person to form habits or be consistent and expect results.

i find it interesting the overlap of c-ptsd symptoms with autistic traits.

i get asked all the time if im autistic. i even started questioning it myself just from how often this happened to me.

but while yes i have a lot of symptoms that are a part of many autistic peoples experiences, i wasnt always this way. i developed these symptoms throughout my childhood as i went through more and more trauma.

i remember when i wasnt sensitive to noise, light, etc. i remember when my social abilities were practically the same as my neurotypical peers. i remember when i never needed to carry stim toys everywhere i went. just to name a few.

anyways, i have so much in common with my autistic friends. while we arent the same, we get each other on a level that i havent found with many neurotypicals. ive also found that i often gravitate towards autistic people without meaning to.

i think its nice that we can find community where we didnt really expect it.

that feeling when they make ur anxiety seem like "jst a little shyness" on purpose<<<<<<<<<<<

i think im feeling it now

jst like u do

if god doesnt to it, im taking matters into my own hands istfg

i hope this is my last year

Poison in the Dose

Writing some Sith Hunter things. He’s a little crazy but that’s ok !! Insanity gives spice !!

Wrecker is also a Sith, he’s just (surprisingly) not as unhinged.

(Hunter cannot stand the voices, Wrecker has no idea what bro is talking about ???)

In other words, I love this murder duo

*if yall are wondering, yes, Hunter and wrecker have been force sensitive since they were cadets in this AU, however, tech isn’t. Crosshair is *slightly* force sensitive, but not nearly as much as the other two.

Also, Wrecker and Hunter believe Omega, Crosshair, and Tech, are all dead. They “watched them die”, and kinda tapped into the dark side subconsciously as a treat (they don’t know they are still alive, they can hardly feel their presence anymore (what the dark side does to a mf))

Echo got separated from all of them(thinks they are all dead), but is trying to locate the “ghost” and “wraith”, two force sensitive beings who have been slaughtering the Empires forces. (Surprise !! Crazy Hunter and Less crazy Wrecker jumpscare !!)

those depression tips actually work wtf 💔💔💔

Hii there!! I was wondering I’m hoping this is related to ur page, but since u did a hc of Toby with hyper sexuality, is it totally alright if I ask what it means? I’ve heard it a lot but I’m not exactly sure what the meaning is and signs you have or smth, i hope I’m not bothering u!! Have a great day!!<3

HIHI!! Hypersexuality, also known as hypersexual disorder, or sex addiction, is an obsessive fixation on sex, sexual acts/behaviours, and sexual fantasies. It can be a response to trauma !

(a few) Signs you have it include:

☆ You have repeated and intense sexual fantasies, behaviours, and urges that take up a lot of your time, and feel as though they're beyond your control.

☆ Hypersexual behavior may involve excessive masturbation, having multiple sexual partners, excessively watching/reading pornography, or paying for sex.

☆ You have difficulty establishing and maintaining a relationship with other people, especially romantic partners.

☆ You use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress.

☆ You feel driven or have frequent urges to do certain sexual behaviours and feel a release of the tension afterward, but also feel shame, deep guilt, and regret as well.

☆ Continuing to engage in sexual behaviors and activities even after they’ve caused harm.

☆ You've tried without success to reduce or control your sexual fantasies, urges or behavior.

☆ Hypersexuality can begin as excessive masturbating while watching pornography, or generally wanting and needing sex, eventually developing into a constant need.

☆ Some have reported having suicidal ideation.

Important!!: Hypersexuality looks different in everyone who has the condition. While one person may mainly struggle with controlling their sexual fantasies, another might struggle with controlling the urge to carry out certain sexual acts like masturbation.

If you need help, reach out!! The national suicide prevention lifeline is 998 for support from a trained professional. Please call 911 if you or someone you know is in danger <3

Sources:

1: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/hypersexuality#characteristics

2: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-sexual-behavior/symptoms-causes/syc-20360434

3. https://www.verywellmind.com/hypersexuality-definition-symptoms-treatment-5199535