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angel by massive attack

↺ |◁ II ▷| ♡

yandere asylum therapist! suguru x reader

my first ever dark content/yandere oneshot aaaaaa!!! plsss thoroughly go through the cw’s before reading ^^;

read the prequel here!!! :)

cw’s!!: non-consensual drugging, mentions of needles/syringes, medical malpractice, descriptions of violence (gutting, beating someone to death, etc.), mentions/romanticization of cannibalism, blood eating, medical abuse (???), gn! reader, no use of y/n, uhhhh freaky suguru. like he’s actually crazy (but so are u) and uhhh i think that’s it?? ^^;

wc: 1.3k (what.)

“how have you been feeling?” your therapists voice is soft, just barely loud enough for you to hear. it’s like he’s trying to grasp at any sense of normalcy, as if any of this was normal. your head feels like it’s filled with cotton when you move to look at him, a deadly look in your dazed, slow-blinking eyes.

he completely disregards your glare with nothing but a growing smirk, shifting to adjust your position on his lap. “i see you’ve taken well to the sedatives.” his cold hand grazes your bare arm as he speaks and you have to resist the urge to use all of the strength you have left to throw yourself onto the floor just to get away from him. you decided against it. you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you like that.

suguru’s a charming man. every nurse, therapist, and criminal in this hellhole of an institution knew that. maybe that’s why he clung to you like this. you saw through him, had threatened to knock his teeth out just because you found his smile unsettling in the preliminary meeting (“a convenient way to find your perfect fit!” is what one of the brochures had read).

a few weeks later he was your primary therapist. the only one allowed to see you for sessions and the only one able to prescribe what medicine you took.

this time it was a strong sedative administered by needle, only given to you the one day a week you saw him for your “sessions”. he seemed to enjoy this one, considering how he hadn’t switched the prescription in almost a month (though you were sure he was upping the dose every week, there was no other explanation for the way the syringe seemed to get more and more full every time you saw the nurses holding it).

it’s only now that he seemed to notice the narrow-eyed expression you were giving him. “aw, don’t look at me like that… it’s for my safety, angel. i can’t have you lashing out and hurting me, can i?” his palm rests on your cheek and as much as you will the muscles in your neck to jerk away from his touch, it still doesn’t work. only a small grunt leaves you and that sound only heightens the amusement in his eyes.

“m’gonna fuckin’ kill you…” you manage to strain out. you despise how weak your voice sounds. you despise the way his eyebrow quirks up in interest in response to your threat. you despise how his voice comes out a low, patronizing purr when he asks “oh, are you?” because he knows you will. he knows that if he lowers your dose you won’t hesitate to hunt him down. he’s seen your files, he knows.

you let out a shaky breath at his words, that deadly glare in your eyes never faltering as your head nods in response to his question (though he’d barely constitute it as a nod, more like a subtle twitch of your muscles). “m’gonna gut you… cut you alllll the way from your bellybutton to your fuckin’ throat…” you can feel the delirium from your medication settling in when you’re halfway through speaking, but that doesn’t stop you.

“how gruesome.” is all he hums, a deep, twisted glint of admiration in his gaze. “you’ve certainly grown more creative.” the pad of his thumb presses into your bottom lip as he speaks. he seems almost satisfied with your violent description, like you’d just given him the greatest gift he could possibly ask for (to him, it was).

he couldn’t help but feel touched by your words, how you planned something particularly torturous just to bring him as much pain as possible. the way you hurt people — at least before you were admitted — was concise and unmeditated. someone made you lose your temper so you hurt them, plain and simple as that. you were only able to plead insanity because of the way you “blacked out”, only noticing the soreness in your arms (and the brain matter in your hair) after you had beat a man to death.

so for you — a patient with uncontrollable violent outbursts — to plan something specific just for him? oh, he could feel the pleasant chill rolling down his spine. how would you do it, suguru wondered. would you steal a scalpel from the nurses or a knife from the kitchen? would the way you cut him open be clean — planned, even — or would you just hack at his skin until you were satisfied? he could almost imagine the way you’d pin him down (not like you had to, he’d let you see his insides if you asked politely enough) and run the cool metal over his abdomen before he felt the sharp contrast of the warmth of his blood trickling down his skin. he could only hope he would be alive long enough to see the crimson tainting the pretty skin of your hands, getting under your nails and sinking into the grooves of your palms, absorbing every drop of him.

suguru was so lost in his fantasies that he didn’t notice the way you had squinted at his far away expression, a muscle in your jaw giving a small twitch. maybe if you…

suguru also didn’t notice the way you had managed to slowly pry your jaw open, the tip of his thumb now resting against the ridges of your bottom row of teeth. at least, he didn’t notice until you miraculously willed your jaw to snap shut, the metallic taste on your tongue bringing you a primal sense of satisfaction (you would’ve preferred to bite the the tip of his thumb clean off to teach him a lesson, but this would do).

and oh, you would’ve laughed in his face if you could when you heard that strangled little gasp leave his lips. you relished in the way he watched you with a dumbfounded look, his usually piercing eyes opened wide in surprise.

your victory was disturbingly short lived, though. his shock quickly turned into something almost giddy with the way his eyes seemed to light up like a child who was just handed their favorite toy. he forced his thumb deeper into your mouth, his head cocking to the side almost observantly. “how do i taste, angel? hm?” there’s a crazed look in his eyes. you feel like you’re getting dissected. “maybe you should eat me after you cut me open, yeah? i’d let you, you have my permission.” he’s all too eager to give you more ideas, more ways to torture him even after death.

his arm snakes around your middle so he can press a palm to your stomach. “i’d be with you forever… wouldn’t you like that, angel?” he murmurs lowly by your ear. you don’t have the strength to answer anymore, your eyes blinking slower… and slower…

he holds you tight as you slump against him, (the sedatives make you intensely drowsy… it doesn’t help that he had prescribed you double the recommended amount) making a mental note to up your dosage once again. he can’t risk you building up some sort of immunity, can he? if the force of your bite was any indication, he’d have to find a new medicine for you within the next month or two (not like it was any hassle on his end. if anything, he was excited to see your adorably pathetic attempts to brute force your way through the daze of a new drug).

he just had to keep you here with him… you’d learn to love it.

to love him.

Lowkey would wanna get better. But I am literally nothing without my addictions and obsessions, so we’ll stay here.

Roy Harper calls to me in the most painful ways.

Okay the back pain meds were lowkey fire.

if you really think about it I’m Tuco Salamanca, I’m just not addicted to meth. (yet)

I’m gonna snort my mom’s back pain meds. Idk anymore. 🥀🥀

(I never got high, just so you know. Don’t use drugs kids, Jesus feels better than it 🤙🏽)

CW: addiction, drugs, suicidal thoughts

AO3

< Previous Chapter

Shine

Sylris was right— again: punishing herself wouldn’t change the tragedy. If she had to do something, she should fight against his control and get herself back; luckily throwing him in flames by the end.

But she didn’t have the will to move, and this was crystal clear. She wasn’t that strong. She wasn’t that smart. She could never.

So if her options were to suffer consciously or unconsciously… she was back to the garden, to the quietest place on this planet. It was Nixulon time, and the nixies kindly built her a glowing path in the darkness. Other than this, all she could see was the pitch black engulfing everything.

Her steps weren’t hesitant, though; her skin worked like a sonar for her, warning when the humid air stopped hitting her. It meant a barrier was in front, and also that she arrived at her destiny.

She crouched carefully, until her knees were scraping at the wood, fixed her dress, and sat at the wet grass.

Then, she breathed.

Inhaling, holding, exhaling; trying to settle her mind down, trying to subdue the storm inside her. It was unrelenting, and she couldn't get a blink of sleep all night because of the truthful comments from her victims—their ghosts, actually.

She was almost convinced to set her room on fire. Another second in that place, and she would have.

But, silly as it was, what made her reconsider the action was the big panda on her table, the one brought by the “intruder”. She knew it was staring at her. As if waiting to see if she would be that stupid to fire everything.

Nobody found information about them, and the guards (coughcough Hiélo coughcough) said it might be dangerous, yet Kenyan still believed it was just a well played trick, and kept the panda to herself.

It had been useful for her, after all. It held her from going astray when she had to keep watch on Sylris. She knew that if she died, Hiélo and Ethan would be his new targets, and that’s why she had a vial on her hand, a syringe in the other.

Her tongue was heavy as she fiddled the plunger with her broken nail. It didn't make the slightest difference if she had her eyes closed or opened, such was the darkness, and there she was, planning to insert a needle on herself.

Argh, just what was she thinking?

She shouldn’t be doing that. She should be in bed. She should be inside.

The high she was about to get was pleasant, relaxing; but too volatile. She never knew if it would end peacefully, or if she’d get in a coma for days.

But if she doesn’t do something soon, she will truly go mad at any time. Three days up was irking her, and she couldn’t stand the feeling that someone was watching her all day. Objects were moving on their own, the walls were noisy, the words were walking in the documents, she was jittery than normal... Sylris himself asked if she was fine, and did her work in her stead.

So she had to do it. She needed to relax somehow.

Even if she promised them she wouldn’t do it anymore.

…

…Hiélo should have expected she’s not good at keeping promises.

She swallowed dry, and blindly inserted the needle on the vial, pulling the liquid inside, when it occurred to her: how would she measure the dose in the dark?

She could only hope her muscular memory would get the right amount.

…

Oh great evil, that was the worst idea she ever had. Couldn’t she wait some minutes until Nixulon went away? Until Divulon appeared?

No.

No.

If she extended it any longer, Hiélo would find her and stop that immediately. That's just who he is: too worried about her health, worried that she would get an overdose again, bothering her with thoughts about her actions, bothering her with thoughts about Ethan.

“How do you think he would react if he saw his mother like this? Would you be fine if it was your mother trying to kill herself?!”

“Ah, I don’t have to worry about it, Hiélo, because she’s way too dead by my own hands!”

She bit her lower lip and held the syringe firmer between her fingers.

She wouldn’t die. She still had things to pay for. This time she wouldn’t mess up, because she has to be awake later. Otherwise, she had it too easy on her life, and that was wrong.

C’mon, Kenyan.

She tried the syringe, standing her thumb over the needle to check if it was dripping. After the air was released, she brushed the crook of her elbow, feeling her hurried blood under her skin. Only then, she positioned the needle.

Curse it.

She was shaking.

Her eyes closed and she breathed deeply. Once again she did it. And once more, she couldn't calm her heart; her pulse was hammering in her ears. But if she didn't do it now, she never would. And she had to. She had to.

And maybe, a chance in a million, she could have the luck to don’t wake up anymore.

The needle slid in. A sharp breath. The familiar coldness rushed through her, creeping under her skin like a second bloodstream.

It didn't take long to disarm her muscles on the spot. Her lips and fingers tingled as the syringe slipped down like butter to the ground, and soon after, she was the one hitting the grass.

Holy sky. Spinning was wild.

Her lungs relaxed with the sudden lack of tension, and the oxygen got in so easily. Fresh, light, clean… did somebody turn on a purifier in the air? Her nose was very grateful.

However, her heart was having a hard time pumping blood around her body. Her heartbeats were fluctuating in weird places like her feet? It was also deafening her, shouting “Too bad! Too bad! Too bad!” like a cuckoo. Maybe it didn't like the “intruder”, just like nobody liked her intruder.

Much impolite of them, in her opinion.

Both intruders were nice to her. She was doing just fine with them, and wasn't disposed to shove them away just because a certain immunological system was displeased with it. Rot in mud, everyone displeased with it. She was fine. She would be.

A long sigh left her as a faint copper taste immersed on her tongue (her tongue? Did she have a tongue?). Very metallic, very common, very good. It was awesome. It meant she was drifting off. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Nice.

Nice.

Terrifyingly nice.

But… what was Sylris doing there?

Echoes of steps were approaching at the worst moment ever, but, fortunately, it wasn't Hiélo. His steps were heavy and careful. Now these steps were fast and jumpy, much more fitting of… of… Sylris… Sylris?

No, wait.

‘Sylris’ and ‘jumpy’ in the same sentence?

“You came to visit me!” A laugh sang clearly behind her. “I thought we'd never talk again; you disappeared for days, Keny!”

Her eyes hazily opened to see who it was and—cosmos!—, the shiny person was in front of her, shinier than ever, brighter than a lamp, standing on the black like a painting.

“I was getting bored, you know? Don't leave me alone with these untalkable Nixies! I don't know how to sign Nixian yet.” They were already lying beside her, smiling so wide she thought their cheeks would get stretched forever. “You can do it fluently, right? Could you teach me?!”

Kenyan blinked multiple times, and moved her hand to touch them. At least, that was the intention, but her fingers only twitched weakly in place.

They frowned slightly at her, as if just noticing her state, then slapped their forehead. “Ahhh, dumb me! It’s late; you were trying to sleep, right? Sorry for bothering, you can sleep now.” And they shut their eyes while keeping a smile on their face.

…was she supposed to sleep now, when they finally were there? She had questions, no desire to sleep! But her tongue was heavy, her lips, numb, and her mind couldn’t form a single coherent phrase to even start.

Ugh, appeared didn’t they early why? Were who they? Their what name was? Doing they what were here?

She tried organizing her thoughts, but nothing right was coming. These weren’t the things she wanted to ask, were they? It felt too serious and intrusive. Couldn’t she say what she really wanted to say? What she really was thinking?

“Hm? The panda?”

Their gaze turned to her like crescent moons, expecting she’d elaborate about it but… did she say something? She didn’t quite notice it…

“What?! Did you like the gift?!” They gripped her hand and kicked their feet, screaming repressed. “Yay! I’m so glad you did! I know you don’t like being alone, so I thought he’d be a nice companion for you when I wasn’t around! Ah—“ they gasped, “alas, why didn’t you come here earlier?!”

Why she didn’t?… But she did went there. Many times, different hours of the day, alone, with Hiélo, with Sylris… she tried everything, yet they weren’t there at all.

Her lips parted voiceless, trying to complain, but it only moved uncoordinated. At this point, a baby could communicate better than her. Insufferable!

“Uh, what did you say?” They pouted, thinking, then their eyes lightened up. “Ah, no! I don’t live in your head! Did you think I wasn’t real?” They laughed and put her hair out of her face. “I couldn’t be touching you if I was a… I don’t know, a hallucination? Did you think your wonderful brain would spend time creating a hallucination like me?! I’m flattered, but no! I am a hundred percent real, Keny!”

Her body trembled with their touch again. Too comfy and fluid, electrifying her nerves with soft discharges. She had felt touches from her hallucinations, but they never were gentle as theirs. As they said, her mind only had the capacity to create morally questionable stuff, and it wouldn’t be able to come up with such a nice person.

So what were they? Why couldn’t anyone see them? Why only her? Why only sometimes?

“Dude, it’s complicated.”

And how were they guessing her questions correctly?!

They giggled. “I didn’t mean to… read your mind? I can’t hear anything all the time—I swear!” Their hand laid on the grass. “It’s just that your intentions towards me are pretty blatant right now. I can, literally, feel them around me.” They gestured up frantically. “Like, waves? Lines? It’s confusing to explain, sorry! But I swear I’m not a bad person! I won’t use your thoughts for THE EVIL!” They roughed their voice villainously before blurting in laughter.

They weren’t bad?

That thought didn’t even cross her mind. This joyful, happy soul could never be evil. She was sure since the beginning they were… pure, in the most literal meaning of the word. Just pure.

Odd. She was smiling, but why?

When they stopped laughing, sweeping a tear out their eyes (by the way, what was so fun?), they rolled closer to her and held both her hands together. Their hands were feather light around hers, and their breath was warm against her face.

Why were they so close?

“Next time you want to talk, just call me, okay?”

“You?” she whispered.

“Me. Not you; call me. Me, me.”

She frowned slightly. “Why not… name?”

“Let’s say I have too many names and don’t know which to stick with.” They chuckled. “Just call me, and I’ll come no matter what, okay?”

“Okay.”

She agreed way too fast. Why wasn’t she questioning this weird person?

They smiled and hovered their hand over her eyes, making them close. “You should sleep for real. Rest a lot. I’ll keep here as you do, so don’t worry about being found or anything. You’re safe with me, Keny.”

It was like a spell.

She felt sleepy at the same moment, barely nodding before her conscience flew away.

🍃

Why do people gloss over the fact that Nana drugged Reese in season 1?? Did I imagine that??? I remember him being passed out in her bed at the very least.

What would Kaeya, Diluc, Zhongli, and Baizhu be like if they smoked weed?

Partaking in 🍃

With: Kaeya, Diluc, Zhongli and Baizhu

—————————

Kaeya:

I wrote a lil something with high Kaeya a little while ago: here!

Anyways! Kaeya doesn’t often show it but he is under a lot of stress…All the time

He has a lot of relationships with criminals where information is traded, he has to do all kinds of work for the knights and handle civilian problems aside from knight duties! Everyone tends to think he’s a slacker but he always has a lot to do

So the guy has very little free time! So when he’s high, he tends to just…Space out and relax! He deserves it

He’s content to slouch into his couch cushions and stare into the fireplace for hours with a tired smile on his face. He’s the definition of ‘no thoughts behind those eyes’ when he’s like this and you know what? Good for him

If you’re there with him, he’ll either fall asleep on your shoulder or zone out while listening to you talk. Or both

Because he’s a captain, he has to uphold his image though so this is a super rare thing 0-0

Diluc:

Coughs a LOT, complains about the smell and overall doesn’t approve of smoking in the house but if he does join in…

He’s a very loud, affectionate drunk and can be some what similar when he’s high

Very clingy but gets bored easily, he’ll get up to wander around and then come back to sit with you. Then he gets bored so he gets up again to walk around. Then he misses you so he comes back to sit again. This will go on as long as you allow it

If you get annoyed and finally tell him to sit his ass down he’ll sigh very dramatically over and over which is even more annoying

He gets cravings too but then after a cook makes whatever he wanted he takes two bites and decides he doesn’t want it anymore :/

I love him…But he isn’t cut out for this lmao

Zhongli:

Zhongli is even more talkative than he usually is but lacking his usual formal filter

He sounds more tired than usual but his stories have a lot more detail than they did last time you heard it

He’ll literally spill all of his secrets to you since it’s just you guys. Archon orgies, playing pranks on vison wielders, throwing boulders at Venti, he’ll tell you all about it all while laying half on the floor, half on the couch

He might remember telling you, he might not. Hell, who knows if you’ll remember? Either way, he turns into a comedian when he’s high

“-So that is what I said, I made sure that…That stupid airhead of an Anemo Archon stopped writing profanities in the clouds when I wasn’t looking. I threw that boulder from Qingce Village to…Do they call it Springvale now..? I think they do. Either way, apparently I created a crater of sorts over there. It’s a sizable pond nowadays, the townspeople love fishing there”

That’s literally so much to unpack dude

Baizhu:

As a herbal pharmacist, I’m sure he’s smoked plenty of herbs before so Baizhu is experienced!

He’d probably be the one guiding you along to make sure you are not only safe but having a good time too

He doesn’t smoke a lot at once, just enough to feel relaxed

One of his favorite things to do while he’s high is going to listen to the storytellers by the Northland Bank. He’ll take a seat in the back and listen! He isn’t totally there, he mostly zones out but it’s fun! He’ll probably want to take you there too

Otherwise you’ll be in the back of the pharmacy together with whatever herbs you want at your fingertips. Don’t worry, the Fatui can get more for him whenever he wants ;) shh

౨ৎ. Kinito Master(re)post!

Y'know, since I've moved my art blog here instead of reblogging everything from the other blog I'll just repost this one only cuz I'm sillay, the other spin off doodles and old art can be found on @autumn-applepie, which is now my spam blog

With that said! Kinito content!! Again!! Wooo!!

Sadly have to use these goofy aa dividers instead of the pretty ones due to the image limit </3 Will look better on phone

· · ────────── ·🍂· ────────── · ·

౨ৎ. New Life AU

Starting off with the main AU!

· · ────────── ·🍂· ────────── · ·

౨ৎ. Daycare AU

Co-owned by my friend @omuricebreakfast !! I love this AU sm

· · ────────── ·🍂· ────────── · ·

౨ৎ. Literally just two stoners!

Me and @omuricebreakfast, yet again being menaces, this time shipping our knockoff Kinito plushies (Amazonito on the left, Temunito on the right) and made them into gay stoners

· · ────────── ·🍂· ────────── · ·

౨ৎ. If you appreciate my art, consider commissioning me!

[ autumnapplecommissions.carrd.co ]

Did you know morphine comes from poppies?

ONCE I START

I CANNOT

STOP MYSELF

Is it slutty if I want to get high out of my mind I can barely keep my eyes open and have a mean femme slap me around but baby me and give me kisses?＼⁠(⁠°⁠o⁠°⁠)⁠／

Dialogue Thing #12 (It's been a minute...)

(CW for meds, I guess. If that's not right, lmk)

"You know what's great about living where I live!? There's just...free cats. Cats everywhere."

"Uh-huh. Those meds are really workin', aren't they bud?"

"I can feel them."

"That is a rug. You are lying on the floor."

"Why do... these cats taste salty?"

"And it's time to get you to bed."

(EXPLICIT WARN!! and also very cringecore...........)

i. love these songs so much. oh my silly. it deserves a tumblr post dedicated 2 it.

Peepaw has plagued my mind lately...