Deep Thoughts - Blog Posts

I want a relationship where they don’t just scratch my back, but massage and draw on it softly giving me tingles as I fall asleep.

Closing the chapter with someone doesn’t make you cruel; it simply means they aren’t a part of the next one.

“can we go back to normal?”

considering my normal has been fainting in the shower, not being able to breathe, a heart rate of 190, social avoidance, and feelings of hopelessness,

no. no, we can not go ‘back to normal’.

A lot of people have hurt me. And sometimes I act like it. 🤷🏽‍♂️ Y’all let people get away with a lot worse.

“What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid.”

The Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath

“God, let me think clearly and brightly; let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences, let me someday see who I am.”

The Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath

“One morning this sadness will fossilize

And I will forget how to cry

I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change

Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye”

Painting: Automat by Edward Hopper, 1927

Song: Fireworks, Mitski

“To be poor but content is actually to be quite rich. But you can have endless riches and still be as poor as anyone if you are always afraid of losing your riches.”

Othello, William Shakespeare

Original quote: "Poor and content is rich, and rich enough, / But riches fineless is as poor as winter / To him that ever fears he shall be poor."

“I have never found anybody who could stand to accept the daily demonstrative love I feel in me, and give back as good as I give.”

Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath

I myself have been learning mandarin for a couple years and now I can finally put it to good use and communicate with the Chinese president, the Chinese government, Chinese spies, China as a concept, and the Chinese people. I will be sending letters to the legislators in full mandarin, and if that’s too hard for them to understand, I’ll write them in pinyin, posing as a Chinese lawyer, and I will talk about Chinese things to infect their little fragile brains with ai generated images of Jesus and Xi Jinping shaking hands, which they are bound to believe because at the end of the day, the government is just a rich nursing home for Facebook users

"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."

- George Orwell, 1984

"There is a kind of sadness that comes from knowing too much, from seeing the world as it truly is. It is the sadness of understanding that life is not a grand adventure, but a series of small, insignificant moments, that love is not a fairy tale, but a fragile, fleeting emotion, that happiness is not a permanent state, but a rare, fleeting glimpse of something we can never hold onto. And in that understanding, there is a profound loneliness, a sense of being cut off from the world, from other people, from oneself..."

Virginia Woolf 📓 To the Lighthouse

This....hits home.🥺

091024 / 11.07 p.m.

"I gave you $10,

he gave you $20,

you felt that he was better just because he gave you more,

but he had $200 and all i had was $10"

I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately. I crave conversations about astronomy, psychology, and philosophy—those deep dives into mythology and the mysteries of the universe. I want to discuss the stars, the moon, and the way different languages shape our thoughts. It’s tough when no one around me shares that passion; it often feels like I’m speaking a different language. If you’re out there and want to explore these topics together, let’s connect. I’d love to find someone to share ideas and rants with.

This shit isn't for the weak minded 🗣️💯

peace

peace is a wonderful thing

something so simple

yet so complicated

its the gentle winds blowing against your hair

the bright sun warming your face

its spending time with people you love and care for

but sometimes its a little more dark

a little more violent

its the feeling of getting reveng

of being the first to do it and taking others down

its fighting back against the bully

its the knife in that guys back

the one who tormented you to no end

but sometimes peace is also the quiet

or the load bickering, and laughter

peace is so complicated

but its something we all want

with its flaws and all

I hope someday someone cares enough to look at my art and ask abt it's meaning

"Everyone says that kids these days are terrible. Why though? The truth is, kids are still the same. Parents are the ones who change."

- My accountant professor

im gay but $20 isn’t even $20 anymore

Ode to Marjorie's Bench

The worst of my time, I'll never go back, But I owe my life to a name on a plaque.

By the water's edge, Hidden in the trees, You showed me what my sadness didn't see.

You showed me love. You showed me grief. How the world reacts if I robbed it of me.

Would they buy a bench? And cry while they sat? Is it my life for which they'll sit a while and chat?

Who loved you enough? And how much did it hurt To reduce you down to wood, words, and earth?

I can't leave yet. I haven't earned my seat. There's no such thing as being 'short and sweet'.

It was the worst of my time. I never have to go back And I owe it all to a name on a plaque.

We Are Not Friends

We are not friends. You're old enough to know that. So keep your hands to yourself And take your damn piano music back.

We are not friends. Nicknames aren't a thing we need. So unlock the classroom door And back off my mum's Twitter feed. We are not friends. I am not impressed by you. I mean, seriously, you're sixty Don't you have better things to do?

We are not friends. I was just a kid. You know what you're doing And you know what you did.

🌟Sometimes I'm scared of how

I deny the reality and live inside my head, in the most comfortable corner I've created despite the darkness.

How complex and detailed view are there in my mind about everything I see. I'm scared to be different. Scared to fight with almost everything that's against me. One pain of being different is the fear of being lonely. But the urge never stops itself.

Sometimes I'm scared, I see I'm turning into something I shouldn't. And the scariest thing is, no one ever notices how, a complete stranger from inside, is walking around wearing the old, acquinted shell of their very own girl.

🌸Change is necessary. The more you thrive in your comfort zones, the lesser you explore yourself. It's absolutely natural to hate it. But the more you're unfamiliar, the more you unlock truths about yourself. How you certainly react to things that's a 'debut' for yourself. The outer layer of habits eventually gets peeled off and the core you is exposed out of your original instincts to unknown circumstances. It helps you to know yourself.🌸

You definitely broke me and I’ll never love again for a while.

When I see banana I think many stuff and the most specific is the biggest I've had no 🧢 and I'll love to replay such moment with a bigger size my internal loves to explore not just me

Creativity

You know, I’ve either had a family, a job,

something has always been in the way

but now

I’ve sold my house, I’ve found this

place, a large studio, you should see the space and the light.

for the first time in my life I’m going to have a place and the time to create.”

no baby, if you’re going to create

you’re going to create whether you work

16 hours a day in a coal mine

or

you’re going to create in a small room with 3 children

while you’re on welfare,

you’re going to create with part of your mind and your body blown away,

you’re going to create blind,

crippled

demented,

you’re going to create with a cat crawling up your back while the whole city trembles in earthquake, bombardment, flood and fire.

baby, air and light and time and space

have nothing to do with it

and don’t create anything

except maybe a longer life to find

new excuses for.

~Charles Bukowski

“Understand me. I’m not like an ordinary world. I have my madness, I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul.” - Charles Bukowski

Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.

Kait Rokowski