Pmdd - Blog Posts

hey so 21-92% of autistic people who menstruate also have pmdd, and I think more people need to know of that (coming from an autistic transguy who also has pmdd, and had no idea of this until their then undiagnosed pmdd drove them to a breaking point)

Once a month

They tell me it’s a woman's dream/an ancestral right passed down from mother to daughter

A fever lights beneath my skin/red orchids stretching and blooming on my shoulders and back

The great goddesses would smile and kiss my head for this/but I wish they would take it back

The moon with her eternal smirk dances with me/i feel just like the tide, thrown from side to side

My body shakes like a kicked dog/the tremors spread and the entire world seems to quiver as well

I do not feel like myself/ my mother fixes my clothes and tells me that's just how it is

I want to kill myself mother is that just how it is too/it’s not real, it’s just like a dehydration mirage in the desert she tells me

I wail and mother laughs at my dramatics/does she delight in the shared suffering we now have?

I want to cut open my stomach to strangle the snakes writhing in it/mother tells me she's afraid of snakes

I come to my father on my knees like a begging man/this is a woman’s matter he says as he turns his head

When I cry about my miserable existence asking for it’s justification/he says the same as my mother, it’s not real

There is not enough air in the world/but my “sisters” tell me to just breathe, like telling a dead man to still love

I take the tablets/the pills/the capsules/the pellets/the medicine/and I weep like i’ve never known tenderness

I tell God i’ll finally go to church if he takes the pain away and when he doesn’t/i say i’ll start worshiping Satan

I feel like a melancholic girl from the 1800s/banished to the countryside for hysteria 

I wish I was hysteric/i wish someone could give me a prescription of living on the land 

The little control I still have/i wrestle with like I’m a child trying to keep my favorite toy 

The moon waxes and wanes as a crawl on the floor/a wounded bleeding animal

This is womanhood they say, this is punishment/take it back take it back take it back

The resentments and bitterness slip past my lips like puke/isn’t this beautiful, don’t you feel beautiful

I do not want this girlhood, this femininity/give me barren fields and an empty life

I sit with my “sisters” as we talk about Aunt Flow/in this we are a witch covenant bound only by mutual pain

I wish I could give away this regift of living as it was regifted to me/but there is only one way to do that

I feel bruised, achey, and weak/i wish someone would hold me

But mother says it’s natural/and father says to toughen up 

I am already so small/why must you make me smaller?

Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.

More horrors to come tomorrow!

That PMDD moment

finished my PMDD mantras zine! the black and white background text are mini zines that I wrote when I was in the depths of PMDD hell and having a hard time accepting that it’s something I struggle with. it made me so sad reading them back and seeing how much I was struggling and seeing how I spoke about myself. In the months since, I’ve started to accept it more and started to figure out how to deal with it while I find a new doctor to discuss possible treatment. I created this zine while in my follicular phase and feeling full of life. I hope that my luteal self will use this as a physical reminder when it’s not enough to remind myself in my head. and maybe it can help you, too 🌟

George Harrison X NB!Reader who struggles with PMDD

(written for anon!! I decided to focus on just geo since I didn't want the reactions to feel too generic. I hope this comes across as respectful as I intended for it to be, and please don't hesitate to correct me on anything regarding PMDD !! I hope this brings you comfort 💗)

George immerses himself in learning about PMDD and becomes intimately acquainted with the intricacies of the condition, seeking to understand its effects on your mental and emotional wellbeing

he spends hours researching and reading articles to gain insight on how best to support you

despite a few generic tips, he ultimately comes to the conclusion that the best thing he can do is listen to you and find out what you need in particular

George encourages you to communicate with him, creating a safe and open space to ensure you feel validated in your feelings and affirmed in your identity

he always offers practical assistance like pulling extra weight when it comes to chores if you're feeling low-energy, ordering or making whatever meal you crave if you're struggling with your appetite, or bringing you a hot water bottle when your pain becomes difficult to manage

together, you sought solace in the guidance of medical professionals, navigating the complexities of diagnosis with determination and resilience

you explored a multitude of treatment options and coping mechanisms to manage your symptoms, eventually landing on a balance that worked best for you

☆☆☆

you, caught in the relentless grip of hormonal fluctuations, often found yourself on the brink of despair in the days leading up to your period

George, with his nurturing spirit, stood as a steadfast source of support and comfort

he had long since learned to recognize subtle shifts in your mood, always offering affirming words and acts of care to ease your burden

one evening, as you felt yourself approaching the precipice of a breakdown, George approached you with a gentle reverence - mindful of the delicate balance between your inner turmoil and his own longing to provide solace

Love, I can sense the weight you carry. Please, let me share it with you.

I don't know, Geo... I just feel like I'm losing control of everything you lamented, burying your face in your hands

I know, darling. I know. You're not alone in this he murmured, pressing a tender kiss to your temple

I'm here for you always.

he held you close as you weathered the storm together, his voice a soothing melody that calmed your troubled heart

and through it all, George's love remained a beacon of light in the darkness - a constant reminder that you are not defined by your struggles, but by the strength with which you face them

nothing makes me more exhausted than remembering my pmdd is only going to go away with menopause and that i've got to deal with this for at least another 25 years

people who've taken birth control (progesterone only) or ssri's to try to deal with pmdd how did it go and is it worth it

nothing makes failure hurt more when it is genuinely all your fault.

could've sorted it. did i? no. am i allowed to whine about it? also no.

because i didn't do jack shit to stop it.

emotional dysregulation is so weird because i've been near crisis point depressed all week but now i'm back to being a hyperactive diva just because i put on a new playlist

the feeling when everyone has made every accommodation they can for me but i'm still making no progress is the worst because i can't blame the world anymore, the problem is just me

mental illness is supposed to be mental wtf is this aching pit in my chest

i know anxiety and menstruation are used to dismiss many people's health problems but my god it makes it so fucking invalidating to exist as someone whose problems are genuinely caused by those things

my mental health problems are caused by my menstrual cycle. they're disabling and disastrous.

my anxiety is disabling, i cannot leave the house.

my anxiety was the cause of my chronic fatigue.

anxiety and periods are real, valid causes of suffering. we need to stop dismissing that. just because your problems might be caused by other conditions doesn't make problems caused by "just anxiety" any less painful to deal with.

anyone else with pmdd more cross at the fact it's their period causing their symptoms than the actual symptoms themselves

begging for pmdd resources to be written with gender neutral language. it's not a women's only condition. i'm unstable enough as it is i don't need to be driven to a dysphoric breakdown every time i look for help.

this 🤏 close to clawing out my ovaries with my nails

WHEN ON PERIOD:

do not crash out

your feelings are NOT valid

do not send that text

don't kill yourself. lock in

do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed

i put the double D in PMDD...uhhh....hmm..someone with big boobs should steal this, it does not apply to me...

There's also dietary changes, supplements & vitamins, and psychotherapy options for treating PMDD. I'd recommend going to a female D.O. + OBGYN who generally will present you with a more well-rounded and wholistic (not holistic) treatment plan. My original PMDD team consisted of a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a dietician, an endocrinologist, and a D.O. gynecologist.

We figured out hormonal birth controls aren't an option for me due to both lifestyle factors and the exacerbation of my PMDD symptoms. We also restricted/eliminated soy from my diet as my intolerance of it went beyond bloating, and it also influenced my mood and psyche due to hormone levels being thrown off when I'd eat soy products as part of my inflammatory response to it. We added in psychotherapy with a focus on DBT and regulation skills to help me better adapt to psychological stressors. For about 3 years, while I was gaining those skills, I was on antidepressants.

My current treatment plan addresses both my seasonal affective disorder, birth control needs, and my PMDD through vitamin D & magnesium supplementation, a paragard IUD (non-hormonal copper IUD), dietary changes to a more whole foods high protien diet, and exercise. I haven't had a true PMDD episode in almost 4 years with this plan. Treating the underlying psychological disorder, getting my hormones balanced, and controlling the inflammatory response has done incredible things for me.

Talking to your primary care doctor or gynecologist about PMDD is an important step, and if you feel your needs are being ignored or aren't being addressed by your medical team, you can and should change providers. Your doctors also can't help you if you don't ask them to help and advocate for yourself. I've gone through a lot of good doctors and bad doctors and now have a fully female medical team whom I trust and who trust me.

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.