Got Tagged By @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city To Shuffle My Favorites Playlist And List The First 10 :3

Why Aren’t There Youtube Videos for ‘How to Deal with Harassment in a Martial Arts Studio’ ? 

Because, quite honestly, there should be.

Some background, ‘real quick’.

I’ve actually been pretty lucky so far in all the places I’ve trained at. Though maybe because I’ve never been a grown ass woman training on my own before. Before this, I trained with my mom and sister, and it was during my middle school to high school years. I’ve been a white belt (level 1 newbie) four times now because we were constantly moving.

In my very first dojo, I was trained in both TaeKwonDo and American Karate by a Puerto Rican former military man. This man, my first Sensei, he was TOUGH. And he made sure his students, especially his female students, knew how to defend themselves. So he trained us hard, and he trained us to fight dirty (when it came to self defense in the real world. If you did any dirty fighting in the dojo, at the very least you’d be getting fifty fist pushups on the tile floor).

So even after bouncing from several other martial art styles and quite a dry spell, when I joined the TaeKwonDo studio I’m currently at, I was actually way better than a white belt. After all, I had been three belts away from earning a black belt in TaeKwonDo and American Karate at my first dojo. And my current instructor recognizes this and is quick to praise how quickly I’m picking the skills up again. I even managed to rank up to the next belt in less than a month!

I was really enjoying myself. After all, I had taken martial arts up again not for the prestige, but for the exercise and community. And even as an awkward kid, I always felt at my most confident throwing punches and breaking boards.

And then some twit showed up and had to ruin it.

This dude, we shall call him… Bob, enrolled about three weeks after I did. Right off the bat I could tell this dude had never trained in any martial arts before. The guy’s technique is very clumsy at best, and sloppy at worst. I don’t mean to disparage him. He’s only a white belt, after all. I don’t expect him to have a honed technique. Especially since he doesn’t seem to be taking the training seriously (or at least, as seriously as I am. My first sensei made sure I never threw a punch or kick that wasn’t peak form).

So what’s my deal with Bob?

In short, so many things. 

The long of it is that I’m starting to feel like he’s lowkey harassing me.

Since we’re both the lowest belts in the class (and we’re lined up by rank) we often end up next to each other during stretches/training, and are taught new techniques together.

(Quick question, if I dude is grunting during a workout next to a woman, is that a creepy gym guy move? Or am I reading into it too much? Because I feel like he grunts a lot when we’re stretching and doing situps/pushups next to each other. And I don’t hear any of the other men in the class grunting).

So besides the awkward grunting, he’s also given me a hard time for not being able to do a full situp, and even saying I didn’t do the require number of situps just because I finished before him (let’s see you do a full situp with double D cups on your chest, dude).

But the thing that’s been building up is his constant harassing me about going to the sparring classes.

At my current studio, you can decide how many classes a week you want to attend. I attend the two adult classes regularly (which, I might add, Bob does not). Then there’s an option to join one of the sparring classes for those who are interested.

When I first started martial arts, I was just a kid. I hadn’t even hit puberty yet, and was still pretty small. Sparing was for the older students who could be trusted to hold their punches back, or at least be more responsible in the event of an accident. My mom did some sparring, and she told me about how scary it was at first. And how she accidentally almost hurt one of the teen boys because they underestimated her and she didn’t have a good grasp on controlling her strength yet (I like to say I get my valkyrie genes from her).

Combine that with my base instinct to get physically violent when pushed to my limit. (Seriously, growing up, I used to bite kids who angered me). Needless to say, I don’t feel I’m ready to take on sparring until I know I have full control of my body. Right now, I’m still getting back into the swing of things; learning how to aim my punches and kicks, and getting a sense of my limbs' reach. I’m not ready to spar.

And this (insert your choice word for a cocky, delusional, disrespectful, creepy dude), has been harassing me about not going to the sparring sessions since he got here. Because he’s been going to these sessions and keeps asking why I’m not going.

Actually, he’s not asking. He’s guilting and harassing me. 

Because his pitch to get me to go, whenever I have repeatedly told him I’m not ready to go, is usually along the lines of: “You should come. I’m just a white belt and I’ve been going since I started. Why don’t you come-?” IN THE MOST CONDESCENDING VOICE IMAGINABLE.

Now, I regret being nice to him. I regret helping him go over katas/forms. I regret politely listening while he complained about the studio (that he’s attending with me right now) and how he might have to attend another studio just so he can learn punches (because this gift to the world didn’t read the sign on the front of the studio that says in BIG LETTERS how TaeKwonDo is known for its powerful KICKS). And most of all, I regret not shutting him down the first time he harassed me about not going to the sparring sessions.

We are NOT friends. He’s NOT entitled to an explanation from me about my personal reasons for not attending the sparring sessions. And he needs to STOP HARASSING ME ABOUT IT.

I spent most of last evening ranting about it to my mom and bestie, and then tossed and turned during the night going over rage induced fantasies where I do attend one sparring session, thoroughly kick him off his ass (with a few broken bones and at least a bleeding nose) - which doesn’t get me banned from the studio because the head instructor was on my side during this fantasy.

So to anyone out there that might have some words of wisdom: what do I do to get this @#$%^& to leave me alone?

Glaciator Ice Creams

I found it so interesting in S2EP9 of Miraculous Ladybug, the ice creams Andre chose for Adrian and Marinette. 

Marinette’s ice cream had a red cherry (for his lips), mint ice cream (for his eyes), and some unnamed base (which I’m guessing is supposed to represent his hair - so maybe homemade vanilla? Or pineapple or banana or lemon... Though I’d like to think it’s honey :3 ).

Adrian’s ice cream had strawberry with chips of dark chocolate ice cream (for her costume), blackberry ice cream (for her hair) and blueberry ice cream (for her eyes), and topped with a red cherry that apparently has no significance.

What I found so interesting it that Andre chose combinations that represented the version our two lovebirds are infatuated with.

Marinette is in love with the non superhero version - Adrian. So her ice cream represents the object of her affection that she perceives (AKA, not Chat Noir, so there’s no black).

With Adrian, he’s in love with Ladybug - the superhero. His ice cream flavors are meant to reflect Ladybug’s appearance, not Marinette’s (otherwise I think that bottom layer would be pink instead of red).

Though ultimately, which side is the true version of each protagonist? And are they each falling in love with the person at their core, or just the facade? Just some things I wonder about :3

Not really sure what they're doing here, but I'm probably better off not knowing 0_0;

I will say this for Dune, it’s gotten some pretty sweet cover designs over the years

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I’M SO HAPPY I COULD DIE!!!!!

PRAISE THE ALIEN LORDS SHE HAS RETURNED!!

And you know what that means……

RAZAYA REUNION!!!

Artist Peeve...

Don't know if anyone else has to go through this, but it happens to me a lot.

And that is when I tell someone I write fiction/draw illustrations, they assume those skills transfer and/or that automatically means I'd want to do a COMPLETLY DIFFERENT MEDIUM FOR THEIR RANDOM PROJECT.

Just because I write fiction, that doesn't mean I'd be any good at writing articles. Just because I do illustrations doesn't mean that I can take photographs any better than the average person.

And did it even occur to the people asking-SAYING I should volunteer to do these other skills/activates that if I didn't mention (and show no evidence of participating in), that maybe, JUST MAYBE, they're not skills I have or activities I enjoy, and I most certainly don't want to do with my time, free or otherwise?

AND CERTAINLY NOT FOR FREE!

It's Official! I'm ASD!

And I couldn't be more happy! (which according to my family, is a strange reaction to have lol)

But all my life I've felt like an outsider looking in, and when I stumbled upon Autism, it gave me something I hadn't had before - a reason why I'm the way I am.

With each new fact I learned during my research, I grew more and more excited by how well I related to the ASD community. How their stories and tips made me feel more confident in myself to just be me, without having to constantly justify my 'strange' behavior.

And then I was finally able to get an official assessment done. I was so sure there would be no doubt that I was autistic.

But then the doctor went over her initial findings with me and it sounded like I was going to be misdiagnosed.

I was scared out of my mind.

Because I had been so sure of myself, for the first time in a long time. I had essentially laid my soul bare to someone and they were invalidating my feelings. And I wasn't sure what I was going to do if I was misdiagnosed.

Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case! (long story short, when sending the questionnaires out to other people, make sure you 1: give them to people you're sure know you. And 2: look over their responses, just to make sure they do know you well. Because it turns out, sometimes they don't).

I'm officially on the Autism Spectrum and thrilled to be zebra instead of a malfunctioning horse!

I have not cried happy tears of relief in soooooo long!

“Two Ladybugs? I’m in heaven!” -Cat Noir

I just love the looks on everyone’s faces here: priceless!

Cat is just so totally happy/overwhelmed that he’s now got double his love, while Ladybug...

Not really sure if they’re looking at Cat Noir or each other, but I love how their expressions are so different from each other.

Marinette #2 (the one on the left - the non time traveler), is giving off a look of “oh my gosh, seriously? What incredibly inappropriate thing he is thinking of now?”

While Marinette #1 (the one of the right - the one that traveled in time), has a sort of bored “Ah, there he is with the jokes again. But at least he’s alive, so I guess I can let it go this time.” Because she’s the one that witnessed him sacrifice his life for her. She’s bound to be less annoyed with him as #2 (who has no knowledge of what he did - or what he’s capable of doing).

Or at least those are my thoughts ;3

Plus Size Stigma - Hetro Pairings

If you’ve read my previous post, concerning the cookie cutter body types commonly found in romance novels, and my plan to subvert them, then you know my “type”.

In a nutshell, I find Asian men highly attractive. And for quite a few reasons, most of which I can’t really explain, and quite frankly, shouldn’t have to. Human beings come in all shapes and sizes and their personal tastes are just as varied.

Sure, I could probably attribute several qualities to certain influences.

I really like Anime/Manga art and those guys tend to be thin/lithe, have no butts, and little to no mouth definition. And Asian men in real life tend to have beautiful cheekbones.

I also grew up with a father who, though Latino, can sometimes be mistaken for a Southeastern Asian man. And I am fortunate to have a father who has loved and cherished me my whole life, and I still respect to this day.

And while it’s hard for me to NOT find any given Asian man attractive, that doesn’t mean they’re my only type. Basically anyone who is thin, lacks a defined butt, has little lips, possesses defined cheekbones, and is under 5’10, I’m going to find highly attractive. But they don’t have to have all those features for me to find them attractive.

But there are two features that instantly turn me off. And no, they weren’t influenced by the media.

I have two male relatives to blame for my instinctual aversions.

As a little girl, I was constantly on edge around these two men. Because they had violent, unpredictable tempers. And growing up, I witnessed and was the focus of several outbursts from them.

I never felt safe around them, even when someone else was there.

So in my child brain, I connected safety - when concerning men - into two camps.

Short, thin men were safe. Because my father, who I always felt safe around, was short and thin.

Tall, large men were unsafe. Because those two relatives with the dangerous tempers were over 6 feet and on the large side.

So what’s the problem I face?

It’s that by traditional media and body positivity advocates, I, as a plus size woman, am not allowed to find big guys unattractive. And subsequently, not want to date them.

The media says, “what fit man is going to want you, a fat girl? Never mind that you eat right and do martial arts. The fact that you’re healthy doesn’t mean a skinny guy is going to give you a glance because you aren’t a size 2.”

The body positivity advocates say, “how can you have such double standards? You’re a plus size woman. It’s unfair for you to reject guys just because they’re plus size, too. You’re buying into the media’s propaganda.”

And it makes me feel guilty. Even though logically I know I shouldn’t have to be.

Plus size men end up with thin women all the time. So why is the opposite rejected?

And does that mean I will never find love or have to force myself to change when I shouldn’t have to in the first place?

I hate my reproductive organs so much.

I don’t want kids. Never have, never will.

And for once, I’m convinced my body actually understands that (though it doesn’t seem to bother learning anything else going on with my personal wants).

So in a show of passive aggression for not being used to their fullest potential, my periods tend to be bad. Either I’m in a ton of pain, or I’m bleeding so much it looks like someone got murdered in my bathroom.

But for the past two months, I haven’t had my period. And rather than be worried, I was ecstatic. I was actually hoping my uterus had shriveled up to the point where I’d never have a period again!

And then the week of a major event started, and my organs were like, “oh, you have a ten day trip with your family happening in the next few days? That seems like the perfect time to BLEED.”

Touché, reproductive system. But I’m still not having babies.